A bi-curious man says he’s ready to make the plunge into the man pond, he’s even found the guy he wants to do it with, but he isn’t sure how to broach the subject with him, so he’s seeking help from advice guru Dr. Nerdlove.
“I’m in my mid-20s, bisexual and have graduated college,” the man’s letter begins. “It’s worth noting early on despite being bisexual I’ve never been with a guy.”
At least, not yet.
The man explains that throughout college he only ever hooked up with women, though he was always curious about what it might be like to sleep with a dude. After graduating, he decided to join Grindr.
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“I took up Grindr again and met someone there,” he writes. “We’ve started going to the gym together and have quickly become friends.”
Related: More Locker Room Confessions To Make You Renew That Gym Membership… Or Cancel It
He continues, “I don’t think he’s looking for anything more than that, but I’m kind of tempted to ask him if he wants to do some sexy things. … I don’t know how he’ll react because he seems pretty conservative.”
Dude, if you met on Grindr, we can assure you he’s not that conservative.
“I feel confused because I have this whole side to my sexuality I’m desperate to explore,” he says, “but I’m worried I’ll damage my relationships if I try to push it.”
He wonders: “Would it be potentially harmful to ask this friend to do things with me? Should I just pour some cold water on myself?”
In his response, Dr. Nerdlove tells the guy if he’s into his gym buddy then he needs to avoid falling into what he calls “The Friend Zone.”
He explains:
The Friend Zone is simply people who just don’t want to f*ck you, for whatever reason. It may be that they’re not interested in you, sexually or romantically. It may be that they’re not in a place where they feel like being sexual with anyone. They may well have been up for it at one time, but that time has passed and now that interest has passed.
To avoid this, he says, the man needs to “make sure you act like a potential lover, not a friend.”
“Most people end up throwing away their shot because they’re too afraid of being rejected,” he explains.
The bottom line:
You met on Grinder — a site that’s primarily about no-strings attached hook-ups — and never actually, y’know. Hooked up. That’s not to say you can’t find friends or even FWBs on there, but your actions are telling the guy that you’re not into him sexually.
The question is, Dr. Nerdlove says, can that be turned around? There’s only one way to find out.
Related: Guys share why they really do at the gym (Spoiler alert: It’s not just fitness)
Dr. Nerdlove writes, “Let him know that you appreciate his friendship, that you’re interested in maybe a bit more and it’s totally ok if he’s not down with that. And then let it go. Ball’s in his court.”
What do you think this guy should do? Should he risk a great friendship by hitting on the guy, or would it be better to look for someone else to give his V-card to? Share your words of wisdom in the comments…
Jere
I don’t see the issue here. This falls into the realm of Use Your Words. See if the guy might be up for a drink or a meal, somewhere that’s not the gym, and just lay your cards on the table. “So…bi guy, never been with a man…any interest? I think it’d be cool to explore that with you.” I think anyone would be flattered to hear that, even if he had no interest in sex with the person.
Paco
Hit him up on Grindr again. Easy.
Josh447
This article feels made up, concocted, not real.
machuffin
While I see where you are coming from –and even partly agree–I question your need to explain your point three different ways. Made up/concocted/not real are all ways of saying the same thing. It makes me think perhaps you are not real, living, actual. Sorry, I’m in a weird mood. :-]
PinkoOfTheGange
Oh i thought it was just real bad paraphrasing and editing.
Josh447
Yeah you’re right I’m not real. I’m a talking dicktionary. :-]
scotshot
DickBot, Know it’s not right, just like the idea of it.
DCguy
A few weeks ago this exact same article would have said
“Straight guy desperately wants to lose gay virginity to gym buddy but is too afraid to ask–Now what?! ”
At least we’re moving closer to the truth. Maybe in another 6 months it would actually say “Closet Case….”