True confessions

Bi guys in opposite-sex relationships talk about desire for men

In a new Reddit thread, a bi guy who is married to a woman asks his fellow bisexual brethren how they get cope with their homosexual urges.

“I’m a hetero-leaning bisexual man in an opposite-sex relationship,” the post begins. “Most of my sexual urges are currently for women, but I’m aware of some desires for men. They’re not strong enough for me to want an open relationship, and my main sexual priority is my love life with my wife. But my fantasies and porn consumption cover the full Kinsey scale. That’s about all I need to scratch my ‘homo itch.'”

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The man continues: “I know that most bi guys are in opposite-sex relationships. But I’m curious about those who are in same-sex relationships — how do they scratch their “hetero itch?” Watch straight porn (there are a surprising number of gay-identified men who do)? Arrange for the occasional threesome? Get a Fleshlight? Just ogle women?”

Now, let’s dig into some of the responses.

For one guy, it’s all about porn consumption:

I’m a bi guy married to a man. There are definitely times when I want nothing more than to fuck a girl, but we are monogamous and that’s what works for us. But to help me ‘scratch the itch’ as you put it, I watch straight porn and solo girl porn. Also I have a fleshlight. … I admit it’s tough, and it can be a little frustrating sometimes, but I love my husband and we just don’t think poly would work for us. We have been together for 12 years now and I had girlfriends and boyfriends before him on and off.

For another, it’s about not indulging in fantasies:

If I tell my husband that I had a straight sex dream, or that I feel like having sex with a woman today, he’s like “challenge accepted!” Seriously though, fluidity has been a serious problem in all my relationships except this one, and I attribute this, in part, to my not looking at any straight porn. Sometimes I see a pretty lady or start looking at bi porn and think “Nope! Avert your eyes!”

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One guy uses dating apps:

Ugh, it’s not easy, compared to men hahahah. I’ve had great luck with the website Lots of women, the site is specificity about sex and the kink community, so open relationships, bisexuality and such is “small potatoes” to these people. I also say it right out on my tinder “in an open relationship, looking for good meaningful hookups with people whom I connect with.” Be upfront, have it advertised, let them make their own choices, you’ll be surprised how many match with you.

And for another, it’s all about creating a open relationship that works for everyone:

I’m in a polyamorous relationship with strict boundaries. We all have to agree before someone decides to date someone else. They have to be known clean for STI’s and have known them long enough to be trustworthy. Our gf has a bf and a gf. My bf has a gf. And we are always upfront about how we feel.

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