Desperate crushes call for desperate measures, apparently!
In a recent conversation on the r/askgaybros forum, Reddit users shared the extreme lengths they went to out of devotion to straight guys.
(Said devotion usually went unrequited… but not always! If you’re looking for stories of same-sex experimentation, there are plenty of those on the Reddit thread.)
Here are five of the stories commenters shared, edited for brevity and readability.
The drunken ditcher
“In college, I caught feelings for my ‘straight best friend,’ whom I thought might be gay. He wanted to go to a party a few miles out of town and asked if I would go with/drive him home. He got sh*tfaced early on and spent the whole time hitting on girls who were very much out of his league, while I stood in the kitchen next to the food watching him be an idiot ‘cause I didn’t know anybody else there. On the way home, he barfed all over himself in the car (his car, by the way), so when we got back to his place … I struggle-carried him up three flights of stairs, got him undressed, rinsed him off in the shower, got him in some PJs, put him up on the couch, went to sop up most of the vomit in the car before it soaked too far into the upholstery, then came back in and passed out on the bed. Felt like a bit of a loser for thinking he might have been gay, but at least he was still my best friend, right? False. I was also pretty good friends with one of his ex-girlfriends, and a little more than a year later, he started dating someone new who said he had to cut ties with me because I was a link back to his ex… Friends are forever, huh?”
The mean moocher
“In high school, I had a friend whom I thought was hot as f*ck. But also straight as f*ck. … I thought if I let him ride my dirt bikes, shoot my paintball guns, occasionally give him money, etc., that would establish a ‘connection’ where maybe he’d like me more than friends without me admitting I was gay to him. But then he incidentally found out I was gay and stopped hanging out with me forever. Fifteen years later, I tried friending him on Facebook and he blocked me. F*cked up for him being a homophobe, but I was also f*cked up for thinking he would like me more than friends eventually if I let him use all my stuff and gave him money. Like… WTF was that about? I still don’t know.”
Related*
If you feel nervous around straight people, you’re not alone
These guys are straight-up anxious.
The terrible tease
“I had a friend whom I became pretty close with. … We were kinda bros with each other so he didn’t realize I was gay at first. When he eventually found out, he told me he was straight but has been curious in the past. I think he just told me that to make me believe I had a chance. When we would hang out and drink, he would always let me get very close to him, but it never went anywhere. Couple months down the line, we were both drinking heavy, and it was a rainy night. Some chick in the city an hour away texted him wanting to hang with him. … I urged him not to go because he wasn’t fit to drive, but he went anyway and apparently ended up colliding with the highway barrier with her in the car trying to show off. Thankfully, neither of them were hurt. He called me in the middle of the night, asking me to drive down and pick him up. I drove a full hour there and a full hour back, knowing I had work in the morning, and when I got there, he asked me to drive him and her back home. We didn’t talk for a month after that. But it gets worse. Eventually he hit me up, saying he missed me. I had planned to go to a gay club that night, so I invited him to go with me. To my surprise, he agreed. After a few drinks, I tried dancing with him, and he pushed me away, saying he was straight and he didn’t like me like that. Of course. A chick at the club caught his eye, so he went off to do his own thing, and an hour later, I’m ready to go, looking everywhere for him. He’s in the corner, making out with a guy! … I learned later that he was only going to sleep with this guy because he was going to sell him coke. I was done after that, and we haven’t really talked since.”
The frustrating freeloader
“I liked a straight guy (a couple years ago now) who would do really weird stuff that would make me think he’s gay. We used to go out, just me and him, to go ice skating, getting ice cream, going to the movies, I met his mom and his family. We even went stargazing once, and I invited his sister. On the way home from one of many of these ‘dates,’ he looked at me and got really close to my face, and I thought he was gonna kiss me, but then he pulled away and said he had to go home. This made me think he’s just afraid to be openly gay, but I was confused because he had brought me home to his family before this. The most desperate thing I did for him was pay for a weekend vacation for us for my birthday, and he started dating a girl on my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I figured we could still be friends, even though he really broke my heart, but we don’t talk anymore because his friends don’t like me and one of them called me a f*ggot and he didn’t even defend me.”
The bomb boss
“Oh god, when I worked my first job, everyone walked all over this one manager who was the nicest and cutest dude ever, and really quiet. I literally would go above and beyond for him and work overtime shifts because he was fire. He always looked bomb, so I didn’t mind the extra hours.”
Related*
Gay guys recount wild hook-ups that felt like a scene out of an adult film
Sometimes real life can be like a Sean Cody video!
splunky
I don’t really feel sorry for any of these gay guys in these situations. Sure those “straight” guys are complete garbage for their behavior, but you kind of had to know what you were getting yourself into. Sorry.
DavidIntl
Step back and think about that. We have been working for decades to get society to accept that one’s orientation is what it is, and you can’t just choose to change that. So, why do you have no sympathy for the signficant number of guys who are in the challenging position of being only attracted to straight men? And no, I am not referring to myself – though I do tend to be attracted mainly to guys who are neither particularly masculine or particularly feminine, which has left me interested in some straight-ish guys over the years.
splunky
@DavidIntl
I have zero sympathy for ANYONE that chases after someone that they likely know has zero interest in them. I am sorry you don’t like how I feel, but that’s how it is. I understand that gay men lusting after straight men seems to be as old as time. I get it’s not entirely gay men’s fault. Most men on this planet are straight, so of course they are everywhere. You can’t avoid them and you are very likely to be attracted to many of them. We also live in a straight world that has taught us that being a hetero man is the ideal and gay men are not. But nothing good happens after chasing a guy you know is straight. Wasting your time, money, possessions, etc., on someone who has little to no interest you is just plain foolish. And these straight men are not stupid. They are taking total advantage and these gay men are allowing it for any single shred of attention from these straight losers. It’s sad. But whatever, live and learn. And maybe we should also learn to love ourselves more and unlearn all that “hetero men are superior” b.s. Just my opinion.
FRE0
I went through a long period of intentionally avoiding non-gays guys I found attractive. I was very much afraid of making a fool of myself or being hurt. I especially remember a coworker whom I found very attractive. I was cordial (just barely) with him which led him to believe that I disliked him. I felt that it was just as well since that protected me.
This sort of thing can be a real problem. There is no “one right way” to handle such situations, but one can easily be hurt.
Doug
I agree. And this obsession by gay media about queer men fantasizing and lusting after straight guys is getting tired.
Joshooeerr
It’s not just the media. Check out Grindr or any similar hook-up ads and they’re full of gay guys desperate to surrender themselves to any straight guy. Some are clearly exclusively looking for “straight” conquests and are not remotely interested and dismissive of other gay guys. It’s creepy. It’s delusional. It’s indicative of monumental self-hatred. And it perpetuates fears about gay men being predatory and “trying to convert” straights. I struggle to understand how some of these guys can be so utterly lacking in any self-awareness, let alone any kind of personal integrity.
blooeyz9000
Agreed
FreddieW
My dad had a condo on the beach in the late 80’s, and I invited friends to vacation with me there. Looking back, I can’t imagine what I thought would happen. It was an exercise in frustration, because I wasn’t going to risk making a pass at anyone, and they sure wouldn’t have responded. I stopped doing that to myself when I got honest with myself about what I was and how I wanted to live the rest of my life.
If you’re young, in the closet, and attending church, yeah –you tend to crush on straight guys. Because they’re the only guys around.
JRamonMc
I think that every gay man that denies they’ve ever lusted or fantasized after a straight man is lying to themselves.
splunky
It’s not that anyone is denying that a gay man has ever been attracted to straight guys. But if you are a gay guy chasing after a straight guy or has a habit of chasing after them, then that’s a problem.
frapachino
I have zero interest in straight men as there is no chance there but I did fall hard for my boss who is straight but has many behaviors that are thought of as “gay”. I never pursued him but couldn’t just turn off my feelings so it was very difficult as we worked in the same office together and really got to know each other intimately. He would many times do very affectionate things for me so that just made it harder of course. One time we got in an argument over my feelings being hurt and after the discussion he asked me for a hug! Anyway to say it was torture is an understatement.
MISTERJETT
at work, i just came this close to sexual harassment. he knew i was gay and he was very friendly, but he gave me no indication that it would be any more than that.
Leo
Why all these negative comments about pursuing str8 guy? If you are looking for long term relationships and or dating, they are not good choices. But for a night or two of fun, there is much to be said for them. I have spent many nights making love and/or having sex with straight guys in my younger and single days. There are more willing, horny str8 men out there than you can even imagine. BTW, I have been married to a gay man and we have been together for 46 years.
splunky
They were not straight at all, but keep telling yourself that.
Paulie P
I worked in the fashion industry and there was a photographers assistant that I hung out with all the time. We did everything together. He was straight. One night as he walked me back to my apartment I turned to say good night and see you later… and he leaned in and kissed me hard. I was shocked. He stood back, took another step back and just looked at me. After that we never did anything together and when we were on the same photo shoots he was friendly but never the same. Years later I ran into him and his wife. I said hello and he acted strange. Very cold. I looked him up recently and found out he died. Sad and I wonder was he ever truly himself.
FreddieW
So you think he was straight because he had a wife? Because it doesn’t sound like he was straight to me.
Darson
Early 20s was really crushing on this guy from our local comic shop. We chatted there in a group. I don’t think we ever formally introduced ourselves but would catch the other looking at the other now and again. One day the owners put out the subscription book due to new titles coming out. He and I made our way over and started looking thru it. Got to a new one that we both thought was going to be good. Before I could tell him my name to write down, he had already written it! He knew my name! I would have blown him in front of everyone on new comic day if he asked! Hard crush, few blowjobs mainly from me but he reciprocated a couple of times. Few years go by and I find out he uses the str8 but curious confused schtick to get cute gay boys. Found out sometime later he was acting full gay on weekends. Found out several years ago he us married to an older fat woman Ran into them at a restaurant a few years after meeting my now husband. Didn’t speak to them Just remember how sad he looked and how happy I was.
dbmcvey
Well, the word that comes to mind is “pathetic.”
bachy
I have had several of what I consider successful relationships with gay men. But during my single phases I have also enjoyed the occasional dalliance with men who primarily identify as straight.
Look, we are all men, we are all horny and we can all be lonely on occasion. If we stop placing so much emphasis on labels and divisions, we can more easily recognize our shared humanity and discover things like understanding, rapport, affection and connection.
Louis
I’ve never understood why people on this site seem to belief that a straight man can’t/won’t hook up with another guy. That if he does he’s “he’s not straight”. Such rubbish.
How many of us gays have kissed or slept with a woman or even multiple women? Plenty of us. Do we call ourselves bi? Not often. Do we call ourselves straight? Never.
So we can be with girls but still be gay…but if a straight guy doesn’t anything remotely “gay” with a guy, he can’t be straight? Such BS.
Some guys just enjoy getting off. “Any hole is a goal” and all that. A guy getting head from a dude and/or pounding a dude doesn’t make him gay or bi. It makes him an opportunist. Being gay is about more than the gender of the body your dick does in to!
bachy
It’s the contemporary obsession with labeling and arcane political “identities” that over-emphasizes “otherness,” obscures our shared humanity and erases our ability to find connection outside of increasingly fragmented and absurd flag-waving.
FreddieW
Sorry, don’t agree. I’ve never slept with a woman. Sure, I could do it mechanically, but the prospect isn’t appealing. If you’ve slept with multiple women, I think you’re either straight or bisexual.
JJinAus
A lot of judgy comments here. The fact is that most of the male world is composed of straight guys. It’s inevitable to fall for some of them.
ShortBearBHam
I went to a Catholic College in Kansas. A guy I hung with lived on my floor. I had a crush of some type. This was my first time away from home dealing with being gay at a Catholic College in Kansas 1990. He had a VHS and TV. So I began going over to watch movies. Eventually porn was in the mix. He said want to JO together. I said ok. After the first time I was really confused and told him I had a crush on him. He said he was straight but I felt confusion from him. We began J O every day. He said one day he only likes to JO with me. He began to think of his own sexuality. I helped him learn what Bi sexual means. We had fun that year of college.
barryaksarben
I was seduced by. the high school quarterback ( like a million gay porns) but then he went off to college and came back straight. but I had created this giant romance in my mind and pursued him a full summer eventually begging him for sex one more time and unknowingly doing it in front of his older brother through his bedroom window. still refuse to go back to my hometown even tho years later a mutual friend who is gay said he was divorced and hitting every tea room in the area. Give me a gay man , one who knows his mind and no more ever chasing someone that seems uninterested as they usually are