Gay dudes recount the most desperate things they’ve done for the affection of straight guys

Desperate crushes call for desperate measures, apparently!

In a recent conversation on the r/askgaybros forum, Reddit users shared the extreme lengths they went to out of devotion to straight guys. 

(Said devotion usually went unrequited… but not always! If you’re looking for stories of same-sex experimentation, there are plenty of those on the Reddit thread.)

Here are five of the stories commenters shared, edited for brevity and readability.

The drunken ditcher

“In college, I caught feelings for my ‘straight best friend,’ whom I thought might be gay. He wanted to go to a party a few miles out of town and asked if I would go with/drive him home. He got sh*tfaced early on and spent the whole time hitting on girls who were very much out of his league, while I stood in the kitchen next to the food watching him be an idiot ‘cause I didn’t know anybody else there. On the way home, he barfed all over himself in the car (his car, by the way), so when we got back to his place … I struggle-carried him up three flights of stairs, got him undressed, rinsed him off in the shower, got him in some PJs, put him up on the couch, went to sop up most of the vomit in the car before it soaked too far into the upholstery, then came back in and passed out on the bed. Felt like a bit of a loser for thinking he might have been gay, but at least he was still my best friend, right? False. I was also pretty good friends with one of his ex-girlfriends, and a little more than a year later, he started dating someone new who said he had to cut ties with me because I was a link back to his ex… Friends are forever, huh?”

The mean moocher

“In high school, I had a friend whom I thought was hot as f*ck. But also straight as f*ck. … I thought if I let him ride my dirt bikes, shoot my paintball guns, occasionally give him money, etc., that would establish a ‘connection’ where maybe he’d like me more than friends without me admitting I was gay to him. But then he incidentally found out I was gay and stopped hanging out with me forever. Fifteen years later, I tried friending him on Facebook and he blocked me. F*cked up for him being a homophobe, but I was also f*cked up for thinking he would like me more than friends eventually if I let him use all my stuff and gave him money. Like… WTF was that about? I still don’t know.”

Related:

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The terrible tease

“I had a friend whom I became pretty close with. … We were kinda bros with each other so he didn’t realize I was gay at first. When he eventually found out, he told me he was straight but has been curious in the past. I think he just told me that to make me believe I had a chance. When we would hang out and drink, he would always let me get very close to him, but it never went anywhere. Couple months down the line, we were both drinking heavy, and it was a rainy night. Some chick in the city an hour away texted him wanting to hang with him. … I urged him not to go because he wasn’t fit to drive, but he went anyway and apparently ended up colliding with the highway barrier with her in the car trying to show off. Thankfully, neither of them were hurt. He called me in the middle of the night, asking me to drive down and pick him up. I drove a full hour there and a full hour back, knowing I had work in the morning, and when I got there, he asked me to drive him and her back home. We didn’t talk for a month after that. But it gets worse. Eventually he hit me up, saying he missed me. I had planned to go to a gay club that night, so I invited him to go with me. To my surprise, he agreed. After a few drinks, I tried dancing with him, and he pushed me away, saying he was straight and he didn’t like me like that. Of course. A chick at the club caught his eye, so he went off to do his own thing, and an hour later, I’m ready to go, looking everywhere for him. He’s in the corner, making out with a guy! … I learned later that he was only going to sleep with this guy because he was going to sell him coke. I was done after that, and we haven’t really talked since.”

The frustrating freeloader

“I liked a straight guy (a couple years ago now) who would do really weird stuff that would make me think he’s gay. We used to go out, just me and him, to go ice skating, getting ice cream, going to the movies, I met his mom and his family. We even went stargazing once, and I invited his sister. On the way home from one of many of these ‘dates,’ he looked at me and got really close to my face, and I thought he was gonna kiss me, but then he pulled away and said he had to go home. This made me think he’s just afraid to be openly gay, but I was confused because he had brought me home to his family before this. The most desperate thing I did for him was pay for a weekend vacation for us for my birthday, and he started dating a girl on my birthday. Happy birthday to me. I figured we could still be friends, even though he really broke my heart, but we don’t talk anymore because his friends don’t like me and one of them called me a f*ggot and he didn’t even defend me.”

The bomb boss

“Oh god, when I worked my first job, everyone walked all over this one manager who was the nicest and cutest dude ever, and really quiet. I literally would go above and beyond for him and work overtime shifts because he was fire. He always looked bomb, so I didn’t mind the extra hours.”

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