File under “Losing My Lunch Religion”:
So The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints released an official “Mormon and Gay” website this week, and ex-Mormons are rightly freaking out about it.
Your official rage will no doubt begin shortly after perusing the Frequently Asked Questions section, which opens with “Why Use the Term ‘Same-Sex Attraction’? Why Not Just Say ‘Gay’?”
Related: In Leaked Video, Top Mormon Apostles Reveal Suspicions Of Gay Conspiracy
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It’s a bizarre question, since the section repeatedly refers to itself as the “Mormon and Gay” website. Like, it’s URL is mormonandgay.lds.org. So…
Nevertheless, here’s their mushy-mouthed answer:
Same-sex attraction (SSA) refers to emotional, physical, romantic, or sexual attraction to a person of the same gender. If you experience same-sex attraction, you may or may not choose to use a sexual orientation label to describe yourself. Either way, same-sex attraction is a technical term describing the experience without imposing a label. This website uses this term to be inclusive of people who are not comfortable using a label, not to deny the existence of a gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity.
Nauseated citizens like 1Jdriver are taking to Reddit to vent their vitriol:
Like many of you, I tried to not lose my lunch while browsing the new Mormon and Gay website. But seeing a familiar face has me angry.
I (gay exMo) personally know Josh.. He’s one of the nicest, sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He went out of his way to make me feel included among other friends and acquaintances….
I had a range of emotions as I read and watched his story. I feel sorry for him. I hate that he will never be happy in this life. I wished that I never met him. His entire story is sad and depressing and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
This is all a rant and I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just hate that my friend is trapped in this damn church living a life of sadness without any hope for companionship. I got out. I guess I can hope he’ll see the light someday too.
Related: Tyler Glenn On Quitting Mormonism And His Rebellious Solo Debut
Other folks like nowiexist42 are clinging tenaciously to song parodies of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody,” which always helps in trying times.
Is this the real life? Or is this just fantasy? Caught in a website, no hint of reality, No hint of truth just look to the blind to see!
I’m just a gay boy, I get no sympathy, Because it’s no homo, no homo, no one’s gay, they said so. Everywhere the world goes, doesn’t seem to matter, For me.
Mama, can’t kiss a man, it’s like a gun upside my head, no compassion, soon be dead. Mama, life had just begun, but now they’ve gone and thrown it all away……..
Meanwhile, other folks wasted no time in creating their own satirical takes on the website’s bizarre real-life testimonials:
Another Redditor named self.exmormon knows the subject of this real-life testimonial — this isn’t satire — and is anguished to find his inclusion:
Related: There Are No Gay Mormons, Says Mormon Official
“Like many of you,”self.exmormon writes, “I tried to not lose my lunch while browsing the new Mormon and Gay website. But seeing a familiar face has me angry.”
I (gay exMo) personally know Josh.He’s one of the nicest, sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He went out of his way to make me feel included among other friends and acquaintances.
I also had a HUGE crush on him – this while I was fairly TBM and severely in the closet. I swear the guy gets better looking with age. Josh has shared his challenges of growing up gay and Mormon on his personal blog, but I was surprised to see his face and story plastered in such a public forum.
I had a range of emotions as I read and watched his story. I feel sorry for him. I hate that he will never be happy in this life. I wished that I never met him. His entire story is sad and depressing and there’s nothing anybody can do about it.
This is all a rant and I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just hate that my friend is trapped in this damn church living a life of sadness without any hope for companionship. I got out. I guess I can hope he’ll see the light someday too.
“I’m a friend of Josh,” responds ShatteredGlassWindow. “I think the guy is great. But I have to admit, like you, it kills me that he has done this. I feel he has been treated so wrongfully by the church and now they are using him to try to get others to fall for the lie that is Mormonism.”
What are your reactions to the website? Do you think the loaded (and awkward) language telegraphs just how deeply Mormons feel that homosexuality is wrong? Sound off in the comments below.
kevininbuffalo
Joseph Smith the LDS founder and prophet was a convicted con man found guilty of claiming he could find buried money by looking through 2 stones in his hat. His criminal record still exists in a town in upstate NY. He showed himself many times to be a fraud. So, why belong to a church that was founded on the ravings of a convicted swindler? I understand about family ties and being brainwashed into believing a load of crap (I was raised Catholic)but there is such a thing as being faithful to yourself. Put yourself first and get out.
Mark
The Maggies don’t like this site, and neither do I.
MAG = Mormon And Gay.
DMRX
Come on, editors! You quote a several-paragraph section and attribute it to two different authors.
This is ridiculous! You can’t even copy+paste correctly.
Rimminit
SSA seems to implicate a choice like a young person prefers country over hip-hop. Maybe the next fad will be multi-color nail polish.
Oh, it already is! What’s left?
Chris
When I left the Catholic Church, I stopped paying attention to anything it says. I’d advise these MAGs (love the term!) to do likewise. Better quality of life that way.
Hank
it reinforces what I always knew: christianism is the most hypocritical and pathetic thing to spend time.
Xzamilloh
How anyone can be a Mormon is beyond me. It is one the youngest versions of Christianity (a loopy as fuck kind, I’ll give you) and it’s roots can be easily traced to the con man that made it up. It’s right up there with Scientology as one of those religions you KNOW is made up but for some reason, people buy into it. Then again, people buy into the Jesus and Muhammad bullshit, so stupid be upon all of them.
junk4sts
Josh’ story seems really sad, not because he’s a mormon, but because he admits that he has to force himself to stay in the church stay engaged with the church and to not think about or focus on his emotional and physical loneliness. I’m gay and celibate but I made that decision for myself, for personal reasons, not for an ideal or for anyone else. When you listen to Josh, he just sounds sad and lonely and that makes this seem wrong some how. He deserves to be happy in this life too, if his story included a companion and they agreed that they both did not need or want certain sexual activities I could see how he could serve his church without offending their idea of god. I just feel like there is a compromise that can be reached that allows the Josh’s of the world to be a part of the religious community (if they want and believe) and to have a loving physical and emotional relationship with someone they are physically and emotionally attracted to.
Daniel-Reader
You cannot spell mormon without moron. Sad that parents inflict this cult on helpless children who then either suicide out or spend a great deal of emotional energy in recovery from the psychological abuse of it all. Since its founder was killed after trying to murder his own followers, it is not surprising some folks are gullible enough to still plod after it but sad nonetheless.
maggie_groverbacher
isn’t this the language that has been fought against? isn’t the right to choose your identity and sexual preference or lack thereof what has been fought for?
if a person is given a male identity at birth but then rejects it, they are applauded. these people were born with a gay, lesbian, bi, or other identities / sexual preferences. they have chosen to reject that and live another way.
why do they not have a place in the lgbtq community? why is their right to choose their identity and sexual preference denied them? do you think they are taking the easy road? it isn’t. the lgbtq community who has faced the same ridicule and shaming for so many years should be first in line to support their struggle.
tolerance goes both ways.
girldownunder
It’s hardly a “choice” for Josh– “choose wrongly/with your heart” = EX-COMMUNICATION!!!!
It has zero to do with tolerance– unless you’re speaking of the NO tolerance of the Mormon church?
peter_olcott
Although I continue to support the LDS church in most everything that they do, they are woefully incorrect on the whole LGBTQ issue. Think of them as little two year old boys that do not yet know how to count to three that are trying to “correct” your calculus homework.
The cure for their woeful inadequacy on the issue is for them (and everyone else) to strive to obey Christ’s new and improved commandment:
Love one another with (as much as possible) complete empathy.
It was only empathy that finally broke through the whole “blacks in the priesthood” instance of leading the church astray (away from empathy). It will be only empathy that fixes their broken understanding of LGBTQ.
esteban_leeoneal
I’m a gay exmormon, but for many years I participated in Evergreen, the Mormon Church’s “conversion therapy” program. I left the church for various reasons, more than just the fact that I was unable to be gay as a Mormon. I actually know many people who would go back to the church if they would accept homosexuals, and perhaps you’re now thinking with this new “stance” on gay people, they might return. Here’s why they won’t:
The need to have a fully actualized relationship that includes, affection, touch, and sexual expression is necessary to a human’s core being. The reason a human desires to BE in a domestic loving relationship in the first place is because they feel a necessity to share closely every aspect of their lives, including touch and feel, which are necessary for a close domestic relationship. One cannot have a fully engaged relationship without touch, feel, affection, and sexual expression.
I don’t perceive my own expression towards my husband now to be sinful any more than I felt love for my wife was for 16 years before I found him. I come from a place where I actually can compare the two. And during those 16 years as a married, perceived heterosexual I didn’t understand how any previous love expression of mine towards any man was sinful any more than you do as a heterosexual.
And really, as a heterosexual, you’ve never had to even think about it. Because heterosexuality has never been deemed sinful in your life, you simply have always had the freedom to express yourself through touch, feel, affection, and sexual expression with anyone of the opposite sex. You’ve only had to stop yourself from full sexual realization until you were married, assuming you were actually able to do that. In other words, your sexual orientation was never in play as a possible threat to God, only your possible breach of sexual activity outside of marriage.
If your own desire for women/men was deemed a sin, you might begin to empathize with what it’s like to be gay. Without telling yourself the story as to why gays are wrong per God’s command to multiply and replenish the earth, imagine for just a moment if your desire right now inside you for women/men was sinful. Not just sinful outside of marriage, but sinful all the time, every minute of your life. Imagine that your deep core gender attraction itself was deemed an abomination.
Let’s take this empathy exercise even further: Imagine for a moment that you were told that God only saw homosexual relationships as righteous and worthy. I know, it’s hard, just try it for a moment. You wanted to please God, your parents, everyone around you. And you were told you could change your sexual orientation to be homosexual even though you’re skeptical and know somehow that it might be impossible. But you know to be saved and to follow God’s Plan, you must. And so you launch in to trying to like women/men with a reverent, God-centered mission. You even marry a person of the same sex and everything, but deep down you know you’re kidding yourself and you start to want a person of the opposite sex, because let’s face it, you’re wired that way.
OK, back to your own life. That is never going to be your fight, but would you compare that empathy exercise of being attracted to the wrong gender the same as being addicted to drugs or alcohol? No, of course not, because love isn’t a substance like drugs or alcohol. Your sexual attractions are hard-wired and you cannot change that.
Up until a few days ago, the Mormon Church told you that you were NOT born that way. That you were choosing somehow to be homosexual/heterosexual. But look now! The church is saying that you ARE born that way! Woah! That seems like a big change! That seems like it might be the answer to a lot of frustration and angst! So if you are a gay Mormon and you’re now born that way, what changes for you?
Besides now being on the side of Lady Gaga, nothing changes for you. But wait! Why not? You were just told that you were born that way! That’s freaking awesome, isn’t it??? Well, lets examine it a bit closer:
So even IF you’re born gay, the church still believes that ACTING on your core, born-with sexual orientation is still sinful. That hasn’t changed. So if that hasn’t changed, what has? Nothing has changed. You see, telling gay people they’re born that way and still maintaining that homosexuality is sinful as an action hasn’t changed at all.
Gay Mormons weren’t waiting to be told they were born that way, gay Mormons were waiting to be told they’re just as in un-sinful, valid, and valuable in God’s eyes as heterosexuals are, even if they can’t multiply and replenish the earth. You see, your sexual attraction to women/men was never about having babies in the first place, it was about being able to freely touch, feel, express, and fully sexualize your domestic relationship with your chosen partner. That whole “having babies” thing is superfluous to love, to loving the way you need it.
And so sadly, the new website, the new big change really isn’t any change at all. When Lady Gaga sings about being born that way, she then goes on to sing about loving that way, too. She’s trying to explain that being gay is the same as eye color, you can’t change your eye color any faster than you can change your sexual orientation. As a matter of fact, you can’t.
And so gay Mormons are just as stuck as they were before. The new big change is just a tragic sadness. It’s a façade. It’s a new smile on the same old doctrine of pain and suffering. Can gay Mormons now go to church and hold hands with their domestic partners, their husbands, wives, and loving spouses? Can they hold them, kiss them, express to them how much they love them like all the other heterosexual couples God loves unconditionally? No.
As a matter of fact, IF a gay Mormon, whom are all now born that way according to Mormon leadership, actually try to love their partners, dates, spouses like those same Mormon leaders do, they’ll be sinning. And not just sin because they’re doing it outside of marriage, but because they can NEVER touch, feel, show affection, or have any sexual contact with them ever. Ever as in forever.
And not only that, but the Mormon Church believes that homosexuals will be corrected as part of the resurrection process to become a perfect heterosexual person. So what they’re really telling you is to never have a relationship at all because you cannot ever love them eternally, even if you feel like you love someone that strongly. Even if you feel in love, a love as strongly as those Mormon leaders love their spouses.
Because IF you remain a celibate gay Mormon in love in this life with the person you wish to eternally love, your core being will be changed to heterosexual and you will not be able to love them anyway because they still believe homosexuality is a sinful abomination that must be changed.
You are born doomed. Forever doomed now that you’re born that way. You see? Nothing has changed at all. Gay Mormons are just as doomed now as they were before this latest big change that hasn’t changed a thing.
DCguy
This website is not new, as Queerty knows, because you ran stories on it 2 years ago or so and just like now, linked to it.
Why are you linking to an anti-gay site. This site is nothing new for the LDS church, it STILL condemns any lgbts who aren’t celibate and is designed to keep people closeted and ashamed, and yet right at the beginning of your article you linked to it.
So again, since Queerty would not (I hope) link to a site promoted by the Westboro Baptist Church, why are you linking to a hate site supported by the anti-gay elements of the LDS church?
WEBOne
There was an article on being gay and Mormon some time back – long before the Supreme Court decision on same sex marriage. In it the author interviewed several gay BYU students 18 to about 20 years old. They all said they were accepted by their friends and the school. They were all following some rule about not having sex while at the school. A couple of them had left comments at the end of the article in response to reader comments. I struck up an email conversation with one of them. I started asking him questions about his life at school and what he was studying, etc. He said he was only attracted to men and had a crush on another student. He sounded a lot like one of the teens telling their coming out stories online. When I asked him what he wanted to do after he graduated he replied that he wanted to marry a devout Mormon woman, have children and bring them up in the church. I told him I felt kind of sorry for him. He and some unfortunate woman are going to be miserable the whole time they’re married.
Kenny Jimno
Josh is courageous, he allowed himself to be heard. He has shown that form out there is another perspective and a living human with real emotions. how his experience is his and he isn’t alone. Yes for some it may appear as sad but for others like myself that continue to remain humble knowing of a blessing some can not yet see.
Music908
In college ,I went through a long period when I didn’t know ,or accept my homosexuality,because I was raised in the Southern Baptist church.I had several Mormon friends that were actually encouraging me to be open,about my sex life.I was asexual at the time,but had been Gay in high school.The Baptist were threatening me with hell ,if I didn’t change.Any way I lived like a monk for a long time ,and still am without a partner now,but I know God loves me ,and created me as a Gay man.I had gynecomastia in high school,and if I had been slight and effeminate ,I would have been classified as Intersexual.These days,after chest surgery ,I can relate to people who were born girls ,but changed,Like Chaz Bono,or frankly anyone who was treated like they didn’t look exactly the way people thought they should.I’m happy ,but I’m not sure whether I would have ever done the surgery ,If my parents didn’t want me to be a Butchy boy.I was frequently called “Sissy Boy” and beat up ,a lot in high school.I was always respected for my voice and piano skill ,so there were times when I managed to be very popular ,even in that Baptist school.Josh is very strong.He managed to live through church repression.It’s real ,and widespread.It is the reason for my governor’s rise to fame.I’m in Indiana,and this election is no joke .We must help our society to allow LGBTQIA people to be who they were born ,and love God as a force that is goodness in us all.That goodness would never permit a soul to be treated the way that we are being treated by these churches.They do not speak for God.They are lead by demagogues ,like Trump and Pence,and Falwell .These men are clueless ,when it comes to treating others with love and compassion.The Mormon Church has realized ,finally,that they were making BIG mistakes.It’s a start.Utah is changing.