Gay guys are sharing their wildest hookup stories & we’re gonna need a minute

Social media is full of stories that seem a little too good/wild/salacious to be true, so Reddit user u/heysoulmakossa had the clever idea of asking fellow r/AskGayBros community members for stories that are stranger than fiction.

“In no more than one sentence, what is the story that, if you told it on the AGB sub, people would most likely accuse you of making up?” u/heysoulmakossa wrote in a thread.

Commenters shared dozens of stories on the thread, many of them spicy, and we’ve rounded up some highlights below—edited for brevity, readability, and publish-ability!

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Even so, consider this your warning that explicit tales lie ahead…

“When I was in Turkey, I visited a local hammam … and had spontaneous sex with the young bath attendant behind the curtain in a private washing booth without knowing his name or understanding his language, while other visitors were in the main steam room.”

“My ex-boyfriend gave me syphilis and then had the audacity to say that it was actually me [who] was sleeping around. Gaslighting to the max.”

“I’ve hooked up with probably eight-ish straight guys who live straight lives, and most of my encounters were total fantasy-material settings like drunken camping, being stuck late at the office with the boss, and—my personal fave—getting my mouth used by two friends separately in the bathroom at a house party unbeknownst to them both.”

“I’ve f*cked two different guys [whom] I later found out my brother got to first.”

“I’m a serial monogamist, and my ex-boyfriend of seven years gave me HPV that turned into genital warts, so then I had to have surgery on my asshole, and now the warts are gone, but bottoming isn’t even fun now, [and] it’s actually pretty painful ever since. So get the Gardasil vaccine.”

“My (femboy bottom) d*ck is so big that every guy I’ve ever slept with has tried to insist I top them, to varying degrees of success.”

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“Dom power-bottom twink with the strongest pelvic control I’ve ever encountered and an essentially self-lubicrating ass plus my nonexistent refractory period and stamina meant I was literally in heaven for hours.”

“During my sophomore year of college, my friend and I (we were 19 and 20 at the time, respectively) had a threesome with a ‘generous’ older guy (in his 50s) in what looked like an abandoned apartment complex in exchange for alcohol and McDonald’s nuggets, only later to discover that he was a priest and he took us to his church’s rectory that was non-operational.”

“I was standing at the bar in a gay bar, and a man walked up to me after just entering the club and grabbed my butt and said, ‘You will do,’ so I went with him to his motel.”

“Hooked up with a city councilman in the city council chambers after a meeting!”

“A guy broke up with me for telling him that I loved him while he was d*cking me down after only knowing each other for two weeks, but a year and a half later, he asked for a second chance, and [he’s] currently my fiancé.”

“I was f*cked by a former NFL player.”

“I travelled through three national parks and randomly met and blew the same guy three times.”

“My ex cheated on me and lied about having cancer so I would stay.”

“I blew a coworker in the back of an ambulance in the hospital ER parking lot, with people walking by the ambulance.”

“Last year, my partner of six years broke up a lesbian couple of nine years, both of them our coworkers, because he decided one of them should have his baby, and that baby was born this month.”

“I put my balls on a nuclear missile.”

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