Gay guys pinpoint the “best years” of their lives

When were the best times of your life? That’s the question posed by a Reddit user to fellow gay men.

The man, in his late 30s, posted in the subreddit ‘AskGayMenOver30’.

“When was/is your best years? How old were you at the time? And why was it/is it so great?”

He went on to say he was currently experiencing what he felt was his best time. He put this down to feeling, “much more secure, mature, and stable both in terms of financial resources and in personal relationships.”

Technically, it’s probably not a question many can answer definitively until they reach the end of their lives. However, many had thoughts and insights.

Like the man asking the question, the vast majority felt they were living their best times in the present.

“I’m 49 and my life has been getting better all along,” was one well-liked response. “It’s reached a point where in the last couple of years I stand in front of my bathroom mirror and genuinely like the guy staring back at me.

“It’s hard to explain, but I feel like a whole, complete man. I know where I’ve come from, my feet are firmly on the ground, I know what I want, I know what direction I’m going in, and I know it’s a good one.”

“Weathering storms”

Another man, in his early 60s, said things had improved because he navigated the ups and downs better. He rated his decades with grades.

“Teens: F (boyfriend took his life) 20s: F (attempted to take my life. Closeted. Reparative therapy) 30s: B + (came out, some struggles, met husband) 40s: A (career & relationship take off, adopt two children, adventures of many types ) 50s: B – (raise two children, some serious health issues, strong relationship, financial hits, more adventure, serious depression, close family and friends unexpected deaths ). 60 (64 now): A Two wonderful grown children, an even stronger relationship with husband than ever, family and friends, health issues managed and/or reversed. Adventures continue. New career starts!

“I’m sure later years will bring deaths, financial hits, health issues and other, etc, but I am so so much better at weathering storms. And I’ve got a family and community that are my rocks,” he said.

Several other men in their 50s and 60s agreed with the original poster. They enjoyed the greater maturity and stability that aging confers.

“Every decade gets better. I just finished my 50s and they were the best so far,” said one.

“I’ll be 63 in two weeks,” said another. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I know more stuff. I’ve been through more stuff. And I just feel the most settled and happy. Yet I still view life as an adventure.”

“Time heals the cuts and bruises”

That’s not to say life is ever a picnic. We all experience challenges.

“My best years are right now,” said another. “I‘m 38. happily married, have a secure job, great friends, I’m in my best form ever and I’m having the best sex of my life. My early and mid-30s were, however, quite sh*tty because of burnout and the tragic death of two of my dearest friends.”

Not everyone felt the present was the best. A couple of respondents found themselves looking back wistfully.

A man in his late 30s said, “I loved going back to college when I was 25. I transferred to a university when I was about to turn 27, made a ton of really fun friends, and learned to come out of my shell.

“I often feel these days like I’m ‘going back to sleep,’ and it’s largely because I’ve lost contact with a lot of those old friends. I’m doing good, worthwhile community-focused work with good people, but it’s just not the same as feeling like the world is full of possibilities.”

A man in his 80s said that if he had to choose, his 50s were the best decade of his life. However, even in his 80s, he was happy and still having adventures.

“When times get tough, just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Time heals the cuts and bruises,” he advised.

Many identified the importance of friends, and pushing one’s self to try new experiences and adventures.

Happiness as we age

Many people fear the idea of growing older. Health issues are sure to creep in at some stage, and on the gay scene, there’s the old myth that “Nobody loves a fairy over 40.”

Well, that’s not the experience of many older guys. In fact, as Queerty explored yesterday in an interview with author Tony Silva, there are plenty of younger guys with a keen interest in the older man.

Several studies have sought to identify when people experience the most happiness. Most demonstrate happiness follows a U-shape bend. It peaks in the 20s and again in the 60s. Happiness dips in mid-life, as people juggle career, finances, and/or parenting, but then rises again once the kids leave home and mortgages are paid off.

A 2016 study in San Diego found that older people were genuinely happier than those in their 20s and 30s. It suggested young people were often more depressed and anxious due to having to navigate a rapidly changing world.

“As they got older, it looks like things started getting better for them,” the study author, Dr. Dilip Jeste told Time. about the older generations. “It suggests that with age, there’s a progressive improvement in mental health.”

Stay healthy

A much bigger study has been taking place over several decades at Harvard University. Its lead researcher in the field, psychiatrist Dr. Robert Waldinger, recently told Forbes some of the key factors in deciding happiness.

These include your close relationships and social connections. Waldinger advised people that they keep proactive in maintaining or forging friendships, and not rely simply on clicking ‘like’ on social media postings. Married people are known to generally be happier than single people.

Keeping yourself healthy for as long as possible is also another major factor in extending the good years. Physical exercise and taking care of your mental health both have clear benefits to staying happier for longer.

Related:

Older gay gentlemen offer 15 life lessons to their younger gay counterparts

We asked gay guys over 50 about the things they wished they’d known when they were 20.