A post on Reddit has asked gay guys what their biggest turn-offs are in the bedroom. Posted on the “AskGayBros” subreddit, user @pen775. asked men to share their instant boner killers.
“Say you are in the middle of hot sex enjoying and … then this kills the moment,” he quizzed.
The thread gained over 100 responses in a little over 12 hours. And there was one clear winner.
“Poor hygiene.”
“Poor hygiene” was the most well-liked comment. There were also variations on the theme, with others mentioning bad breath, body odor, “Smell of Doo Do” and “d*ck cheese.”
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Following poor hygiene were a range of answers. It turns out we all want a bit of cuddling.
“People who are exclusively the little spoon,” said one user. “80% of the guys I’ve been with (tops and bottoms) only want to be the little spoon or lay on my chest. Now I’m not super into cuddling and I don’t mind being the big spoon but every once in a while I want to feel safe too.”
One big guy agreed: “Same. I’m 6’3″ and definitely a bear, nobody ever considers I might want to be held sometimes.”
Others asked for other forms of consideration.
“When they finish and then decide your pleasure isn’t worth it and just stop,” was another well-liked comment. “My ex did this to me once and rolled over and told me to finish myself off once he finished and I felt almost used in a way and was extremely upset.”
Related: Seven things more important than how you like your partner
A little more contentiously, someone mentioned a dismissive attitude toward sexual health.
“I was recently laying in bed with a guy and we were getting close, touchy freely, etc… then we got on the topic of sexual health and he said, “Well, as a gay man, you should just expect to catch something every once in a while.” Instant boner killer.”
Others suggested that statistically speaking, it is likely that most gay men will experience an STI at some time in their life. And hey, it’s always a good idea to talk about sexual health with partners. However, the original poster clarified that he was put off by his partner’s ‘whatever’ attitude toward acquiring infections.
Nipples and rough play
It seems a lot of men could relate to a response relating to nipples.
“I have sensitive nipples so it’s mostly when someone bites them,” said one guy. Others agreed: play with them but don’t go overboard unless given permission to do so.
Another well-liked answer was, “Being too aggressive/rough.” One guy mentioned a partner slapping him across the face without warning.
Other boner killers included: Food crumbs in the bed, a messy house or bedroom, “pushy dudes”, “bad dirty talking”, and “Someone calling me ‘daddy’”.
Related: Help: My boyfriend mocks me for doing “gay stuff”
In short, unless you know they have a kink, keep yourself clean, tidy your bedroom, throw in some foreplay and post-coital cuddling, and make sure you’re not being a selfish lover. And go easy on the nipples.
PubicHairus
Sounds like a bunch of vanilla beans to me! Huffing body odors, slapping, nipple play? Those are just light foreplay to me. Reow!
barryaksarben
saying you are very when you are not. I dont know if people do this any longer as I am an older man but I ws truly very and after I topped. it was over or I topped the first 4 times together then they weren’t interested any longer as it was apparent I was looking too switch it up. Due to a cancer I no longer can top but found a man that was ok with that as I was honest about it and we have been together 8 yrs so far
bachy
Very what??
Man About Town
Can someone please interpret this for me? What’s he talking about?
thebaddestbabby
barry here seems to mean vers
naobe5
Yeah they still do….especially White guys interested in Black guys….so fuk**ng irritating!!!
bachy
People who fall asleep halfway through a sexual encounter. I don’t get it: is this a new “thing”? I swear that at least 80% of the people I’ve had sex with in the past 5 years have fallen sound asleep before either of us has an orgasm! Snoring included. LOUD snoring!
PLEASE: get some rest before having sex!!!
Vince
Damn. What time are you having sex?
BEPVA
They’re bored, and its a passive-aggressive way to let you know that they’re done.
But you are a nice guy and have a really nice bed that they’d like to wake up in.
Or 80% of the guys you pick up have a thing for being raped in their sleep.
I’m gonna go with the first one tho.
Bertram
Bottoms who shout “Oh yeah! Phuck me GIRL!” while I’m topping them.
mildredspierce
Laughing out loud! Gawd!!
DHT
Guys who swear to other guys they are total tops and then after you see them a few times they flip over. Gay toxic masculinity, get a grip and just be honest.
JJinAus
Yep, hygiene. Anything else can be negotiated. I think back and I shudder at a couple of encounters. Nearly put me off. Nearly.
1898
hygiene for sure… which makes dating/hookups difficult these days as so many guys have developed a fetish for stink
PubicHairus
Anytime I’ve had sex with a guy who “must take a shower” beforehand, the sex has been AWFUL. Meanwhile, the dirty boys with stained jocks and socks always deliver the goods. To each their own…
BEPVA
I’d rather have sex w a dude who’s sweaty from the gym or a day at work than a guy who is freshly primped and perfumed.
That said – any guy who plans on bottoming and hasn’t eaten fiber for a week or showered for a couple days needs to rethink his diet, timing, and sexual strategy.
PhillyProud
Good hygiene is really important. But, even more important is not wearing strong, artificial smells. I once was with a guy that wore so much cologne that, first, I had problems breathing (sensitive lungs). Second, I tried to get past it, I really did, but, after we made out for a bit, I had to ask him to leave. I felt like i was running a marathon with my breathing. After 3 showers I still couldn’t get the smell of his cologne off of me AND I had to open my windows to get it out of my condo. Cologne is not a bad thing. But, I think I shouldn’t smell it until I’m laying RIGHT next to you.
Also, body spray applied on the butt doesn’t cover up swamp butt from the gym. Just sayin’.
MDWolf12
I stick to the old addage that you should only wear a scent that compliments and enhances your natural scent….AND more importantly, cologne is an intimate thing that should only be smelled by soemone whose face is less than 12 inches from where you applied it.
(full disclosure if a hot guy who smells really good walks by me on the street, I get the feels. But I am sure he would smell too strong naked though lol)
Pier
What about not paying me after you finish. That didnt get any votes ?
MDWolf12
OMG dying laughing! brilliant
LumpyPillows
For me the best sex has always been when we go with the flow. No expectations. These days it seems like there is a script we are required to follow.
wikidBSTN
It’s called porn.
Cozmo2
Ok I don’t mind a little man musk and I don’t like to be slapped because I will hit you back.