relationship goals

Seven things more important than how you like your partner

A gay couple in tank tops

A therapist with a huge online following has seen one of his videos go viral this week.

Jeff Guenther is based in Portland, Oregon. Besides running a successful private practice, he’s been posting snappy, one-minute videos offering guidance on everything from managing anxiety to why some people cheat on those they love.

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His thoughts on ‘7 things that are more important than how you like your partner’ has notched up over 4.5million views since it appeared a few days ago.

Guenther says “’I love that you like your babe and I bet they like you to but mutual like, or love, will only get you so far.” You also need to pay attention to these other factors.

@therapyjeff 7 things that are more important than how much you like your partner. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #mentalhealthmatters #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff

1.  How do they treat you? Nice, supportive and caring, or mean, bullying and dismissive?

2. Do you feel safe and secure enough to be your authentic self with them? Or are you hiding parts of yourself?

3. Are your hopes and dreams and future goals being supported?

4. Do you feel like your emotional needs are being met? Do you feel seen, understood and supported, or are you holding things back because they don’t know how to show up for you?

5. Are you able to say ‘no’ and create boundaries without being made to feel guilty or selfish?

6. Are you ever forced or coerced to do something you’re not consenting to?

7. After an argument, are you able to repair, reconnect and resolve? Or are you left feeling emotionally battered and exhausted?

The list seems to have struck a chord with many people.

“I wish I knew this before I got married. Fights with my ex made me feel hopeless, drained, and like I had to drop my needs to comfort someone else,” said one commentator.

“Was just starting to miss my ex when I watched this video, answered no to every question. Thanks for the reminder I am better off!” said another.

More relationship advice and assurance

Other viral videos from Guenther include: “8 things you should already know about your partner after 6 months”. Another, “10 things you’re ashamed to share with me, a therapist, that I’m commonly told”, has over 7million views. You can watch both below.

@therapyjeff 8 things you should already know about your partner after 6 months. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice #marriage ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff

@therapyjeff 10 things you’re ashamed to share with me, a therapist, that I’m commonly told. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #selfhelp #shame ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff

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