A therapist with a huge online following has seen one of his videos go viral this week.
Jeff Guenther is based in Portland, Oregon. Besides running a successful private practice, he’s been posting snappy, one-minute videos offering guidance on everything from managing anxiety to why some people cheat on those they love.
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His thoughts on ‘7 things that are more important than how you like your partner’ has notched up over 4.5million views since it appeared a few days ago.
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Guenther says “’I love that you like your babe and I bet they like you to but mutual like, or love, will only get you so far.” You also need to pay attention to these other factors.
@therapyjeff 7 things that are more important than how much you like your partner. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #mentalhealthmatters #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff
1. How do they treat you? Nice, supportive and caring, or mean, bullying and dismissive?
2. Do you feel safe and secure enough to be your authentic self with them? Or are you hiding parts of yourself?
3. Are your hopes and dreams and future goals being supported?
4. Do you feel like your emotional needs are being met? Do you feel seen, understood and supported, or are you holding things back because they don’t know how to show up for you?
5. Are you able to say ‘no’ and create boundaries without being made to feel guilty or selfish?
6. Are you ever forced or coerced to do something you’re not consenting to?
7. After an argument, are you able to repair, reconnect and resolve? Or are you left feeling emotionally battered and exhausted?
The list seems to have struck a chord with many people.
“I wish I knew this before I got married. Fights with my ex made me feel hopeless, drained, and like I had to drop my needs to comfort someone else,” said one commentator.
“Was just starting to miss my ex when I watched this video, answered no to every question. Thanks for the reminder I am better off!” said another.
More relationship advice and assurance
Other viral videos from Guenther include: “8 things you should already know about your partner after 6 months”. Another, “10 things you’re ashamed to share with me, a therapist, that I’m commonly told”, has over 7million views. You can watch both below.
@therapyjeff 8 things you should already know about your partner after 6 months. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #relationshiptips #dating #datingadvice #marriage ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff
@therapyjeff 10 things you’re ashamed to share with me, a therapist, that I’m commonly told. #mentalhealth #therapy #therapytok #selfhelp #shame ♬ original sound – TherapyJeff
Related: Are age gaps in gay relationships hot or fraught? Guys say…
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JohnOrlando
After 33 years, we’ve been through a lot. The one thing we both agree on is that we do not like being mad at each other. Issues that arise that cause conflict, and they absolutely will, get resolved to the satisfaction of both because of this commonality.
bachy
All of these pointers seem to require that me and my partner engage in verbal conversations. Is there any way to get around that?
scotty
i support that thought.
Capawok
HA
jt1990
8. Be sure the family is sane. Many times you’re not just marrying your partner, you marry the family too.
9. If (s)he knows a second language, learn that too! Even if she isn’t plotting your death out loud with her dad, at least the paranoia won’t exist…
10. Don’t tie the knot until you have dated this person at least a year. The words “I do” have more than religious meaning; under law your home and possessions are now shared with that person. Crazy how many young people (and old ones) don’t seem to understand this!
Gay or straight, not a bad list Queerty.
humble charlie
I agree especially with learning the second language. and maybe bring a friend over and banter in a third language.
Toofie
Pretty good advice I have to say!
JJinAus
Reality shows? Wow. Apparently couples have to conform to some tedious stereotype. What do I know? 22 years and counting.