A gay man has appealed to Slate sex columnist How To Do It with an unusual question: do gay men not use condoms anymore?
“What is it with queer guys insisting on never wearing a condom anymore?” the writer, identified only as Wrap It Up writes. “My Grindr message log is full of guys who ghosted or blocked after learning I wouldn’t bareback. They’re on PrEP, they say. What I don’t say is the last time I was cavalier about condoms, I ended up with herpes. Do these guys not remember the HIV crisis (still very much a thing)? Other STIs? Is the Venn diagram of anti-maskers and anti-rubbers a circle?”
How To Do It first offers a few observations before addressing the issue of sexual health.
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“Though the opening of your letter reads like a setup of a joke, I’m taking it seriously,” How To Do It replies. “Queer men’s abandonment of condoms in the wake of the AIDS epidemic has long been a point of debate and, in some circles, consternation. In public, this conversation is more than 25 years old, stretching back to the so-called ‘plague years,’ before the public availability of protease inhibitors in 1996 revised the trajectory of the epidemic, reducing death rates and turning HIV into a chronic condition instead of a death sentence for many living with the virus (who had access to the drugs, which remains an issue). Back then, this wasn’t a matter of remembering the crisis—the crisis was all around, defining queer life and death.”
How To Do It goes on to point out that as early as the 1990s, a significant-sized group of gay men reported rejecting condom use despite the ongoing threat of HIV. For these men, awareness of the spread of HIV was not the issue. Rather, they rejected condoms on the basis of tactile sensation–in other words, that sex felt better without condoms–and for emotional issues.
“People like having sex without condoms, and it is what they have done historically, hence the proliferation of our species,” How To Do It concludes. “It’s not a gay thing. What is a gay thing is the disproportionate responsibility to modify behavior as the result of a disease to which that community is vulnerable…I don’t blame them one bit for getting sick of worrying about getting sick.”
How To Do It then recounts the history of PrEP which the FDA authorized for the first time in 2012. It has since become widespread among gay men, leading to a wide reduction in new cases of HIV.
“You are right, at least, that there are other STIs,” How To Do It concedes. “Luckily, many people on PrEP are tested for them every three months to keep their prescriptions in good standing. That at least takes care of gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis. Hepatitis and HPV remain concerns (you can put herpes in this group, though I’m reluctant to wring my hands too much over a disease that has been made out to be a “sexual boogeyman”). I’d be interested in seeing the results of a survey that seeks to determine whether anti-maskers are anti-rubberers, but something tells me it wouldn’t be so illuminating.”
The columnist then notes that anti-masking has nothing to do with PrEP or reduction in condom use. Rather, anti-masking is linked quite directly to political stance, in particular support of Donald Trump. How To Do It also asserts that reduction in condom use is based on sound, medical science, whereas anti-masking is not.
“Anyway, you use condoms and that’s great for you,” How To Do It concludes. “The guys who don’t aren’t for you. Too many choices can be paralyzing, and what are hook-up apps but buffets of options? You can easily filter out the guys whose interests and practices don’t align with yours. And that, in the words of Martha Stewart (another at least part-time barebacker or so the existence of her daughter tells us), is a good thing.”
We happen to agree.
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MISTERJETT
i will use condoms until HIV is gone forever or at least until there is a vaccine that prevents or gets rid of it. i know it’s not the death sentence it used to be and you can live with it, but i still don’t want it nor do i want to pass it along to someone else.
ShiningSex
True, but there are other STDs being spread due to ignorance.
ShiningSex
Most don’t and are idiots too. Our community has a lot of morons who think they’re immune to STDs and feel that medications out now will help them “be fine”. Many are still dying of AIDS, many are still passing STDs around.
Education is not working. It’s a mentality that “nothing will harm us”.
If you bareback and get a disease, Don’t cry. It’s your fault.
Our community needs to educate the ignorant.
whateverokok
AMEN brother. Just because something exists that can help treat or prevent HIV and AIDS doesn’t mean that the risk and tragedy of HIV/AIDS is gone. It is still there. You have to have access to these medicines, you have to stay on top of them, and you have to remember to take them. I speak from experience, as I take quite a few medications for stuff unrelated to HIV/AIDS prevention and whatnot.
I am always running out and needing to get a refill or needing to get said prescription sent back in. Plus. my medicines are not expensive, but they are not cheap either. So there are times when I run out and don’t have money to refill them for a week or two. Imagine if I was on HIV/AIDS meds that ran out and I was inbetween checks to where I couldn’t get a refill? Not to mention remembering to take them. Condoms are way more effective than a pill and need to be back on the table across the board.
Dymension
In that sense, I can really see the correlation between anti-maskers and anti-condom users. It’s not the science that supports it as the columnist suggests. It’s sticking your head in stand singing la, la, la, la. Not detectable does not mean “not sick.” It just means that the viral load is lower, and a single drawing of blood may not yield a viral load. It’s reduced to be sure, but not non-existent.
Also, the plague years was only 25 years ago? Try 35-40! June 2021 was the 40-year anniversary where Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome was given a name.
Openminded
Too many people believe popping a pill can fix everything. Yes, there are lots of good drugs that are keeping HIV at bay for those infected as well as drugs that are still able to do a pretty good job at curing many STI’s. What are we going to do if the current Covid pandemic or the next pandemic creates an environment where prescriptions are unavailable. If supply couldn’t keep up with demand for toilet paper a year ago, you damn well better believe the supply of life sustaining medicines could easily not meet the demand. Heck, something as simple as a severe weather event like Texas freezing, New Orleans flooding, or California on fire can easily create lapses in supply that could be deadly for many who have been careless or cavalier with their sex life. Everyone should do all they can to protect themselves from any illness, be it short term treatable, or life long like AIDS. I’m very thankful that I’m in my 6th decade of life and do not require any drugs of any kind to live a healthy life.
esrosejr
Just say no. There are also many ways to get off as you must know. A good mutual jerkoff is safe and if you have any experience at all with yourself you would be good at it. Some homos, like me, have never had anal sex and do not want it. Plenty of other good stuff to do. Go read a good sex manual. I also suspect this is a fake question but I like to take everyone seriously, so…..
Den
As you have never had anal sex and apparently don’t want to try it, you are in no position to comment on either the emotional connection or intense physical pleasure it affords others. To do so is incredibly presumptuous, as you simply have no idea at all if “plenty of other good stuff to do ” is either as good or as exciting. You don’t know, and there is no rational way to assume you do.
PrEP, and the statistical reality of “U=U” has practically removed the danger of seroconversion through anal sex, so the danger is essentially reduced to other STIs. For me that danger (especially with drug resistant strains) is enough to warrant condom use outside of committed monogamy. Thankfully there is no shortage of men willing to use condoms for casual hook ups.
jerjn
I have a 30 year old gentleman friend who rings me up every couple of months when he has an itch. Though I’m on prep, I use a rubber with him because he’s not on it and only practices safe sex. As someone who faithfully used rubbers since I came out in 1986, I have the most tremendous respect for this young man.
frankcar1965
You sex negative gays sound JUST LIKE men when women got the pill. You do know your mother barebacked and took that sperm or you wouldn’t be here. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, then don’t. It’s a free country. Don’t give me that shiit about the gay Community either, there is no gay community.
What the problem is that YOU are afraid to have sex and do not want anyone else to enjoy sex just like your parents and all the straights. We have another tool now and it works, condoms or work when used and obviously no was using them or HIV wouldn’t still be with us. Get a life you bitter old self hating trolls.
MISTERJETT
you win the prize for the most stupid statement of the day. congratulations!!!!
Prax07
As a bottom (that hates anal. Never once was it pleasurable for me) I only do it when in a relationship, and even then I require a condom be used. There is absolutely no trust when it comes to diseases. I also don’t believe in or trust in U=U or Prep, not when it comes to HIV.
CityguyUSA
First off Big Pharms wants you to believe that you can take a pill and not have to worry about catching HIV but it’s not true. They say that since a machine can’t measure the virus it isn’t enough to infect you but that’s just a grab at a theory that you most likely won’t get infected because any transfer would not include enough viral content but that’s not true. The machines weren’t designed to count low levels and therefore they don’t but we don’t know if there’s any limit to not getting infected. If it were true then why wouldn’t they be screaming we’ve cured HIV?
Condoms, as you point out, also protect against a whole lot of other nasties that can be just as undesirable as HIV. Don’t waste your money on the pharmaceutical that has no evidence that it prevents HIV and can destroy your vital organs and doesn’t prevent any of the other infectious diseases.
Is it really worth your health to get someone’s sperm inside you? Your money is better spent on $1 condom, that you know with 99% accuracy, will protect you against many things.
frankcar1965
You spout so much misinformation about HIV it’s ridiculous. Follow the SCIENCE! You sound like a Trumpster, but are probably a Queerty shill. Websites like Queerty should be prevented by law from publishing such nonsense. Look it up, you ignorant people, Prep works better than condoms which no one was using anyway or HIV would have wiped out long ago.
You are a sorry excuse for a human being.
hansniemeijer
condoms also protect you against other std’s. prep and u = u sound pleasant, long term use of hiv medication might be not good for your bones and organs. there are also mental side effects of being hiv positive, like stigma and depression.
Consider This
I want things to be fun, but I also want them to be safe. They are not mutually exclusive. Fact is, condoms can work very well for both.
DCFarmboy
I’ve used condoms all my sexual life and frankly, I’ve decided that even if HIV and STDs were not an issue, I’m not putting my bare dick up someone’s poophole. Its a hygiene issue.
LumpyPillows
Before AIDS gay guys did not wear condoms. It’s why HIV spread so quick. PREP has reduced the chances of HIV transmission to low enough that condoms are once more not as likely to be used. Once HIV is curable as opposed to preventable, I assume it will be back to no condoms at all.
Invader7
Ummmmm….NO !!!
frankcar1965
I guess when they have a vaccine against HIV you will all run around yelling for people not to get it. I hate gay men.
RandomGuy
Condoms only
winemaker
With all the STD’s out there besides HIV, anyone who doesn’t use the proven effective choice, that being a condom, is plain and simple a God damned fool, period. And those out there who for the most part think PrEP is the cure or license to be irresponsible, you’re living in a dream world. And even more outrageous, anyone who believes a stranger and doesn’t use protection, well you play Russian roulette if you want to but don’t come crying when you catch something nasty or something more serious. BTW: for those out there who don’t realize that drugs, whatever they my be, all have side effects and eventually wreak havoc on our bodies, is a damned fool. And any porn studio that promotes condom less sex aka ‘barebacking’ should be boycotted for promoting irresponsible behavior that’s known to be dangerous. How many of us have seen enough preventable death and misery over the years not to use condoms?