Desperate measures: A highly distraught man, finding himself at a complete and utter loss, has decided to turn to the Internet for guidance, asking Slateâs Dear Prudence columnist for help.
Related:Â This Guy Needs Advice On How To Handle His Closeted Mormon Boyfriend
His problem in a nutshell: He and his wife have been trying and failing to conceive for years, so heâs asked his gay brother to be a sperm donor, and his brother agreed.
Related:Â The Advice This 1950s Dairy Farmer Gave To His Gay Son Will Make You Cry
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Both families are onboard with the decision, so whatâs the problem?
As the appointment for fertilization nears, my wife and brother have gone from close to almost inseparable, talking about âtheirâ future child. I feel shut out of my own marriage. This baby is all weâve ever wanted, and now I want to tell her that we shouldnât. Iâm jealous and anxious and I donât know what to do.â
Dear Prudence, whoâs really kind of a bummer, gets downright surly in her response, telling him, âIâm deeply concerned for your future.â
Related:Â Sexy Magazine Drives Sperm Donor To Masturbate To Death
Before you even consider using a known sperm donorâespecially a family memberâyou need to consult with a family law attorney. This is a decision that could have long-lasting legal consequences for all of you, including any children that would be born from your brotherâs donation.â
Not nearly finished, Dear Prudence launches into What If mode.  And you arenât going to like Dear Prudence when sheâs in What If mode:
What if you and your wife separate? Would your brother seek visitation? Would your wife ask him for child support? What if your brother sees himself as your childâs real father and insists on becoming a permanent third member of your marriage?
In the end, Dear Prudence insists he sit down and talk to his wife to make sure theyâre both on the same page with this âdeeply importantâ decision.
Then, having imparted the kind of wisdom one can only get from a professional, Dear Prudence moves onto the next letter: A woman whoâs deeply concerned her mom has too many dogs.
Josh447
Very messy. Find a donor that is researchable yet permanently anonymous. This current scene is a bad deal, for everyone. Cut some boundaries away from this not planned on three way marriage, or be in for a lifetime of trouble. Not good for the kid, not good for anyone. Let the gay bro be uncle babysitter, not daddy babysitter, unless things are meant to be that way. In this case it’s not.
Dustolio
This is a very sticky situation indeed. Form a legal standpoint, Prudence is correct. “I”s need to be crossed and “T”s dotted. Brother needs to be made VERY AWARE that this is not his child.
Tobi
@Dustolio: I’m so lucky that I’ve never crossed an I or dotted a T.
Captain Obvious
So stupid. Sounds like someone wrote a silly cuckold fantasy and mailed it in for a laugh.
Jason G
Any gay guy thinking of having kids, either through adoption, surrogacy, or by being a sperm donor for a friend or family member should read the book, Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood, before doing anything! It talks about situations like this and lots of other things that people should think about before having kids. Lots of other gay parents give advice and explain the challenges they experienced to make it easier for other people. I highly recommend it. The book helped my husband and I before we adopted.
dean089
Tens of thousands of children in the U.S. languishing in the foster care system and yet so many people are hung up on this biology nonsense. So sad.
He BGB
What? No shirtless photos of the brothers? I’m so disappointed. Who is Dear Prudence? Must be in a foreign country.
Brian
So I take it from the tone of this article, we’re supposed to think this is a horrible response from Dear Prudence? Just because the donor is gay? Because a sperm donor talking about “our baby” sounds like a nightmare. They should definitely ditch the brother and go to a sperm bank.
Billy Budd
The solution is easy, like Brian said. Sperm Bank. Please choose the sperm of a PhD like myself. We have better genes.
Dave Downunder
I don’t get the tone of Queerty’s article on this matter. From what they report it sounds like Prudence has given him exactly the advice he needs yet they make it sound like she has advised him poorly. The guy regrets his decision and rightly so because this situation has Gerry Springer episode written all over it.
gregory_phillips
Prudence is SPOT ON – I don’t understand Queerty’s tone on the article, unless it is just a bunch of old queens with their panties in a twist.
CivicMinded
Sounds like the wife is unhappy with her marriage. They should get couples counseling before trying to have children.
Dustolio
@Tobi: LOL!! I forgot yo mention that I work for an attorney having your “I’s crossed and T’s dotted” is lawyer speak form covering all your bases. Its intentionally backwards because that’s what lawyers think jokes are ^_^
Aromaeus
As someone who was adopted by a loving family, I will always side-eye couples who see weird surrogacy situations as a better option. That aside I believe the advice given is sound. I’m sure both the wife and brother are just excited because having a kid is exciting but the husband needs to make sure he’s included and his gyro knows what is role is.
Aromaeus
Gaybro was autocorrected to gyro lol
Sluggo2007
Prudence is correct! Do your due diligence before proceeding.
Ari Gold
Not sure what the brother’s sexual orientation has to do with anything, but crazy situation indeed.
Tobi
@Dustolio: Oh, nice try at a save, but I’ve been to Bangkok, I’ve seen dotted T’s. đ
tusgold
I WOULD HAVE SAID NO I DO NOT WANT THAT THE FISH
tusgold
GET A CLUE HE’S GAY!