It’s a tale as old as time: Boy meets boy. Boy falls in love with boy. Boy sleeps with other boy behind boy’s back.
Is it pretty? Hell no. Fair? Forget about it.
But the odds that you have cheated, been cheated on, or know someone from either camp are about as likely as Adele making money off her next album.
And if we’re going to get real about it, monogamy isn’t a ship built for everyone, but our culture almost demands it. The real problem isn’t non-monogamy, it’s non-communication. We’re afraid to talk to our partners and afraid to be truthful with ourselves, and the secrets and lies are the poison that can eventually kill the love shared between two people.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
But just as likely as Adele earning future coin is the truth finding a way to catch up with lies and deceit.
We’ve heard from the cheaters already, so now let’s listen to the other side of the equation on Whisper:
Don't forget to share:
DMRX
“The real problem isn’t non-monogamy, it’s non-communication.”
Editor’s hit the nail on the head with that line.
Billy Budd
I would totally forgive my boyfriend if he had a one-time-only fuck session with another guy and if the sex didn’t mean anything else besides just SEX. It is totally normal to feel attracted to other people and it is not a definite reason to end a relationship. That is what I believe in.
Chris
It seems like every couple being referenced here needs to have some honest conversations about their relationships and about a whole bunch of other stuff as well.
The most childish thing that I can think of would be for either partner to do something out of revenge; unfortunately, that seems to be the primary motive here. There’s a whole lot of growing up that needs to happen.
Taskebab
Of I ever found out my boyfriend cheated on me, he would wake up without his dick and balls. If you’re dating me, you only have eyes for me, and if you do shit with other people behind my back, there will be painful concequences
MMDD
“Monogamy isn’t a ship built for everyone, but our culture almost demands it.”
Not gay culture. Gay male culture has long promoted having multiple sex partners or “open” relationships and practically glamorizes it as the ideal. Truth is there are many gay males, like myself and my husband, who prefer monogamous relationships and find them most fulfilling.
“The real problem isn’t non-monogamy, it’s non-communication.”
Non-monogamy *is* a problem if it’s not what you both want. Lack of communication in any relationship will always cause problems, whether your relationship is monogamous or non-monogamous.
Godabed
Human nature, accept it or move along.
MMDD
@Billy Budd: “I would totally forgive my boyfriend if he had a one-time-only fuck session with another guy and if the sex didn’t mean anything else besides just SEX.”
It could still cause a serious rift in your relationship though. Also it’s extremely important that he tell you about the one-time session, not keep it a secret.
“It is totally normal to feel attracted to other people and it is not a definite reason to end a relationship. That is what I believe in.”
Exactly. Hubby and I are married, but we aren’t blind. For example, we were out at a local restaurant for dinner last night, and there was a cute waiter there who had a GREAT ass. We both noticed him and commented to each other about him (and his ass). But that was it. Were we attracted to him? Hell yes. Did we do anything about it? Hell no.
MMDD
@Billy Budd: Forgot to add: Being attracted to other people is one thing, but acting out on that attraction is a whole different story.
Stache
@Taskebab: I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be with you with such violent thoughts.
JerseyMike
@Godabed: EXACTLY.. As much as we want to believe what we have be forced to believe, I don’t believe monogamy is real.
Matt Achine
@Taskebab: Because wounded pride is best avenged with a deadly assault. I thought emulating Lorena Bobbitt died with the 90’s.
DCguy
I love the self hating idiots that try to claim they were cheated on because of “gay life”.
No sweetie, you were cheated on because you dated a cheater.
onthemark
@DCguy: LOL. Yeah, maybe these guys can all write outraged, weepy posts to Queerty comments, complaining about how awful the “gay community” is, in hopes that we will change our awful ways. That’s a popular pastime around here!
onthemark
@Taskebab: Gee, you sound like quite a catch! Looks like there’s about a dozen Whisper guys (above) who would be just right for you. And they sound like the kind of low-self-esteem wimps who would be easy for you to push around. Too bad there’s no contact info provided.
Leonard Woodrow
Gay or heterosexual, makes no difference. If you really love somebody, you don’t cheat on them. If you do, you don’t really love them.
Mack
Love isn’t about just sex or looks. Love is communications, mutual respect, understanding,
caring and compatibility. Too many gays think that looks is what’s its all about and in the end, that makes a shallow affair.
Terrycloth
Maybe he cheated and got found out maybe next time he will be more secretive. Once a cheater always a cheater maybe not but , IF he did it once and you forgave him its always going to be in the back of your mind. If you are young you usually date a few guys before the right one comes along. Talk about e v e r y t h I n g…..
MMDD
@JerseyMike: Monogamy is very real. It’s worked smoothly for my husband and me for almost 21 years. If you don’t believe in it for yourself, fine; but don’t dis it for others.
OrchidIslander
@Leonard Woodrow: Respectfully disagree with you. You can love someone deeply and still have sex with someone else. Sex doesn’t require love and love doesn’t always include sex. Consenting sex can be nothing more than attraction and opportunity. Many people are just not capable of deriving all their needs from one other person. Realistically – it is disingenuous to throw around broad-brushed expectations when it comes to people, sex, emotions and attraction.
woodin
Guys who like to stray shouldn’t be in relationships. If the expectation and conversation is one focusing on a monogamous relationship, then these guys are lying to themself and their partner.
Somebody remarked it human nature, move on….that’s a selfish, unevolved and a self-centered idea.
Maybe if guys were more self aware about themselves and honest with others/partner about who they are, just maybe we wouldn’t be having this topic.
JaiCee
An ex-boyfriend cheated on me :/ but what I did was 10x worse. I ran into an old friend of ours, a guy that my ex-boyfriend fell in love with and how he realised he was gay when we were in school together. When I met him after all these years, he was questioning his own sexuality after an experience in college. We slept together (which later led us getting into an actual relationship which is 4 & a half years strong now) and I sent him pictures getting the one thing he never could as revenge. What I did was stupid, hurtful and petty, but I don’t regret it because I’d never be with the man I love today if none of this had happened.
OrchidIslander
@woodin: You use terms such as “stray” “lying” “selfish” “unevolved” and “self-centered.” Those terms and that mindset, when played out in society, makes it difficult for some people to be honest about who they are. Very similar to being gay in a society rooted in the opposition, as it were. If you want people to be honest about who they are, then don’t pre-saddle them with negative tags and personality traits.
Bauhaus
@Taskebab:
In other words, you are perennially single.
JerseyMike
@MMDD: sure…
Maleko
@MMDD: I found it weird that so many of them said ‘my boyfriend cheated on me’ and then felt they had to explicitly tell us that they are ‘gay.’ The idea of you having a boyfriend strongly suggests that you are gay, don’t you think guys?
Maleko
@JaiCee: Doing something like you did just to hurt somebody you now are going to discard like a piece of junk because you found someone new is cruel, hateful, immature and it all reflects on your character. You performed the mean and nasty actions, you tried to hurt him as much as you could. That level of maturity makes you unlikely to take responsibility for yourself and your feelings meaning I would never want to be your friend, yet alone your boyfriend. The guy you are with now would do well to pack up a get away from you ASAP. Think! What you do reflects on you and only you. It reflects on your character, not on your target’s character. The moron is you, not him. Revenge is never worth the cost you will pay.
gaym50ish
Monogamy is not a natural state for men, so in the gay male subculture it is DOUBLY unnatural.
If someone is your “boyfriend” — not your husband or even “life partner,” there should not be any expectation of monogamy. But you should be able to talk about it and share you adventures with other guys.
MMDD
@Maleko: Not necessarily. They could be bi instead of gay, after all. Yes, it’s more likely they’re gay, but even so… It’s just for clarification purposes.
mmichael_24
@gaym50ish: If you botb agree that your relationship is going to be monogamous then there should be that expectation
mykelb
Statistics say about 30% of the population are truly monogamous. Get over it, get real, get protected.
DutchGay
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my first boyfriend for over 19 years now. Wouldn’t want it any other way.
DCguy
@Maleko:
He didn’t say he slept with him to get back at the guy. He said he sent the pictures to get back at him.
Richard333
Been there and done that, I had two relationships that went south meaning the first thought I’d never find out and the second because of booze and drugs didn’t care about the relationship. Both are dead because of AIDS. I never expected to fall in love again, it took almost 50 years to find my one and only. We have been together for 25 years and married in 2013. You have to be on the same page with each other and that takes time to let the other person see all your shit and for you to see his. Were asked almost every day if were brothers, with a smile I say we have the same last name but that’s because were married. Usually they smile and say that’s great but some run and we don’t care one bit. If your boyfriend made a mistake I’m telling you he will do it again and if you can’t except that end it.
Johnjon33
when my boyfriend and I first met, he was dating other men……….. we weren’t exclusive. I was fine with that. he was dating 2 other guys at the same time. he knew I knew this was the case and I didn’t have a problem with it. in fact one night we were on a date, and the other 2 guys showed up on their own to the same nightclub. it was hilarious because my boyfriend was shitting, and doing triple duty talking to all three of us. I was cracking up and talking to the other 2 guys. they had no idea the 3 of us were on a date together.
we got to the 1 year point and I told him to make up his mind. he wanted to break up, I said fine. a week later he called in tears saying how much he missed me and would I go to dinner with him. that was 25 years ago. we’re still happy and a year and a half ago we married. sometimes I think I really couldn’t be any happier and am very lucky. my husband has told me for the last 25 years he “just wants me to be happy” and whatever I want is mine.
I agreed to his having fun the first year, and was patient……………. and I hit the jackpot.
enlightenone
@OrchidIslander: “…You can love someone deeply and still have sex with someone else.” I doubt your partner (the one you “love” will agree with you! It’s NOT all about you, right?
David Bolton
This week on Whisper: Gay men discuss cheating on their boyfriends.
Next week on Whisper: Gay men discuss cheating on their boyfriends.
The week after next on Whisper: Gay men discuss cheating on their boyfriends.
Three weeks from now on Whisper: Gay men discuss cheating on their boyfriends.
enlightenone
@gaym50ish: “…Monogamy is not a natural state for men…”
The VALID research????
MMDD
@enlightenone: I guess I’ve been living in an “unnatural state” for 21 years now! (Technically 51 because that’s how old I am.)
Rob Moore
Monogamy might or might not be unnatural although I think that is more an excuse than a fact. Regardless, if two people enter into a relationship on the basis of an expectation of monogamy, it needs to be something discussed if one decides he wants to change it. If he just does it without giving his boyfriend or husband a chance, it seems to me, he is saying his boyfriend or husband is not worth the consideration. If mine had come to me beforehand and said he wanted to open the relationship, I would at least have had the choice of agreeing or moving on with my life separately from his without being left to feel a right fool.
It is a mistake I have not risked repeating.