Happy Endings: Hormone Injections for All!

• A police raid has turned up traces of cocaine, in all places, on Michael Jackson’s underwear. And here you thought it was an excessive amount of plastic surgery that fucked up his nose.

• The U.S. has condemned the mandatory administration of hormone injections to those 26 men arrested for marrying in the United Arab Emirates over the weekend. Now UAE officials are claiming it’s not going to be a forced treatment, but “optional.” And by optional they mean required. Or else.

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• Feeling a celebrity sex-tape void in your life? Don’t worry. That Colin Farrell video might be out just in time for the holidays.

• After vetoing a bill that would have legalized gay marriage in California, Governor Schwarzenegger tries to make good with the ticked off queers in the Golden State by possibly appointing a dyke as his Chief of Staff.

• We want to congratulate Trent who finally snagged a meeting with dreamboat Jake Gyllenhaal at the Brokeback Mountain premiere last night. We’re living vicariously through this one, people.