Happy Endings: What Would Jesus Do?

• The Vatican will finally release that long-awaited gay-banning document tomorrow. The Human Rights Campaign is calling on all Catholics to speak out against the document. You go, HRC! And while you’re at it, take a minute to voice your objection to the drab robes those closeted priests are forced to wear.

• Too bad the FDA won’t approve the do-it-yourself H.I.V. test in time for Christmas. They would have made perfect stocking stuffers.

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• Washington State could soon follow in Massachusetts’ footsteps and legalize same-sex marriage. But the people of New Hampshire want to go in the other direction.

• A lesbian has been Minneapolis’ fire chief for almost a year and can apparently handle a hose like a pro. Who knew?

• We’d be remiss in neglecting to acknowledge last week’s announcement that Ambassador Elton John and his long term partner will be getting hitched in England next month once gay unions become legal. We think it’s safe to say flamboyant blushing bride Elton won’t be wearing white.