A gay man who hooked up with his straight best friend says it ended up being one of his biggest regrets in life, so heās cautioning others from making the same mistake.
In an essay published by Menās Variety, āLukeā says having sex with his friend āDillonā in college was āone of the biggest mistakes I have probably ever made.ā
āAt the time I thought was a good idea because like most gay men, thereās always that one guy you have a crush on that happens to be straight,ā he writes.
In hindsight, however, fulfilling that straight guy fantasy did irreparable damage to an otherwise great friendship.
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Related: Straight guy decides to āmake a go of thingsā with his bisexual friend
Luke describes Dillon as looking like āFlorian Munteanu, minus the tattoosā with ādirty blond hair, deep blue eyes his devilish laugh.ā The two met while attending college together in Texas a few years ago.
Both guys were studying business administration. They had several classes together and even lived in the same dorm building. One night, they went to party at a frat house together.
āWe had been to them before, usually with his girlfriend and some buddies in tow. But this particular evening it was just Dillon and me,ā Luke writes. āHis other half had been feeling sick and insisted he go anyway with me to have a good time.ā
After drinking all night, they eventually stumbled back to Dillionās dorm room at around 2 a.m. One thing led to another and pretty soon, they were naked in his bed together.
āItāll be our secret bud,ā Dillon told him. āNobody has to know.ā
Related: āMostly straightā guy thinks he might be falling for his roommate during quarantine
The next day, Luke says he noticed a āserious shift in our friendship.ā
āDonāt get me wrong, we continued to be friends and hang out. It just wasnāt the same. I donāt know how to describe it except to say that he was more distant and less friendly.ā
Eventually, they graduated college and fell out of touch. Today, Dillon is married with kids.
āAnd no, I wasnāt invited to the wedding,ā Luke writes. āMy sense is that had I not gotten with him, the two of us could have remained good friends for life.ā
āWe really did have a lot in common and genuinely liked one another. And he obviously knew that I had feelings for him based on what happened in his dorm that night.ā
Looking back, Luke has this piece of advice for others who may find themselves in a similar situation: āAny of you reading this post who might be harboring fantasies about doing your straight best friend ā¦ please donāt.ā
āUnless there are special circumstances, it will likely change your friendship forever.ā
Related: Are gay men who try to seduce straight guys creeps?
chase_boston
if a straight man, tells you keep a secret, becomes distant, and then just loses contact : there was never any genuine feeling there from the begin with. But a great lesson in real friendship and the ones who are more grown up about real life. The gay guy is lucky the straight man showed his true colors as a badly spoiled and selfish prick taking and throwing away.
Hussain-TheCanadian
I agree 100% – I had sex with two of my straight friends, one of them became distant, stopped looking me in the eyes (at first), and eventually stopped talking to me completely. When I confronted him, he said “we were never really close friends, I just want to move on from you, i’m getting married soon”. I took it as: “You know my dirty secret, I slept with you, it was a mistake, and I don’t want anyone to know, so i’m cutting you out of my life”.
I’m still on good terms with the other friend, we had sex twice (this was 15 years ago), he told me it was nice, but he’s sure now that hes straight, He’s married, has kids. I see him at the Mosque every couple of months, we’re still super friendly to each other.
So the difference between the two, one of them is a real man, a true adult, a good friend, not a spoiled insecure man-child who needs to be shielded, has sexual “identity” issues, and simply wasn’t a “close” friend that I thought he was.
salumbre
Agreed. The gay guy did not “ruin” anything.
Tarutaru
A real friend wouldnāt use you and discard you like that. And also never be someoneās dirty little secret if you care to be in their lives.
MatthewHall
He’s not “straight.” He’s confused or bi.
sjchan
Iām sorry to hear that. My best friend let me go down on him and he played with me for a few years before his marriage. I was a groomsman and we still are best friends today.
atwc21
Straight man will never can accept gay men as partner, sometime they fuxx us just because of lonely or horny. Some men can fuxx anything that move doesn’t care u are M or F. So please don’t choose a straight men you will end up sad n miserable.
Rock-N-RollHS
@ atwc21 Dude, you need to get a grip. Many gay and bi or “straight” guys fool around and the feeling is mutual: both just want to have sex and get off. That’s it. Nothing terribly momentous about it. Sounds like you just fall for unavailable guys. I bet gay one’s too. That another issue. Work on that with a therapist.
BoylesqueBubble
Another one of Grahamās spank bank material concerning straight men. Graham youāre so gross!
Goforit
And yet you continue to read and bitch. Just who is the “gross” one? And weren’t the 1960’s the last time that anybody thought “gross” was a useful descriptor?
BoylesqueBubble
Aww ya sure told me, didnāt ya assface? ?
Goforit
Aw how cute. You can’t come up with an intelligent argument so you resort to juvenile name calling. Just like your cult leader with the third grade mentality and vocabulary that temporarily occupies the White House. Try harder.
BoylesqueBubble
Even more adorable you think I voted for Trump. God! You know SO much about me! Ya didnāt like my original comment and ya didnāt like my response. So hilarious! Youāre kind of starting to turn me on, baby!
BoylesqueBubble
And as far as a ādescriptorā that you speak of, itās so funny that just because I think Graham is phucking creepy for his obsession with heterosexual men and used the word gross, THAT is what originally set you off? Complaining about words people are using in a description is hilarious, youāre probably someone who says ātotes adorbsā or ātotes delishā to remain current. Seriously, find someone else to argue with. Your point was made (whatever you believe it to be) and I wonāt respond to anymore of your moody bullsh*t. Seriously, go back to eating your smegma and quit complaining about the opinions of others.
Van Der Hoor
So, I was involved in a similar situation, we went to college together, we met on our first year, had a lot in common and we just became really really good friends. long story short we ended up having sex back in my dorm room… we ended up having a very long conversation about it for the next couple of weeks and we manage to save our friendship to this day (talking about 10 years after graduating), I think it is important to mention that we talked a lot about it because he is not gay and was slightly confusing for him to wrap his head around the fact that this things can happen without being at least gay curious, and I as a friend took it upon myself to help him understand that one night was just that one night…. now days he and his wife are great allies, I canāt see myself not having him as the brother that he is to me. I guess my point is that my intentions toward him when that happened were more about him not thinking too much about what two college boys did while drunk rather than letting him get in his head. Perhaps the straight guy in the story had a little more to hide if that one night messed up that friendship.
Cam
You said
“because he is not gay and was slightly confusing for him to wrap his head around the fact that this things can happen without being at least gay curious,
__________________________________
If he wasn’t curious, he wouldn’t have had sex with you. It sounds like he is a little bi, and you had to spend a lot of time trying to tamp down his panic over it.
spunkfunker
This doesn’t sound like a “best” friend; it sounds like a jerk who was either confused, curious, or just outright used his gay buddy. true friends would have had a conversation. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable. Plus if you were his best friend you would have been the best man, or a groomsmen at the least. Not even inviting you to the wedding tells you everything you need to know about how he really felt about you.
@dusyk
Awkward!
LilMesican
There’s nothing in this story that makes me think they were best friends. I think Luke thought they were because he had a crush on him.
It was a drunken hook-up that the ‘straight’ guy regretted later.
Also, nothing to suggest they stayed friends after college. I don’t invite every guy I hooked up with to my events. Do y’all?
Beachman
Enough with the self-hatred…..Dillon is obviously a closet-case, and Luke needs to love himself. Dillon did you a favor by cutting you out of his life, and Luke needs to stop living in the past. Luke needs to ask himself why he still wants Dillon in his life? People like Dillon will just add more drama to his life, and always make things more complicated.
Luke needs to stop living in the past, and move on with his life. And learn to appreciate and love the real friends he has around him, and not the friends he is clinging to in his past.
Cam
Translation: The closet case was attracted to you, and once he got you, he wasn’t as interested in hanging out anymore.
Dymension
Some of those quotes read like one of those steamy paperback novels. Are we sure this isn’t fiction?
Dunnedin
For the most part I ignore straight men when it comes to “curiosity”. I’m not curious, I know what it’s like. That said, I can name two straight men (both married with children) with whom I had more than one tryst. Both of them said they weren’t interested in men per se, but they felt safe enough with me to see what it was like. Both enjoyed it, both moved on, and we’re still good friends. I didn’t push it into anything more than it was.
rand503
Dillon should not be beating himself up over this. He obviously had a crush on a straight guy and got what he wanted, at least one night of sex. That is far more preferably to spending a life time pining over your supposed ‘best friend’ and wondering and hoping and obsessing over the relationship, as many gay men do. He had sex, and the guy turned against him — better to find out what he REALLY thought than spend a lifetime of guessing.
It wasn’t the ‘biggest mistake in his life, ‘ but the best thing to have happened. Now Dillon can move on. Why be a part of someone’s life who uses you and then treats you that badly?
One of my best friends is straight, but he had a gay fling in college. He told me about it. He was divorced at the time, and when he got remarried, he told his wife to be, just to be open and honest. She had no problems with it.
That’s that’s how a REAL MAN handles the situation.
The real Bruce
I agree with Beachman and some of the others, that Luke needs to let the past stay in the past and move on. If that was “the biggest mistake in my life”, well Luke baby, you’re life must be truly idyllic! Life goes on. Please get back into it.
barryaksarben
I had a wonderful friendship in college with a great guy named TOM. We were very close. My junior year my parents got divorced, I came to the conclusion I was gay after trying to deny it and I confided to him so I had a terrible year and was very depressed. He was so kind and after a night of drinking we ended up in my room where he offered himself to console me. At the last minute I refused as I knew he was straight. I never regretted it and we stayed friends til he died last year at 65. Ive often thought of that and and am glad I did at least the honorable thing. It could have been just fine. But it may have ruined a friendship . I had two lovers and both were wonderful so I did not miss anything by way of affection
Gary Q VV
Atta boy Barry. Spoken as a true Queer with his priorities in line. I’ve always strayed away from straight men because I know that most of them are inclined to use you then toss you aside with no reservations.
CityguyUSA
Sounds more to me like the str8 guy had feelings that he couldn’t deal with because I had this same friend in college. We made out a couple times but he was having issues getting boners for his gf. Yet ultimately it was the relationship between him and me that suffered. What else needs to be said?
GREATGLORYHOLER
I am guessing the You were not this Guys Only Dirty Little Secret. and the Slow Distancing after that night screams that You were just another Hole for him to get off in.
inbama
Seriously?
Who wouldn’t rather spend a night with his fantasy crush than go to a wedding?
Rock-N-RollHS
LOL
jjose712
He shouldn’t regret, his friend is a jerk and he is better without him
MudgeBoy
I had a straight best friend and roommate many years ago. One night we went out drinking and ended up in bed together. The next day i remembered most of what happened but he only remembered parts of it. He asked me to fill in the details and I did, as best i could. He just laughed it off as us being drunk and we continued as friends as if nothing happened. We still talk by phone every once in a while and I still enjoy talking to him. I can tell you that he’s very comfortable with his sexuality. And he’s still happily married.
Troysky
@MudgeBoy ….that’s what I think happens the most. I messed with one straight-living guy a few times in college. He got married, had kids, actually he’s pretty happy….we still talk now and then. He’s a gruff guy, but actually nice….getting hard writing this. Anyway…just part of life.
Rock-N-RollHS
Jesus. It’s only sex. It’s the straight guy’s problem. People need to get a grip. For many of us, sex is neither traumatizing or such a big deal. And most of the time, the problem isn’t sex but other stuff people need to work out in therapy.
Heywood Jablowme
I think we’re all supposed to simply agree with Graham Gremore that it was worth it! Getting to have sex with a “straight” guy for one night? – hey that trumps everything in Graham’s world! Woo hoo!
Majo0000
Give him a few years..he’ll be back..then you will have a real decision to make
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Am wondering if Luke finally figgered out to ease up with the teeth??
š
Ryan99
Here’s a free tip to younger people like I was.
You can’t actually control other people’s reactions. It isn’t all on you. If they freak out, lose it, ghost you, or whatever, that shit is theirs. Don’t own it, because it isn’t yours.
Josh447
Well said matie.
eeebee333
There are many things people do when they are drunk that they wouldn’t do sober. Like have sex with a same-sex friend. And, many people have intense friendships in college that run their course and don’t last beyond that time. This is a complete non-story.