A controversial Reddit thread poses an interesting and hotly contested question: Are gay men who flirt with and/or try to seduce straight guys creeps?
“It’s creepy when a straight man tries to convert a lesbian,” a user by the name of LifeAsAGayMan writes. “It’s just as a creepy when a gay man tries to convert a straight guy.”
He continues: “Yeah, it sucks that 90% of men you see are straight and have zero interest in the male body. But that doesn’t give you the right to be creepy and ‘nice guyish’ to them.”
“All this does is give gays a bad name and makes us all look like creeps.”
How about we take this to the next level?
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Related: He only sleeps with straight dudes and here’s why
Naturally, the post sparked an avalanche of varying responses.
“It’s creepy to try to convince/convert someone who isn’t interested in you and stated not being interested,” one commenter replies.
“It’s a form of sexual harassment and no on deserves to feel unsafe,” another adds.
“I see no harm in having the crush,” someone else remarks. “But it’s when it crosses the line from a crush to stalkerish behavior that it becomes a problem. And trying to push the boundaries of anyone else’s sexual orientation is manipulative and, yeah, creepy.”
Not everyone agrees, however.
“I don’t see any problems,” one commenter writes.
“I don’t try to ‘convert’ anyone,” another adds, “but if they come onto me and are clearly flirting and dropping hints, I won’t say no to an encounter.”
“Shut up, scamming on straight guys is our divine right,” a third person jokes.
Related: This informal study of straight men who masturbate together reached some stimulating conclusions
And then there are those who don’t think it’s quite such a black-and-white issue.
“I’m really bored of these posts who expect all people to be binary/100% straight or gay,” one person writes. “Yeah, most people effectively are, but lots and lots are not.”
“Being on the receiving end of an unwanted seduction attempt can be awkward, but it’s not some kind of traumatic ordeal,” another says. “And whether the unwanted attention comes from a man or woman shouldn’t really make any difference.”
“A gay guy who falls for a straight guy is no more of a ‘creep’ than a straight woman who falls for a guy who’s not into her,” a third person writes.
Then there’s this comment, which we think is a pretty good rule of thumb: “In my opinion, it is perfectly acceptable to flirt with him. Then if he says he’s not interested, move on.”
What do you think? Is it creepy when gay guys try to seduce straight guys? Share your opinions in the comment section below…
Godabed
it can also constitute sexual assault and a crime. I have a straight friend who’s been sexually assaulted and the gay guys tried to groom him multiple times, he has stated multiple times he wasn’t interested. He also suffers from PSTD from it and now doesn’t trust LGBTQA men. One night they were at a party, the gay guy kept feeding him drinks, then when he went to the garage to get some more drinks for the party, the gay guy sexually assaulted him by grabbing his dick and offering him a blowjob. And He ran out of there and stopped talking to this person. I have no doubt that if he had went unconscious this gay guy would have raped him.
There is very much a line, with anyone no matter what gender or sexuality you are. At the point someone tells you no or can’t get consent i.e under the influence, stop and move on with your life. Unless you want to be listed as a sex offender and go to jail.
Bromancer7
Sexual assault is not seduction.
Rock-N-RollHS
Your friend has problems that extend beyond the Gayz. And I think he can trust the A in your alphabet soup. Lol.
ShiningSex
ALSO, WE NEED TO DISTINGUISH THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ASSAULT AND MAKING A PASS AT SOMEONE. IF SOMEONE COMES UP TO YOU AND TAPS YOUR ASS, THAT’S A “PASS”. IF THEY TRY IT AGAIN OR AFTER YOU SAY “NO”, IT’S MORE THAN A PASS. IT’S HARRASSMENT. ASSAULT IS A STEP FURTHER BUT WE NEED TO BE CLEAR OF THAT. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE HARRASSED NOR ASSAULT OBVIOUSLY. A PERSON CAN SAY “NO” TO DRINKS.
Donston
ShiningSex, randomly grabbing someone’s ass who you don’t know is into you or even into dudes is not a pass. It’s hardly “assault”. I’ve had my ass grabbed, but it happens, and it’s mostly no big deal depending on the environment and the circumstances. But it hardly qualifies as “pass”. And if it’s a stranger I probably will take issue with it, even though I probably won’t be confrontational. Also, if you’re sober and you know someone’s sloppy drunk hitting on them/trying to initially sex makes you perv, pure and simple. And please stop with the capitals.
marlenecwestmoreland
??You want to know me better ?? Then do not wait and co??py the link and call me.? Just be? =>> gg.gg/GCom93
Cam
ANOTHER article by this same author with “Straight” in the title. The obsession is getting creepy.
Doug
I noticed that too. This writer seems to be obsessed with straight men.
Troysky
creepy? …..it’s real life.
Bromancer7
No.
RandomGuy
Yes.
Brian
Maybe
Donston
I don’t think it automatically makes someone a “creep”, but it can lead to some creepy and problematic behaviors. It’s a scenario that stands out more than guys hitting on “lesbians” or women hitting on “gay” dudes because it seems to happen a lot more frequently. Some of these men can be aggressive. And there are many men who are hyper obsessed with “straight guys” and stay that way throughout their lives.
The “straight guy” obsession is not without personal and sociological consequences. It idealizes “straightness”, while making anything that someone embraces that isn’t “straight” seem inferior or less desirable, especially embracing homosexuality or a “gay” identity. It can play into a lot of “queer’s inferiority complexes and insecurities. While a dude who has a “straight guy” obsession and is homo-romantic and wants to have a gay legit relationship will inevitably find it more difficult to get a partner who genuinely wants them and prefers their love and commitment. It can encourage manipulation, making it so much easier to merely hide behind identities, sociology and/or presented behaviors. For example, there are many men who might “like” women, or who attractions or sexual enjoyment towards females, or who may contend with some fluidity or confusions. But they don’t feel genuinely “at home” with a female. They don’t have emotional or relationship fulfillment with a female. They love pleasing their same sex. And they prefer the persistent passion, attention, affection, love, comfort from their same sex. A lot of those guys hide behind “straight” or bi identities, hetero sex, hetero relationships or having babies with chicks instead of being real with themselves and with the people in their lives as far as their dimensions go. The “straight guy” obsession just makes those types of guys more complacent with their manipulation. So, there are a multitude of problematic elements to the “straight guy” worship and obsessions. However, the general obsession with identity is a part of the problem as well. While ego and sociology being so connected to sex/identity/relationships promotes social fractures, hetero pressures, non homo pressures, the hetero-patriarchy and manipulation. It’s not just “straight guy” obsessions doing the damage.
People are weird and often contradictory and go through a lot of shit. That’s nothing new. People are often most driven by sociology and/or ego. That’s also nothing new. There are so many reasons behind people’s identities and behaviors, so many different motivations out here. Fluidity and confusions have some legitimacy for some people. And the gender, romantic, sexual, fascination, affection, emotional fulfillment, relationship contentment spectrum is so wide and varied. That is why it’s important not to immediately judge but instead to investigate nuances and get comfortable with all these things. I don’t care all that much about identity. Identity politics and making identity the be-all is partly why there’s so much messiness. I’m also not here to try and stop people from indulging whatever fantasies and fetishes. But you do need to be able to look underneath those things, work through whatever issues you have, and you need to be aware of what you’re exuding and promoting.
Rock-N-RollHS
Lol
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
One cannot rape the willing…..
ShiningSex
THEY’RE NOT CREEPS, THEY’RE DUMB. ALSO, A MAN HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN IS NOT STRAIGHT. I’LL GIVE HIM THAT IF IT’S ONCE AND ONLY ONCE. OTHER THAN THAT, HE’S BI OR SOON TO BE COMPLETELY OUT.
Dick Gozinia
If the straight guy initiates things, that’s not a ‘gay guy trying to seduce a straight guy’. If the gay guy is up front about his intentions and accepts the straight guy’s response, I see nothing wrong with that either. But doing things like getting your straight friend really drunk or high and then hitting on him is creepy. And if you succeed he’ll be pissed at you the next day for doing it.
GayEGO
Exactly. But if a straight guy wants a BJ and the gay guy says no, the straight guy should accept that.
Jared MacBride
You never know until you ask.
Troysky
…yep….articles should just call them “straight living” guys.
GayEGO
If they force themselves on straight guys they are creeps. But if the straight guy says no and the gay guy leaves him alone, no problem here.
Donston
ShiningSex, didn’t you complain about “bi guys” who are only interested in dating/having legit relationships with women? If you’re gonna push identity politics and come up with absolutes then you need to embrace the full spectrum and be okay with how people choose to live their lives.
The likes of Ricky Martin, George Michael, Garrett Clayton, Elton John, Neil Patrick Harris, etc. have all talked about having sex women or having attractions towards women or having previous relationships with women. (Hell, Ricky Martin has hinted that he still hooks up with women, and George Michael was known to have horrible impulse control that equated to him having sex with a bunch of random women throughout the eighties). Most people refer to these dudes as “gay”. Therefore, a guy should be able to have sex with a guy, admit to same-sex attractions or even have a relationship with a dude and still refer to himself as “straight” if he so chooses. It does have problematic elements. And I understand that stuff like homophobia, hetero-normalcy, hetero pressures, the hetero-patriarchy, homo shame and the fetishizing of non-gay identities all curves everything. But we can’t be supporting these double standards. Ultimately, this is one of the problems with identity politics and identity dependence.
TheMarc
If a woman knows I’m gay, it would be offensive to me for her to hit on me or pursue me sexually. Her actions would imply that I’m either lying to the world or lying to myself AND she has a right to test me on that. I imagine it’s the same with straight guys. And read that correctly; complimenting me is not hitting on me. We’re not children, we all know the difference.
And I really am pissed off to see so many have this idea that if having some part of their body grabbed is not offensive or rises to the level of assault for them; it is therefore qualified as a universally socially acceptable practice. You don’t get to tell people how to feel. Don’t be a creep. Why is this so hard for some people?
Think for a moment. If you saw a man do what or say what you are doing to a woman; what would you think of that man? Being gay is not a license to aggressively sexually harass any man; gay, bi, straight or other. So sick of people looking for justifications for the abhorrent behavior.
frapachino
Most of us can handle being hit on without having a complete meltdown due to mob pressure to react a certain way! Uptight prudes who never get hit on are the ones behind the pound me too movement ,they’re angry that no one ever hits on them 😉 and jealous of those that do get hit on!
Oranos
Agreed. 100%
MrMichaelJ
Give me a break. 90% men are not 100% straight. There are 2 to 3 times more gay men than lesbians and I can assure you that crosses over to bisexuality but our society doesn’t allow men to admit it even unto themselves. Men being so gay is exactly why the money shot has zilch to do with a woman.
If you’re a gay man pathetically trying to pick up ‘straight’ guys then, yes, that’s super lame but I can assure you all it takes is to check out their asses, think about WTF you want to do to it and 80% of those so called straight guys aren’t going to be so straight. I would imagine for gay men who are bottoms then straight guys will remain to be straight but when you’re a man not interested in the front then its an entirely different game. All men know they have zero control over their boys and all men can agree their boy has a mind of its own but the brain is actually less than 2 inches from the back entry and once the backside gets an invite to the party then all bets are off.
Fortunately the better looking the guy is the easier the task. Go ahead and check out all the men in the media who say being gay is so wrong. They all have one thing in common… They’re all physically grotesque and they’re just pissed seeing men’s standards for sex is a far lower bar and they still don’t make the cut.
Donston
This is full of inaccuracies. There are plenty of conventionally good-looking guys who are unabashedly homophobic or anti-gay. Hell, there’s a decent amount of openly gay/bi/pan/fluid/flexible/whatever dudes who are homophobic, anti-gay and/or promote homo inferiority. There are also plenty of men who enjoy bottoming or like sucking dick but still ultimately see themselves as “straight”. So, it’s not just an “I’m only willing to top dudes. So, I think I’m straight” type thing. And this idea that 80% of dudes are into guys in some way (which you have said before) is probably a very big over-statement.
I do believe sexuality is often very complex and individual. Fluidity, confusions or curiosities are not uncommon things. The gender, romantic, sexual, fascination, emotional, relationship spectrum is wide and varied. And identity politics and identity dependence is partly why there’s so much dishonesty and manipulation. I wish for it to go away frankly. Those things however shouldn’t be used as an excuse to constantly hit on dudes who tell you they have no interests. And there’s a lot of guys who are hyper obsessed with “straight dudes” and stay trying to get with guys who do not have unabashed same-sex attractions, passions, affections, ambitions. Embracing the spectrum and embracing complexity should not equate to dismissing guys who are actually unabashedly into you, shouldn’t equate to harassment and shouldn’t equate to being desperate or pathetic. And I find the general obsession with trying to seduce “straight guys” to be lame, especially if you’re older. But do you as long as you don’t cross the line.
djmcgamester
Flirting is fine. Seducing is fine to a degree. If the OP tells them no, and the gay guy continues, it could be considered harassment.
eeebee333
In my much younger days, I enjoyed mutual flirtations with some straight guys. It was fun for both of us, and there was never any question of it going further.
BoylesqueBubble
I would like to have Graham write an article about why he is obsessed with heterosexual men. That is a question many of us here would probably be interested in having him respond to. When he’s not writing snarky articles about quasi-celebrities and the occasional social justice issue, he’s writing these creepy and obsessive articles about allegedly bisexual curiosity, and heterosexual men doing whatever. Lo and behold yet ANOTHER article we have here and once again it is about heterosexual men. It says a lot about the writer and honestly? It’s gross. Are these articles some sort of catharsis for him for awkwardly not taking no for an answer by a straight guy? I don’t know. Can’t say. But it’s is really creepy, and I know I am not the only one who has commented about it here, but on Facebook as well. So, enlighten us Graham?
Kangol2
I won’t psychologize Graham Gremore but I will say that these posts of his on straight men generate lots of replies and thus page clicks, so they benefit Queerty. As long as that happens, he’s going to keep reposting them.
Tellingly Queerty seems to have missed the recent #DontRushChallenge on TikTok completely, probably because it involved people of color creating a fun meme during this Covid-19 pandemic. One of the best involved really cute Black gay male couples. I can’t think of a single person who saw it who didn’t like that one. But it probably wouldn’t generate clicks on here, or comments (except for hateful ones from @Fraps, so it’s not getting posted.
Troysky
@BoylesqueBubble he should refer to em as “straight-living” men. And some of this complex stuff happens. Good discussions.
SparkyMICH
I gay guy can “convert” a straight guy as easily as a straight woman can “convert” a gay guy. The straight guy is either going to be into it or he isn’t, and even if he is a willing and consenting participant, then there isn’t anything creepy about it. What is creepy is a gay guy forcing himself onto a straight guy who has made it clear he’s not interested – or worse (and illegal) is creating a situation where he’s an unwilling and non-consenting participant.
Joshooeerr
Let’s just go with “sad, pathetic and deluded”. Hook-up sites always seem to have a certain percentage of gay guys who are exclusively looking for sex with straight guys. Maybe they get responses, but those guys are very definitely not straight.
t
Trying to seduce someone is not the same as sexually assaulting them. If a straight man doesn’t want to be hit on, they can merely say so. That does not constitute sexual assault and that doesn’t make the gay man a creep or a stalker. It’s a horny man, gay or straight. If the straight man is a MARRIED straight man, that is a different subject. Married does not mean they are open game and then there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed.
Oranos
“Being on the receiving end of an unwanted seduction attempt can be awkward, but it’s not some kind of traumatic ordeal,” another says. “And whether the unwanted attention comes from a man or woman shouldn’t really make any difference.”
^^^^^
This is someone with boundary issues. Especially when it is THEY who are proclaiming “it’s not some kind of traumatic ordeal.” So, THEY get to decide what “trauma” is for someone else?? Pretty control-freakish.
I make it clear wherever I work that I am gay, so when a woman who KNOWS I’m gay makes a pass, it’s clear she has no respect for what I’ve set out as my orientation, and wants to see if she can “nudge” it. I remove myself from any interaction with someone like this immediately, and I think it no different when a gay man does it to a straight man. But it’s a matter of maturity, respect and spiritual awareness about the well-being of others. Some people, gay AND straight, lack that awareness to a rather alarming degree.
o.codone
Call me jaded, but half the straight guys I’ve asked have said yes.
You have to be clear, it’s not anal, it’s just a BJ. A BJ is’nt really “sex” per se. Once they wrap their head around that idea (thank you Bill Clinton) you can pretty much wrap your lips around their straight-boy manhood.
So, sure, I’m gonna keep asking straight guys for sex.
How many straight guys with wives and babies? A bunch. I’ve swallowed more of their babies than the … stop me here. Don’t make me count. Besides, my mouth is full right now.
Troysky
yep –these married “straight-living” guys have little time, are sloppy, and engage their bi-side for those sensuous blowjobs… and a lot of them want to GIVE blowjobs, too.
CityguyUSA
I’m not a fan of the more effeminate guys regardless of their declared pronouns. It’s not usually a problem when you get propositioned by a str8 guy. And as long as they’re not too young and too inexperienced I find most str8 guys hunger a big turn on.
Before you start on me it’s their declared pronouns not mine. Sure they may be the other side of the closet door. Not my issue.
Having said all that they do get addicted to taking a stiffy in their ass and I see them searching my eyes but often they’re just not ready for anything more than a regular poke. Often they get uncomfortable with a regular setup when they realize they’re having trouble getting hard for their girlfriends. Also, not my problem. But they’ll be back and then they’ll start to open that candy store door and well we’ve all been there.
CityguyUSA
Almost forgot. It doesn’t bother me one way or another as long as you’re both consenting adults. Just realize that you can be taking your life in your hands just by making an attempt as many str8 guys are very threatened when they feel their masculinity has somehow been compromised or challenged although that’s not your goal they don’t see it the same way.
gaym50ish
I tire of articles that assume sexual orientation is either/or. Kinsey hit the nail on the head with his six-point scale from heterosexual to homosexual. Most of us are somewhere in between, although closer to one end or the other. Most of us have hooked up with men who are in conventional marriages — and they’re happy in their marriages even though they need man sex occasionally.
Troysky
……finally, the best reply….and I call these men “straight-living” — the best label, methinks. Then we can move on to the sexier talk about these different scenarios. Keep your libido strong, men.
Josh447
Yes I agree, Kinsey hit it, though one can move around on that scale over a lifetime. He didn’t limit the placement on the scale as set in stone for a lifetime so the scale works quite well.
Tempus
Depends on what you mean by “try to seduce” as the way it’s described seems to be comparing it to rape/assault. I don’t see any problem with a gay guy flirting with a straight guy and letting him know he’s interested/open to the idea of sex with him. On the other hand I do believe forcing yourself on someone, initiating physical contact with someone who clearly isn’t interested, etc. is wrong. All the straight guys I know aren’t exactly open minded in this regard(not that I’ve actually offered) but “some” straight guys are open to the idea of no strings attached gay sex so I wouldn’t consider it wrong to let a straight guy know it’s an option. Obviously it has to be consensual and if something does happen you can’t try to convince him he’s actually gay just because he had sex with a guy as that’s like saying a gay guy who experimented with a girl is straight.
radiooutmike
I dunno personally.
I don’t know what the fascination is with the brotherhood trying to seduce straight guys. Like if there were a set of identical twins who differ just on sexuality, but I could only have sex with one; I’d choose the gay one.
Josh447
Every guy loves a challenge
dancog
The sexual culture is different in every country. Here in Thailand most straight guys are flattered if you admire them. They even flirt back a little, and definitely smile at you. Gay is completely ordinary here, and people don’t even blink. The cultural norms around eye contact are different in various countries too. In Thailand it is normal to look at people in the street for a bit longer than one does in the West, where it would be condemned as staring. And if you like what you see for whatever reason, you smile. Straight guys smile at me because I’m athletic and ride a bike and they like that. It doesn’t imply sexual interest.
Sexual aggression is another matter entirely. Some gay men try to force themselves on other gay men who are not interested in them, and that is harrassment. It happens too much. Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who didn’t reciprocate? It takes two to tango.