No More Mr. Nice Gay Penguin

The gay penguin couple at Polar Land in Harbin, China really wanted kids, but being gay penguins, their options were limited to well– stealing the eggs from other penguins and cleverly replacing those eggs with rocks. While an effective tactic (penguins, while smartly dressed, are not terribly bright), it angered the zookeepers, so the penguins were segregated off in their own protest pen to live sad, childless lives. That is, until visitors heard about the gay penguin discrimination going on under their beaks.

The Daily Mail writes:

“Angry visitors to Polar Land in Harbin, northern China, complained it wasn’t fair to stop the couple from becoming surrogate fathers and urged zoo bosses to give them a chance.

In response, zookeepers gave the pair two eggs laid by an inexperienced first-time mother.

‘We decided to give them two eggs from another couple whose hatching ability had been poor and they’ve turned out to be the best parents in the whole zoo,’ said one of the keepers.

‘It’s very encouraging and if this works out well we will try to arrange for them to become real parents themselves with artificial insemination.’

Wildlife experts at the park explain that despite being gay the three-year-old male birds are still driven by an urge to be fathers.

‘One of the responsibilities of being a male adult is looking after the eggs. Despite the fact that they can’t have eggs naturally, it does not take away their biological drive to be a parent,’ said one.

One campaigner who did not want to be named welcomed the move and said: ‘It wasn’t fair to stop them becoming parents and keep them apart from all the other birds just because of the way nature has made them.'”

Gay penguins are a strangely popular cause for the gay community. Most species of animals have homosexual members, but you’ve never heard of a children’s book titled And Starfish’s Regenerated Arm Makes Three, have you? Must be the tuxedos. Of course, we could just argue that anthropomorphizing animals to imagine their lives somehow relate to the structure of human society is inherently flawed and diminishes the beauty and grandeur of their own social systems and adaptations, but then where would the world be?

Without tuxedoed tap-dancing gay penguin daddies, that’s where.