You soon won’t recognize Michael Lucas. It seems the Russian-born porn star – pictured above circa 1977 – has been fitted with braces to fix his overbite. As his teeth get pushed back, so too will his signature pout:
A long, long time ago I was diagnosed with a deep overbite, which gives me–along with other unpleasant things–the appearance that my lower lip is full and falling out of my face. It gives the illusion that I purposefully pout for the camera… Well now there will be no way for that to happen, as my new retainer keeps my jaw in the right position. And in about five months I will have to undergo a procedure that will further bring my jaws together in the right position. So no more pouting!
What?!? No pout? Not even a little one just for old time’s sake? How will we recognize you, Michael? What will we do? Won’t someone stop this line of rhetorical questioning?
As if being called metal mouth Michael isn’t mortifying enough, Mr. Lucas can’t seem to wrap his tongue around his words:
…This [retainer] impairs my speech, and not at all in a sexy way.
It’s the first time in my life that I have compassion for all the speech-impeded people on this planet. I really have no idea how people who can’t pronounce the letter “s” can get laid. I even tried phone sex… and got hung up on. As soon as I said the word “stroking,” “sex,” “sucking” or anything like that, all I got was a dial tone in return. Very frustrating. What a cruel world!
Indeed. There has never, ever been a greater injustice. Not even in Germany seventy years ago this month.
Never fear, though, readers, Michael won’t talk like six-year old forever. When his overbite’s taken care of, he’ll be back to his old, oratorially masterful self. Except, of course, for what he describes as his “horrifying” Russian accent.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Qjersey
I didn’t know you could wear braces if you have veneers! LOL
Oh the rich bitch is probably getting those spendy “behind the teeth” braces or the invisible ones.
He’ll still have horse teeth if he keeps the veneers!
I say its a cover for the surgery he’s planning in five months.
petertimmerman
Okay, let first say this: I’ve never read Michael Lucas Blog, and I come here more than once a day. So now my cards are on the table, I hopefully can safely complain that I think you should be slightly more respectful of Lucas. I mean, it’s great to make fun of him, and I have no problems about that at all, but now you just seem to try to hard. Uhm, in Dutch we would say that you sound like some old ‘valse nichten’. But I got to love you.
SeaFlood
A shame… his lips are extremely sexy. But you know, some people are so vain they can’t see where a flaw is an accent.
Besides, I don’t think I have ever understood a single one of his lines in any one of his movies, but that is not why I watch them…
(OKKKKKKAAAAAY!)
cjc
Peter, blogs like Queerty aren’t about being respectful; they’re about poking fun at self-important blowhards (tee-hee-hee) like M.L. Lucas is a big boy, he can handle it.
naprem
But his lips are his best-known feature. If he loses them he won’t be ML anymore and we’ll have one less way of taking the piss. Boo!
I think he should do a Dolly Parton and have collagen injections to make them even bigger. Make him look like Pete Burns.