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GRIDIRON GODS

PHOTOS: Thirteen Football Studs To Look Out For On Super Bowl Sunday

By mrbrodybrown February 3, 2012 at 5:34pm · Updated on February 4, 2012
Given how much the gays have been tweeting and Facebooking their excitement about this coming Sunday’s Super Bowl, you’d think the game was just a warmup for Madonna‘s halftime show. But though Madge might “bring the gay” on Sunday, there’s plenty of other reasons for us to watch—namely all the brawny babes running around and smashing into each other for our amusement. Not to say that one can’t be a homosexual and appreciate the game of football. There are plenty out fellas who fully understand that “bump and run” and “hole number” are are actual football terms. But considering the number of people who just watch the game for the commercials and the population that will now be tuning to catch the legendary halftime show, I thought it might be helpful to call out a few additional hot highlights. Queerty’s already looked at the Super Bowl’s queer history so I pulled myself away from my daily search through the gay inmate profiles on WriteAPrisoner.com to cull the choicer physical specimens from both the Patriots and the Giants for your viewing pleasure. Click through to learn who the tastiest gridiron gods are at this year’s Super Bowl Image via Idris and Tony Photography
Aaron Hernandez, New England Patriots Did y’all catch that clip of Aaron Hernandez eating a piece of chicken? Not only am I thrilled I can finally legitimately work “hot-ass Puerto Rican tight end” into a conversation this weekend, but have you seen the guns on that man? The ones covered in tats, half of which are dedicated to his dead father? Does it get much hotter and simultaneously “awww”-inducing than that? Hernandez is more than just finger lickin’ good; I’d swallow the whole hand and forearm. Image via Aaron Frutman
Chad Ochocinco, New England Patriots I’ve had my eye on Chad Ochocinco since he was doing the cha-cha on Dancing With The Stars and embarrassed 85 women in his own VH1 show, Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch. Yes, he might talk too damn much—and sure it’s annoying that his fake Spanish last name isn’t even translated correctly.  But even without considering his undeniable good looks, Ochocinco’s boyish sense of humor and his ongoing, mostly cocky attempt to prove how versatile and skilled he is is pretty endearing. Not only is he a celebrated wide receiver for the Pats, but he can hold his own in a game of soccer, has ridden a bull in a professional rodeo event and once even tried to prove he could outrace a racehorse. Plus, I like an exhibitionist that plays the slots in his underwear. Images via Chad Ochocinco and New England Patriots
Antwaun Molden, New England Patriots As someone who regularly rocks a soul patch (I shudder with shame even typing out the words “soul patch”) I’m not really one to talk, but normally I don’t like when guys have their beards grown out to look like an overgrown patch of pubic hair. Ignoring what the eloquent folks at Urban Dictionary would refer to as a “chussy” (definition three), I love Antwaun Molden’s gentle face, kind eyes and the fact that, even when his mouth is closed, he somehow always looks like he’s about to break out into a wide grin. Image via New England Patriots
Julian Edelman, New England Patriots The Patriots’ 25-year-old wide receiver used to have a really beautiful head of long hair. Not awkwardly long like the bangs of Giants’ players Chase Blackburn or Bear Pascoe—or long and unruly like the hair of Giants’ defensive end Justin Trattou—but long and lustrous, like Eva Mendes. And anyone who has ever heard Regina Spektor’s “Samson” or watched Felicity until Keri Russell chopped her locks off, knows that over-aggressive shearing can be a devastating game-changer. But despite buzzing off his manly mane, Julian Edelman still manages to hang on to his A-plus grade for gorgeousness. Last November, Edelman’s attractiveness temporarily declined when he was arrested for grabbing a girl’s crotch underneath her Halloween costume, but the charges were later dropped. Julian, if your hands are ever feeling antsy or lonely, you’re more than welcome to reach under my costume any time you please. Images via Julian Edelman and New England Patriots
Tom Brady, New England Patriots Yeah, Tom Brady is definitely attractive, but doesn’t some of that attractiveness remind you of when everyone in high school thought that one guy was so totally hot because the prettiest girl in school slept with him? And actually actuality he was only sorta, like, semi-hot? Okay, I blame Gisele Bundchen for as much as I can get away with, but I’m still convinced knowing Brady gets to sleep with her elevates his hotness in most people’s eyes. Mind you, it is certainly quite hot that Tom Brady holds so many football records and that he’s reportedly the league’s highest-paid player in the game. It doesn’t matter to me if he’s slowly losing his hair as the folically fascinated folks at the National Enquirer believe. Or that he doesn’t quite have the body that his younger teammate Rob Gronkowski does. It really doesn’t And, besides, who doesn’t love when boys have those big flat, sexy noses that look strong and wide enough that you could balance on them? Ultimately, Brady’s a touch too all-American looking to be my ideal football fantasy man. But I certainly wouldn’t say no if I found him in my bed—ideally without a pair of contractually obligated Uggs on. Images via Tom Brady
Ahmad Bradshaw, New York Giants No, I don’t like the Giants’ running back because he and the heroine of Sex and the City share the same last name. Come on now. I like Ahmad Bradshaw because he fills my mind with wanton fantasies and has a bit of a bad-boy streak. In 2008, Bradshaw was jailed because of a probation violation associated with an undisclosed juvenile offense. (So mysterious!) In college he was arrested for underage drinking and running from the police and, later, after switching to another school, he was charged with larceny for stealing another student’s PlayStation. Though stealing someone’s PlayStation isn’t exactly as dangerously exciting as robbing a bank or pilfering diamonds, it at least shows that he likes to have fun, right? Image via New York Giants
David Carr, New York Giants Although David Carr seems like a very specific name, before I heard of the Giants quarterback I knew of two other David Carrs. One David Carr was the British printer who scientists believe may have been the first person to die of AIDS, way back in 1959. I know, not exactly the most titillating anecdote in a survey of Super Bowl hotties, but there you have it. Another David Carr—this one living—is a writer at The New York Times. Very witty fellow, but not exactly a gridiron Adonis. Then I find out that there’s a David Carr on the Giants—a guy I’m convinced would cause my clothes to evaporate if I caught him in any state of undress in the locker room. Though I’ve definitely gone to bed with men because I’ve been dazzled by their big meaty brains, I’d have to pick David Carr of the Giants over the Carr of the Times. Not to say that Carr of the Giants couldn’t pen his own column for The Times, but frankly, who cares?
Image via BrokenSphere
Brandon Jacobs, New York Giants Besides having a one-time rivalry with Ahmad Bradshaw, this beefy running back has a bit of a temper: During a game in 2010, Jacobs threw his helmet into the stands and almost clocked some innocent spectators. In November 2011, Jacobs got steamed about New York fans booing the Giants after they got whupped by the Eagles, saying “the best thing they do here is boo.” As a new fan, let me assure you, Mr. Jacobs, I can do way better than boo, Boo. While I don’t love a man prone to meltdowns, it’s hard to say no to a man with a fiery ‘tude and strapping bod to match. Image via NY Giants
Eli Manning (left) and Mario Manningham (right), New York Giants Eli Manning? Not my type. He’s probably one of the most famous ballers in the game right now, and has a certain goofy charm, but how hard is it to be a star when every single member of your family plays the game? And he looks so white bread you could smear marshmallow fluff on him. Not that I want to. Now, Manningham? Yes please! The 25-year-old isn’t as celebrated as the Giants’ other players but he’s known for pulling out the stops late in the game. “Swallow your pride and just know what you’re here for,” Manningham told the Shreveport Times earlier this week. Okay, so he was talking about playing third fiddle to wide receivers Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks. but I just like the way it sounds. Images via New York Giants: Eli Manning (left) and Mario Manningham  (right)
Tyler Sash, New York Giants I first liked Tyler Sash because I read that his parents were named Mike and Barney and I assumed they were gay men. By the time I learned Barney was a woman—though I still think that’s like calling your son Jessica—I was already securely on Team Tyler. Images via New York Giants and Tyler Sash
Devin Thomas, New York Giants Here are seven things you might want to know about Devin Thomas: 1. He’s a wide receiver (apparently that’s a position in football, too) 2. He’s a Scorpio. 3. He’s part African-American, part Native American. 4. He has a  two-year-old son. (Cue the sound of me melting.) 5. He thinks that the Three Cheese Chicken Penne at Applebee’s is “bangin,” or at least he did when he tweeted about it on September 20 6. Among his many tattoos is a giant drawing of Goku from Dragon Ball-Z on his back. (Well, it’s probably better that he’s not totally perfect.) 7.  He was recently Essence’s “Eye Candy of the Week.” (which I think is criminally too short of a reign for such a fine specimen.) Images via Idris & Tony. 

Prince Amukamara, New York Giants

This cornerback of Nigerian descent isn’t actually royalty, but Prince Amukamara has the most beautiful lips in the NFL.

I’d say that I daydreamed what it would feel like having those lips delicately graze every square centimeter of every surface on my body while Des’ree’s “Kissing You” plays from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack plays in the background, but that would just sound creepy, wouldn’t it?

Sigh, if only this Prince was a queen…

Image via ESPN International YouTube: Prince Amukamara Workout

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27 Comments*

  • Malky

    I hate tattoos, but that guy is smokin’ hot.

  • icelus

    Seriously, Queerty? No Welker or Gronkowski? FAIL!

  • christopher di spirito

    Rob Gronkowski belongs in this photo homage. He’s the Patriots tight end that always delivers great game and great bulge and he’s proud of it.

  • mrbrodybrown

    Gronk has a hot bod but i don’t find his mug as cute/hot as these other boys…but of course, that’s just my opinion…

  • mrbrodybrown

    @christopher di spirito: but i do agree Gronk has a brilliant, beautiful bulge….i mean soul, beautiful soul…

  • jason

    A bunch of ugly, tattoed freaks.

  • Elmwood Mac

    OMG, I wanna be in charge of Devin Thomas’s jockstrap.

  • Xtincta

    DEVIN THOMAS>>>>>>>>> Honestly why he hasn’t been named peope’s sexiest man alive is beyond me. And for the boys who hate Tattoos…… they’re here to stay, so you BETTER get used to it!!!!

  • MikeE

    @jason: a bunch? I guess two could count as “a bunch”.
    but then I’d rather be a tattooed freak than a bitter anonymous freak on some blog.

  • taylor

    Don’t let the multiple failed drug tests in college fool you, Aaron Hernandez is a real class act. Really, he sometimes acted like he was in class. Not when he was attempting to cheat on standardized tests in high school, but sometimes.

    Why are we validating these athletes? The NFL is homophobic, and if half of what football players make in a year went to ANY kind of charity (lgbt, poverty, hunger, AIDS, human rights, the list goes on…) it would not only be able to make a measurable different in the world, but it would also encourage them to hit the books harder so they could, oh, I don’t know, have a career after football that might benefit society. Good looks only go so far.

  • tjr101

    Devin Thomas is oh so…

  • abercrombie

    @tjr101: Haha..Don’t you think he is very good-looking body tattoo?

  • Mike in Asheville

    @taylor:

    The NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, has a very out and proud kid brother, Michael, who is gay. Per Michael, Roger ALWAYS stood by him against any bullying and mistreatment. Michael only speaks of his brother in the most loving and brotherly way. As commissioner, Roger Goodell has included his support for his gay brother is media interviews that have been published in Sports Illustrated and aired on 60 Minutes.

    Also, this season, the NFL added sexual orientation to its nondiscrimination policy; NY Giants Superbowl Elite David Tyree has publicly endorsed same-sex marriage; Brendon Ayanbadejo made a video supporting same-sex marriage; Seatle Seahawks and its Mike Williams, with other Seattle professional teams, joined the “It Gets Better Project.”

    Is there homophobia among the NFL? Certainly, just like there is homophobia among every other social, political, religious, profession, lay, hobby group, including gay/lesbian groups as there is always someone who is self-hating.

    The only way gays/lesbians have achieved gains in anti-discrimination and civil rights has been when former foes have become friends.

    Yes, there is a long road ahead to dilute and end homophobia in professional sports and the NFL; but progress is progress, and every bit helps.

  • Mike

    Victor Cruz of the Giants!!!!

  • Jim

    @Mike in Asheville: David Tyree said that approving gay marriage in NY will lead to anarchy. I’m pretty sure that’s not an endorsement.

  • Mike in Asheville

    @Jim: WHOOPS! I sure misremembered that one. Of course, you are correct: Tyree went on a tirade following NHL’s Sean Avery made his video supporting same-sex marriage in New York (I had them reversed; thanks for the correction).

  • La Shante'

    I used to think that a man with a tattoo was something beautiful….NOW tattoos have turned men’s bodies a freak show. BUT THIS MAN (Devin Thomas)COULD HAVE THEM COVERING HIS ENTIRE BODY (EXCEPT HIS FACE), AND I WOULD’NT CARE. It is a rare thing to find a man without tats…I NOW FIND THOSE BODIES BEAUTIFUL.

  • I take exception

    Eli Manning? Are you kidding? He’s a doofus. And he looks like a doofus.

    And no Rob Gronkowski, no Victor Cruz, and no Danny Woodhead? Who made this list? Some straight guy?

  • mdr12794

    I think Tyler Sash wins this one.
    He’s super cute, and he seems to be the most down to earth one :]

  • shannon

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FALLING OFF CHAIR~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  • Steve

    OMG, I’m not a big football fan, but I watched the end of the Super Bowl! Did anyone else get to hit rewind on the DVR as the trophy was walked thru the players? Victor Cruz looked like a clip right out of a porn. His junk was bulging out half way over to his hip! He just kept turning into the camera shot as if to say, “Look how happy I am!!”

  • vince

    More men of color pleeze….too many boring, vanilla, lookalike white dudes in your
    pictorials.

  • Mike in Asheville

    @vince: 6 white guys, 6 black guys, and 1 super hot Hernandez: and none of them looked all that boring to me.

  • Vince

    @Mike in Asheville: +
    I mean more often period, not jut this pictorial. It’s obvious that blk men fill out those football uniforms like no one else. It looks like they have two hams shoved down the back of their pants and a kielbasa sausauge shoved down the front. I can watch them all day. I hope that’s not racist. I mean it in the most complimentary way.

  • James

    Is it wrong for me to think that the Goku tattoo actually makes him hotter?

  • t money

    the pats aaron hernandez. and heres why…

    http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/players/24088/photos;_ylt=AgmaWWme47CaNR0bQcLb9vP.uLYF#photoViewer=urn%3Anewsml%3Asports.yahoo%2Cgetty%3A20050301%3Anfl%2Cphoto%2Ce9bb002dc4974f9b5e0a5e750a2cbcc1-getty-138324433%3A1

  • Sony

    Madge body tattoo color too single, I compare the hate it!

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