We’ve received a few emails telling us about Servicemembers Legal Defense Network’s newly redecorated website, so we took a little peek and our minds are totally blown. Seriously, every synapse has been completed fried by the non-profit’s new virtual digs. Anyone else in the world who ever has or wants to create a website should really bow down and worship the sleek revamp!

Alright, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but we’ll admit it looks very pretty. And it’s far easier to navigate than its prudish predecessor. While poking around, we came across the group’s mission statement. That pages opens, quite simply, with “A Vision: Freedom To Serve”.

We thought that pretty poignant, especially considering the risks these people would be willing to take – whether right or wrong – for America. Sure, you may not agree with the current war, but it certainly takes balls to throw yourself into that sort of shit. Although, could be a sad loss of some perfectly good balls (and boobs, too). So, well done on that front. And good luck on Cook v. Gates – the case formerly known as Cook v. Rumsfeld before Rumsfeld -um – stepped down.

Brought forward by a group of gay veterans who got sacked because they’re gay, the case maintains that same old song: ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ violates the constitution by enforcing discrimination. SLDN director of law and policy, Sharra E. Greer passionately explains:

The men and women named in the lawsuit spent their military careers fighting for justice and equality, and their stories are a vivid reminder of why ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ is not only unconscionable, but unconstitutional as well. We believe that, when the Court considers our arguments, these patriots will be granted their day in court.

These patriots, indeed. Indeed, we say…

So, yes, we found their “vision” inspiring, but what of their actual mission statement. It reads thus:

SLDN is a national, non-profit legal services, watchdog and policy organization dedicated to ending discrimination against and harassment of military personnel affected by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and related forms of intolerance.

Pretty straight forward, right? Right. But reading it got us thinking about other organization’s and their mission statements. So, we went on a little mission of our own and collected a few.

Let’s start with those media loving/hating homos at GLAAD. Here’s how they summarize their queer crusade:

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is dedicated to promoting and ensuring fair, accurate and inclusive representation of people and events in the media as a means of eliminating homophobia and discrimination based on gender identity and sexual orientation.

Sure, the word “redundant” could be worked in somehow, but we think that’s a pretty good assessment.

From there, we headed over to GMHC. It goes without saying that their three sentence statement includes a commitment to fighting HIV, so we’ll keep it to the first and last:

Gay Men’s Health Crisis (GMHC) is a not-for-profit, volunteer-supported and community-based organization committed to national leadership in the fight against AIDS… In fulfilling this mission, we will remain true to our heritage by fighting homophobia and affirming the individual dignity of all gay men and lesbians.

Yowzer! They’re pulling double duty! HIV and homophobia. Must be in good shape. Veterans, perhaps?

Okay, so that brings us to our old friends, Human Rights Campaign. Not surprisingly, they’ve got gabs to say about themselves. Four rambling sentences worth. Very chatty bunch, them. We’ll provide the first two:

The Human Rights Campaign is America’s largest civil rights organization working to achieve gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender equality. By inspiring and engaging all Americans, HRC strives to end discrimination against GLBT citizens and realize a nation that achieves fundamental fairness and equality for all.

Ending discrimination’s a big job. Good thing they let made sure you to let you know they’re “America’s largest” gay group. They even use repeat it below – it’s the first sentences under the “What We Do: Overview” header. Thanks, HRC. We never would have known.

You may be big, but you’re kind of pussies when compared to the heat packing Pink Pistols. We couldn’t find a mission statement on their appropriately awkward and cumbersome website, but we did find their first press release announcing their formation. Again, no real “mission statement”, except, perhaps, for this singular sentence:

The Pink Pistols is targeted at protecting the firearm rights of the “alternative sexuality” communities.

Hmm, we think the constitution does that, but okay. Also, there’s no statistic accompanying their website’s opening message: “Armed Gays Don’t Get Bashed”. We wouldn’t know, but we’ll take your word for it. Still, a gun doesn’t really go with this outfit. If only we were wearing camouflage.

We’d have loads of camo if we were in the army. Too bad we’re not going into the closet. If you’d like to see openly gay people fighting for this country, head on over to the Servicemembers Legal Defense Fund’s stellar website and see what you can do…

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