rising to the occasion

Sports announcer who wants to normalize saying “penis” just had a chance to put his words to the test…

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Sports announcers often freeze when balls hit players below the belt. They talk about “nether regions” and areas “where the sun don’t shine,” throwing out any euphemism at the top of their minds.

But how about just saying the word?

At Queerty, we’re all about pushing the gay agenda, so this seems like the perfect sports rallying cry to adopt as our own: Normalize 👏 Saying 👏 Penis 👏!

Play-by-play man Chris Wittyngham is the leader of our budding movement, having campaigned for the lexicon switch on the popular Dan Le Batard Show in 2022.

“I feel like we need to normalize saying the scientific terms for organs on the air,” he said, via Awful Announcing. “If someone takes a foul ball to the penis, we should just say, ‘He took a foul ball to the penis.'”

When presented with the opportunity to say our favorite five-letter word during a Major League Soccer game that year, Wittyngham rose to the occasion. He was on the call when Orlando City goalie Pedro Gallese deflected a soccer ball with his crotch.

“It hit him in the penis,” he said matter-of-factly.

The praise was widespread.

But when presented Sunday with the chance for an encore performance, Wittyngham failed to get up for the challenge. Calling a Serie A match between AC Milan and Atalanta for Paramount Plus, Atalanta midfielder Aleksei Miranchuk attempted a cross to set up one of his teammates.

The ball, however, AC Milan defender Alessandro Florenzi right in his… you guessed it! Unfortunately, Wittyngham and his partner, analyst Matteo Bonetti, let the collision speak for itself.

“No color commentary needed on that,” Bonetti said during a replay. “I think we all felt that one a bit.”

Wittyngham agreed.

“I’ll say that no play-by-play needed for that then,” he said.

Wittyngham erected high expectations, only to shrink in the big moment.

An accomplished soccer commentator, Wittyngham should have more opportunities to let his lexicon hang loose. We’ve seen penises on soccer fields for years.

Last spring, for example, a massive Pelé doll marched onto the field and treated scared fans with a bizarre crotch display. The doll had a massive hole around the fly area of his pants, leaving room for the man inside to push his arm through.

Boing!

Related:

Massive Pelé doll marches onto field and terrorizes soccer fans with its bizarre crotch display

The Brazilian soccer legend was honored in a strange way before the Cup Final.

The year before, a pro player in Colombia, Geisson Perea, actually flashed his junk during a game. The showed his Johnson while an opposing player was lining up for a penalty kick.

The player stiffened up, and missed his shot.

Afterwards, Perea insisted his wardrobe malfunction was unintentional.

Right…

“I was fixing my Lycra,” he said. “I only tried to accommodate my Lycra, my intention was not to show my private parts… When I enter [the field], I enter it to play and not to be aware that a camera can see me.”

While it’s frowned upon for players to reveal their private areas during a game, indecent exposure is glorified at our favorite sporty queer art exhibit…in a Premier League stadium.

The exhibit, appropriately called The Other Team, calls out society’s double standards when it comes to LGBTQ+ issues. The artist, JJ Guest, replicates some of the most iconic images in British soccer history, but makes them gay.

One of the signature displays is a piece called Glory, which depicts one of the most famous shots in British sports history: all-time national team great Geoff Hurst winding up to kick the shot that propels England ahead in extra time of the 1966 World Cup Final. 

Except in Guest’s version, there’s no ball. In its place, there is a 3.5-inch glory hole, which is a standard size.

The point, Guest says, is to show straight people how it feels to have something taken away from them..just like bigoted laws and attitudes take away LGBTQ+ people’s dignity.

It’s a display that’s worth 1,000 words; or at least, can be described with one.

PENIS!

Say it loud, and say it proud…

Related:

There’s a new super gay art display in a Premier League stadium with… a bath tub & a glory hole?!

JJ Guest’s exhibit, The Other Team, is located in Tottenham Hotspur’s stadium.

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