A straight-identifying man says he’s been receiving oral sex from a gay guy and he isn’t sure if it’s right or wrong, so he’s seeking advice from our buddy Rich Juzwiak over at Slate.
“Lately, I’ve been getting blow jobs from a gay guy,” the man confesses. “We met by chance and it became clear he was interested, and I was horny, so I let him blow me.”
The man, who has a girlfriend, says he’s not into other men at all, but for some reason he can’t seem to quit this one guy.
“I don’t like touching his d*ck or even seeing it, but I love the head he gives me. I’m fond of sex with girls, and I have a girlfriend, but I keep going back to him.”
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Now he wonders: “Is this going to affect me in the future? I live in a country where this is very socially unacceptable, but I’m not sure if I’m doing damage to myself.”
In his response, Juzwiak tells the man that he doesn’t believe any “damage” is being done (“blow jobs are just blow jobs”), but if he’s lying to his girlfriend, then that’s not cool.
“You mention a girlfriend but not whether she knows about this,” he writes, “so you may be cheating, and taking a moderate STI risk at that—if that’s the case, you should be honest or stop.”
Juzwiak goes on to suggest that maybe the reason the man keeps going back to this is because it’s “good head,” which is a great anxiety buster.
“You’re certainly not the first guy to discover that some men are gifted at sucking d*ck,” he writes.
As for being concerned about what these casual same-sex encounters may mean for his future, Juzwiak says it’s hard to know, but he shouldn’t let it stress him out too much.
“There is no way for me to determine whether your love of this oral sex will intensify or leave open the door for further adventures in dudesex, but know that there is certainly a possibility that this is as far as it goes.”
He concludes, “You can set your own limits; if all you want to do is receive head from guys, you’ll likely be able to find plenty who are cool with that. If all you want to do is receive head from this guy, well, that’s fine too. Be careful and enjoy the blow jobs.”
Hussain-TheCanadian
Stories like this bother me alot, please guys don’t mess with straight men. I know we all want to be loved, but straight men are the worst option possible. I know circumstances from country to country differ, but i reckon that straight men will always turn to women, the desire to sire, and build an societal image of “respectability”.
The best thing we can do for our bodies, mental well-being and societal acceptance, is be with our own. Many in our community end up murdered due to being someone’s “dirty little secret” – we deserve much more than this one-sided broken relationship.
Cam
Media seems intent on taking LGBTQ people back to the 1960s.
More bi-erasure. No, if he’s unable to resist having sex with a guy, then he isn’t “Straight”. He’s a closeted bisexual, or if he’s lying about enjoying sex with women, then he’s a closeted gay guy.
Please stop refusing to call a closet case what they are. No straight guy is going to risk getting dumped by his girlfriend or exposed to his entire friend/family group to go have sex with a guy unless he has a need pushing him to have sex with that guy. Especially when he could be having sex with his girlfriend, and is a guy who “Supposedly” only wants to sleep with women.
Catholicslutbox
Did you even read the “article”?
The guy said he doesn’t like anything about the guy other than the way that guy gives head.
No touching, kissing, reciprocation, etc.
it’s all very gloryhole esque
Cam
@Catholicslutbox
He’s stepping out on his girlfriend, who he supposedly LOVES sleeping with, and putting the stability of his life in jeopardy all to have sex with a man.
I get it, that you are always on here defending anti-LGBTQ bigots, but sorry, there is no possible logic you can use to try to claim this guy is straight.
Ginger Tom
“Everything is about Sex, except Sex itself, which is about Power” – Oscar Wilde. Enjoy the Sex, worry about the Power.
Creamsicle
I had an arrangement similar to this with a straight guy, and it just became unsatisfying after a while. I think the straight guy here thinks he can keep doing this forever and the gay guy will always be available, and that’s just not true. I would stop hooking up with my straight guy whenever I was even casually dating someone else. It was kind of weird seeing how immature he’d be about when that happened.
Eventually I just cut it off because he kept talking about women after we finished and it was obvious he needed to compensate for enjoying man sex. He can have his hangups. We all have different journeys. But I didn’t need to be the sounding board for him convincing himself to stay in the closet and keep his sex with men a secret.
My2CentsWorth
The problem for you seems to have been a failure to discuss expectations. You were correct about his desire to compensate for engaging in man/man sex. That was rude of him. You should have told him this.
Had you two discuss expectations at the beginning it might have turned out better for you. And if you did not expect his comments about women when you two started this you could have spoken up.
Tim44309
So many of us can relate to being in that situation…but if we can be honest with ourselves, the real “damage” happens to US, who accept unrequited connections while secretly hoping that we will be “enough” to make him face his truth….
Harley
I’ve always believed a blow job isn’t sex, just assisted masterbation.
Donston
Because you have a gf or like fvcking girls and don’t really have interests in dick does not mean you don’t like same-sex passions, sexual affirmation, affections, romantic attention, emotional bonds and/or relationships. Once again, everyone filters their sexuality through what they perceive to be “straight” or “gay” or “bi”. I don’t understand why people feel self-understanding is strictly about adhering to some identity. While sexuality and orientation is frequently more than body parts or intercourse. People have got to understand that.
The question this guy needs to ask himself is what type of same sex interests and feelings he has, as well as what hetero interests they have (beyond sex). Is he obsessed with going back to this dude just for the bj’s? Or is there something more about this guy? Either way, he can’t keep stepping out on his significant other without her knowledge.
wooly101
Enjoy it while it last. Either the gay guy sees it as a notch on his belt or his self respect is at -50. Sooner or later, one of them is going to get tired and bored with the arrangement.
Donston
Indeed. These types of scenarios tend to just peter out. Or someone ends up wanting something more substantial and the other is not here for it.
8millionandcounting
All straight guys have a expired by date and it’s usually after the first hook up. Don’t read so much into them. No last names, no what do you do for work, no see ya (you are just setting up an exception that there’s a next time). K.I.S.S.
I never want to change any guy or be his therapist. If an organic relationship develops then tread lightly until each others expectations are out in the open. Guys. Stop making the act of sex so complicated and labeling everything.
trsxyz
I think Juzwiak’s advice was spot-on.
joeboyle49
I DON’T THINK ANY OF YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHATS GOING ON? 1ST THERES A VIRUS PASSING AROUND OUT THERE, THE GAY GUY IS PUTTING HIS MOUTH ON THE ,MANS DICK THEN HES SUCKING HIM HIS SALIVA IS GOING DOWN HIS DICK AND POSSIBLY IN HIS DICK SO HE COULD BE PASSING THE VIRUS ON IF HE HAS IT!!
Cam
And straight people are going to large Trump rallies without masks. So since you catch Covid by breathing it in, guess who’s more in danger.
My2CentsWorth
You are correct joeBoyle49. The problem is not just coronavirus but the STDs.
Wouldn’t it be great if people could together go to get STD tests and see the results before they start to engage in sex?
Of course, this would be effective if the two (or more) only engaged in sex with each other. Engaging in sex with strangers will likely result in the spread of STDs.
If this “straight” guy was only having sex with one lady and if the guy sucking him off was only having sex with the “straight” guy they could be safe.
Kenny C
The Gay man in this scenario feels like desperation by continuing this arrangement with some one who seemingly sees none of his worth outside of his oral sex skills. And, being content with sideline hoe status. I’m never going to condone fawning over someone that doesn’t want you. I tend to be sex positive so I say let your freak flag fly. BUT never forget your worth and make sure when you play it is on your terms. We all deserve that and we are worthy of it. If that’s the case with the gay guy referenced above, great. But It certainly does not seem that way.
My2CentsWorth
Kenny C, I recall reading ads and even articles about guys who just want to suck dicks (hopefully, just one for health reason). Some article I read also stated that the “other guy” appreciated the one providing the service enough to be respectful. If that is what each of the guys want then it is OK if they approach it in a healthy way. Both can maintain their sense of worth.
If the ‘straight’ guy is decent he would not want to do such with someone whom he has contempt for. Be it a female or a male.