Congratulations and welcome out to the confused saga of a Reddit user who posted about accepting a date from another guy, despite always having thought of himself as straight.
The entire story is pretty sweet, but the condensed version is that he just got out of a long relationship with a woman, and happened to sit down next to a guy on a train and started making small talk. They had good chemistry and got closer over their train ride, and at some point the user realized that he was getting nervous and flirty and romantic. It was a completely unexpected experience for him — and yet who can say no to the pleasures of being wooed?
And so he went along with it, flirting back, and eventually exchanged phone numbers and made plans for a movie-cuddle date at his place.
Now he’s feeling excited and a little nervous because he has no idea how to have sex with men or even what his sexuality is, so he’s asked Reddit for some advice. Here’s ours:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
First, it doesn’t matter what your sexuality is, or what you call yourself. The best dating advice we’ve ever heard was on the podcast Throwing Shade and it was to meet people you like and then spend time with them.
Second, it’s fine to be honest and tell the guy you’ve never done this before but you’re enjoying your first time with him. Ask him to be patient since you might make mistakes. And thank him for showing you a side of yourself you didn’t know you had. A lot of the advice you’re getting on Reddit is about anal sex (because only men have butts, apparently) but there are a lot of ways to have fun with a man that hopefully he can show you.
Third — and this is our favorite part — explore a little of the community you’ve discovered. Maybe you want to be a part of it, maybe not. Up to you. There’s more to being gay or bi or queer (or whatever) than just who you fall in love with — there’s a whole world of movies and parties and slang and celebrities and art and history and science that straight people usually never even notice. Start with a sampler-platter of LGBT culture (the Sewers of Paris podcast is a good start), see what you like, and go from there.
Here’s the original post:
I don’t know where exactly to post this. I’m a traditionally heterosexual guy, only dated and slept with women. My porn is almost exclusively lesbian/heterosexual. I haven’t really wondered what it’s like to experiment with a man before, although like everyone I’ve run it through my mind a couple times to see how it feels.
I’ve been in a relationship for the last five years, but we broke up over the summer. I’m trying not to get into anything new, and just enjoy my time in the city as a single guy for the first time as an adult. I’ve slept with a few women since the break up, been on a dozen dates or so. All casual.
Anyway, today I’m sitting and waiting for the metro to go home from work and this guy sits down next to me. The train was delayed, and he mentions he hates waiting more than a few minutes because there’s no cell service underground. I tell him my trick is to load up an interesting article on my phone before coming down, and I read that while waiting.
He asks me about the article, and we talk about it for a few minutes. We talk about where we’re taking the train to (I’m going home, he’s going to dance practice).
The train comes, and I take a seat. He asks if he can take the seat next to me, and I say of course. Now, this guy was fairly effeminate so I figured he was probably chatting me up because he was interested, but he wasn’t being flirty and I love talking to people, so I didn’t want to throw out a “by the way I’m straight.”
I ask him about his dancing, he asks me about work. He’s actually pretty easy to talk to, and we’re making each other laugh, so I’m enjoying the conversation. He finally gives me his name, and I give him mine. We shake hands, and he gives me the most flirtatious eye contact I have ever had.
I felt it like a jolt of electricity through my body. And in a moment things were just different. I suddenly found myself thinking “oh, this guy is pretty good looking” and then all of a sudden I realize I’m talking to a very handsome man who seems to be interested in me, and I get nervous. I realize as we’re talking further that I’m…kind of trying to impress him? All of a sudden I care about his opinion of me, and I’m building up myself up a little bit subtley. it was literally like something had awakened in me all at once.
I get in my head, like “what am I doing, this is a guy, and I’m very straight.” At this point, he notices that I’m kind of tearing at the label of my water bottle and asks me with a smile if I’m nervous. I say no, and kind of…shyly laugh? I’m surprising myself, literally thinking “am I a straight guy being coy and flirty with a man I just met on the subway? Why am I doing this? What is happening?”
He says, “you’re cute, [my name]. Would you want to go out with me on Friday?” And I looked up at him, and as excitedly as if a beautiful woman had asked me the same question, I respond with an enthusiastic “sure, I’d love to.” Literally in shock, beside myself.
We exchange phone numbers, and have really light and vibrant conversation the whole way to my stop. I get off and he says “text me, I’m looking forward to Friday!”
I texted him almost immediately, and we hammer out the details of our date. We’re meeting up for a movie date at my apartment. He says he wants to watch a scary movie, but that he may need me to be strong for him since he startles easily. It’s all turning me on and I’m feeling butterfly-y, I keep replaying the conversation in my head, and smiling the whole walk from the metro stop to my apartment. The whole while thinking what in the hell just happened?!
All of this is just so weirdly exciting. I left the house this morning a heterosexual man who never really entertained the idea of being with another man, and returned with a date set up with a handsome man who’s coming over to my apartment to cuddle and a watch a movie!. What?!
And I’m weirdly way more excited than the dates I’ve been on with women since my break up. I have no idea if I’ll sleep with him on Friday or what (I don’t know the first thing about having gay sex, honestly, so if anybody here has tips, I’m all ears/eyes), but I’m just excited to see him again.
I have no idea what this means for me or my sexuality, but I’m a little nervous and kind of pumped for possibly a new chapter in my life. I’ve been thinking about it, and I would be totally open to dating and falling in love with a man, if there’s a connection like this. I just never knew that I was capable of having one. men were always just buddies to me, you know?
I’m really excited, but also very confused. Why didn’t I ever really have gay thoughts before? Is this how people find out they’re into their own gender?
Can anyone relate or share similar anecdotes? I’m as perplexed as I am giddy.
Prinny
Totally fake
DannX68
Fake or not, this reminds me of a guy I met this summer.
I was open about being gay from the beginning, he talked a bit about girls, but was never homophobic, and seemed into me and I fell head over heels in love with him (looong story, longer than anyone on Queerty would take the time to read) and when I met him again in October (he lives in Spain, I in Denmark, I went back just to see him again) I found out that he is, indeed, gay.
We’ve never come this far, though (although I wish and hope that we do), and I have this feeling that he’s just recently discovered he’s gay – or just suppressed it most of his life, since he’s from an Eastern European country.
I think he’s interested, but I am afraid I might have ruined it, but I’m still hoping it can be saved.
Well, I was going out on a tangent there, I was just trying to say that, fake or not, these things happen, that people who up until now have identified as straight can suddenly discover they’re not. But of course we all know that.
Paco
Queerly once again perpetuating the right wing myth that homosexual relationships are just a lifestyle preference that one wakes up and chooses one day. Like they are just changing their hair color or something.
Josh447
Fake or not, the story is really sweet and wonderfully written. Go with the flow and enjoy the trip moment to moment is my take. Live life as a journey in its excitement, not worrying or going “mental” about the destination or outcome. There are a lot of enjoyable bites in a sandwich, best not wolf it down all at once.
cherub
I love it!
ErikO
Enough of fake reddit stories. No guy that’s actually hetero/straight dates or decides to date a guy, or one day suddenly decides to date a man. Why can’t queerty describe these men as bisexual or gay since that’s what they are?
NateOcean
Jesus Christ, tl;dr
DannX68
@ErikO: Because sexuality is so much more complicated than that??
Paco
@DannX68: It really isn’t that complicated. He is just another “straight” guy being “converted” into a sudden “heteroflexible” in another fake Reddit story written by a gay man with a straight guy fetish.
Caprice Goldberg
Yeah, I just hope that somebody told him not to eat much after lunch in case he decides he also wants to explore deep throating for the first time because there is no bigger turn off than a “straight” guy unexperienced in throatplay losing his lunch all over your well-trimmed privates.
Believe me, I’ve experienced this first hand so out all of all the advice Reddit users can offer, I hope somebody threw in that chestnut……
CaliKyle
@Paco: Putting aside the veracity of the Reddit post, acknowledging that sometimes people (yep, straight guys included) voluntarily engage in sexual acts or behavior that does not perfectly align with their actual orientation in no way supports the myth that being homosexual is strictly a lifestyle choice. Sporadic or infrequent sexual behavior is not an accurate or reliable indicator of a person’s orientation. That said, a desire to date or establish romantic intimacy is an excellent indication of someone’s orientation. If this real or phony Redditor realizes his interest in the metro riding dancer boy goes beyond sexual and pursues a romantic relationship with him then claiming he’s still straight becomes absurd. Until then, he’s just another horny, openminded straight dude seizing a readily available sexual opportunity.
Brian
I think it’s great that you don’t have to identify as gay to take part in male homosexual activity. The gay identity creates a closet and is an illusion of freedom.
How should this straight-identifying guy approach his first experience with a guy? A massage is a good start. You don’t have to freaking penetrate, by the way. Penetration is over-rated and unnecessary.
DannX68
@CaliKyle: Well said.
Jack Meoff
You can tell that this Reddit post is not written by a straight male. It sounds more like a gay Mills & Boon novel. Author was either gay or a woman.
Hank
This is gay magic, it makes sense the way he described it:
“We shake hands, and he gives me the most flirtatious eye contact I have ever had. I felt it like a jolt of electricity through my body. And in a moment things were just different. I suddenly found myself thinking “oh, this guy is pretty good looking” and then all of a sudden I realize I’m talking to a very handsome man who seems to be interested in me, and I get nervous. I realize as we’re talking further that I’m…kind of trying to impress him? All of a sudden I care about his opinion of me, and I’m building up myself up a little bit subtley. it was literally like something had awakened in me all at once.”
The gay guy was actually a gay fairy who used his fairy gay magic colored powder to become straight guys in gays.
CaliKyle
@Jack Meoff: Huh, interesting. The only way you could know that for certain is if you yourself were the Redditor in question. If that’s the case then I vote woman. After all, only a woman would be familiar enough with Mills and Boon romance novels to reference them. Im gay af and had to Google that shite to know what it was.
silveroracle
@Josh447: Totally agree.
It’s very down to earth.
Gives you a warm feeling inside.
Karlis
I think it’s a lovely story. The horror movie would be a deal-breaker for me, though. It’s hard to be strong for someone else when you yourself are hiding behind the couch. 🙂
avesraggiana
For a change, why can’t we have stories from Reddit where totally girly, nelly, powerbottom gay guys decide one day to text a girl, date a girl, kiss a girl, get naked with a girl and fuck a girl? They would be just as believable as this dross.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Oh! So that’s whose dating the leg-warmer clad jazz handers?
Seriously, it reads like a some magical realist wish fulfilment shit.
Well done though. Would definitely read some slash fic from this woman.
CaliKyle
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Personally, never had to don leg warmers or break out jazz hands but some privacy, a fully smoked bowl and my hard on pressed against the side of his leg usually led to wishes fulfilled for real no magical anything required. Now he’s married with kids. As are half the guys who sucked me off in college. I get that gay guys who have never messed around with straight guys have a hard time accepting that it does happen but those who claim such occurrences are lies or mere fantasies simply sound jealous, inexperienced, bitter or some combo thereof. Not saying you personally do but loads of posters here fit that description perfectly.
Granny Spoth
The way it is written makes it look more fictional than real.
But it’s sweet! Could happen, especially if the straight guy already had anal sex with girls (or fantasizes about it).
I find that many ‘straight’ guys are really into anal sex, whether it is with girls or boys!
kevin_edens
@Paco: I think sexuality lies on a spectrum. There are some straight guys that could have sex with a guy and some gay guys that could have sex with a girl. I’m 100% gay. Sex with a girl for me just doesn’t work. That being said… If if a girl knowing I’m gay wanted to go on a date and cuddle, I would be fine with that. It doesn’t make me straight.
Paco
@kevin_edens: The reasons why I do not believe these stories from Reddit, is because…
1. I am not desperate for the attentions of straight men like many of the gay men that can only feel validated by the sexual approval of heterosexual men. So I don’t fool myself with this absurd fantasy. Gay and bisexual men that don’t hide behind the all powerful “straight” label, only get my attention.
2. All of these fantastical stories of straight guys wanting to be gay always seem to only come from Reddit and not any other legitimate source.
3. These stories always… ALWAYS… have the guy repeatedly proclaiming how straight and masculine he is and absolutely not gay and never had even the slightest thought or attraction for sex with another man until he met that special “one” (the gay author of the story fantasizing of finally having his straight man in a gay relationship) that completely changed him. That emphasis on his straightness is the obvious red flag that seems to indicate it is really a fantasy piece by a gay man desperate for straight men, because if he doesn’t proclaim his straightness then, the fantasy automatically falls apart.
And we know that for Queerty and many gay men… having gay sex with a heterosexual male is the ultimate gay accomplishment. Or seems to be.
Let’s see more of these magical stories on non-gay sites and see how real straight men respond in the comments.
Paco
@Paco: And here’s an extra splash of cold water…
I see straight guys visibly lose their higher brain functions whenever a set of big tits walk by them day in and day out. Gay men will never have that effect on straight guys. Sorry, but it’s true.
Brian
@Paco: But women tend to advertise their sexual organs a lot more than men do. Women invite objectification.
You need to be more critical of women. Women are very afraid of male homosexual desire, and this drives much of their behavior as women.
A woman’s tendency to wear revealing clothing is actually a form of homophobia.
Chris
One of the reasons that I join the chorus of skeptics on this post is the use of gay tropes throughout the post. They shook hands and it was like a jolt of electricity going through his body? Really? Never in my life have I heard a straight man describe lust — err, love — at first sight in such a way. And there’s other stuff in there that seems drawn right out of gay romance novels or romance novels targeting women.
But if — and that is a big IF — this is true, then two bits of advice.
BIT 1: Have a good time.
BIT 2: Follow your heart.
As I think of it, this would be advice to anyone dating whether hetereosxually, transexually, or any otehr kind of sexually (including asecually) that there is.
CaliKyle
@Paco: Totally agree with you. Although even as a gay man a set of big bouncy tits gets my attention and sometimes makes me start to chub up. Putting nice boobs aside, many straight guys still end up sexually experimenting with gay guys privately regardless of who they check out in public. Remember too that breasts are so highly sexualized in our society that even straight girls often find themselves aroused by the sight of them. We’ve all been socialized to view the female body in sexual terms.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
@CaliKyle: “Although even as a gay man a set of big bouncy tits gets my attention and sometimes makes me start to chub up”
“Remember too that breasts are so highly sexualized in our society that even straight girls often find themselves aroused by the sight of them. We’ve all been socialized to view the female body in sexual terms.”
Orrrrr there could be another, less convoluted, less cognitively dissonant explanation…..
notcisjustmale
Into their own gender? Seriously? What straight guy talks like that? I can see where is this is headed. The cute dancer will turn out to be a top, cuddle bunny will recoil in fear and run as fast as he can to the nearest female. Not to be outdone by the Reddit crowd he claims queer his preference for women not being edgy enough he’s now and as a matter of fact always has been a lesbian. It is heartbreak all over the place. It seems that no lesbian (who knows what a lesbian is) is willing to give him the time of day much less sleep with him. He cries about the cotton ceiling, calls everyone transphobic and the circle is complete.
Granny Spoth
@Paco
Many straight men check out their male counterparts! You have not been very observing.
Men are objectified as much as women!
Terrycloth
@ Brian women don’t dress for men .they dress for other women.they talk for hours about bags & shoes not even the queeniest guy does that.