running scared

Ted Cruz is officially pissing his pants over his dwindling reelection chances

Ted Cruz in 2021

Another week, another breakdown from Ted Cruz about his flailing reelection campaign.

The unpopular Texas senator appeared Wednesday on Fox News to caterwaul about the money his opponent is raising. Colin Allred, a former Baylor football star and current Dallas-area rep., netted $9.5 million in this year’s first quarter.

That total far outpaces Cruz, who raised just $6.9 million. Allred is even outpacing Beto O’Rourke, who set records for fundraising in a U.S. Senate race against Cruz six years ago. (O’Rourke raised more than $80 million before losing to Cruz by just three points.)

Even though the election is still seven months away, “Cancún Ted” is hitting the panic button.

“My opponent Colin Allred, this left-winger, is being funded with millions of dollars from George Soros, from Chuck Schumer,” he whined. “They’re flooding cash into Texas, because they went to take me out. But he doesn’t talk to reporters. He hides in his basement, I guess along with Joe Biden. He just spends money, and they think they can fool the American people.”

This is the second time in as many weeks that Cruz has moaned about Schumer “flooding millions into Texas” to support his Democratic opponent. But on Wednesday, Cruz introduced the ultimate Republican boogeyman into the panic: George Soros.

That means you know he’s getting nervous!

And why wouldn’t he? Allred seems to be out of central casting, whereas Cruz might be one of the most disliked senators in history. Time and time again, figures keep emerging from his past to remind everybody just how unpopular he actually is.

During Cruz’s 2016 presidential run, his college roommate, TV writer Craig Mazin, continually reminded voters how much “Loser Ted” was an outcast at Princeton. One of Mazin’s most notable digs was when he shared some perspective regarding Cruz’s support for a law that banned the sale of sex toys in Texas. 

“Ted Cruz thinks people don’t have a right to ‘stimulate their genitals.’ I was his college roommate. This would be a new belief of his,” he posted.

Another favorite came the following year, when Mazin dished on Cruz’s account “liking” a pornographic tweet. “Sadly, the fact that Ted Cruz jacks off to mediocre porn spam is the most human thing we can say about him. This is actually his high point,” he wrote.

Cruz’s senate colleagues haven’t been much kinder Lindsey Graham once joked that if somebody killed “Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.”

Now in the era of nonstop social media, Cruz often gets dunked on. A few weeks ago, the gay-hating pol attempted to troll out California state senator Scott Wiener, who expressed outrage over Cruz’s bigoted questioning of a Muslim judicial nominee. 

But unfortunately for Ted, he got his wieners confused…

Scott Wiener, who attended law school with Cruz, confirmed he wasn’t very popular at Harvard, either…

Seemingly determined to show everyone why he’s so disliked, Cruz tries to gin up as much attention as possible. His thrice-weekly podcast serves as primary platform, though ironically, it may bring him down.

iHeart Media, the radio conglomerate, picked up Cruz’s show in 2022. It was recently uncovered that since March 2023, iHeart has sent over $630,000 to Cruz’s Super PAC.

That’s sketchy, considering Cruz insists he hosts the podcast for free. It also might be illegal. Senators are prohibited from receiving gifts from registered lobbyists, which iHeart is. 

When ABC 13 reporter Shannon Ryan confronted Cruz about his shady dealings, he imploded.

“It really is sad what’s happened to the media,” he fumed (sooo charming, right)?

On Wednesday, a watchdog group filed a complaint with the Senate Ethics Committee alleging Cruz violated the body’s ban on members receiving payment for speeches or appearances. The complaint argues that Cruz’s arrangement with iHeart doesn’t comply with federal law.

Cruz was also the subject of a complaint earlier this month. As a possible response, he requested a three-month extension for filing his financial disclosures for the 2023 calendar year.

With his hard-right politics and shady dealings, it’s not surprising that Cruz is facing another tough race. We didn’t even talk about him fleeing to Cancún while millions of Texans suffered without heat during a catastrophic winter storm!

New polling shows Allred within five points of Cruz, which experts say is significant. The same poll finds that Trump is currently enjoying a 12-point lead over Joe Biden in the Lone Star State.

“The fact that Allred is within five points of Cruz this early in the election cycle is quite telling,” Texas Hispanic Policy Federation CEO Jason Villalba told Spectrum News. “It tells us number one that Cruz is underperforming his base as evidence by the support President Trump gets in our same poll.”

At this stage, Allred seems to be in better shape than O’Rourke, and poised to give Cruz one of the toughest challenges in the country. Let Ted’s meltdown commence.

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