Screen Shot 2015-07-01 at 11.35.39 AMThere are so many things to get upset about over the course of this two-and-a-half minute video from conservative nonprofit the Catholic Vote.

Right out of the gate, there’s the co-opting of the closet. “I’m a little bit nervous about people hearing that I am this way…” says one non-threatening voice over inspirational piano music. “Most people think I’m already weird anyways…” says another interviewee.

And what do these tender faces have to share with the world? They’re Christians, of course! And they just want to convey a simple message — gay marriage is wrong. But why are these God-fearing souls so oppressed?! (Tip: oppression defense doesn’t work when nobody is oppressing you.)

Gag us with a spoon.

Then there’s the classic “some of my best friends are gay” tactic thrown in, as if that were anything new, followed by most of them being brought to tears over their passionate belief that gay people shouldn’t be able to get married.

Watch below and marvel at how they manage to get through the whole thing with a straight face, then scroll down for the parody version that perfectly disarms this idiocy:

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