A female New York Post columnist has just discovered that some straight-identifying guys occasionally sleep with dudes and she… is… gobsmacked — for realz.
Columnist Jana Hocking said she made this Columbus-like discovery when drinking red wine with “my favorite gay husband aka ‘gusband.’”
“He revealed that he’s currently sleeping with a straight guy. Umm … excuse me what?” she wrote.
“When I asked if there were many ‘straight‘ men on Scruff, he said ‘Oh yes, heaps!‘” she continued. “I ventured further and asked how many ‘straight’ guys he’s slept with and after a little pondering he said, ‘Oh about ten.‘”
How about we take this to the next level?
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“T-E-N!”
Gurrrrrl.
We don’t mean to mock her, because her column actually supports people looking to expand their sexual horizons, but her discovery can only be news to the most sheltered of heteros.
Numerous TV shows and films depict straight-identified guys who end up sleeping with gay dudes. Plus, it also happens in colleges ALL. THE. DANG. TIME — ever heard of “gay until graduation”?
Heck, a male therapist even once told me, “If it wasn’t for straight guys, I’d never get laid.” (True story!)
Hocking’s “gusband” revealed to her that most of the str8 bros he slept with “had wives or girlfriends, but they were just super curious.”
“I decided to delve deeper and asked more gay friends if this was common practice and it was a 100 percent YES!” she continues. “One gay friend even revealed he loves the chase when it comes to hooking up with a straight guy. Almost like it’s a fun game to play. Huh!”
Can it be possible that any woman who has a “gusband” and other gay pals to consult for her article-writing sincerely didn’t know that straight-hunting is basically a gay sport?
It certainly isn’t new: Countless gaybies and lovers of emotionally unavailable men have been doing it for literal centuries.
Getting “str8” husbands to cheat on their wives is so popular in the gay imagination that it’s even its own sub-genre of gay adult film, hence the oft-uttered protest, “Whoa, dude… I’m not gay, bro!”
Sure you aren’t, Straighty McBroJob.
Hocking goes on to reject sexuality labels and to tell how she once made an ex drink two tequila shots before getting him to admit to her that he had some gay feelings after she discovered him sharing “some very flirty messages with another guy.”
That’s great — especially for heteros who have never considered that closet bisexuality exists — but Hocking is waaaaay late to the party. Mainstream sociologists have been all over this very topic for, like, a decade.
In fact, they’ve even coined numerous terms for straight guys who occasionally get it on with dudes: there are “androphiles,” so-called “alt-right” gay men who dislike stereotypically gay things (like shopping); “g0ys” for misogynist homosexuals who fear anal sex; “mostly straight” men who we might otherwise call “heteroflexible”; and the straight guys sometimes who want to enjoy gay sex but avoid the social stigma by calling it “buddy baiting,” “buddy sex,” or “just helping out a friend.”
Yes… a “friend.”
Some of these men want homosexual affection without being judged or some gay play that doesn’t threaten their heterosexual identities. Others may want a certain kind of sexual gratification from guys that they can’t get from ladypals.
Perhaps Hocking would be interested to know that in 2018, a researcher asked 14,630 college students from 22 different U.S. colleges about their recent hookup experiences: 5% of the experiences were with a member of the same-sex, and of those students, 12% of the men identified as heterosexual.
The heteroflexible hookups in that study fell into one of six categories: either the people had genuine gay/bi attraction, were drunk and curious, weren’t actually that into gay sex once they tried it, dabbled in “performative bisexuality” just to get a little social attention, or wanted to be gayer but felt held back by their conservative and religious guilt.
Either way, sounds like Hocking has a lot to learn about gay hooking up. Just wait until she learns about poppers — oh my!
Donston
My longest post in a while. So, skip past it if you wish.
This article is incredibly random and all over the place but still doesn’t really touch on some core things.
At least half of the “straight” guys on those hook-up apps are either homosexual/very sexually homo-leaning, or have never had a girlfriend in their life, or are very much “out” to the people in their life. Only the naive would not know this. So, these guys are indulging the illusion of “straightness” for the sake of attention, role-play, fetish, ego. The article would have been better off mostly discussing why so many “queers” (especially on those apps) seek “straight presenting” guys. You could have talked about why so many of those guys use being “straight-presenting” to get male attention and and why so many “queers” still get off on some type of hetero dynamics and straight-play.
The other thing that could have been touched on is why “straight” in general still holds so much power, especially among men. Men are still literally threatening people or killing people or getting blackmailed in order to maintain a “straight” image. Out “queers” are still hyping up “straightness” or hetero dynamics to maintain their egos and to maintain some type of hetero appeal. The article could have delved into how identities (especially “straight”) can lead to toxic dynamics and behaviors. It could have delved into why sexual behaviors and identities are so tied to ego and sociology.
Then, of course, you can have a real discussion around just how vast and individual sexuality and sexual journey is. You can also talk about the nature of fluidity, paraphiliacs, hyper-sexuality, the questioning or contradictions within the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. And lastly, there’s closet pressures, internalized phobias, gay panic, queer insecurities, hetero superiority complexes, homo inferiority complexes, traumas, mental health struggles. Those are very prominent things among “queers” and have not really subsided in recent years.
There’s a lot to discuss when it comes to this topic. But even with a long, random article like this, y’all seem to mostly be feeding into the importance of society maintaining “straightness”. Y’all are also low-key feeding into “straight” superiority and queer insecurities/gay inferiority.
Covid Hermit
To put it simply, yes, there are lots more guys who are into guy-on-guy action than there are openly gay people. Sexual identity is fluid, so what’s the big deal? Just don’t tell this to the religious right MAGA people!
Donston
There are way more “problematic” people out here than right-wing MAGA folks. In fact, a lot of those people are less homophobic than they are anti-gay. They’re fine with guys indulging whatever on the low. Just don’t be unabashedly “out” with it and don’t detach from “straightness”. Therefore, a lot of those “straight” guys on those apps are the right-wing MAGA folks. Homophobia and anti-gay are two different things. While sexual politics and sociology and why people present the identities and behaviors that they do are all way more complicated than just the right-wing or political affiliation.
I also think the article is a bit insincere in how they’re portraying this woman. She didn’t seemed “shocked” about closeted guys or dudes who are straight-presenting indulging non-homo behaviors. She seemed shocked that on gay apps there was so many “straight-presenting” guys. So, the real thing is why so many guys feel the need to hype up and highlight being “straight” on gay dating and hook-up apps? Why do we still filter everything through “straightness”? Why are so many out “queers” indulging “straight” identities on these apps and why do so many out “queers” look for “straight presenting” dudes on those apps?
DCguy
I used to think Bisexuals were being drama queens when they would talk about Bi Erasure, but wow. Still trying to get that “HeteroFlexible” label out there?
I guess labels are ok as long as they contain the word “hetero”.
Donston
They still are being dramatic. At the end of the day, people are gonna embrace what they wish. And sexuality and how people present themselves are always gonna be greatly tied to sociology, ego and how you wish to be perceived. So, hyper focusing on “erasing” (which seems to be the only thing “bi pride” folk really focus on) doesn’t really lead to progress or understanding. However, it is evident just how important it is for so many guys to stay attached to “straightness” or hetero-normalcy. It’s evident how despite the “progress” we’ve seen in recent years, we still filter everyone through hetero-normalcy and hetero dynamics. It’s evident how deep stuff like gay panic, internalized phobias, “straight” supremacy, queer insecurities, gay resentments, masculine fragility, mental health struggles runs in many “queers”. It’s evident that many people still don’t get the nuances of sexuality, fluidity, preferences, the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum.
Instead of trying to break down that system or add some real insight, a lot of people stay focused on uplifting it while low-key promoting hetero superiority. And “articles” like this don’t help.
Bosch
Many people lie about their sexual orientation, and will attach to the straightest-sounding orientation they can get away with. “Heteroflexible” is about the dumbest identification out there.
Donston, quit picking on bisexuals. At least they’re honest about who they are. The way you complain about them all the time just proves the prevalence of biphobia. And you can’t play the pan-card with me; bisexuals are just as susceptible to internalised biphobia as gays are to internalised homophobia.
dbmcvey
There is definitely Bi Erasure, but it’s amazing how many times when bisexuals complain about Bi Erasure but they’re not out as Bi themselves. Part of the reason (though not all) for the scoffing at bixexuals is that they won’t admit they’re bi. They’ll say “I don’t like labels”, which is another method of Bi Erasure.
Donston
Bosch, I stay correcting people when they try to deem me homosexual. And I have no problem towards my pansexuality or shame towards it. However, the “bi agenda” from a political and social media standpoint has not grown up. It’s still stuck in the 1990s. There’s still way too much focus on dated concepts like “bi erasing” or not being “straight’ enough” or “gay’ enough”. And there’s still too many rants about how “I’m not ‘gay” or people trying to “prove” their queerness. You go to any “bi pride” social media page or Youtube channel and those the things they’ll be focusing on 90% of time. That type of hyper focus on sociology and ego just contribute to manipulation, insecurities, people being closeted and “problematic” behaviors.
The “queer conversation” has become more about the individuality of sexuality and sexual journey, the nuances and individuality of fluidity, hyper-sexuality, preferences, internalized phobias, gay panic, identity politics, love, relationships, how much stuff like traumas or mental health contribute to people’s dimensions or presentation, the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. Therefore, placing so much attention on “erasing” feels almost entirely driven by politics and ego. All of this is a turn-off for many and is not beneficial to anyone’s cause. While we still have a difficult time with the likely reality that at least one-third of people are in the queer spectrum or have some dimensions of queerness to them.
I have no problem calling out anyone and any ideology, no matters dimensions, identities or lifestyles. My focus has always been about having real and nuanced convo’s rather than making almost everything about identities and sex.
Bosch
“Woman’s mind absolutely blown after learning men lie about their sexuality, even during sex”
Fixed it.
whitenoiz
Bi-Erasure, Part Deux.
bachy
Instead of the current 700 “sexual identity labels,” I propose we break sexuality down to two legitimate options: “reproductive sex” (ie, baby-making) and “non-reproductive sex” (everything else).
People could then feel free to engage in one or the other, or both, as they see fit – without having to hang a label around their neck.
Carlos Primero
I think “repro” and “non-repro” are fine, but shouldn’t they be in Latin?
Rick
Why? No one here, as far as I know speaks Latin.
MrMichaelJ
The best way to get the least accurate assessment on whether or not a guy is totally straight is to ask him.
As far as I can tell, 100% straight men are more rare than 100% gay men.
NateOcean
…she continued. “I ventured further and asked how many ‘straight’ guys he’s slept with and after a little pondering he said, ‘Oh about ten.‘”
…likely this week.
amandayorke36
when i was first dressed i thought i might like guys as i got older i begun to lust after men more and more and now happy as a bi sexual guy with straight men xxx
Berkshires Jim
Back in my busy cruising days (the 90s, before Grindr or much internet at all), a heavy percentage of the guys I hooked up with were wearing a wedding ring. I was into quick, nameless sex in bookstores, parks, remote restrooms etc…yea, I know, real classy but it was my whoring stage lol. SO many of those guys were married and honestly just wanted a blowjob, and had figured out that the easiest way to get one was from a guy. I am sure that is still going on…
BigE
I was in a Bisexual Support group and the males identified themselves as Gay Identified Bisexuals or Straight Identified Bisexuals. It was an interesting dynamic as all the men wanted to hookup with a woman, and so did all the women. In my twenties, I was Bi-curious and I met several female partners through group scenes with another man that I had a dating history with or tha ladies would pounce at a University Gay dance or the local Gay Bar. I often went home with a guy whose kids were asleep down the hall while the wife was working the graveyard shift.
rand503
When I was young and still good looking, I was deeply closeted, so I missed out on sex for a long time. (Which was probably good, since those were the years AIDS was in full epidemic mode. I have no doubt I would have gotten the bug and it would have finished me off).
Still, there were many guys I lusted after who were straight. These were totally straight men, the type of who were known to be womanizers, and sure enough, there were times I was sure they wanted to do it with me. I didn’t, as I was too scared, and I’ve always regretted that.
Eventually I came out and dropped the whole chasing straight men — at best you get a quickie, and I’d rather have a relationship.
So I would have to say that yeah, there are plenty of straight men ready to have to whatever with a guy, and I’m sure their desires run the whole gamut. Why this is news is anyone’s guess.