OH BROTHERS

You Decide: Is Twincest Best In Real Life Or Just Porn Fantasies?

Emily Yoffe (left) is Slate’s resident advice columnist and her pearls of wisdom regularly appear in “Dear Prudence” (Yes, even though her name is Emily—guess it’s helpful if the site wants to ditch her for another writer.)

Today Yoffe ran a question that touches on a controversial subject much discussed in certain gay circles: Is twin sex hot or creepy? And if it is hot, is it just hot in Bel Ami videos or would you be okay with boning your wombmate? (We’re decidedly in the “no” camp.)

Dear Prudence:

My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn’t dare tell anyone what we were doing. We hoped it was “just a phase” that we’d grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together  until we left for college. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to family holidays. But we never fell out of love with each other, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living very discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since.

I’m not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship—we’re at peace and very happy. Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. They know we’re gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we’re getting pressure to settle down. I feel we should continue being discreet for the rest of our lives and blow off their questions. It’s nobody’s business, and I fear they would find our relationship shocking and disgusting.

My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they’ll eventually accept it. I think he’s out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. Is this one of those times when honesty is not the best policy? If so, how do we get everyone to stop worrying we will die alone?

—Tired of This Greek Tragicomedy

Surprisingly for a mainstream advice columnist, Yoffe doesn’t start quoting Bible verses or speaking in tongues.

Dear Greek,

I admit this is my first letter about homosexual, incestuous twins, but I’m going to take you at your word that you two are happy.

…I suggest that you and your brother split the difference in your approach to family and friends: Blowing people off for the next couple of decades is only going to fan the flames of curiosity. But I also agree with you that having a family gathering in which you announce you two have found life partners—each other—will give everyone the vapors.

Ultimately your choice is your business, but a limited version of the truth should back everyone off. When  people ask when you’re each going to go out there and find a nice young man, tell them that while it may seem unorthodox, you both have realized that living together is what works for you. Say no brothers could be more devoted or compatible, and neither of you can imagine wanting to change what you have.

We don’t think we could give such sanguine advice—we’d be too busy washing our eyeballs after reading their email. But we get grossed out by the Peter Twins, too.

Are we alone in this? Is incest between consenting adults—without the fear of pregnancy—the new love frontier? Be your brothers’ keeper in the comments section.

Photos: Teresa Castracane, Bel Ami, Universal Pictures