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RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: You Have the Right To Remain Dressed In Beaver

By Jason Sweeten February 21, 2012 at 12:32pm

 

When  the girls are selecting partners, Willam learns a valuable lesson about karma: Yep, she’s stuck with Madame LaQueer. But Willam doesn’t let this stop her from executing a dye-pack concept that leaves the two covered in blue paint—and victorious. The reward? Team captains!

For the main challenge, Ru tells the girls that they’ll be playing parts in the new sitcom Hot in Tuckahoe. Hmm. I appreciate a nod to anything with Betty White, but a little bird named Wikipedia told me that TV Land and Logo are both owned by Viacom. Vague cross-promotions are so fun! Anyway, Willam is confident because acting in sitcoms is, like, her day job. Milan is confident because of her degree in acting. And Latrice is confident because, well, she’s been to prison. My money is on the school of hard knocks. The prep scenes show LaQueer trying out accents that are even more incomprehensible that her real one and Jiggly learning SAT words like “horticulture.” (I hope she knows that it has nothing to do with hos.) For the filming, Ru and Max Mutchnick (co-creator of Will & Grace) watch as the two teams act their way through their “women”-in-prison scenarios. For Willam’s group, Latrice proves that she has more talent in her head bob than any BFA could offer. On LaQueer’s team, Kenya Michaels appears to be acting in a one-woman show and Sharon Needles struggles over and over—and over—with the line, “dressed in beaver.” And then she got snippy about it.

But these are just details leading up to the fight I’ve been waiting for all season. Yes, after watching all of those promos, the time is finally here. It’s Sharon vs. Phi Phi in “Party City/Tired Showgirl Bitch-Off 2012.”

Here’s what happens:

* Sharon Needles, feeling guilty for saying that Phi Phi O’Hara had no leadership in the last challenge, goes over to apologize.

* Phi Phi gets angry. Phi Phi tries takes credit for Sharon’s win. Phi Phi claims to be such a great leader for telling Sharon to dig up her gothic look. * Sharon defends herself, stating that it’s her talent that earned her last week’s win. * Phi Phi, who has yet to win a main challenge, claims to be on another level than Sharon. * Sharon retorts: “Tired-ass show girl.” * Phi Phi is not having it: “At least I am a showgirl, bitch! Go back to Party City, where you belong.” * Yelling! Sharon says she’s the future of drag! More yelling! * “Oh girl, please,” sighs Phi Phi. * Then they both angrily put on makeup. * Dramatic sound effects and… commercial. (Important Twitter side note: Party City loves Sharon Needles.)  

Well, that’s a tough act to follow, so off to the main stage where we meet our second guest judge, Nicole Sullivan of Mad TV fame. Sullivan channels The Vancome Lady in describing RuPaul’s makeup as looking, “like little orphan Annie sat in the sun too long and got a boob job.” Here are highlights and memorable quotes from the Hollywood/red-carpet challenge: * Willam wears Vivienne Westwood and makes sure to tell us all about it. *  “I think Latrice has a Cable ACE Award up her sleeve—or she’s just happy to see you.” * Chad Michaels tries to channel the Tudors. But with such a bright red wig, she looks more like Florence + the Machine. * Jiggly dresses for the Brooklyn prom. (I’m just glad there isn’t a lollipop). * RuPaul says, “London. Paris. Milan.” again. I know there’s not much else to say about Milan, but could we stop repeating this line? They play back the sitcom videos, and it’s hardly a contest—calling LaQueer’s sketch a train wreck would have been an insult to train wrecks. But this is what happens when you cast the tiny Puerto Rican as the butch prison guard and have LaQueer attempt a British accent. Willam’s team puts out a nice little bit, and even with Latrice’s fierceness, DiDa Ritz manages to shine. Unsurprisingly Willam’s team is deemed the winner, with the individual award going to… Latrice Royale! Much deserved. Girl is officially in the game (and she gets a free cruise). Werk.

This puts everyone on LaQueer’s team in danger of going home. Kenya and DiDa are safe, though. For a moment it seems like Max Mutchnick is on a personal mission to send Sharon to the bottom two. He doesn’t like her name, her look or the fact that she looks like the little girl from The Ring.

Ouch.

While I didn’t like Sharon’s attitude for the first time ever (just take criticism and shut it!), she survives without having to lip-synch for her life. This leaves Milan and LaQueer to battle over “Trouble” by Pink.

The song doesn’t exactly scream “sitcom,” but neither did our bottom two. So I guess it makes sense.

Either way, this is another one-sided face-off. I’ll let a quote by Willam explain what happens: “Madam LaQueer wasn’t doing much. I’m, like, girl, Milan just danced circles around you and Swiffered the floor with his taint!” (Emphasis mine.)

Yup. Milan applies black lipstick, does a backbend, and then drags herself across the floor while doing the splits. LaQueer just, well, points.

Sashay away, Madame LaQueer. Sashay away.

Next week: Hoo-ray, it’s finally time for Snatch Game! The guest judges are Loretta Devine and Ross Matthews (left), but I have high expectations for Sharon, Willam, Latrice and everyone and everything! Yay, Snatch Game!

So, what did you guys think of the episode? What was up with Madame LaQueer wearing headphones during teh she-mail delivery? Is “dressed in beaver” such a hard line? And why did “Lip-synch for Your Life” have to become another tale of Wig Wars? Dish it up in the comments.

Jason Sweeten is a writer who belongs in Party City. Those are his people.

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11 Comments*

  • fwah

    I loved it this week. Can’t wait for Snatch Game!!!! But, help. What is Party City about?

  • DenverBarbie

    @fwah: Party City sells things like Halloween costumes, balloons, gag items, graduation announcements and birthday cards, confetti, and paper plates. Essentially, just a lot of cheap and campy junk.
    -A fellow Party City girl

  • fwah

    oooo It sounds like somewhere I need to be too.

  • mizzymm

    I love Party C
    ity, I really do!

  • Mark

    I thought Sharon Needles on the runway acting like a sitcom starlette and autographing for her fans was so cute. She’s creative. The lip synch was embarrassing with them taking off their wigs and acting all epileptic.

  • Shae Shae

    So, Here is my T on this season… I begged and pleaded for my friends to come and tune into what I think is one of the best competitions on tv… But this season has been such a disappointment for me… I feel like its a bunch of men trying to be women. Now I have loved past season, because they were gay men who were doing this for an illusion and knew that when they went home they were men (Except Sonique lol). This season is like a ghetto soroity- I feel like they want to stay away from the look of Boogers Vs Heathers but come on! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Latrice. I think this is the first season a true big girl has had talent and has proven that it isnt her size that makes her a Queen but her talent. Love Sharon Needles because it is a different side of drag- Phi Phi is such a cute boy but he paints way to old. Kenya Michaels is small but has big talent. William needs to go home- I have yet to be impressed by him and i can see his 5 o’clock shadow. Chad is good but the over the top “I know all cuz im 100” attitude annoys me. and Jiggly is well anyway… Its sad to say but I feel like every season has its “Rebecca, Shannel and Nina” I think they need to bring back Raven to do a face to face get your shit in order convo lol

  • stevoj

    i think Sharon said it best in her “Meet the Queens” interview when she was asked how this season will be different…

    “Season 4 will be most definitely different than the other season! All these girls are ugly.”

    visually, they’re all kinda blah. the only standouts are Chad, Sharon, and Latrice. personally i love Willam cuz that chick is hilarious… and what’s left? Jiggly is disgusting, Kenya is a far less interesting/entertaining version of Yara and all the other chicks have no personality whatsoever

    i say shake this shit up, bring back Shangela! hell i’ll even take Carmen again

  • ScaryRussianHeather

    They wear the headphones all day because they are learning the song for the LSFYL.

    Yes Chad was channeling Florence Welch intentionally.

    Let’s face it, even Sharon is being graded on a curve. Her femme look last week or so in that green dress? With the busted makeup and hair? And her walk? LMAO.

    Suddenly Michele Visage abhors green enough to call you out in it but when Manila wore that ugly chartreuse green dress on the finale she was just GAGGING on her.

    Let’s recall the gorgeous Carmen Carrera getting read for wearing a really pretty green and pink dress with blond perfection hair and makeup as “too Barbie” “too prom girl”. hrmph.

    None of these queens except Chad and MAYBE The Princess and Kenya would have lasted very long on Season 3. And lol Willam and Shamgela, the “ACTOOORS” can’t paint without a makeup pro there.

  • ScaryRussianHeather

    Oh and Phi2 should only be so lucky to score a gig for Party City. Adam Lambert picked up a nice chunk of change after he won Idol doing a one off show for their corporate Halloween party.

  • Karanis

    Latrice definitely shined and looked great last episode. I think she’ll be in the top 4 or 5.

    The feud between Phi Phi and Sharon I think will persist for a several episodes. Fortunately, they’re friends now that the taping’s finished.

    Also, Party City is, according to their twitter, quite flattered by the name-dropping they’ve received from the show.

  • Madison

    @ScaryRussianHeather: STRONGLY disagree. After last season’s over-the-top bitchery and bullying, I was almost done with RPDR for good. It was worse than high school, with the cliques and phoniness.

    I am delighted with the participants of this season. Sure, you have your strong personalities to make it interesting, but nowhere near the nonsense that showed up in Season 3. There is multitude of rich talent this season, particularly with Sharon, Chad, Latrice, and although I hate to admit it, Willam.

    I’ll take Season 4 over 3 any day.

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