A reader sent us this barely intelligible tidbit. "Last week in Paris, the two met at Ungaro show. They are Gucci-face Mat Gordon (pictured) - already very rumored, male Kate Moss - and soap-hater Jon Kortajarena. Allegedly a redheaded booker in Paris has phone-pictures to come put." Kortajarena's website describes him as a "versatile model".

Kate Moss wants to sue News of The World after the tab-rag published a story about the model and mother partaking in some orgy delights.

Moss hasn't released an official statement, but "a close friend of the model" dished the dirt to US, saying: "She's spitting mad over the News of the World story. Not only were their lies hurtful, but they're also not at all true."

Bless…

Rupert Everett simply can't stop talking shit! The gay actor recently ripped into Kate Moss and former friend Madonna for their "terrible" style. Now Everett's making waves for his comments on some of Hollywood's greatest actors, including "straight man" George Clooney. Via Huffington Post:

"[George] Clooney thinks that, provided he does films which are politically committed, he's allowed to do Ocean's 11, 12, and 13", he says. "But the Ocean's movies are a cancer to world culture. They're destroying us."

And Clooney the man? "He's not the brightest spark on the boulevard. He'll be president one day. Mark my words, if he's straight, he'll be president."

Meanwhile, Everett describes Diane Keaton, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro and other heavyweights as "parodies of themselves". No word on what Everett thinks of himself.

Rupert Everett's inner bitch came shrieking out this week. The brassiere wearing St. Trinian's actor blasted former pal Madonna and model Kate Moss for their terrible style:

Forget St Trinian's, I should really be headmistress of a star academy. All these so-called style divas have such terrible dress sense. I could give them a proper going over, and then put them back on the road.

Ooh, look, Kate Moss' hands have become almost as grabby as Madonna's.

Actually, they're all at it, clutching their handbags with knobbly claws, like it's stuffed full of cash. That will have to be one of the first week's lessons at school. How to hold your handbag without looking grasping.

Everett better watch his back! We all know Madonna and Moss both vast international networks of homo agents. They could strike at any time in any way. Our prayers are with you, Rupert…

Note to Madonna and Moss: the "prayers" we promise Everett are in no way a sign of allegiance. Don't hurt us…

• "Lady loving" Ricky Martin received a hall on the walk of fame. Muy caliente!

• Ellen Degeneres broke down in tears after a doggy adoption agency took back a dog she adopted and then gave away. And here we thought Rosie was the resident crazy lesbian.

• "Fuck you" loses power. Tear, tear.

• Don't forget Larry Craig's pow-wow with Matt Lauer tonight on NBC at 8pm!

CONTINUED »

Homer Simpson stands as the longest-running fictional patriarch on television. No small feat for a man who started as Tracy Ullman's side show.

Oxford Dictionary of Modern Quotations recognizes Homer's contribution to culture, thus their new edition contains two Homerisms. In a move that will now doubt piss of "family" defenders, both citations regard child rearing. This one's by far the better of the two:

Kids are the best, Apu. You can teach them to hate the things you hate. And they practically raise themselves, what with the internet and all.

Does this make us daddies?

Hefty humorist Dawn French also has a particularly noteworthy byte: "If I were alive in Ruben's time, I'd be celebrated as a model. Kate Moss would be used as a paintbrush."

• Scientologist John Travolta had a few words for gays protesting his cross-dressing, John Waters-endorsed appearance in Hairspray.

There is nothing gay in this movie. I'm not playing a gay man. Scientology is not homophobic in any way, in fact it's one of the more tolerant faiths. Anyone's accepted.

As long as they assimilate to pre-determined Scientological "lifestyles" and sacrifice their rational thought, brain and soul.

• Gay for pay porn star Marc Dalton continues to make his parents proud: a domestic dispute violated his probation and landed him back in jail. And he'll probably be there for the foreseeable future.

• Did Kate Moss leave Pete Doherty because he cheated? If his junk problem didn't come between them, we're sure they can reconcile a moment of sluttiness..

CONTINUED »

• They may not have been able to get fingerprints from the blade that killed porn producer Bryan Charles Kocis, but police are hoping his computer's hard drive and telephone records will lead to his killer. We love a good mystery!

• Rumor has it American Idol's looking to replaced Paula Abdul due to her wacky ways. Why, then, would they ask Courtney Love to take her place? Seriously, someone please explain…

• Also, someone explain John Galliano's fall 2007collection to us, because we don't really understand the whole smeared lip stick, stocking thing. In fact, it sort of makes our heads hurt.

• Wait, the Bush Administration lied about global warming? We feel so…well, yes, deceived, but, honestly, we saw that coming.

• Speaking of government mistakes, The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and the National Coalition for the Homeless say the government has not done enough to address the "epidemic" of homeless gay youth. (That's because they don't care…)

• In other mistake-related news, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty have apparently grasped the mistake that is drug addiction and have checked into rehab. Together.

• Lily Allen's "debut" album comes out today. As if you don't already have it.

While we're on the subject of books that pop out at you, you may be interested in the newest release from those big kids at Melcher Media: The Pop-Up Book of Celebrity Meltdowns.

Above you can see Paris Hilton about to make her sex-tape. Notice Rick Solomon getting a nice, long look at her twat. Very life like, no?

In addition to seeing Hilton thrust, lucky readers get a glimpse of Hugh Grant's hooker tryst, Russell Crowe lobbing a phone and - of course - Kate Moss snorting blow.

Sure it's not as…engaging as DX3, but we're sure more than a few out there celeb-watchers are happy to know about it. And that's what this job's all about: making you happy.

What's really funny about today's New York Times piece on Jamie Dornan is that just last night we were recalling his photoshoot in Out Magazine and how it seems that Dornan's the next Mark Vanderloo (only, we hope, with more of a career). It seems you can't open a magazine, turn on the telly or (now) read the newspaper without seeing this exceptional beauty. And, from what we gather from the article, he's only going up.

Of course, Dornan's absolutely flabbergasted by all the attention. Why? Well, like so many attractives, Dornan's a bit shy admitting he thinks he's worth all the gawking. Chatting with Guy Trebay, he insists, "I don't consider myself good looking." To this, we say: "bullshit".

The aesthetically blessed always know they're fetching. Unless they're blind and/or competely braindead, an attractive must notice the lingering glances, the turning heads and gaping mouths. And, to top it off, Dornan's a model! People don't want to take pictures of uglies. They don't want to put some monster in a Calvin Klein ad with Kate Moss. Keira Knightley wouldn't even dream of kissing some vile troll. And they certainly don't want to plaster a revolting mug on a gay magazine. No, Dornan's just saying that to make himself more endearing.

Don't worry, Dornan, even if you went on to become the biggest mass murderer in the history of the world (which would really be quite a feat, considering some of the nasty killers we've seen in history), we'll always love you. Unless, of course, you actually do become a psycho killer. We won't like you then, but we'll probably still think you're attractive. We'd probably even still have sex with you.

(Oh, and the picture above's from the Out Magazine shoot. You can experience the wonder of our coverage by clicking here. If you care to know what the mag had to say about Dornan, well, you can click here.)

The Colombian vice-president, Francisco Santos, had some harsh words for Kate "Blow Hard" Moss the other day.

Speaking on his nation's protracted war on drugs, Santos put the blame on Moss and other coke-tooting celebs. Our guilty-pleasure, the ultra-conservative British news-tabbie, The Daily Mail quotes him as saying:

When [Moss] appeared to snort a line of cocaine, she put land mines in Colombia, she killed people in Colombia, she displaced people in Colombia, she helped finance kidnapping. To me it's baffling that somebody who helps cause so much pain in Colombia is doing better than ever and winning more contracts than ever.

"And I never once heard her say 'I'm sorry'. When in Colombia policemen, judges, journalists, common men and women are dying every day because of [drug-related violence], that hurts.

Oh no! Who knew Kate Moss had so much destructive power? If she does two lines, will the world stop spinning?

His words coincide with the beginning of a new advertising campaign urging druggies everywhere to consider the damage their butrose habit's have on Colombia. The heavy-handed tagline reads, "Cocaine not only destroys you, it also destroys a country".

We can't help but wonder, however, if Santos has such harsh words for his politico-peers who profit off of the laughing powder.

• Those gay animals in Oslo really know how to get down. [Celeb Hijinx]

• GOPper says that if Dems. win House, "Gay agenda will rule." (If only…) [365 Gay]

• AfterElton takes a look at "naughty" words. Fuck that. [AfterElton]

• The United Way throws the Boy Scouts some dough, despite their previous refusal over the group's anti-homo stance. Bollocks! [Proceed At Your Own Risk]

• We like hemp. And we like milk. But hemp milk? Gross. [US Newswire]

• People are bent out of shape over Kate Moss having a drink while pregnant. Whatever, her baby's lucky she's not blowing rails. Yet. [Best Week Ever]

• Speaking of coke: 7-Eleven is not down with Cocaine. The drink, that is… [Access GA via Agenda, Inc.]

Sorry to do this to you, folks, but we've got yet another disturbing story for you: Britain's The Sunday Mirror has reported that despite all the heroin pumping through his blood, Pete Doherty has successfully impregnated Kate Moss with his seed. As if that's not enough, the troubled pair (pictured, looking baby-ready) plan to tie the proverbial knot.

Pete's uncle says:

I have spoken to Pete twice about the baby and he has confirmed that Kate is pregnant…That is why they want to get married. Pete told me they want a baby together to cement their marriage.

…I wish them every success. They're so happy, they love each other. I can't wait for the wedding - we are just waiting for a date.

Let's hope that date doesn't coincide with Pete's regular trips to rehab.

Although the little bundle won't be arriving for another few months, the drug-addled couple have already picked out possible names: Charlie Butrose if it's a boy and Yayo Bumper if it's a girl.

They both have such nice rings, don't you think?

Related: No Drugs for Moss Daughter

It's good to know we're not the only people in the world who want to see Kate Moss and her daughter, Lila Grace. escape Pete Doherty's clammy, drug-adled grasp.

Douglas Hack, lil' Lila's grandfather on her Dazed and Confused publisher father Jefferson Hack's side, wants to insure that Pete Doherty has no role in the tot's life. As everyone's favorite conservative British tabbie, The Daily Mail, reports, Hack said, "We're worried about Doherty and his drug situation. We don't want Lila around him or drugs."

Oh, please, that poor child was probably nursed on heroin. And, if not heroin, we're sure a little blow found its way into mama's milk.

While we'll never understand Moss' attraction to the admitted junkie, Hack speculates it's the rock star allure she finds so intriguing:

She'd love to be a rock star herself,' he said. 'That's why she hangs out with that crowd the whole time. She doesn't really like modelling that much.

Given the the cool reception she received when she sang with Doherty last month, we hope Moss isn't holding her breath. Besides, why would Moss want to give up her reported £30 million annual salary? Imagine all the blow she could buy…

It seems that one can't take a shit without seeing Kate Moss' face. This may surprise a few people, considering the model's coke scandal a mere 12 months ago. But, open any magazine and there she is, staring back at you with a vapid gaze, unfazed by all the hoopla. Honestly, there's something refreshing about seeing her back on top - God knows we love her - but what distresses us is that according to The Daily Mail, Moss has raked in nearly £30 million in contracts since allegedly cleaning up her act.

That's funny, when we got clean all we got was a blowjob. Sort of makes us want to try the whole thing again.

One reader of The Mail commented, "What is the matter with people - am I the only person to stop buying items that this stupid, hedonistic, useless women advertises?" Bitch, you know you didn't buy Louis Vuitton bags and Chanel suits. You may have stopped buying Rimmel, but that's probably for the best.