Are you unhappy with the length and/or girth of your wiener? You’re not alone. A new survey by the U.K.’s Observer has found that men today are less content with the size of their dongs than ever before.
Roughly 1,000 gentlemen in the U.K. participated in the survey, which found that just 79 percent were pleased with the size of their penises. That’s down from 86 percent in 2008. Twenty-one percent, or one in five, of guys today claim to be unhappy with the overall size of their packages.
So what’s the reason for the increased level of dissatisfaction?
Researchers blame pornography and the media for nurturing men’s body image issues — a problem they say can disproportionately affect gay guys, though we’d beg to differ. In our estimation, straight dudes seem more concerned about penis size, as indicated in this study that found that heterosexual men frequently size each other up in locker room showers, and will often “slap their cocks around” to make them look bigger.
So what can be done about this very serious issue?
Well, “penoplasty” has been a growing trend in England for some time now. Earlier this year, a British man went on a morning news program to talk about his penis enlargement surgery. Billy-Tom O’Connor told an interviewer he wanted “an absolute monster,” so he paid to have his penis pumped up to the size of a 10-inch hairspray bottle. (See the NSFW pictures here.)
One person folks might want to avoid is this self-proclaimed “penis healer” from Gauteng, South Africa. The 31-year-old medicine man was arrested last weekend during a sting operation.
The healer has been accused of stealing money from people after falsely promising to enlarge their genitals with magical medicine and then not returning their calls when the medicine didn’t work. On Sunday, he was arrested after police set up a fake consultation with him. He has been charged with theft under false pretenses.
Of course, a guy’s best bet is to simply try to accept his god-given size and learn to love himself on the inside. If that doesn’t work, he can try to take comfort in knowing that a 2013 study found the average penis size is actually much smaller than previously reported, so he may not be as little as he thinks. And if his peepee is really is just unfortunately small, he can always enter himself into the annual Smallest Penis Competition held each year in Brooklyn for a chance to win $200. Submissions will open early next year.