America’s Got Talent Contestant Reveals He’s HIV-Positive And In A Happy Relationship
By Editors
April 20, 2015 at 4:04pm
From age twenty forward, I’d certainly exercised my right to be an individual. I was rather grounded at home as a serial monogamist, jumping from one long term relationship to another. Out of the house, however, I lived a sordid life experimenting with drugs and exploring various sexual avenues. These acts of self-sabotage seem to be a rite of passage for many in the gay culture especially. But then again, I’m a product of Generation X, and I think most of us have been there, regardless of sexuality. About halfway through my twenties, I was in a free STD testing clinic called, The Spot in West Hollywood. I was no stranger to getting a routine panel of examinations to make sure I was rid of anything sexually transmitted. I’d had relationships with HIV-positive guys in the past. Sometimes we slipped up. It happens. It was the mid 2000’s and this was at the time in HIV care when doctors thought it was better to wait to take medications until you had to. There was nothing like PreP available at the time, so the risk of transmission was likely.
A week passed. It was nearly time to go back and get my test results. The next day I went in and waited nervously in the holding room. A large African American woman stepped out of one of the examination rooms and called my name. I sunk in my chair as if trying to hide myself and shamefully walked in. I guess I expected the inevitable given my recent behavior. And my expectation was right. The woman told me I was HIV+. I remember her being so kind and giving me a hug and some reassurance like my mom might. She said, “You’re gonna be fine Hun. You’re gonna be just fine.”
The most daunting thing about becoming positive was not the supposed death sentence (which even ten years ago really only existed in the realm of fear), It was the guilt and shame that I carried with me which was daunting. After all, I lived in L.A., the land of judgmental people; according to many. I felt like I had done something wrong, when in actuality, I was just wanting to be loved like all of us- and having sex is simply a part of human nature. I formed a major complex about what people would think of me. It had become so bad I was concerned that people could actually ‘see’ I was HIV positive. I kept it a deep dark secret to everyone except the trusted few. Fast forward 10 years and here I am now. I’ve decided that I can’t allow myself to feel isolated anymore. I’ve grown up my entire feeling different- feeling like I didn’t belong. But being unique is interesting. Being different sets you apart from everyone else. I realized that we’re all given circumstances in life, and if we don’t share those stories which make up who we are, we miss out on so many opportunities to inspire people and help people. So I decided to be brave and write about it in this very visible magazine. I recently stood up in front of a crowd of 140 strangers the other day and told them. I had planned to tell America’s Got Talent about it when I was on the show, but my partner at the time was afraid of the backlash it might cause for his own life. The biggest obstacle of all was telling my parents, just a couple of months ago. I had been through nearly ten years of worrying what they would think- how they would react. When I told them, all they could say was, ‘I’m sorry we weren’t there for you. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell us.’ After telling them, My Dad walked across the living room of my house and gave my boyfriend James a big hug. He said, ‘thank you for being such a good friend to my son.’ I can’t tell you how much that touched me. I was suddenly free from pain I’d been carrying around for more than a decade. I’ve spent so much of my life being someone else in order to spare people’s feelings. I hid behind my fear of embracing and owning who I am. It’s time I changed that. I believe life works out the way it’s supposed to. And mine has certainly come full circle.?”
— Branden James, a finalist on season eight of America’s Got Talent, in an interview with ATeenmagazine about his relationship with musical collaborator James Clark
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I am annoyed by the quotes “There was nothing like PreP available at the time, so the risk of transmission was likely” … also “Sometimes we slipped up. It happens.” I’ve been having gay sex since 1989 and am in a serodiscordant relationship for 21 years and I am still negative. I am not on Prep. Maybe I have that lucky genetic protection, but I doubt it. Anyway, this guy acts like getting HIV is inevitable even if you practice safer sex. IT IS NOT INEVITABLE. I have never used condoms for oral sex, and I have sucked a lot of dicks. I did use condoms for anal sex with random partners… and with my partner when his viral load was high. Not, now that his viral load is undetectable, and he withdraws before ejaculating. But I wouldn’t trust just anyone to do this so they would wear a condom. I learned early on that guys will lie about their HIV status, you must act like everyone is positive. HOWEVER the one rule I have ALWAYS followed is “KEEP THE CUM ON THE OUTSIDE”. DON’T SWALLOW. DON’T LET GUYS CUM IN YOUR MOUTH. DON’T TAKE LOADS IN THE BUTT. It’s really quite simple. “Keep the cum on the outside” was the “safer sex” compromise I could adhere to, and it has worked for me. My doctor offered me PreP recently and I’m thinking about it, but also still feel some reservations about taking systemic medication with unknown long-term side effects if it’s not needed.
These acts of self-sabotage seem to be a rite of passage for many in the gay culture especially. But then again, I’m a product of Generation X…
I am gay and a Gen Xer, what the fuck is he talking about rite of passage and self sabotage? Really , you are not educated enough to know how not to catch any STD, my generation grew up at the beginning of the AIDS crisis and watched the destruction..being stupid and not trying to be safe and putting it off as if “well its a rite of passage” is beyond ignorant..what the hell are people thinking, if you fuck around and do not protect yourself, the only fault is yours..there are no excuses or justifications for poor choices..
You are contradicting yourself badly. You are having sex with someone who is hiv + and you are not using protection because his viral load is undetectable? Erm last time I checked it’s still passed on through sperm, blood and pre come. So your partner is pulling out before he comes and you think that’s acceptable and your partner dose not mind if he infects you then basically, you must be really careless or just dumb. You can still infect people people with an undetectable status you still have hiv.
@tommyt: yes, I acknowledge there’s a risk of pre-cum, and a slight risk of transmission. My partner doesn’t seem to really produce any noticeable pre-cum. Being undetectable viral load reduces the chance you will infect someone by 99% by the way. To me, it’s not a contradiction, it’s about the concept of “safer sex” as opposed to “safe sex” meaning finding the compromises that you can live and stick to with to substantially lower your risk of contracting HIV. To me, allowing an HIV+ but viral undetectable person who you personally know to be compliant on HIV meds to insert his penis into your rectum without a condom, but not to ejaculate there, is a line I’ve been willing to draw. I wouldn’t do it with a stranger. The point of my post is to say, OK, here I am, I’m a gay man who ALWAYS has sex with an HIV+ man, these are the choices I’VE MADE for safer sex, they have been manageable FOR ME, and I am still HIV- 26 years later. If you have having a hard time being 100% safe, at least KEEP THE CUM ON THE OUTSIDE.
My point is there are a lot of gray areas and harm reductions that are more workable for some people than all or nothing approaches which often mean people end up on the side with nothing, having COMPLETELY unsafe sex, and converting.
@tommyt: I think he may be referring to a Swiss study that seems to be finding that, when someone’s viral load is undetectable, the long-term risk of infection for the partner is at most 4%. Here is the link:
@Chris: Thanks Chris, I had not seen that particular study but I went and looked at it and found the following relevant quote: “Statistical analysis shows that the maximum likely chance of transmission via anal sex from someone on successful HIV treatment was 1% a year for any anal sex and 4% for anal sex with ejaculation where the HIV-negative partner was receptive; but the true likelihood is probably much nearer to zero than this. When asked what the study tells us about the chance of someone with an undetectable viral load transmitting HIV, presenter Alison Rodger said: “Our best estimate is it’s zero.””
To me this backs up my statement about harm reduction. The study also estimates a 3% risk reduction for anal sex without ejaculation. Anal sex without ejaculation is quantifiably safer than anal sex with ejaculation. Safer Sex.
The real message for single guys of course is how do you really know if someone is 100% med-compliant and viral undetectable. You don’t. People lie. So if you’re single and having sex with someone you’re not living with, protect yourself with a condom for anal sex, and for oral sex, do not allow the person to ejaculate in your mouth or throat. I’ve known several guys who thought oral ejaculation was safe, who have converted.
If I was single and sexually active, I think I would go on Prep.
@nature boy: even if your partner is compliant with his meds, he could still have a treatment failure that won’t be detected until his next viral load testing (which is every 3 or 4 months?). You should really take your doctor’s advice and consider Truvada. It has been in use for many years now and they do know the long term effects, which for many is negligible.
Look at it this way… One pill for added protection or risk having to take a cocktail of drugs because you got infected.
@tommyt: People with an undetectable viral load have LITTLE to NO chance of actually transmitting the disease. If your choice is to sleep with someone who has HIV but an undetectable load and someone who is a random stranger, you are better off (statistically) with the person with the undetectable load.
@nature boy: You talk about cum and keeping it out. But there is a thing called PREcum, and you must keep it out too. You’ve been lucky so far, but you must use condoms every single time, to be safe.
So where all this HIV+ Pride comes from? “I’m HIV+ and proud, everyone should get it, it’s great”. I understand trying to make their life easier, but now every young kid think that HIV is not a ‘big deal’. This man seems to blame society for his bad decisions. He was using drugs and barebacking and fucking pretty much anything without thinking in consequences and he blames ‘Generation X’ and even he claims that every gay man is like that. ‘We all have been there’. No! we haven’t, some people are educated enough and don’t try to take the blame out of themselves. I’m always careful, I’ve never used drugs in my life and I choose my sexual partners wisely. If I get something I will be responsible for that and I won’t be saying ‘poor me that I’m too stupid to think’. The way he writes this article annoys me because he is playing a victim. Victims, those paramedics that for trying to save a person get infected by HIV (rare but has happened). HE never seems to advise guysnot to do what he did, he just says that ‘what gays do anyway’, it f*ucking boils my blood. Not even one advise on why he was wrong and got the virus. I’m sorry I sound like a horrible person, but we need to find the balance between helping people with HIV withouth making it look ‘Cool’ or as is nothing bad and you shouldnt worry. How many countries can actually provide medicine for free? He’s not a hero. Sorry
@nature boy, you are using risk reduction techniques that you acknowledge are not 100%, yet you appear to pass judgment on people who got infected? Maybe they used the same risk reduction techniques as you and just got unlucky.
Congrats to him; but even if Pr-EP were around he still would have probably became HIV+ since it doesn’t completely protect against HIV or other STDs, and you’re supposed to use condoms while taking the meds.
I loved his beautiful voice on AGT and never would have imagined he was promiscuous and a bug chaser. He seemed like one of those sweet guys who’d say something like, “I just happened to be gay but it doesn’t define me.” Well, now we know more than we need to know about his health and sex life.
@gandalf74: That’s very true. A gay male friend of mine who is also a Gen Xer who became sexually active at first in the mid 80s at the height of the HIV/AIDS pandemic knew that if you had sex without condoms you would get HIV. My ex who is bisexual who also became active then also knew this, and both are HIV- to this day and practice safer sex. I’m a Gen-Y/Millenial and happen to be bisexual as well, and I practice safer sex, don’t have sex with people who are drunk or on drugs, and I’ve never barebacked or swallowed despite how a lot of my bi and gay male peers seem to be into this.
@gandalf74: Your generation also grew up in the most hyper-sexualized period in American history that also instituted an abstinence-only sexuality education for heterosexual teens and a 0-information-at-all sexuality education for LGBT teens. What has transpired is a rise in sexually transmitted infections, especially among young adults from lower economic backgrounds.
@JAWIWA: I’m not surprised. But you also have people who aren’t poor who get STDs. Pretty much all the gay and bi guys I know who are poz or who have other STDs like herpes, HPV, hepatitis, or even common curable ones like NGU/NSU, gonorrhea, or chlamydia are all white, educated, have jobs, and middle class or upper middle class.
@Clark35, well, I am from an upper middle class background (though working in a low-paying academic job) and yet I had to go very much out of my way to get the HPV (Gardasil) and Hepatitis vaccines, and it was certainly not easy for me to obtain PrEP. Thanks to all these, I have thankfully remained STI-free to date. How many of your upper middle class peers were really informed and educated enough to obtain all these prophylactic measures? Have you obtained them? I think that is what JAWIWA was referring to when he mentioned lack of education.
@Billy Budd: I respect your position and it can’t be argued with on one level, and if you can stick to it then great, but my point exactly is that in my life experience, making it an “all or nothing” dichotomy ends up with a lot of people choosing the “nothing” option and ending up HIV+. My point in telling my story is that I have made choices you definitely can argue with, and yet I remain HIV- over a 26 year period of plenty of enthusiastic sex with HIV+ people. I bet there would be a lot less HIV+ kids if they stuck to my simple rule of “always keep the cum on the outside.” I think it is a simple rule that’s pretty easy to follow and would prevent a lot of HIV infections. Particularly if they chose to bareback but would at least then have the sense to interrupt the act at a certain point and finish off another way. Yes there’s a theoretical risk from pre-cum. Higher with some people than others. But it’s a lot lower than always taking loads. IF they’re going to bareback, at least don’t take the load. THAT’S my point. When someone comes along and says “oh you better be terrified of pre-cum also” then some people at that point just shut down and say “to hell with it fuck me.”
The fact remains that all the people I know who have seroconverted have not used my same risk reduction decisions. The people I know were all taking loads orally or anally. I have actually been quite diligent over the years about condom use in particular situations and I do get frustrated that condom usage seems to have gone by the wayside in just about all situations. There’s a definite time and a place for condoms, and yes there are also certain situations where you can relatively safely avoid condoms. That’s my argument which I think is more useful than “it’s all or nothing.”
@notevenwrong: I do not agree that I am “passing judgement” on people who seroconvert. I was “passing judgement” on the supposed quotes in a public interview in a publication targeted to gay teens (” the world’s first digital magazine for young gay men”) that “transmission was likely” before PreP and “sometimes we slipped up– it happens.” These to me are fatalistic statements that shirk personal responsibility and don’t help other young people reading the story. For me better statements in a public interview for a teen audience would be “I chose behaviors that made transmission much more likely. Instead I could have done XYZ” and “I wasn’t 100% safe all the time, which happens, but when I wasn’t 100% safe I still made informed decisions to lower my risks.” Those would be more useful statements.
Overall I highly respect Mr James willingness to discuss his seroconversion publicly. The story contains a lot of good stuff as well. I don’t think any the worse of him for being HIV+. In fact I feel a lot of compassion for him and others who seroconvert, having watched many beautiful people die, and sharing 21 years and counting of my life with someone who is living with AIDS. I do think that going forward he and others could use their public platform (and personal soap boxes) to have a more nuanced discussion about risk reduction for young gay men than just implying it was (is) somehow inevitable.
@nature boy: Get off your high horse and stop lecturing others. Maybe you are Mr. Perfect? But in the real world not everyone is perfect, and they should not be looked down upon and belittled because of that.
@seaguy: Get off your high horse and stop lecturing others. Maybe you are Mr. Perfect? But in the real world not everyone is perfect, and they should not be looked down upon and belittled because of that.
Interesting that he came forward, my own experience on dealing with this subject myself, I was diagnosed in 1984 in arts industry, when it became known about myself in the late nineties, my work dried up, by knowing you have a disability like this and it is a disability they then dout your abiltys to do your job, either in your treatment programme, days off needing checkup etc, medication problems you may have, and also people preseption of you and also the people you happen to work for.
I know what I am saying maybe unbelievable but in a lot of cases, even if the high establishment are not saying it, that is what they are thinking about.
If anyone has it ten years or three years or thirty years, I do not wish this stigmatised and chronic debilitating illness on anyone.
Its a deasese that has no boundereis and all can do is hurt and make us dout our real self’s and beliefs and exsistance.
@nature boy, I agree with your point on risk reduction, and so do the health authorities in certain other countries where sex can actually be discussed with some sanity, such as Australia and Canada.
As for the quote, journalists seldom get anything right, so I don’t think it is worth getting in a huff. But for all we know he DID use risk reduction and it happened not to work out – you don’t know, for example, that he didn’t do exactly what you do.
@nature boy, in other words, let’s say someone had sex with a guy who DID pull out. When he seroconverts after, he will consider the “slip-up” to have been the unprotected sex.
By the way, while pulling out reduces risk, it is still quite risky, not least because guys often pull out just a moment too late. I would rather not have “gay teenagers” believe pulling out will protect them; better urge people onto PrEP if they are not using condoms.
Unlucky to have HIV but very lucky to have a happy relationship, not many people have good relationships or relation at all. Not too worry at all and I am sure you will enjoy life more with someone you share.
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Henry Collazo Canchola
What HIV positive people can’t be an a happy relationship? Congrats fellas!
Prinny
And then he became the new mother Teresa where he took care of every HIV+ person on the planet while earning a quick buck with his singing.
Prinny
@Prinny:Or whatever he does.
nature boy
I am annoyed by the quotes “There was nothing like PreP available at the time, so the risk of transmission was likely” … also “Sometimes we slipped up. It happens.” I’ve been having gay sex since 1989 and am in a serodiscordant relationship for 21 years and I am still negative. I am not on Prep. Maybe I have that lucky genetic protection, but I doubt it. Anyway, this guy acts like getting HIV is inevitable even if you practice safer sex. IT IS NOT INEVITABLE. I have never used condoms for oral sex, and I have sucked a lot of dicks. I did use condoms for anal sex with random partners… and with my partner when his viral load was high. Not, now that his viral load is undetectable, and he withdraws before ejaculating. But I wouldn’t trust just anyone to do this so they would wear a condom. I learned early on that guys will lie about their HIV status, you must act like everyone is positive. HOWEVER the one rule I have ALWAYS followed is “KEEP THE CUM ON THE OUTSIDE”. DON’T SWALLOW. DON’T LET GUYS CUM IN YOUR MOUTH. DON’T TAKE LOADS IN THE BUTT. It’s really quite simple. “Keep the cum on the outside” was the “safer sex” compromise I could adhere to, and it has worked for me. My doctor offered me PreP recently and I’m thinking about it, but also still feel some reservations about taking systemic medication with unknown long-term side effects if it’s not needed.
gandalf74
These acts of self-sabotage seem to be a rite of passage for many in the gay culture especially. But then again, I’m a product of Generation X…
I am gay and a Gen Xer, what the fuck is he talking about rite of passage and self sabotage? Really , you are not educated enough to know how not to catch any STD, my generation grew up at the beginning of the AIDS crisis and watched the destruction..being stupid and not trying to be safe and putting it off as if “well its a rite of passage” is beyond ignorant..what the hell are people thinking, if you fuck around and do not protect yourself, the only fault is yours..there are no excuses or justifications for poor choices..
tommyt
@nature boy:
You are contradicting yourself badly. You are having sex with someone who is hiv + and you are not using protection because his viral load is undetectable? Erm last time I checked it’s still passed on through sperm, blood and pre come. So your partner is pulling out before he comes and you think that’s acceptable and your partner dose not mind if he infects you then basically, you must be really careless or just dumb. You can still infect people people with an undetectable status you still have hiv.
nature boy
@tommyt: yes, I acknowledge there’s a risk of pre-cum, and a slight risk of transmission. My partner doesn’t seem to really produce any noticeable pre-cum. Being undetectable viral load reduces the chance you will infect someone by 99% by the way. To me, it’s not a contradiction, it’s about the concept of “safer sex” as opposed to “safe sex” meaning finding the compromises that you can live and stick to with to substantially lower your risk of contracting HIV. To me, allowing an HIV+ but viral undetectable person who you personally know to be compliant on HIV meds to insert his penis into your rectum without a condom, but not to ejaculate there, is a line I’ve been willing to draw. I wouldn’t do it with a stranger. The point of my post is to say, OK, here I am, I’m a gay man who ALWAYS has sex with an HIV+ man, these are the choices I’VE MADE for safer sex, they have been manageable FOR ME, and I am still HIV- 26 years later. If you have having a hard time being 100% safe, at least KEEP THE CUM ON THE OUTSIDE.
My point is there are a lot of gray areas and harm reductions that are more workable for some people than all or nothing approaches which often mean people end up on the side with nothing, having COMPLETELY unsafe sex, and converting.
Chris
@tommyt: I think he may be referring to a Swiss study that seems to be finding that, when someone’s viral load is undetectable, the long-term risk of infection for the partner is at most 4%. Here is the link:
http://www.aidsmap.com/No-one-with-an-undetectable-viral-load-gay-or-heterosexual-transmits-HIV-in-first-two-years-of-PARTNER-study/page/2832748/
nature boy
@Chris: Thanks Chris, I had not seen that particular study but I went and looked at it and found the following relevant quote: “Statistical analysis shows that the maximum likely chance of transmission via anal sex from someone on successful HIV treatment was 1% a year for any anal sex and 4% for anal sex with ejaculation where the HIV-negative partner was receptive; but the true likelihood is probably much nearer to zero than this. When asked what the study tells us about the chance of someone with an undetectable viral load transmitting HIV, presenter Alison Rodger said: “Our best estimate is it’s zero.””
To me this backs up my statement about harm reduction. The study also estimates a 3% risk reduction for anal sex without ejaculation. Anal sex without ejaculation is quantifiably safer than anal sex with ejaculation. Safer Sex.
The real message for single guys of course is how do you really know if someone is 100% med-compliant and viral undetectable. You don’t. People lie. So if you’re single and having sex with someone you’re not living with, protect yourself with a condom for anal sex, and for oral sex, do not allow the person to ejaculate in your mouth or throat. I’ve known several guys who thought oral ejaculation was safe, who have converted.
If I was single and sexually active, I think I would go on Prep.
Paco
@nature boy: even if your partner is compliant with his meds, he could still have a treatment failure that won’t be detected until his next viral load testing (which is every 3 or 4 months?). You should really take your doctor’s advice and consider Truvada. It has been in use for many years now and they do know the long term effects, which for many is negligible.
Look at it this way… One pill for added protection or risk having to take a cocktail of drugs because you got infected.
tdx3fan
@tommyt: People with an undetectable viral load have LITTLE to NO chance of actually transmitting the disease. If your choice is to sleep with someone who has HIV but an undetectable load and someone who is a random stranger, you are better off (statistically) with the person with the undetectable load.
Billy Budd
@nature boy: You talk about cum and keeping it out. But there is a thing called PREcum, and you must keep it out too. You’ve been lucky so far, but you must use condoms every single time, to be safe.
Kenneth Birditt
Is that show still on?
Craig Parr
why is this news?
Richard Holaday
Who? ð???
Misanthrope
So where all this HIV+ Pride comes from? “I’m HIV+ and proud, everyone should get it, it’s great”. I understand trying to make their life easier, but now every young kid think that HIV is not a ‘big deal’. This man seems to blame society for his bad decisions. He was using drugs and barebacking and fucking pretty much anything without thinking in consequences and he blames ‘Generation X’ and even he claims that every gay man is like that. ‘We all have been there’. No! we haven’t, some people are educated enough and don’t try to take the blame out of themselves. I’m always careful, I’ve never used drugs in my life and I choose my sexual partners wisely. If I get something I will be responsible for that and I won’t be saying ‘poor me that I’m too stupid to think’. The way he writes this article annoys me because he is playing a victim. Victims, those paramedics that for trying to save a person get infected by HIV (rare but has happened). HE never seems to advise guysnot to do what he did, he just says that ‘what gays do anyway’, it f*ucking boils my blood. Not even one advise on why he was wrong and got the virus. I’m sorry I sound like a horrible person, but we need to find the balance between helping people with HIV withouth making it look ‘Cool’ or as is nothing bad and you shouldnt worry. How many countries can actually provide medicine for free? He’s not a hero. Sorry
onthemark
@Misanthrope: Apparently, “America’s Got Talent” for blaming HIV on generational factors and “gay culture.”
Oh, and “L.A., the land of judgmental people.” Those bastards!
notevenwrong
@nature boy, you are using risk reduction techniques that you acknowledge are not 100%, yet you appear to pass judgment on people who got infected? Maybe they used the same risk reduction techniques as you and just got unlucky.
Clark35
Congrats to him; but even if Pr-EP were around he still would have probably became HIV+ since it doesn’t completely protect against HIV or other STDs, and you’re supposed to use condoms while taking the meds.
Matt
I loved his beautiful voice on AGT and never would have imagined he was promiscuous and a bug chaser. He seemed like one of those sweet guys who’d say something like, “I just happened to be gay but it doesn’t define me.” Well, now we know more than we need to know about his health and sex life.
Clark35
@gandalf74: That’s very true. A gay male friend of mine who is also a Gen Xer who became sexually active at first in the mid 80s at the height of the HIV/AIDS pandemic knew that if you had sex without condoms you would get HIV. My ex who is bisexual who also became active then also knew this, and both are HIV- to this day and practice safer sex. I’m a Gen-Y/Millenial and happen to be bisexual as well, and I practice safer sex, don’t have sex with people who are drunk or on drugs, and I’ve never barebacked or swallowed despite how a lot of my bi and gay male peers seem to be into this.
JAWIWA
@gandalf74: Your generation also grew up in the most hyper-sexualized period in American history that also instituted an abstinence-only sexuality education for heterosexual teens and a 0-information-at-all sexuality education for LGBT teens. What has transpired is a rise in sexually transmitted infections, especially among young adults from lower economic backgrounds.
Matt
Branden James audition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6J7XXI1sGM
Clark35
@JAWIWA: I’m not surprised. But you also have people who aren’t poor who get STDs. Pretty much all the gay and bi guys I know who are poz or who have other STDs like herpes, HPV, hepatitis, or even common curable ones like NGU/NSU, gonorrhea, or chlamydia are all white, educated, have jobs, and middle class or upper middle class.
notevenwrong
@Clark35, well, I am from an upper middle class background (though working in a low-paying academic job) and yet I had to go very much out of my way to get the HPV (Gardasil) and Hepatitis vaccines, and it was certainly not easy for me to obtain PrEP. Thanks to all these, I have thankfully remained STI-free to date. How many of your upper middle class peers were really informed and educated enough to obtain all these prophylactic measures? Have you obtained them? I think that is what JAWIWA was referring to when he mentioned lack of education.
nature boy
@Billy Budd: I respect your position and it can’t be argued with on one level, and if you can stick to it then great, but my point exactly is that in my life experience, making it an “all or nothing” dichotomy ends up with a lot of people choosing the “nothing” option and ending up HIV+. My point in telling my story is that I have made choices you definitely can argue with, and yet I remain HIV- over a 26 year period of plenty of enthusiastic sex with HIV+ people. I bet there would be a lot less HIV+ kids if they stuck to my simple rule of “always keep the cum on the outside.” I think it is a simple rule that’s pretty easy to follow and would prevent a lot of HIV infections. Particularly if they chose to bareback but would at least then have the sense to interrupt the act at a certain point and finish off another way. Yes there’s a theoretical risk from pre-cum. Higher with some people than others. But it’s a lot lower than always taking loads. IF they’re going to bareback, at least don’t take the load. THAT’S my point. When someone comes along and says “oh you better be terrified of pre-cum also” then some people at that point just shut down and say “to hell with it fuck me.”
The fact remains that all the people I know who have seroconverted have not used my same risk reduction decisions. The people I know were all taking loads orally or anally. I have actually been quite diligent over the years about condom use in particular situations and I do get frustrated that condom usage seems to have gone by the wayside in just about all situations. There’s a definite time and a place for condoms, and yes there are also certain situations where you can relatively safely avoid condoms. That’s my argument which I think is more useful than “it’s all or nothing.”
@notevenwrong: I do not agree that I am “passing judgement” on people who seroconvert. I was “passing judgement” on the supposed quotes in a public interview in a publication targeted to gay teens (” the world’s first digital magazine for young gay men”) that “transmission was likely” before PreP and “sometimes we slipped up– it happens.” These to me are fatalistic statements that shirk personal responsibility and don’t help other young people reading the story. For me better statements in a public interview for a teen audience would be “I chose behaviors that made transmission much more likely. Instead I could have done XYZ” and “I wasn’t 100% safe all the time, which happens, but when I wasn’t 100% safe I still made informed decisions to lower my risks.” Those would be more useful statements.
Overall I highly respect Mr James willingness to discuss his seroconversion publicly. The story contains a lot of good stuff as well. I don’t think any the worse of him for being HIV+. In fact I feel a lot of compassion for him and others who seroconvert, having watched many beautiful people die, and sharing 21 years and counting of my life with someone who is living with AIDS. I do think that going forward he and others could use their public platform (and personal soap boxes) to have a more nuanced discussion about risk reduction for young gay men than just implying it was (is) somehow inevitable.
notevenwrong
@Clark35, and slo persistent enough. I took a lot of persistence for me to obtain the vaccines and PrEP in the face of uninformed doctors.
Danny Buttacavole
He sounds like a winner already wish him all the best!
seaguy
@nature boy: Get off your high horse and stop lecturing others. Maybe you are Mr. Perfect? But in the real world not everyone is perfect, and they should not be looked down upon and belittled because of that.
nature boy
@seaguy: Get off your high horse and stop lecturing others. Maybe you are Mr. Perfect? But in the real world not everyone is perfect, and they should not be looked down upon and belittled because of that.
raymondo
Interesting that he came forward, my own experience on dealing with this subject myself, I was diagnosed in 1984 in arts industry, when it became known about myself in the late nineties, my work dried up, by knowing you have a disability like this and it is a disability they then dout your abiltys to do your job, either in your treatment programme, days off needing checkup etc, medication problems you may have, and also people preseption of you and also the people you happen to work for.
I know what I am saying maybe unbelievable but in a lot of cases, even if the high establishment are not saying it, that is what they are thinking about.
If anyone has it ten years or three years or thirty years, I do not wish this stigmatised and chronic debilitating illness on anyone.
Its a deasese that has no boundereis and all can do is hurt and make us dout our real self’s and beliefs and exsistance.
notevenwrong
@nature boy, I agree with your point on risk reduction, and so do the health authorities in certain other countries where sex can actually be discussed with some sanity, such as Australia and Canada.
As for the quote, journalists seldom get anything right, so I don’t think it is worth getting in a huff. But for all we know he DID use risk reduction and it happened not to work out – you don’t know, for example, that he didn’t do exactly what you do.
notevenwrong
@nature boy, in other words, let’s say someone had sex with a guy who DID pull out. When he seroconverts after, he will consider the “slip-up” to have been the unprotected sex.
By the way, while pulling out reduces risk, it is still quite risky, not least because guys often pull out just a moment too late. I would rather not have “gay teenagers” believe pulling out will protect them; better urge people onto PrEP if they are not using condoms.
HO Weng Choy
Unlucky to have HIV but very lucky to have a happy relationship, not many people have good relationships or relation at all. Not too worry at all and I am sure you will enjoy life more with someone you share.