BOTTOMHOOD IS POWERFUL

Bottom Shame With A Side Of “No Asian”: A Message For All You Racist Grindr Users Out There

hoang-tan-nguyen“I think the impression in many gay men’s minds is that, at the end of the night, [all Asian men] will lie back, throw their legs in the air, and beg to be fucked,” author and video artist Hoang Tan Nguyen tells Queerty in an exclusive interview.

His book, A View from the Bottom: Asian American Masculinity and Sexual Representation, challenges this stereotype by offering an in-depth critique of male effeminacy and its racialization in pop culture.

Nguyen was born in Saigon, Vietnam. His family moved to the United States when he was about 10 years old. Today, he is an Assistant Professor of English and Film Studies at Bryn Mawr College. We had an opportunity to interview him about his book, his work and his thoughts on society’s views of gay Asian men.

Check out what he had to say…

In your book A View from the Bottom you examine some of the stereotypes surrounding gay Asian men. What is the most common stereotype you’ve observed?

The popular stereotype is that gay Asian men are effeminate, passive bottoms. This even applies to the young, muscular guys in bars or online. They are not perceived as “hunks” the way that white guys might be. I think the impression in many gay men’s minds is that though they appear butch, at the end of the night, these Asian studs will lie back, throw their legs in the air, and beg to be fucked. One of the key arguments of my book is that while gay Asian men are associated with the bottom position, there is nothing wrong with being bottom per se. What is troubling is the idea that Asian men’s sexual desire is restricted to that one position.

How is an Asian man who bottoms viewed differently from, say, a white man who bottoms?

The view of Asian men, gay and straight, as effeminate, lacking in the proper quotient of masculinity, and therefore, sexual undesirability, can be attributed to a Western colonial mindset that deems “the Orient” as a mysterious, feminine space to be seduced, conquered, and penetrated. So gay Asian men’s bottoming is considered to be a “natural” expression of their racial nature. But white men’s bottoming doesn’t say anything about their racial essence. It’s just a sexual role that gets them off. While being on the receiving end of anal sex usually brands the bottom as passive and feminized, race complicates matters. Getting fucked doesn’t necessarily impugn white men’s claims to masculine prerogatives in the way that it does to Asian men’s.

a-view-from-the-bottomYou’ve argued that this is ultimately a way of reinforcing the white men’s sexuality in society.

Racialized sexuality has been constructed to reinforce white men as the norm. Asian men’s asexuality is counter-balanced by black and Latino men’s hypersexuality; Asians possess too little, blacks and Latinos possess too much. The two poles serve to confirm white masculinity as just right, safely in the middle. Put another way, whiteness is attached to the category of the human and accorded the status of the universal, which in this case, we can link to the white men’s sexual versatility.

What do you think about guys who write things like “No Asians” on their dating profiles?

Sexual racism is nothing new by any means. A job advertisement listing “no Asians” would obviously be considered prejudiced and discriminatory. So why is a hookup ad different? Why is it that a hot chest pic suddenly becomes blockable when an Asian face is revealed?

A lot of people would argue it’s their “personal preference.”

I’m more than happy to support people’s personal preferences, sexual and otherwise. However, it’s clear that one doesn’t wake up one day and find oneself exclusively preferring white twinks, bi muscle bears, vegetarian otters, and so on. Much of what we call “preferences” are actually shaped by cultural norms and social institutions. Racism is not a preference, it’s a social institution that confers benefits and privileges to some while excluding others.

What do you think are the steps to overcoming the stereotypes and stigmas these guys on dating apps seem to feel towards Asian men?

Well, the first step is to go out and fuck an Asian man, or get fucked by one. That advice applies to Asian and non-Asian men (and women) alike. Don’t knock it till you try it, as the saying goes.

When challenging the stigmatization of gay Asian men, we must be careful not to reinscribe the standards of normative masculinity. For instance, the knee-jerk response by Asian American critics and activists has been to assert that Asian men are just as masculine and potent as men of other races. This is obviously true. But, such a defensive claim ends up reinforcing femmephobia. What’s wrong with being effeminate? That’s an intersectional issue. Fat, femme, Asian, whatever, we shouldn’t throw each other under the bus.

I’m not interested in combating the truth or falsehood of Asian men as weak, submissive bottoms. Rather, I’m more interested in expanding how we think about Asianness and masculinity and femininity. I want us to consider the erotic and desirable in terms of an ethics of pleasure and agency without policing what is or is not legitimate.

Water color by Susan Choi
Water color by Susan Choi

You tackle this very idea in your video Forever Bottom!

Yes. My video Forever Bottom! critiques the assumption that all Asian men are bottoms but does not try to recuperate Asian masculinity. The video is a four-minute montage of an Asian man getting fucked in a variety of locations (the bedroom, in the shower, against the stove, on the lawn, in the car, at the beach); the video shows an insatiable bottom unrepentantly taking up private and public space. I don’t try to counter the stereotype by portraying or saying that Asians can in fact be butch tops. I don’t position being top as better than being bottom. Bottomhood is powerful!

How can bottomhood be powerful?

As any connoisseur of anal eroticism can tell you, the category of bottom encompasses many different kinds: bossy bottom, insatiable bottom, lazy bottom, submissive bottom, big-dicked bottom, power bottom. The numerous adjectives modifying bottom suggest that bottoming doesn’t mean just one thing, specifically, in the assertion of needs, wants, demands, desires. My phrase “bottomhood is powerful” riffs off of second wave feminism’s slogan “sisterhood is powerful.” On one level, it challenges the assumption of bottomhood as wholly powerless, humiliating, and shameful; getting fucked doesn’t mean one is fucked over. On another level, the phrase is a bit cheeky because my thinking about bottomhood privileges the pleasure and agency in the very surrender of power. Passivity, submission, and masochism can be chosen and pleasurable.

Alternatively, we can focus on the positive aspects of bottomhood and embrace vulnerability, receptivity, and openness. Adopting the bottom position allows us to think about and make coalitions with those who are similarly situated at the bottom of social hierarchies. As members of a group deemed to be racially and sexually abject, gay Asian men are in an ideal place to offer a strong critique of the racial-sexual status quo. Instead of fighting among ourselves for the scraps thrown our way by those on top, it would be more productive to bond with others located on the bottom—queers, people of color, women, the differently abled—in order to undo the top-bottom hierarchy. In that sense, bottomhood can be very powerful indeed.

Related: Author Calls Out Gay Men For “Fat-Shaming And Negative Body Talk”

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93 Comments

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    ” The popular stereotype is that gay Asian men are effeminate, passive bottoms.”

    If this is a ” popular stereotype” of Asian gay men It’s one that has entirely bypassed me and my friends. Other stereotypes sure..but not this.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    … But I guess there is no victimhood points in that. You’re really not helping your cause, and in fact doing a great disservice to all the Asian gay men

  • iminloveithink

    Felt the need to express a point over Prince snarks snark. There is no victimhood. I will point out a real experience when as an queer Asian man you are told by a gay Caucasian man “I’d rather be a woman than a gay Asian man.” This was at an orientation for an lgbt kids help line…. Granted it was a discussion point, but still cannot deny it is a viewpoint that exist and can’t be overlooked by saying well I haven’t seen it so you guys are doing this all in the name of victimhood.

  • Masc Pride

    Sounds like someone is still steaming over not being able to get the white peen he wanted, so he decided to write a whole book about it.

    As far as roles go, how often do you even see Asian tops online? The overwhelming majority of the ones I’ve see online were bottoms with smaller frames. It may be wrong to generalize, but there’s usually a little truth to most stereotypes.

  • bottom250

    my queens we should never feel shame for being wonderful effeminate bottoms.

  • iggy6666

    Haha. This guy must have done a lot of digging to write a book on the subject . Move on and forget people who don’t WANT to sleep with you and find someone who does. Pretty simple and less paper.

  • ChuckF

    Hoang Tan Nguyen is a hero not just to those of us who bottom but to anyone who’s known discrimination. To get the liberation ball rolling it took someone so say, I”m here.” He not just does that but adds his love of bottoming to it, something some gay men are afraid to admit to. Our community is a messy pile of minorities and as a group we are a minority. He is empowering other Asian men to come out sexually. More power to him.

  • Chip

    OMG… It seems we have reached a point if you don’t screw anyone that wants you then you are some kind of bad person. God forbid people have preferences. Different things turn people on. Its best people announce it in profiles so you know right off they are not interested.

    And I say this as a disabled wheelchair bound gay man. I think I might be closer to the back of the line than all these other butt hurt queens. And I would never try and shame a guy for not being interested. If you don’t turn someone on its not because they are an evil person.

  • stadacona

    I’ve never found asian men attractive. The whole package from facial bone structure, small body frame, skin tone, straight black hair, small dick, etc. just not my thing. And their aggression and clumsy cruising make them even less attractive. Now they are endlessly complaining that it’s everyone else fault that they can’t get the hot white man. Too bad. Too many asians are a 4 that think they are a 9.

  • chckncrss

    @stadacona: yes! praise hitler and the master race

  • ErikO

    Is it still wrong if I find West Asian men attractive or sexy; but for the most part I’m not attracted to East Asian men? Men who are hardcore bottoms, or “do me” bottoms who only want to get fucked for sex are also a turn off and it doesn’t really matter about their race.

    @Chip: Well said.

  • Sansacro

    Mea culpa: I have always been very attracted to masculine Asian tops and/or bottoms. Author looks very sexy in that pic.

  • Tackle

    Here we go again! Another man of color, or should I say non-White, writing a book in essence,to really try change gay White men’s perception of them. In this case, Asians. A large part of the problem that I see with this whole not finding Asians desirable in the eyes of many White men, are Asians overall “preference” for White men. Truth be told, I will bet that over 90% of gay Asian US men prefer White men. That’s Madness! You would not find any other ethnic group in the US that prefers another race, more than they prefer their own. Wouldn’t a better book to write would be something addressing the topic of self love, attractiveness, desirability, and sexuality among Asians? If more Asians preferred themselves, there would be no need to be concerned about stereotypes, or the pre-conceived notions that OTHERS may have about you.

  • Bob LaBlah

    Only a self hating, self loathing individual would give ONE damn about what ethnic group prefers another ethnic group over their own. Have ANY of you considered that it might be just a SEXUAL preference for another group over their own and after the climactic moment its back to reality, or should I say back to their upbringing? That extends to BOTH sides.

    When it comes to the R word the Japanese and the Chinese there is a fight amongst them as to which one sits at the top. In their native lands both have the impression that all American gay men have HIV and are to be avoided. Seriously, here in America, haven’t you asked yourselves why you see so few of those two Asian groups intermingling with Americans as compared to the group that this author belongs to? I think his next book should explore that angle. They have their own thing and Americans need not apply.

  • joeyty

    What a yawner. Some men just like a lot of body hair. Etc. Stop trying to intellectualize the subject to such a ridiculous extent.

  • joeyty

    @chckncrss: “yes! praise hitler and the master race” If you dealt with more asians (especially Japanese and Koreans) you’d know how many of THEM consider themselves the master race.

  • Jonathan5865

    @Chip: if someone wanted to fuck you just because your disability, how would that make you feel? How does it feel knowing that you will either only be rejected because of your disability or someone will think of you more of a sex toy because of your disability and not like a human? I bet that feels great and probably great for everyone’s mental health.

    hey, its just a preference!

  • SumSay

    @Chip:

    No one is arguing preferences. Of course there are people who just aren’t into certain things. But, when stereotypes enforce the reason for certain preferences, that’s when it’s a problem.

  • 1898

    “The popular stereotype is that gay Asian men are effeminate, passive bottoms.”

    I didn’t even realize this was a stereotype. I’ve dated Asian guys and they were all tops.

    I guess I’m also fortunate to live in an area where I’ve never seen the “no Asians” thing on people’s app profiles. Must be a regional thing. Sad.

  • IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou

    At this point you should now scream no means no and spray mace in the face of anyone that insists you have sex with them when you don’t want to. It’s obvious they aren’t going to stop until we do.

  • kiriakis1

    It’s not offensive for people of other races to not be attracted to you. Grindr and apps like it are for sex, saying No Asians etc. is just a faster way of making sure the app user obtains what he’s there for.

    I say the above as someone who is not white and is not interested in having sex with those who are.

  • Dave Downunder

    If the topic is why some people are not attracted to Asian men then I think the author needs to start his research by asking that question to the Asian gay community. Many Asian gay men here in Sydney don’t want to date other Asian men either, only white or euro men. Don’t make it out to be only white guys that have this preference. Many of the Asian guys are seeking middle aged established white guys on ‘dating’ sites. I can’t tell you how many messages I get from Asian guys online.

  • ErikO

    The stereotypes about East Asians are that they are feminine, have small/tiny penises, low sex drives, and are all bottoms/passive during anal sex. With West Asian men it’s the opposite that they’re all hung, tops/active during anal sex, have large penises, high sex drives, are the best in bed, etc.

    @Dave Downunder: I’m in the United States and Asian men here can be extremely r a c i s t (why is this word censored on this site?), especially towards black bisexual and gay men, Latinos, and anyone that’s not East Asian. But then it’s like you said a lot of East Asian men have the “I want white men only!” in their profiles on sex/dating sites. West Asian men are not as uptight or hung up on race as East Asian men generally are.

  • ingyaom

    How does this apply to Asian men in Asia – where they’re just men? Presumably, not at all… so who cares what Euro-whites think of you?

  • okiloki

    I really enjoyed the article, but it is way too intellectual for the queerty crowd as confirmed by many of the comments.

  • Billy Budd

    “Well, the first step is to go out and fuck an Asian man, or get fucked by one”. VERY NICE ADVICE.

  • Mad Fan 89

    I find a lot of asian men are passive bottoms but seems like that have accepted it as their role & are not getting their top man role on as they would probably like too
    The few asian tops U have been with are just as big an assholes as the white ones

    Btw I am very white & I hate white guys. Don’t date or fuck them
    Prefer wog, asian, black, Latino, middle eastern etc etc
    Anything but white

  • zxcv

    @Masc Pride: Reported, no need to thank me repeat offender

  • Kangol

    Great article. Can’t wait to read the book. He’s hot too.

  • Dave Downunder

    In the article Hoang Tan Nguyen states that his made up phrase of ‘bottomhood is powerful’: “on one level, it challenges the assumption of bottomhood as wholly powerless, humiliating, and shameful; getting fucked doesn’t mean one is fucked over.”

    Does anyone really even think that anymore? There seems to be a vast majority of bottoms on the gay scene these days so much so that it can be hard to find a good top. Even the masculine beefed up muscle guys and bears are desperate to get ridden hard these days. A quick review of profiles on dating apps tells you that most guys are either bottom or vers and even the vers mostly have pics of their ass on their profile which tells me they are more bottom than top.

    It may be true that many guys view Asian men as being bottoms but I don’t think that means that they also view being a bottom in a negative way. I think it is more likely a reflection of what they view as a desirable top rather than a reflection on their view of being a bottom.

  • Mad Fan 89

    The few asian tops I have been with are just as big an ass

  • gayhope1990

    @Made Fan 89:You’re white and you hate white…okay…so you hate yourself…We have a nutcase. Generally white,Latinos and mestizo are the most handsome.

  • zxcv

    @gayhope1990: of course a hateful individual like yourself would mak that [email protected] comment. Your time will come. And to all who are guilty,that’s why Cho Seung Hui happened. I suppose hate towards certain [email protected] groups is to be tolerated

  • Dan H

    Interesting and thought provoking article.

    Clearly from some of the comments, one can see the author is on to something. On the other hand, we all have stereotypes of each other based on how we look. Often those stereotypes are completely wrong, and it’s difficult to be on the receiving end (as it were) of a negative perception that has nothing to do with what you actually are. Looking beyond stereotypes on all levels often helps us step beyond lazy thinking. Although living in a pretty integrated community helps, I’m often surprised at the stereotypes and ignorance that persists.

    Of my own limited observations in the SF Bay Area, gay people in general seem to date across racial lines more often than straight people. I notice, proportionally, more inter racial same sex couples. Sexual chemistry is hard to force if it isn’t there and pushing yourself to have sex with people who don’t turn you on is perverse and ultimately defeats whatever perceived social good is supposed to result. However, some of us—and I am guilty of this— tend to look past types of people that aren’t in our sexual comfort zone. I don’t even allow myself to sexualize them a bit, I scan past looking for whatever my ideal type is. Sometimes it is surprising what I’m missing when I allow myself to take in everyone.

    Finally, while I like the author’s sexual frankness and bittom empowerment, there is a kind of predictable limited thinking that I associate with queer studies in academia at work here. It sort of tends towards victimization whining and to painting a fairly normal human trait like physical preferences as based in something malign especially as practiced by the dominant culture. We all know it’s tough being a sexual minority, straight people have a lot of strange notions of us, the same is true of being a racial minority.

    I celebrate the author’s empowerment, I empathize with his frustratiins and I reject the notion of using my sexual life to overturn social hierarchies.

  • n900mixalot

    Just another comment mentioning that I’ve seen just as much Whites only coming from Asian folks as I’ve seen no Asians from others.

  • Brian

    Sexual preferences are very particular in nature. I don’t think there’s any malice in saying “no Asians” if Asians don’t turn you on sexually. There’s a world of difference between this form of rejection and saying to someone “you do not deserve equal rights in society because you’re Asian”.

    Let’s keep a cool head about all this. We shouldn’t be equating sexual preferences with societal exclusions.

  • gayhope1990

    @zxcp:Keep trying troll and stop threatening anyone./I think now white gay guys like white straight guys before us are always wrong according to angered minorities.Where is my hate in my post?I’m gay and proud and white and proud.I’m proud to be a guy as well.What’s the hell?I’m proud and I feel no need to hate anyone.The hateful post comes from you.

  • gayhope1990

    @Brian:Agree with you.

  • SonOfKings

    Even as a Black, gay male it gets on MY damn nerves to see all the “No Asians,” sentiments so freely and vibrantly expressed. Racial selectivity turns me off even when it turns in my favor: (White man) “I’m only attracted to Black guys.” I’d rather they evaluate me individually versus being fixated in or repelled by race alone. I think that’s what the author is feeling, and I agree with him. It’s easy to dismiss someone’s concerns when you perceive the issue as not affecting or being important to you.

  • Chip

    @Jonathan5865: It wouldn’t make me feel anything either way. I don’t HAVE to fuck them if I don’t want to. And if I am just looking for a quick screw why should I care what about me turns them on? You don’t have to analyze every hook up on how that makes you feel as a person. That’s just silly.

  • Josh447

    There are many frustrations with how the world ticks. The best thing to do in this case is resolve them within the self and move on. In this case you will never change this primary part of the matrix, you can only change how you yourself perceive it.
    I too have never thought of Asians as effeminate bottoms stuck in that stereotype. Nor have I ever heard anyone mention that until now, so I can’t agree with i. The comments I have heard about the Asian male body type is it’s simply not hot.
    Everyone has their crosses to bear in life, whether you’re hot or not. Step one is not whining about it. Step 2 is deal with your problems head on. Step 3 is getting over blaming others for your chosen thought process and lot in life. Step 4 repeat steps 1 thru 3.

  • Josh447

    Sonofkings,

    I agree that would be a good thing and some do just that. However, most are out for a good rutting with a hot fantasy. It’s a jungle out there, yet more truly ‘it’s a jungle in here’. When we start to observe ourselves as souls to blend with rather than bodies to fight over, then we’ll be onto something.

  • SonOfKings

    @Josh447:

    “Step one is not whining about it.”

    Just as I stated. It’s easy to dismiss concerns and opinions expressed by others as “whining,” instead of listening with an open mind, and perhaps learning something new.

  • joeyty

    @Dan H: “I celebrate the author’s empowerment” You won’t celebrate his empowerment when he comes at you with nunchuks !

  • martinbakman

    The video looks interesting.

    …desires of full, unrepentant bottomhood, showing the independence and gratification of being the bottom. Forever Bottom!
    OK,
    I’ll order it! ;-)

  • Mack

    At my age you pretty much take what you can get. I don’t like labels on anything. If I go to bed with a guy it’s because he interests me. If he turns out to be a top, so be it. Same goes if he turns out to be a bottom.

    I think a great deal of people are fixated on what they see in porn. If they see an Asian as a constant bottom then they associate it with all Asians being bottoms. I’ve seen some pretty hot Asians that do very well as tops. Just like when they see an African American with a big dick being constant power tops. I’ve had plenty of African Americans who does very well as bottom and most would have sworn he was a top. Stop putting labels on who is what and enjoy MAKING LOVE-not sex.

  • 1898

    @Dave Downunder: “A quick review of profiles on dating apps tells you that most guys are either bottom or vers and even the vers mostly have pics of their ass on their profile”

    Every time I talk to a guy on an app who claims to be a bottom or a vers bottom, the first thing he does is send me a dick pic. Every time. Without fail. Figure THAT one out.

  • 1898

    @martinbakman: “The video looks interesting.

    …desires of full, unrepentant bottomhood, showing the independence and gratification of being the bottom. Forever Bottom!
    OK,
    I’ll order it! ;-)”

    I was thinking the same thing but I’m not gonna spend 15 bucks on a 4-minute video. :-\

  • bottom250

    I am unrepentant effeminate fabulous bottom who fits a stereotype that I am proud to be.

  • zxcv

    @gayhope1990: Mein Fuhrer, I wasn’t threatening you, but you’ll be making the same [email protected] comments (albeit not as extreme as Stadcona) to the wrong person & you’ll be sorry. If you can’t figure out what par of your original comment was [email protected], then there is no hope for you

  • zxcv

    @joeyty: [email protected] much??? I’ve seen a definite pattern from you. You’ll be sorry when you push the wrong person (I’m not the one making threats as you’re not worth a criminal record). Signed a Proud Social Justice Warrior

  • gayhope1990

    @zxcv:I never went,go or will go to a dating site.I’m in couple so it doesn’t matter for me.Live and let live.Anyone fucks who he wants and so what?

  • stanhope

    @Masc Pride: he doesn’t cover the Asians who won’t touch another Asian and i can attest that there are a good number of those. For some having a white ‘husband’ is a symbol of status…look around, what do you see when you put the glasses of political correctness aside and look at the unvarnished reality.

  • Tackle

    @Bob LaBlah: And you must be one of the most self hating, self loathing person here on Queerty, since you always have your nose up in Black peoples’s business on here. Remember the 12 videos posted during the so-called gay bashing at the Dallas BBQ grill? And have you ever considered that a lot of our sexual attraction in a White dominated society are shaped my images,given to our conscience, and sub-conscience minds? Of course not. You seem too simple. And speaking about what another ethnic group prefers, why the [email protected] are YOU commenting here. Didn’t you just write that only a “self loathing, self hating individual would give one damn about what ethnic group prefers another over their own.” Shit barely makes any sense, like a lot of your writing. Hypocrite!

  • wakeupscreaming

    I’m not into 13 yr olds or 80 yr olds, so i must be a bigoted ageist.
    I’m not into women, so I must be a prejudiced sexist a-hole.
    I’m not into guys smaller than 5’10, as I’m 6’5″ and don’t like the feeling of being a giant, so I must be a hateful *unt.
    i’m a vers top, but I like other vers tops, yada yada yada…

    Yep. insecure people find any reason to feel victimized.
    I recall this on a topic board on Craigslist in Vancouver. Vancouver Canada now has a large contingent of Asians from mass immigration — probably a good third of the city is now Asian, and outlying cities like Richmond are 80-90% Asian. My points kept getting deleted and censored because they would not tolerate a dissenting opinion. You can’t force someone to have sex with you!

  • stadacona

    Zxcv…lunatic violence threatening SJW POS…uses a [email protected] slur for Southern European (of which I am absolutely not) while calling me a [email protected] What a complete hypocrite and proof of the mental instability of leftists/ multiculturalists. Trump for President! Keep it up Zxcv an I WILL report your threats to the police.

  • joeyty

    @zxcv: Go have another Scotch, silly clown.

  • scotty

    well i adore Asian men. hell i adore all men, the hot ones i adore a bit more.

  • Bob LaBlah

    @Tackle: ” Shit barely makes any sense, like a lot of your writing. Hypocrite!”

    You hit the nail on the head. Thats EXACTLY what I think of you forever crying victim types. Queen, I remember all to well your getting bent out of shape and throwing bana…..I’m sure you get my drift in regards to the videos that I posted. And I still say that was you in those beige pants, or your twin. I thank you for the free publicity in regards to the video that I sure as hell am going to repost of you on that subway train. It must be awfully hot in that SRO your in up in NYC.

  • osman

    @ChuckF: I agree !!

  • DCguy

    These stereotypes are such B.S. Anybody who claims they are a top and look down on bottoms, is most likely really wanting to bottom but are carrying so much baggage they are afraid to.

  • ralphb

    I truthfully don’t get this. When I first hit the gay scene in the 60’s I would “sleep with” any man that had a personality I was drawn to. And race meant nothing to me. I am versatile, and I like my bed mate to be likewise. I suppose that there were people I knew who would not have sex with someone of another race due to stereotypes, but I never really paid attention to it. I believe we have the right to have sex with whatever appeals to us, regardless of the reason, good or bad. I suppose if I were not in a 40+ year marriage I may be more aware of what is happening out there, but, honestly, at this point I just cannot be more unmoved by his arguments.

  • zxcv

    @stadacona: Do the world a favor and off yourself useless Kraut. It’s nice of you to dispay your FAR RIGHT tendencies w/your 2nd comment. You commenced the racial “war” with your original anti Asian commentary

  • zxcv

    @joeyty: …so says the [email protected] ALL of us know you have an axe to grind w/Asians

  • joeyty

    @zxcv: It’s that Fu Manchu sneakiness I’m onto.

  • Masc Pride

    @stanhope: Oh, I know. Asian and black guys can both be way more adamant about “whites only” than white guys, and no one says much about it. Same with masc/fem stuff. Masc4masc is “wrong”, yet most fem guys prefer masc types as well, and no one attempts to shame them for it. HIV too. Poz4poz is totally fine, but neg guys who serosort are somehow the spawns of Satan. It just goes on and on…

  • da90027

    I like Coffee ice cream I don’t preach to people at Rite Aid who buy chocolate. Why does anyone feel the need to push their preferences on anyone else. Same with religion keep it to yourself.

  • Obsidian

    Well speaking from experience as a black male many Asian men along work white men are just as biased. I actually like Asian men but they barely look at me. I’m handsome and workout but hardly anything. We are all products of our environment as much as want to believe we’re above it all. Stereotypes within the gay community are just as bad as in the heterosexual world, and this is me also admitting I have things to work on.

  • Kangol

    @da90027: It’s not “pushing a preference,” because, as the author highlighted in the original article notes, we do not live in a historical, social, political or economic vacuum. I know that’s hard for some people to grasp, but hey, it’s the truth.

    Perhaps a better analogy would be if you were subjected to ads, articles, etc., 24/7/365 AGAINST chocolate ice cream or were constantly told it was inferior, poison, dangerous, etc., or had learned that people had been jailed and killed for eating it, and then someone said they wanted it instead of coffee, you might not be so sanguine. Do you kind of get the larger picture now?

  • ShowMeGuy

    Great news. This means there is less competition to get the attention of hot Asian tops. yeaaa me.

  • b2rocketfan

    I think Asain and Asain American men are super sexy!!

  • b2rocketfan

    The point was that I don’t care if he’s a bottom or top because I find these men so attractive. Not just to announce it. Lol.

  • pstanton

    As a gay Asian man, I find no offense in seeing no-Asian in a profile. That person is not attracted physically to Asians. Does that mean they think Asians are weak, inferior, and fem? Or just that they do not want to have sex with an Asian? I think the latter. I do not want to have sex with a woman – but I do not find them weak or inferior – just don’t want to bang them. Should I HAVE to try banging one – just to show that I am not a misogynist? What about red-heads (just an example here – I think red heads are super hot) – if the profile reads no red-heads, do you think they SHOULD/MUST bang a red-head to prove they are not some lunatic red-head hating ogre? These articles are so whiny. Some people find me attractive and f-able and some don’t. Maybe for my ethnicity, maybe for my personality, maybe for any other reason. That’s just how reality works.

  • iggy6666

    @osman: Nope. Mixed race actually. If someone were to exclude a demographic that i would be categorized as, I’m sure the hell not going initiate contact, then dwell on rejection.

  • iggy6666

    @pstanton: excellent view point.

  • SAasianboi

    @Masc Pride: and why does the internet only exclusively panders to the stereotype that all gay Asian men are effeminate passive bottoms? isn’t it white guys running western media?

  • SAasianboi

    as an Asian man myself who does have a small frame I have found younger shorter white guys running after me, which I find very strange. I do have some what of a Caucasian look, I look half Asian and half Caucasian. its quite strange, perhaps its the younger generation that is more open to other races. I sometimes even have UNDERAGED white boys running after me. I noticed this when I was lecturing biology while doing my phd, and some of the white boy students who used to give me the look. perhaps some white guys are just bottoms themselves and get irritated that there is the stereotype that all Asian men are bottoms. my first bf who was white was bigger and taller than me but he wanted me to penetrate him. so its a lot more complicated than what most guys think…..

  • SAasianboi

    @Dan H: i agree probably the most intelligent comment made on this thread

  • SAasianboi

    sometimes I think that Asian men are selfish, just as any race because they want what they want. there is of course this stereotype that ALL white guys are tops, which isn’t true. so as an Asian guy myself if a white guy wants to get penetrated then I have to give something as well. sometimes you have to do certain things to keep the person you have because its not all just about you.

  • joeyty

    @SAasianboi: Almost everybody, no matter which race, is selfish. Except for certain individuals.

  • acrobaticninja

    Boo hoo whiney little Asian, people have a right to not want your small Asian peen, my finger does a better job! Get over yourself already.

  • Masc Pride

    @SAasianboi: I don’t think Grindr and a4a profiles count as “western media”. We all “run” our own profiles. Are you claiming that white men are secretly posing as smaller-framed Asian bottoms online to prove a “stereotype” true? I don’t think it’s really even a stereotype. Gaysians typically tend to be smaller, don’t have much facial or much body hair, have delicate features, etc.; all these things play into who does what when it comes to sexual positions. Guys that are very short and small tend to be bottoms too. I think the total bottom thing can be a mindset that guys who feel less manly than others willfully adopt.

  • Masc Pride

    Asian guys also tend to be the most passable transwomen. #justsayin’

  • zxcv

    @Masc Pride: Gas yourself, Fuhrer worshipping Nazi pig

  • zxcv

    @Masc Pride: to the mods: why aren’t you allowing people to flag [email protected] comments and get the repeat offenders banned? Maybe if you allowed that people wouldn’t have to respond to such hate

  • rmarin776

    It seems like white people have a difficult time recognizing their own racism. A lot of the commenters here are defensive to the point of proving the article’s argument. If you don’t think people of color (especially asian people) are devalued and excluded in the LGBT community, I think you’re not really paying attention.

  • refutingking101

    @Brian: Um ..that’s basically an exclusion – to explicitly tell the public that you are not attracted to a particular race.

  • refutingking101

    A lot of you guys are not discussing the issue but are rather bashing the author and/or the Asian narrative. Like many queer Asian men or queer men of color, it continues to hurt us when the dominant race (even other non-Asian races – let’s be real – it isn’t just white men) excludes us based on “sexual preferences.” He’s hurt, and he is speaking on behalf of others alike. It’s easy to deflect the issue like many of you have, but have you ever stopped to think why? For queer white men who are in the position of power and privilege compared to queer men or other genders of color, try to understand that the social construct created by society pushes you towards the top of the social hierarchy as history has proven.

    Also, masculinity and femininity are COMPLETELY relative culture by culture and totally socially constructed. The western culture has there own idea of the aforementioned personal traits (muscular, gender roles, “be a man,” etc.). Do not forget those ideas vary across the world. For example, in South Korea, the “perfect image” of a man can be described as thin, tighter clothing, funky hairstyles and color (look at male Kpop artists).

    For all of you non-Asian folks: We are the byproduct of our culture and regional biology. Is it fair that others exclude us because of our uncontrollable physical appearance like, for example, our facial structure and or how “small” our body is?

    Please evaluate your social privilege before commenting!

  • Neonegro

    Maybe congress should pass a civil sexual rights bill.

    Every person should fulfill a quota of other races sex partners.

    It would become a hate crime for turning anyone from another race down.

    I am only sexually attracted to the skin tone, hair texture, facial features and other particulars of the NEGRO, especially the West African negro look….from Senegambia thru the Guinea cost, the gold coast, the ivory coast to the bight of biaffra.

    I can’t help it or control it…..IT IS WHAT IT IS.

  • Seamingless

    As gaysian I don’t have problem with ppl saying No Asian. They are just brainwashed by the media and hollywood over the years of negative portrayal of asian men, like who the f says suck my small penis like the asian man in Hangover, and why do they always find small unattractive asians to act in movies? There are hotter ones out there and they simply just don’t get to be on the spotlighy

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