A gay man living in Texas has appealed to stalwart advice columnist Abigail Van Buren–better known by the moniker “Dear Abby“–for help. The man in question appeals to Abby for advice in saving a very troubled relationship.
” I’m a gay man who has been in an on-again/off-again relationship for three years,” writes reader “A Lot Wrong in Texas.” “My partner still lives at home with his mother. He has never left the home, aside from a four-month period when he and his mom weren’t getting along. My issue is, aside from never fully committing, my partner, ‘Damien,’ seems to always find a way to abandon me when I hit a rough patch. I lose my job and I’m low on money? He yells at me and leaves. And he manages to not return until I’m ‘back on my feet.'”
A Lot Wrong goes on to recall several incidents where he lacked food or money, and Damien abandoned him rather than helped him. At one point, Damien even seemed to mock him by going out to eat while A Lot Wrong sat home starving.
Related: Dear Abby steps in after nosy sons investigate parent’s same-sex love affair
“Before, when I was homeless, even though he doesn’t have a place of his own, he never offered any help,” A Lot Wrong concludes. “If I say, ‘I know you’re really guarded with your money,’ he becomes enraged. And when he hears about my difficulties, he talks down to me and mocks the situation I am in. He attributes his never leaving home to his family helping him and caring about him. The fact that I’m not in a situation like his implies my family doesn’t care.”
“Can you help?” A Lot Wrong presses. Abby’s response doesn’t mince words.
“I’ll try,” Abby replies, with maybe just a hint of hesitation. “It’s time you recognized that Damien is NOT your ‘partner.’ Partners HELP each other when they are in trouble. The sooner you lose this person, the sooner you will start to feel better.”
“Damien is all about Damien,” she observes. “His character is fully formed. You can’t change him, and neither can I. Leaving Damien may help you become more independent — and that’s a good thing. Trust me on that.”
We have to agree. Dear Abby has a long history of helping out LGBTQ people and their families at a life crossroads. Just this year, Dear Abby advised a grandmother on how to best accept and support her transgender grandchild. Abigail Van Buren also has a history of calling out homophobia in her readers.
Heywood Jablowme
“Damien” must have a nice c0ck in addition to all his other nice qualities, lol.
TMBisAOK
No. It sounds more like A Lot Wrong has very low self-esteem and, especially because of being homeless and gay at some point in his life, probably feels he must cling onto ANY relationship because nobody else will love him.
Liquid Silver
He’s certainly a huge Richard.
Bry
Well, if this so called “boyfriend” Is treating you this way time and time again and YOU continue to Allow it, then it becomes partly your fault for accepting this type of behavior!! My only question is, Who the Hell did you pass up if this was Your choice in boyfriends????.
TMBisAOK
Did you even REALLY read the article? The guy has issues with self-esteem that probably only a therapist can help with. Your comment is just another catty response on the internet from someone who wants to blame the victim. It has nothing to do with who he passed up. His boyfriend at some point gave him attention and he grabbed onto it like many in the gay community do because we were never taught how to love ourselves and be ourselves…especially when it comes to dating.
Openminded
Bry, be careful about putting any blame on the victim as there is a certain internet troll on this site who will call you out as “another right wing troll trying to deflect from the subject”. That said, I agree with you that part of this guy’s growing up will have to include realizing he doesn’t need this prick in his life and that he himself is much better than he may be thinking he is.
Cam
@Openminded
Doesn’t matter what screename you’re under or what the topic is, you’re still obsessed with me.
Your troll game is sad and weak.
wooly101
I agree with Abby ditch the prick.
Prax07
The bf might be a narcissist. They’re extremely hard to break away from. Sounds like the lw gets discarded when he has nothing left to offer, and hoovered back in when he regains his footing. Typical narc behaviour.
Tombear
Damn, people are horrible to each other. It’s a relationship of convenience. Drop the prick!
PerhapsYesNoMaybe
Problem is in the first sentence “living in Texas”. Move to a better state and leave that loser behind. Deserve so much better than being emotionally abused. Find a nice fella in a better place.
Cam
Sounds like Damien thinks this is more a friends with benefits thing because anytime it gets a bit real, he’s gone. Actually a friend would stick around, so a bit more of a booty call situation although I don’t know much about their interactions when things are going well.
Doesn’t sound like a healthy place for him to be.
Invader7
No. LEAVE the non-boyfriend ASAP. You’ll be way better off without that leech holding you back.. And you’ll be in a way healthier place …