David Whitley: Wanting To Keep Gays Off The Kiss Cam Makes Me A Good Father, Not a Homophobe

Writing at AOL’s sports blog Fanhouse, David Whitley addresses the St. Louis Cardinals’ Kiss Cam Controversy, a term I just coined to make this post sound more more interesting. You know what I’m talking about: Where some 200 gays hitting the ballpark for an organized event tried to get the team to feature the ‘mos on the jumbotron, but ultimately failed? Well Whitley is siding with the MLB team on this one. Because: Two guys kissing? Ewwwsville!

Writes the future Father Of The Year:

Adam Sandler kissed Jack Nicholson at a Lakers game last year and everybody found it hilarious. Now same-sex kissing is back in the news, only it’s not so easy to laugh off. A group of gay men and lesbians want “Kiss Cam” equality. The group has an outing planned for Saturday’s St. Louis Cardinals game, and members would like to be shown giving each other a smooch. That ought to go over real well in Middle America.

I’d like to take the socially enlightened high road on this one, but I can’t help sympathizing with that father who’ll be sitting next to his son or daughter at Busch Stadium. “Daddy, why are those two men kissing?”

“Umm, err, hey isn’t that Albert Pujols coming to bat?”

If you have similar qualms, does that make us homophobic? I’d like to think not, but then I’ve never sat in a gay person’s seat during “Kiss Cam.”

Nope, but he has sat in a straight person’s seat! And this is why he doesn’t want to see two dudes on the big screen touching lips:

Because I’m not ready to discuss same-sex relationships with my 3-year-old. I don’t think she’s ready, either. I suppose at this point I should say that some of my best friends and relatives are gay. All the usual disclaimers sound empty to some activists.

To them, the old Shield-the-Kids excuse simply masks an underlying bias. A same-sex smooch is no different than if Nicholson had planted a wet one on Dyan Cannon. If “Kiss Cam” showed an interracial couple, would you quickly cover Little Johnny’s eyes?

No.

The sooner my kids see examples of racial harmony, the better. But this issue has torn up entire religions. Call me homophobic, but I just don’t think a 5- or 10-year-old brain is ready to tackle those complexities.

Know what also tore up entire religions? Interracial marriage! Oh, and inter-faith marriage! Somehow kids’ brains did not explode, and fathers managed to wake up the next morning.

The term “homophobe” gets tossed around pretty easily these days, but this is a classic example of it: Mr. Whitley is literally scared of gay people, or at least putting their affection in front of children.