TEABAGGING PARTY

Deep Throat: The Aaron Schock-Paul Ryan Gay Fanfic You Never Knew You Needed

schock-ryan-1Someone out there, namely this queen, has a serious crush on conservative gymbunnies/noted heterosexuals Aaron Shock and Paul Ryan. And now the internet has what it’s always wanted though it never knew it needed: Beltgay fanfiction.

Here are a few snippets from Part 1:

It was early on a Wednesday morning. Aaron had just finished his workout in the member’s gym, located deep in the winding hallways of one of the U.S. House office buildings.

Aaron cared deeply about his physique, and he was proud of it. Perhaps just as proud as he was of his professional accomplishments. Two years before he’d landed himself on the cover of Men’s Health – “America’s fittest Congressman” the writer proclaimed. It was probably true.

But Aaron knew there was at least one other man who worked as hard at his fitness as he did. His was the body that Aaron really wanted.

ryan-schock

This encounter ultimately leads Ryan to invite Schock to a clandestine meeting in his office later that night, tantalizing Schock’s furtive imagination:

“What the hell was that about?” Aaron said to himself, his mind racing. Does he want help with the debt limit push? Does he wanna talk about 2016? Maybe he just wants to chat, hang out?

ryan-schock-2

The thought of Aaron Schock and Paul Ryan sharing a ticket in 2016 makes this sound more like a horror story, but all political pretensions are swept aside and the two Grand Old Partiers offer each other some oral arguments:

He found what he was looking for, already hard as a rock. Jackpot. […] Aaron was good at most things. Making sure his partners were satisfied was no exception.

As he went, he could hear Paul moan. Aaron had never felt this horny in his life. He thought his pants might rip open he was so hard.

“Holy fuck, Aaron,” Paul gasped. […] “Fuck, fuck,” Paul softly uttered. Aaron looked up while still keeping Paul’s cock in his mouth. Paul was looking back at him, a look of pleasure and satisfaction that Aaron had longed for.

schock-ryan-2

Turns out Aaron’s a swallower (SCHOCKING) but when Paul decides to return the favor, he has a hard time containing his excitement:

It still didn’t take long though. Aaron had been hard for so long that he quickly finished.

Been there, done that. Also with Paul Ryan.

While this is nothing compared to the Mitt Romney-Paul Ryan fanfiction from that glorious descent into pop culture irrelevancy known as their 2012 Presidential campaign, we can’t wait to see where the subsequent parts lead. Here’s a suggestion: things get complicated when Mitt returns, having left his wife and 12(?) kids to be with Paul, but only over Aaron Schock’s drop dead gorgeous body.

This basically writes itself.

h/t: Bilerico Project