A freshly out gay man isn’t sure how he feels about his boyfriend of six months keeping in touch with his ex-lovers, so he’s asking for advice on Reddit.
The man says it all started one day when he was scrolling through the pictures on his boyfriend’s phone. His boyfriend snatched the phone away and said, “I don’t want you to see the pictures of my exes.”
That’s when he learned he was still friends with at least two former flings.
“He was friends with them then they hooked up and stayed friends,” the man, a former Jehovah’s Witness, writes. “He’s only known them for maybe three years at most. Not best friends but just friends.”
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He continues, “I told him that I don’t think people should be friends with their exes or past hookups once they enter a stable relationship. And he argued and said ‘You don’t understand because you were a Jehovah’s Witness. This is normal.'”
When the man told his boyfriend “I don’t want to have any dealings with any other person that has touched your dick,” his boyfriend replied, “We just had sex. We didn’t make love. It’s different.”
“Maybe it’s different. But when you have sex you cross a line where you are the closest to someone physically as possible. I don’t care if you made love or just f*cked.”
Now the man wonders: “What do you guys think? I wanna make sure I’m not going crazy. I’m new to the ‘gay world,’ but I am sure this isn’t as normal as he made it seem.”
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Naturally, other Redditors have lots to say about the matter.
“I’m on team BF,” one person writes. “His past sexual exploits are in the past. … It’s not OK for you to veto any of his friendships. That’s controlling and possessive and I too would break up with you over it.”
“There is nothing wrong with staying friends with your ex, as long as that relationship stays friendly,” another says.
“Some of my best friends started out as tricks,” a third person remarks. “Why in hell would you deny someone friendship because they had a sexual history? That just seems archaic to me, and not rational in the gay world.”
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But not everyone agrees.
“Who keeps pictures of them kissing their exes etc on their phone and laptop after being in a new relationship?” someone asks. “That’s odd.”
“I remember this happened before with one of my relationships,” a second person comments. “Resentment is real, and it does lead to a break up.”
“You’re not on the same page about this,” a third person writes. “You can’t force him to change his friends. You can try to have a compromise where you meet in the middle, but it’s likely going to bring big resentment to both of you. You guys might just be incompatible.”
What do you think? Is this guy being unreasonable by expecting his boyfriend to drop any friends he’s hooked up with prior to their meeting? Share your thoughts in the comments section below…
Bromancer7
Yes he’s being unreasonable. He has no right to tell his BF who he can be friends with. Nor whose pictures he can have on his phone.
sandratcoleman19
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joeboyle49
YOU CAN REMAIN FRIENDS WITH YOUR EXS. BUT WHEN YOU GO AND HAVE SEX WITH THEM WHILE YOUR WITH YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND IS WRONG!!
WayDifferent
#weakgaymales
You’ll find this all hilarious when his new “lover” looks like Howdy Doody. Nope, I can’t compete with that. I’ll sit down now.
sanfranca1
Yes, delete those pics.
1898
there are two very different questions here: 1) is it ok to remain friends with an ex? and 2) is it ok to keep your exes’ nude pics on your phone?
the decision of whether or not to remain friends with an ex is complicated. there are a lot of factors involved. there are some exes i’m still friends with; there are other exes that i never want to see or speak to ever again. regardless, that’s my decision, not the decision of the person i’m currently in a relationship with
regarding nudes: i personally would not keep my exes’ nudes on my phone. if the person is an ex, there’s usually a good reason i don’t want to see him anymore and i don’t want or need to be reminded of him every time i’m looking through my photos. if i’m in a monogamous relationship i’d have even less reason to have his nudes on my phone; i’d be too busy enjoying the actual nude body of the person i’m in a relationship with!
if i’m in a monogamous relationship and my bf still had HIS exes’ nudes on HIS phone, it probably would bother me. i wouldn’t demand that he delete them, and i wouldn’t be looking through his phone in the first place, but if i did somehow find out about it, it would make me wonder if he still had feelings for his ex or wonder if they were still hooking up on the side. the mature and healthy thing to do is talk about it and be open and honest about it
WayDifferent
Nah. But you should delete your nudes from every “dating” app like Raul the AA flight attendant in $homopton O’Hare, IL did for me on our hook-up. He was looking for a “relationship” and thought this was a “date” and took over the entire situation. I was looking for sex after finally seeing his penis on the internet. He had a nice full bush in the pic but it was shaved prepubescent bare when we did the do. I moved on. He’s back with his gay sidekick akin to Oprah & Gayle that seem to not want to get married either…..for whatever reasons. He was a “Latin Lover” that humped on my German thigh in the kitchen and came in 34 seconds. “Have you ever had a Latin Lover?” , he asked. Didn’t even know his “cultures” own music while busting out the obligatory Madonna on a short road trip.
#fake #gayswillneverlearn #ladygaga #cher #madonna
MichaelannD
I’m a cis-straight female ally here, not gay. But I wouldn’t be comfortable with my current partner having nudes of his ex’es. It’s not necessarily a straight-or-gay thing. I just don’t think these 2 are at all compatible, they are too far apart in personal viewpoints.
Aires the Ram
I don’t think the issue is whether or not to still have contact with ex’s or whether or not to have pics of them on your phone. I think the issue is this guy’s insecurity and inexperience in relationships. He isn’t comfortable in his own skin yet, and his so-called ‘moral compass’ is spinning. He needs more experience in life before committing to any serious relationship with anyone. He places pre-determined ‘rules’ on his new partner, and probably doesn’t communicate those ‘rules’ very well, or at all.
Jack
You don’t need nude photos of your ex’s. It’s disrespectful to your boyfriend, and frankly it’s just juvenile. Does it just get you off to look at nude pictures? No, because that’s what the internet is for. You want to retain nudes of YOUR EX, which should hurt your current boyfriend, reduce his trust and would make anyone insecure about your commitment. If the friendship is important and wholesome you don’t need his d*ck pic. If you did, I’d dump your ass and find someone who values me and isn’t shady.
pokkelbeer
He’s being unreasonable.
djmcgamester
I probably wouldn’t keep them on my phone. If they were on social media, I don’t know. Probably not necessary to delete them if it wasn’t a bad breakup. As far as friendships go, I don’t see why not. Just because the romance didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends. Jealously is a dangerous thing.