A Reddit posting has prompted a debate among gay men regarding personal hygiene. It appears on the @LOLGrindr subreddit, where people post snaps of their Grindr conversations.
The man who posted asked, “Is it unreasonable to ask for a shower pre-hookup? 😬”
Accompanying the question were three screenshots in which he tries to encourage a Grindr hookup to have a shower before coming over. The man in question says he had a shower earlier in the day.
How about we take this to the next level?
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The host suggests a shower earlier in the day is not quite good enough. He says he’d really appreciate a fresh shower and says it’s a turn-on for him.
His potential guest says that if he were to take another shower, he then wouldn’t want to go out again. He suggests they arrange another time when he can go over to the guy’s house, shower and then hang out.
The undeterred host suggests, “How about this? You shower and I come over this time?”
His potential paramour cannot be persuaded, saying he’s only looking for sex and doesn’t “have the energy to get myself all spruced up.”
Brush teeth only?
In a last-ditch attempt, the host relents and says he’d be OK with the guy just brushing his teeth and coming over.
By now, the guy appears to have decided to rearrange for another day.
“We’ll do it another time when I can get ready to your standards 😉 and so we can have more time to chill, or take pics together, or whatever fun we get up to ;)”
This led to the poster’s original question: Was he being unreasonable to ask the guy to shower before coming over?
A common courtesy?
The conversation prompted hundreds of comments. Most people accept that some guys have a kink for manly smells. However, the majority of those who replied appreciate hygiene and freshness.
“I mean, freshly showered and teeth brushed is a common courtesy for hookups, right? It’s not just me who does it?” was the most well-liked comment.
“It may just be the loud nature of kink communities, but it seems like nowadays people are really into post-gym, sweaty, musky stuff,” said another. “I’m not into feet, pits, or musk, so I much prefer a freshly showered person, but I can see why people are resistant if they’re into that.”
Many shared tales of men turning up who had obviously not washed body parts for some time.
Some felt the original poster had been a little pushy.
“The other homie wasn’t trying to be musky,” said one responder. “But he was just up front like ‘Hey I’m not tryna do all that if you wanna f*ck around rn but we can make it happen later” and [poster] ignored them and kept pushing for right then and there, which meant the homie wasn’t down to shower and do a whole thing.”
This user concurred, “I agree that being freshly showered and teeth brushed is important… but you’re not taking no for an answer here. He said he’s not in the mood to deal with it and he’s just looking to get off. Maybe he’ll find someone who’s into it, maybe he won’t, but it’s not you, so bid him goodnight and hit him up at a different time when he’s into giving you what you want.”
“Never lower your standards”
Another added that the poster shouldn’t have offered compromises.
“Never lower your standards, despite how horny you are.”
This was echoed by others: “My love, don’t sleep with someone who won’t shower for you” and “Too lazy to shower but not lazy enough for a f*ck.”
The debate raged on. Some said both had reasonably asserted their feelings and should be equally respected.
“Let me just say what a pleasure it is to see a post where two people, possibly strangers, have a freaking respectful conversation that emphasizes communication. It’s a rarity here, and Grindr. Good on you for sticking to your standards and on him for respecting them. Super hot!”
So, do you always expect a guy to be freshly showered before a hook-up? And do you always shower yourself just in advance?
Related:
Gay guys share the things they put down to protect their bedsheets during sex
It seems you guys use a lot of different things to keep your bed nice and clean.
Jim
Freshly showered is unnecessary.
Being “clean” is mandatory
Raphael
I am with the guy. To be clean for sex, you have to be freshly showered. You’re not the one sniffing your own groin or ass; after a few hours, you’re not as “clean” as you may think…
I’m glad in my country, people are really clean.
Walking the Dog
There is a difference between normal man smells and rancid body odor, something I could never get my ex to understand.
smittoons
It’s natural to want your partner to be clean before a hookup. The poster was being a little anal (in a bad way) about how he pressed the issue though. He’s coming across like his hookup’s mother, asking him to wash behind his ears. If your hookup is habitually kinda rank and that’s not your thing, then reevaluate the situation. Dictating standards of hygiene like the other person is a kid is not the best look.
My pet peeve about dating though has always been how difficult it is to be ready to bottom *and* do normal dating activities without having to interrupt it all to take a shower at some point and be sure you are good to go.
I will watch a show or movie where gay male characters work all day at an office or wherever, go have dinner, and then go back to their house and immediately start boning. You know, like most other couples usually could do. It’s always like, “What?! When did they have time to douche? Is he eating Chinese takeout? They had coffee that morning! Did he pop an Imodium? Omg they are just going straight for the butt!” Very rarely do they show one partner just waiting around while the other goes to town because all the fiber in the world isn’t a guarantee you’re totally ready that evening after a shower that morning.
snpwm
Right on Smittoons. As a very clean bottom too, I have to do the ‘ritual’ that takes me an hour sometimes. I prefer to know in advance ( hours or a day) that I will be having sex, so I am prepared to the best of my ability, if you know what I mean. By the same token, I expect my top to shower right before he comes over and not hours before. I have noticed that gay guys, in general, dont like to be really, reallyyyy clean! The human body stinks again after just a few hours. I know, from experience, that running water and some soap just over their ‘junk’ is what they call taking a shower. NOT! The area around the b@%#$, under the foreskin, under the d!#^, aaaall the area to and inside the @$$, the feet, the pits, the mouth ( NOT just the teeth, but most importantly the gums, the tongue, the palate!), the face, the hair, the hands, the whooooooole body needs to be washed carefully. Respect your partner and yourself. Be clean. Stinky is out for me anyways. I absolutely expect the same from my partner!
Chaz
Wow. And here I was thinking that being freshly showered and brushing your teeth before a hook-up was standard practice. How much/little you think you smell, and how much/little someone else thinks you smell after a long day, are two very different things. My mouth and tongue are going to enjoy all of you, so good hygiene is definitely a turn-on.
winemaker
i can’t stop laughing at this posting and in fact I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants. That said, this is the 21st century and we have access to soap and hot water so their’s no excuse for being a slob. This is a no brainer. take a shower and brush your teeth before intimacy and this means wash your butt crack, taint and if you’re UNCUT, peel back your FORESKIN and rinse. You’ll feel better, smell better and your partner will appreciate this . Really why is this an issue?