A Facebook posting by a gay man in Texas has gone viral and prompted thousands of comments. In it, Sam Hatton explains his crushing disappointment at an attempt to buy a wedding suit with his fiancé.
Hatton is bigger and taller than average. Or as he puts it, he’s a “6’2” 350 lb teddy bear”. He sometimes struggles to find clothing in sizes that fit. Understandably, he wants to look great and feel comfortable on his wedding day.
Sam and partner Jake decided to go to suit retailer Indochino, which makes custom-fit suits. Its website emphasizes how the company will produce the “perfect fit” as all suits are made to measure and customizable for individual clients.
“Jake, my partner, and I are getting married in September. He’s pretty casual. I’ve never seen him in a suit. So the prospect of that alone was half of the reason to have a wedding,” Sam said on his post.
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“I, however, like a good suit. Being an overweight man, it’s one of the few options I have to look nice. Plus, I needed a new one. So instead of looking like loose bags of potatoes in rentals, we opted to research and buy, knowing how much places like Indochino cost. Why not just pay twice the rental fee and get a relatively nice-looking suit?
“As a fat person, I’ve learned to plan. I cannot stand pitying looks or being given any reason to look more out of place in a world that isn’t made for me. It’s something I’ve learned to do from being embarrassed a few too many times. The booth at the diner is too small or you accidentally catch a belt loop on the door frame for the millionth fucking time. I wake up in the world as someone who has to prove they aren’t a clown. It is exhausting.
“So I researched and planned. I read fashion blogs by overweight men who endorsed Indochino. I read and reread Indochino’s site and several times entered in my measurements and got very excited. I was going to get to share the same unfettered experience with my partner.
“I wouldn’t have to make any concessions or pretend like I was having just as much fun watching, I was going to get to participate! I’m getting married and I was getting to do a standard thing the standard person way. I was excited!
“We drove three hours to the nearest Indochino store in Dallas. It was our first time making an online suit purchase so we wanted to make sure everything was properly done.
“Jake and I wait our turn. He was scheduled first. When our very kind associate, obviously trying to think of a way to say something uncomfortable said, ‘…so long as you fit within our measurements.’ She tried her hardest to look at both of us but everyone knew what was about to happen. I was crestfallen.
“She kindly measured Jake first. I want to emphasize how kind this person was. She obviously wanted to make me feel as human as possible. I can’t say how much I appreciate that. Then she measured me.
“Shoulders, broad, good. Neck, good. Arms, good. Waist. ‘Sir, I’m so sorry but you’re just a few inches out of our standard measurements. My system won’t allow me to fit you.’
“Knowing it was coming didn’t really prepare me. Neither did the very kind theater for what everyone knew was about to happen. ‘She was incredibly apologetic.’ I’ve learned to appreciate kindness in these situations. But I’ve also learned not to speak out for myself out of politeness. I’m trying to break that habit.
“Sorrowful, holding back tears, I said, ‘It doesn’t say anywhere on your site that I wouldn’t fit. You have to understand how embarrassing and hurtful this is.’
“I made sure to indicate that my complaint wasn’t with her, but her employer’s system. She, without prompting agreed that it was awful, I could see the human concern in her eyes and indicated that she would work hard to make sure someone who could do something knew what happened.
“She also gave me the name and number of a good tailor. She asked if she could have him reach out. I consented.
“But, Jake still needed a suit,” continues Sam. “It took about 30 minutes to help him pick out fabrics, accessories, etc. He looks good in a suit by the way. They had to figure out a way to get his butt to fit right in the pants. I tried to switch to my ‘just as much fun to watch’ mode, but it wasn’t working.
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Sam says the incident triggered lots of painful memories.
“All I could think is of every incident I’ve been embarrassed, outside of my control. Every time I’ve been made to feel like an obstacle or a thing in someone’s way. Every time I’ve been pushed aside for the ten people waiting in line who were ‘normal’. Every fad diet my mother thought would be ‘helpful’. It was too much to take. I couldn’t even look my partner in the eyes. If I had I would have ended up bawling right there and then.
“We finished, paid, and left. I think we spent just over $500. Not bad.
“Jake asked If I wanted lunch. I asked him to drive somewhere private. Navigating Dallas traffic, he found a parking structure. I asked him to leave. I know it’s probably not healthy but I needed to do this alone.
“I didn’t just cry, I wailed. For 20 minutes, in a dark parking structure, I mourned my dignity. I can’t describe it as anything other than loss.
“For those of you who don’t know how it feels, I really do envy you.
“After I was sure I was finished, I checked my phone. I had a missed call from a tailor. The woman at the store hadn’t wasted any time. She really is a good person. I was seen as a person by her that day, not an obstacle.”
The tailor turned out to also be kind and helpful.
“I’ll be getting a custom suit,” said Sam. “It cost about three times what we paid for my partner’s. Don’t get me wrong, it is worth every penny. It’s a completely custom suit made by a small business owner. The point is, that day, there wasn’t just an emotional premium for being fat, there was a $1000 fee.
“I am reminded every day that I live in a world that isn’t made for me. When I was a little younger, seeking out queer relationships drew that reality to an even finer point.
“Fat people are people. We aren’t a joke. We aren’t clowns.
“And yes, we’ve tried fucking keto.”
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The posting has had almost 4k comments and 10k shares. Many comments came from people who could relate to Sam’s experience and feelings.
“This made me cry so hard. I relate to every word… Every moment…” said Laura Clubbs Perez. “I think you will both look stunning and I pray your wedding is as beautiful and as special as you are.”
“I’m so sorry this world is so cruel to those of us who don’t fit into this world. I cried so much reading this because it touched all the scars still on my heart from experiencing these moments and feelings myself,” said Rachael Berg Watkinson.
Sam and Jake are based in Abilene, Texas. They met in September 2014, after matching online. They immediately hit it off and moved cities to be together just two weeks after their first date. They are marrying on September 18th this year. Sam is the chairperson for the Abilene PRIDE Alliance.
Sam told Queerty he had been overwhelmed by the response to his posting.
“It has been incredibly uplifting to see that my story resonates with so many people. As a queer person, I know what it’s like to be excluded for who I am. I know what it’s like to be disparaged or not to be taken seriously. Most queer people know what that feels like.
“Being large isn’t the same as my queer experience, but it is similar. I think that’s what has resonated so much. People know what it feels like to be excluded for being different. They know what it’s like to try and pass as straight in an interview or to be the volunteer that takes the photo so you don’t have to be in it. They know the general malaise the concerns over this are met with. Day after day.
“I hope that maybe this can be the start of a conversation about what difference means. That maybe, someday soon, we can see each other for the complex, compassionate, beautiful creatures we all are. That we meet each other with dignity and respect instead of trying to explain why we’re better.”
He said Indochino had reached out to him and informed him, “They are working in the short-term to make sure that it is clear on their site where the sizing options end for in-store suits.”
Queerty reached out to Indochino. A spokesperson sent the following statement.
“We are disheartened to learn of Sam’s experience in our showroom and apologize for making him feel excluded or in any way ashamed about his body. We pride ourselves in providing exceptional experiences for our customers and we let Sam down. We have connected directly with Sam to learn more about his experience and understand how we can improve as a company.
“While we would love to be able to accommodate every person; the made-to-measure pattern technology used in our showrooms does have limitations. Our alternative online pattern, although not limitless, is able to accommodate a wider range; however, we have found historically that customers who are body diverse are not always successful in achieving a satisfying fit using this option.
“As immediate next steps, we are adding clarity to our website so that customers are aware of the restrictions of our pattern, and we are driving greater awareness around body diversity within the organization.”
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Harley
Well I wished you would have included the picture of him in the suit. I would have loved to have seen it.
MissTerri
Me too!!!!!!!!!
Raphael
It’s not being a week yet, he’s getting a custom suit, these things take time.
sfhairy
Did precious get hurt because he couldn’t fit into a suit? You either go to a big and tall store or you go to a custom tailor. FFS this country has turned into a whine-fest when it comes to the obese. I’m fat and how dare the world not conform to me being fat. Clothing companies do not carry every size on earth. You know why you’re fat. Do something about it. I did. I used to be 350lbs, but have been able to keep it off with diet and exercise for the last 20 years. Yes, it’s hard, yes I’ve yoyoed in weight, but I always bring it back down to 200. I never complained that X store didn’t have my size, because I knew that they wouldn’t.
MissTerri
Be careful Hon! Cam will come in here and accuse you of being a Right wing Troll!! Hi-LAR-ious!!!!!
Startrax99
Sfhairy,
Good for you!
But, not everyone is like you. He may have a medical reason for being his size, and if not, none of your business.
This is more of a “feel good” article, good on you for fat shaming.
Cam
@MissTerri The right wing troll, obsessed with me as usual. Sorry calling out your lies enrages you so much snowflake. lol
@sfhairy You may have missed the part of the story where the store said that they measured and created a suit for the people and there was nothing on the website to indicate there were any size restrictions.
Hdtex
ProTip: Miss Terri is offering her 2 for 1 BJ special down at the Lufkin Bucci’s Truck Stop. For an extra $5 he’ll pop out his dentures for that super smooth experience.
Dr Bob
This is for Starttax99, I can assure you there is no medical reason. 30 years as a doctor, I have never met someone with a lifelong medical reason for being obese
sfhairy
Starttax99 – some people need to be fat-shamed so that they come to realize the world isn’t going to cater to them. I realized that when I was heavy. I did something about it. I like that he bitched about trying “keto” obviously he didn’t do it correctly or he would have lost weight. He probably bitches and moans about all diets and how they don’t work. The diet itself will work, it’s the willpower of the individual that fails.
KyleMichelSullivan
Speaking of whine-fests, honey, your post is a great example of that.
Fahd
@sfhairy
Congrats on your weight loss and maintaining. Everybody knows maintaining is really the hard part, and I agree that it is all about the calories. People who complain about diets aren’t following them, etc.
A sad fact that I read recently was that studies show that the majority of those who do in fact lose weight won’t keep it off, and that the best the studies show is that people are able to maintain a weight loss of 10% overtime – so for a 300 lb. person that’s 270. Big deal! I guess that explains weight-loss surgery.
I get frustrated by the slow, seemingly resentful ways that society slowly adjusts to the presence of the overweight. For example, I do see one or two larger chairs in doctor’s waiting rooms, but it seems to have taken forever to make even such a small accommodation in a place that should know what we’re dealing with. I often have the person in the theater seat or plane seat next to me pouring over uncomfortably into “my space”. Whose fault is that? Not mine, alone. As I mentioned elsewhere, denial doesn’t help address the issue that is a societal, in addition to an individual, problem.
MissTerri
Poor old Cam!!!!! REEEEE!!!!!!!!
Fahd
@sfhairy
Skipping over MissTerri’s, as usual, annoying attention-seeking interjection (some things never change), I wanted to add that the studies do show that there is a minority of individuals who are able to maintain significant weight loss for more than 5 plus years. I assume you are in that group and congratulate you.
ShiningSex
You’re a disgusting POS to insult him for his weight. You must have no sex life or anyone who want to f*ck you to be so nasty to others.
Kevan1
Insensitive as_. Please, in the future When you are degraded at some point in your life don’t go whining to someone else. If you take offense to this, tough shi_. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Once being a person of large girth yourself, you should know better. Obviously you become just as cruel as those people were to him and maybe to you at one time. Not a good look.
Fname Optional Lname
So because you were able to lose weight on your time, on your terms you are now expecting others to do the same without knowing the details of this persons struggle? There are far too many factors that come in to play. One of which is the constant backlash from people who feel it’s their duty to inform overweight people that they are fat and should lose weight.
Suggesting an overweight person just “Stop Eating” is the same as asking an alcoholic to put the bottle down, it’s just not that simple. Don’t shame this man for expecting to be able to clothe himself. In America we have had an obesity problem for quite some time, there is no reason overweight people should have to struggle to buy clothes. We all have our issues – some are just not noticeable to the naked eye.
Laeren
Ah, yes, the most effective way of encouraging people. Berating them.
Bravo!
sfhairy
@shiningse – are you holding up a mirror to yourself incel?
sfhairy
@Fname Optional Lname – I never suggested he “stop eating”. I’m calling out his BS that diets don’t work and that companies need to cater to all body sizes. Diets do work and it’s hard, oh so hard to stick to a diet and make the changes that are needed to sustain weight loss. but don’t go complaining that the world won’t conform to your needs.
Now, Indochino is clearly in the wrong for not stating max sizing on their website. I checked the site out, and have to agree with him that nowhere does it say they can’t make a suit over a certain size. The site was even given positive reviews on chubstr (a site for chubs), but the old saying is if it’s too good to be true, it is.
TMBisAOK
Fuch you ashole!
SiamSean
At the end of the day: Sam, you are a complete babe! Jake, you made a great catch. I’m certain that the Sales Associate was really torn up with the situation her employer put her in. You get what you pay for, so I’ll bet the suit you ended up with is ten times better than what you would have gotten otherwise. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage ?
Dr Bob
From an economy perspective, to make clothes for someone at the ends of the bell curve is not cost-effective. Companies would lose money making everything in their line in his size. That’s what the Big and Tall stores and custom tailors are for. My ex husband is 6’5” and way over 350 at times when we were together. He got that big because he ate too much, and he didn’t like to exercise (Thankfully he was hung huge). Anyway, we went to a Big and Tall store to get his wedding suit, no problems there. Yes, it costs more, but that’s just how it is, get over it, I didn’t have my fairy-tale marriage either, we all have crosses to bare in this world. I think this talk-show/reality tv culture is where people aren’t being held accountable for their own actions and decisions is turning this country into a bunch of crybabies.
sfhairy
Preach!
KyleMichelSullivan
Did you miss the part where the website said they accommodate all sizes then, when he was there in person, had to admit that was not true? In public? Had they bothered to note there was a size limit, this all could have been avoided.
As for your attitude that people are just fat from eating too much or not exercising, that is nonsense. It may be more true than not, but some are overweight due to medical issues or genetic makeup. For example, a friend of mine’s wife has been a vegan for the last 25 years and exercises almost daily, and still is overweight. But she’s also very healthy.
There could also be psychological problems with weight gain, often exacerbated by snippy, judgmental people like you and sfhairy. But yeah, sure, it’s so much easier to use the simple explanation for everything. Make the world into black and white because you can’t handle the gray areas.
ShiningSex
a crybaby? you sound like an idiot too.
The fact that you had to say your “man” is hung shows how superficial you are so that’s enough to even not bother with you. Go sit down queen and shut up.
Let someone enjoy their day without having some stupid queen insult him.
ShiningSex
Hey fake doctor. Did you just fat shame someone in a previous post, but then you said you were married to an obese man too? Hypocrite. He can lose the weight, but you’re ignorance is probably for life.
Fahd
This reminds me of a story the basketball legend, Shaq, tells about how elated and relieved he was as a teenager to find a store that actually had his shoe size, even if he could only afford a single pair – as I remember it the store owner gave him a few pairs gratis. — Shaq says it meant so much to him that he has gone on to support the small business owner with large orders in the following years. Here, Sam’s custom-wedding-suit frustrations are touching, and I suspect that his size is part and parcel of what makes him attractive to his husband.
Having said that, obesity rates are a world wide health problem, amounting to an epidemic in the developed world, and need to be addressed. The contents of so much of the processed food available to us, sedentary lifestyles, eating disorders – so many things contribute to the problem. Denial doesn’t help.
missvamp
some of you trolls need to die in a fire. ugh
these 2 lovely men live in a super conservative town. Abilene is one of the most oppressive cities in my state. it has a christian university in it- no joke. it’s not a gay friendly city- at all. the fact they run the pride alliance there- they are tough people. i applaud them!
KyleMichelSullivan
Good to point out to the condescending queens.
Heywood Jablowme
I realize Texas is fvcked up but do they really force gay people to live in Abilene?
ghs8956
I feel the pain he has had. I to am a big guy. I tried all the diets and it never last. I decided when I was 17 that I would never be the type gay man other gays would find attractive and I would never have a
(Gay relationship). I’m 67 now and I’m ok with my life. I know if I were straight life would have been much better but we play the cards we are given. When I see a big man with a partner I’m so happy for them. So much love guys. Cherish your relationship guys. Much love.
frankcar1965
I’m surprised fatty Mcfatty didn’t die of covid. No, he lived to WHINE another day, lucky for us.
1898
what the hell is wrong with you?
mailliw110
Aren’t you a little old for this site?
Maggie1231
The spell caster that restored my marriage after my husband left me, you can
gjamesm40
How the heck is this a news story? Someone who chooses to be morbidly obese expects a business to be able to make him a suit no matter his size. WTF. Cue the inevitable gofundme.
BOB K
There’s an old slogan
“When it’s hysterical, it’s historical”
When someone is very heavy and especially when the person is gay there’s a lot of past hurt that can come up, triggered by something that other people think is minor.
Knowing as much as I do about clothing, I I could have told him that when you’re dealing with the online thing they have a set number of patterns, and the website may not tell you that they can’t make the suit until you actually try to make the purchase. Also once you go from heavy to very heavy people’s shapes vary a lot (some put it all on in the front some below the waist etc).
They live kind of outside the big city thing and maybe didn’t know that there was such things as XL men’s stores. However there is a men’s wearhouse in Abilene, so they could have tried that.
I love the idea of buying online but sometimes going to a place with real people who know what they’re doing is very helpful as the ending of this story tells us, It’s dangerous to buy something online that’s complicated that you’re not used to buying and has to fit your body.
I’m lucky that I had a family who understood good clothing and not everybody has that
1898
have you ever actually shopped at a big and tall store? i have, and none of the ones i’ve been to do any kind of tailoring or alterations or custom sizing. they have bigger sizes than you’d find in a typical department store, but they don’t do any custom sizing. i’m smaller than the guy in the article and i tried to buy a suit at DXL (major national chain of big and tall stores) and the suit they tried to sell me looked hideous. i guarantee the guy in the article has been to big and tall stores many times and has experienced similar problems
Prax07
Oh FFS…a FATTY, 350 pounds FAT, is hurt a system can’t accommodate his obesity??? Go cry into a tub of cottage cheese instead of a gallon of ice cream. Cry me a damn river. So sick of people’s BooHoo Woe is ME mentality and entitlement. Yes you’re a person, a fat sloppy 350 pound person. And you’re putting out your blubbery, blubbering mess out there? GTFO.
1898
what the hell is wrong with you?
bsg1967
Who hurt you?
Laeren
Wow, judgy crowd. No wonder we’re still fighting for our rights, when internally people just can’t handle we come in all shapes and sizes, and thus are divided. You can’t say you embrace diversity and want to fight for the right to be diverse, and then turn around and point fingers and sneer.
Or, maybe that’s how some people learn what being queer is about, tossing shade and pretending it makes them a better person. Who knows where they learned this?
MissTerri
Some of you girls are MEAN! Tee Hee Hee!!!!!
Heywood Jablowme
@Cam/Miss Terri: Take your afternoon nap, Cam.
bsg1967
I used to weigh 350 lbs and I’m 6ft2 also lost 130lbs and kept it off. I’ve also been in a change room my face red in angry embaresed hot tears because nothing fitted. Being overweight is seldom just about eating or not exercising there are usually real psychological issues at play, its rarely caused by a medical condition. So I wish the couple well
ChrisGMN
What? WTH are you people writing about? I don’t always find a good fit when I go to stores either…is that news? Is it a story? is it only a story because I’m gay? Wow.