in public

How Should Guys Cruising The Gym Locker Room Be Handled?

We all know ABC News’ What Would You Do? cameras are willing to film people’s reactions to seeing two affectionate male soldiers or a father attacking his son for being gay. But what I’d really like to see if those cameras inside a gym locker room, finding out how people react to seeing other guys screwing around in the showers and steam room. In London, two men were just arrested for doing just that in the sauna at a Virgin Active gym; they’ve been charged with “outraging public decency” after employees rang the cops. Now I know plenty of other gay guys (some are my best friends) who engage in locker room activities. Some are more discreet than others, choosing to play only behind enclosed shower stalls, while others don’t care if there’s a hand under their towel in full display of others taking a steam. And I also have plenty of friends who, while they don’t take part in locker room play, have no problem with it — so long as it doesn’t impact their ability to shower, shave, and change. Others aren’t so accommodating. (One friend repeatedly reports locker room play to his gym’s management.) So I’ll pose the question to Queerty readers: Is cruising in the locker room something to be tolerated (or even encouraged), or cracked down on? Does it matter of the gym is in a gayborhood, or obviously caters to a gay clientele? Should we insist those who get caught be arrested? At the very least, lose their gym memberships? Does it harm The Gays’ reputation, or should that not matter? Maybe it’s just an innocent pastime we should honor and, if we don’t like it, ignore?

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  • John

    I think it’s pretty harmless. As long as everyone stays out of the way and cleans up after themselves, I don’t see why anyone would care. Some people would say that this tarnishes our reputation with the straights. But we’ll never be straight enough for them anyways. And I, for one, like a little tarnish.

  • TheBlackoutBlog

    Yeah, it’s hard for them to turn a blind eye when you’re doing it out in the open. At least try to be discreet about it, guys!

  • Roger Rabbit

    I think pushing for arrests enforces homophobia. The clubs I go to are so rigidly uptight about it that I feel uncomfortable at times.

    I can certainly understand suspension or termination from the club if someone is offended (and might even try it if they would quit taking my money instantly!!)

  • SteamPunk

    I’m not sure how I’d handle it, though, be cause luckily I’ve never experienced it. (Though, I’ve been heard it happens at my gym.) However, I know I wouldn’t stay in the shower with them. Also my gym has a youth basketball and swim league and children sometimes come into the locker rooms, so cruising would be very distasteful.

    There are about half a dozen hotels/motels within 5 blocks of my gym – some of which I’m sure charge by the hour, so the “Get a room” phrase couldn’t be more appropriate. Having to carefully step over someone’s splooge when I’m trying to shower after my swim would be incredibly uncomfortable and if I were to constantly run into that problem, then I’d probably move my membership to a different gym.

  • clark

    It’s tacky. Also, a lot of the cruisers at gyms are closet cases who think it’s ok to do that there. Most I’ve seen is just heavy cruising in the shower area. Steam room trolls. I say membership revoked!

  • Conrad


    Though I don’t support fooling around in public places for public health concerns (hooking up with strangers in high risk situations), I do support and want to lift the comment, “But we’ll never be straight enough for them anyways. And I, for one, like a little tarnish.”

    Emory C’14

  • paul

    The gym is not place for cruising. If these people want to get off with strangers in a public place, there are actual bathhouses for that. While I feel the law should be enforced, I think that the double standard between heterosexual and homosexual public sex needs to be ended. I guess if I ran a gym, I’d just ban them from the place.

  • Zach

    “Does it matter of the gym is in a gayborhood, or obviously caters to a gay clientele?”

    Yeah, it does. I don’t think it’s ever appropriate – it’s 2011 guys, enough with the locker rooms, parks, and washrooms – but I’m not going to report a guy at a gym with a predominantly gay clientele. I’m likely not going to be hitting a gym like that up anyways.

    If it’s a regular gym – I might report it, if it’s out in the open. If it’s one where there are minors – definitely. That’s indefensible on every level.

  • Zach


    Not having sex in public places isn’t trying to be like ‘the straights’, it’s basic social decency. Our human rights don’t extend to fucking wherever and whenever we please, laws be damned. If you want anonymous sex, hit up a bathhouse or better yet, the internet.

  • Bubba

    @Zach: Actually, I wouldn’t even consider public sex to be a “human right” in the first place. It’s distasteful and, frankly, kinda gross.

  • Hyhybt

    As with the parks, I have to ask: does cruising actually require you have sex right then and there? Why can’t you *meet* someone and then go off somewhere more private?

    So long as nobody who doesn’t want to see or hear you going at it has to. The enclosed shower the article mentions sounds like a good idea… at least, if you aren’t louder than the water running.

  • alan brickman

    The fat and ugly ones are always the worst…..

  • Qjersey

    I’m “gay fat” because of gym culture. I have tried many times to go work out, but the constant cruising/sneering, even in “straight” gyms, just makes me avoid the gym altogether.

  • Ken

    Hmmm. OK. Time to rant about a pet peeve of mine. (Some might want to skip it)

    Live in a big city but not in a gayborhood, so my local gym is, well, just a gym. And the one thing that sometimes creeps me out is when some big straight guy pegs me (OK, to be fair, correctly as it happens) as a skinny gay twink and then thinks (incorrectly) that this means he can just grab a little ass on the side ’cause he’s hard up. Gyms, like bars, may be for cruising, but not for sex. Take that elsewhere!

    And to all those straight men out there busy making sure my partner and I can never get married: I’m very sorry your wife or girlfriend won’t do anal or oral or just put out as often as you’d like. But just because you find some skinny gay guy in your gym doesn’t mean he’s going to fall over himself have sex with you in the shower or sauna. I spend the time and money going to the gym because I’d like to gain forty or fifty pounds, not to satisfy some straight men’s pre-conceived notions of easy sex. Just because a guy is gay does not mean he’s easy! Just because that same guy is smaller than everybody else doesn’t mean he’s there for the taking!

    The funny thing is, the few times my partner have stayed at gay resorts or attended some frickin big gay event, the guys at the resort or hotel gym are way more polite. Always. Yeah, they may want some sex, but they always talk to you and ask before groping. At IML they would always ask my boyfriend for me first -Now that’s what I call polite! (OK, I admit it, one time the guy asking was so uber-hot we actually said yes – but that doesn’t make me or my bf easy! And my point is he asked before squeezing the fruit.)

    The girls have it right- Why is it straight men are often so rude and inconsiderate when it comes to sex?

    End of rant. We know return you to your regular scheduled programming. :)

  • Eric Holder

    There are four or five queens at my gym who are ALWAYS in the locker room. I can just imagine them saying to people “I spend 2-3 hours a day at the gym”. Yeah, but you aren’t working out! Since they are ALWAYS in there, they have scared off most everyone else, who rarely shower because these trolls are ALWAYS in the locker room eyeballing everyone who comes in. You would think that since they have all had each other and have driven everyone else away that they would move on, but no, every day they are there, going from shower to steam room to sauna and back again for hours on end.

  • Zach


    I wouldn’t consider it a human right issue either. But I also have respect for what it was like for gay men growing up in an era where and when the idea of legalizing same sex relations was a radical notion, let alone having any sort of rights whatsoever. Sex is – generally – a vital human need, and I can’t fault people for wanting it and acting on it in less than ideal circumstances.

    Now – we do have choices. And we have the internet. There’s no need to take our shit out into the world. I know that will make some guys here defensive, because they believe that being gay means that one should fuck everything with a penis, regardless of place. But for the love of God, get a room.

  • mike128

    @Ken: Yeah, right. That always happens.

  • Bobby

    I’m no prude, and I see nothing wrong with meeting/flirting with a guy at the gym, then going back to his or your place and fooling around. But since straight people aren’t allowed to have sex in public places why should gays? Equal rights do not equal special rights. Plus it plays right into the commoon hetero perception that gays are like dogs, and we can’t control ourselves.

  • greenmanTN

    It’s *really* obnoxious! It’s one thing if it’s some subtle flirtation and they take it elsewhere, but unless you make it STRICTLY against the rules before you know it some queen has set up shop in the locker room, staying there for hours and performing eye-contact “seductions” Theda Bara would have considered hammy acting! Gym or Bath House, it can’t be both.

    That said, I’ve never complained to management about anyone though I don’t blame those who do.

  • Scott

    I wouldn’t want to watch anyone having sex in the gym, no matter the gender of the individuals. Public places should be safe, not uncomfortable. There’s a line you don’t cross. Flirting is ok. It’s socially acceptable. Leering is not flirting. Salivating over fresh meat is uncouth. If Miss Manners would not approve then don’t do it in public.

  • Fitz

    I’m at the gym 5x a week, usually at the same time. We all sort of know each other, (by sight at least). It would be weird, aside from everything else, to have sex with them. Aside from that I think it’s gross, and there are youth groups there.

    Cruising itself is fine: a flirty look, and exchanged email address.. but actual sex? Go to the right venue if you want public sex. I want to workout, and I want a clean shower after.

    Do you really want to be a living breathing stereotype? not me.

  • Silent J

    Sorry Bobby, but I have to respond to your post.

    You wrote: “Straight people aren’t allowed to have sex in public places why should gays? Equal rights do not equal special rights. Plus it plays right into the common hetero perception that gays are like dogs, and we can’t control ourselves.”

    You are right, no one is allowed to have consensual sex in public places. But please tell me why it is that it is the gays are the ones that get arrested or bashed when they get caught??? How many times do you find straight couples not just flirting, but enjoying each other in public? For every straight couple that is issued a summons, hundreds of gays are arrested instead?

    And last, who the f*ck cares what heteros think of gays? I’ve known more straights that behave like dogs than any gay person I’ve known. Who exactly is it that can’t control themselves? Get real!

  • Silent J

    Sorry Bobby, but I have to respond to your post.

    You wrote: “Straight people aren’t allowed to have sex in public places why should gays? Equal rights do not equal special rights. Plus it plays right into the common hetero perception that gays are like dogs, and we can’t control ourselves.”

    You are right, no one is allowed to have consensual sex in public places. But please tell me why it is that it is the gays are the ones that get arrested or bashed when they get caught??? How many times do you find straight couples not just flirting, but enjoying each other in public? For every straight couple that is issued a summons, hundreds of gays are arrested instead?

    And last, who the f*ck cares what heteros think of gays? I’ve known more straights that behave worse than dogs than any gay person I’ve known. Who exactly is it that can’t control themselves? Get real!

  • Bubba

    @Silent J: “How many times do you find straight couples not just flirting, but enjoying each other in public?”

    If by “enjoying each other” you mean “fucking,” then never. I’ve never seen a straight couple trying to fuck in a public place. To be fair, I’ve never actually seen a gay couple fucking in public either, but I think it’d be equally weird (and unlawful) if a straight couple were doing it in public.

  • Devon

    “Is cruising in the locker room something to be tolerated (or even encouraged), or cracked down on?”

    Flirting, exchanging numbers? Fine.

    Going at it like rabbits with access to carrot flavored Viagra right there in the middle of the lockerroom? Take that shit somewhere else. Hotels aren’t hard to find. I’m sure there’s a bath house that would love to have you. Hell, drive your car to an empty parking garage and do it in there if you feel so inclined. Just go somewhere a little more private.

    “Does it matter of the gym is in a gayborhood, or obviously caters to a gay clientele?”


    “Should we insist those who get caught be arrested? At the very least, lose their gym memberships?”

    Yes, I wouldn’t expect them to give straight couples a pass on that kind of thing, so why should gays get one?

    “Does it harm The Gays’ reputation, or should that not matter?”

    Of course it does. We have enough problems already. Do we really want to feed the right wing characterization that we’re all a bunch of sex crazed perverts who can’t control our urges?

    “Maybe it’s just an innocent pastime we should honor and, if we don’t like it, ignore?”

    Baseball, stamp collecting, building boats in glass bottles, and recreating the complete works of Cher on Youtube are innocent pastimes. Screwing in public, not so much.

  • justiceontherocks

    Flirting is fine. Quick sex behind the shower curtains is even OK with me. But gyms shouldn’t be treated like bath houses.

    Then there are the guys who won’t leave you alone: the ones who watch you change clothes and shave and who stop what they’re doing and run to the shower room when they see you walking that way. They are almost stalkers. Very creepy.

  • Zeus

    I think it’s slutty and gross. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you should whore yourself around the gym. At the very least, do it in private or just fucking get the guy’s number and go screw at home.

  • Josh

    In addition to decency, it’s an issue of public health. Say two guys decided to go full release in the steam room…a wipe of a towel isn’t enough to actually sanitize the surface.

  • Paul

    Hey, Bubba, I was in the hospitality industry for 25 years. I can tell you that I saw lots and lots of straight people having sex in public. They tried in booths, in restrooms, in sections that were closed. All they ever expected was a “move along folks” and not a lifetime on the sexual criminals list. How often do you see a movie where someone has sex in an elevator, in a train, in the park, on the beach or some such nonesense. Well, people play that crap out every day. It really only becomes hugely criminal when it’s two men. If it’s going to be presecuted, it should be prosecuted equally.

  • Pete n SFO

    In SFO there are some guys that NEVER leave the shower/sauna/steam. Sometimes it can really get on a person’s last gay-nerve. Yes, we’re all gay… and we’re all naked… but that doesn’t mean I want to fool around w/ you or watch you fool around w/ someone else.

    Lots of people fool around from time to time, but there’s one guy that I have to see all the time professionally & HE IS relentless!!! I think he’d twiddle Mother Theresa, given the chance.

    I’m hardly a prude, but I’m seriously over the ‘shower-scum’
    And, get real- they spill it on the bench, they don’t clean up & you’re f’n craZy if you don’t wear flip-flops & carry a towel to sit on. yecch.

  • Ealan75

    If I don’t see it, then I really don’t care. But if I see it, I’m reporting it. It’s creepy and completely inappropriate. What is the deal with gay guys and sex in parks, sex in bathrooms, sex in gyms. I could sympathize with gays of yesteryear who had to meet in secret (though I wouldn’t want to see them having sex either. And if you’re at a bathhouse or sex club, then it’s fair game. But there are far too many options available for guys to still be doing this. Hey you, Horny guy! Take him home, get a room, do it in your car, whatever. But stop making your sex life my business!

  • Jeffree

    Casual flirting at the gym? Count me in. Hooking up at the gym, that’s creepy and unsanitary. I agree with Fitz & Justiceontherocks etc.: Exchange phone numbers, go get room, but don’t keep the rest of us from working out, showering, steaming, changing, etc., in peace.

    My gym is probably less than 10 or 15% gay, so everyone pretty much just is there to work out. Imagine that! The gay-er gyms I’ve been to have featured way more guys monopolizing the steamroom.spending more time in the locker room than with the weights. And dang I hate it when there’s way too much attention from guys who cant understand a polite “NO.”

  • Ken

    From what I’ve seen, most of the gay cruising (flirting, exchanging numbers, maybe going for a coffee at Starbucks afterwards) is among gay men while most of the man-on-man action is among the “straight” men who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives or are in denial. (The wedding bands tend to be a give away.)

    Maybe it’s because honest gay men can take it home while lying “straight” men can’t?

    NOTE: The above observation excludes gym trolls who inexplicably have decided to take root in the locker room. What that is about, what their sexual orientation is, frankly I don’t want to know.

  • den

    It annoys me. I can’t take a shower without getting oggled and oggled by old, fat, hairy men. Being flirty and smiling and cruisy is possibly okay. But make contact and then hook up elsewhere or get a phone number.

  • Derek Washington

    Why is this even a question? Grow up guys, it’s not the late 80’s anymore.

  • Rasa

    Personally, I would be uncomfortable with people (gay or straight) having sex in a place that I come to for exercise and relaxation…

    thanks for asking

  • Greg McGill

    Haven’t we moved past public sex? Sooner or later bathhouses will be out of style and business because being gay doesn’t have to be confined to creepy random sexual encounters. Gays want to normalize, but can’t give up the sexual freedom that generations past turned to because they couldn’t be as open about sexuality. Time to grow up.

  • Michael

    I’m opposed. Sex really is a private deal. I mean, who here invites the neighborhood over to their bedrooms to watch at sex time?

  • Neil

    Oh let’s face it, more than half of us wouldn’t mind if the guys cruising or having public sec were hot. It’s the unsightly looking ones we don’t like.

  • Ken S

    I’m fine with ‘cruising’ as in you see someone cute, you flirt a little to see if they might be interested too, you leave together- emphasis on leave. But actually hooking up there? Unless the gym is advertised, marketed and clearly marked as a “sex-positive” facility, then it’s fuckin’ tacky. I don’t want some stranger’s jizz coating the locker room. I tend towards a positive, permissive view of sex, but I also think people can legitimately want ‘purposeful’ spaces, like gyms where they aren’t confronted with other patrons’ sexual escapades, and that turning those spaces- without regard for the sensibilities of others who go there to put it to its intended function- is grounds for expulsion (though not necessarily arrest). And this isn’t a heterosupremacist thing or a homophobic thing- I sure as shit wouldn’t be any more accepting of it if I happened upon a straight couple fucking in the locker room.

    That said, like I indicated- if you have a gym that presents itself up-front as a space where people can also get it on if the spirit moves them, then fine, that’s been explicitly stated in the space’s purpose and acceptable uses. That shifts the context to one where I’d be a total prudish asshole for walking in there and then clutching my pearls at the sight of fellatio in the showers or an orgy in the sauna, because I should expect the possibility if I’ve been told that it’s acceptable conduct there.

  • Dandy Dan

    @Silent J: I just wanted to defend Bobby and you need to be a little more logical.

    Its pretty simple to figure out why gays are caught more often in public places than heteros, the opportunity is much easier. I suppose if you had unisex bathrooms and locker rooms the numbers might be more even, however, the fact is gay sex is more accessible in these segregated places.

    As for the bashing, that happens whether gays are having sex in public, private, or just thinking about it.

    Finally, its not just the heteros that we have to consider when engaging in sexual activity in public. It does, in fact, play into many heteros perception of homosexuality; more importantly it sets a bad example for young gays who look to other gays for guidance on what is acceptable during a time that can be confusing and scary.

  • Ken S

    @Greg McGill: “Gays want to normalize, but can’t give up the sexual freedom that generations past turned to because they couldn’t be as open about sexuality. Time to grow up.”

    Wow, that’s really chaunvinistic. And I suspect you don’t even realize how hegemonic a statement it was. “Gays want to normalize?” Uh, fuck that, I’m gay and I’m intensely skeptical when it comes to ‘normalcy.’ I want gay people accepted, but not necessarily within the staid, stale context of misogynistic, patriarchal heterosupremacy that’s prevailed for centuries. The dominant culture does still have plenty it could learn from its subversives and its deviants, and it would be improved for learning instead of just assimilating- adapting parts of itself instead of just hammering everyone who seeks “acceptance” into conformity. If it weren’t for that very symbiotic process, where “society” and its ouliers both made changes to foster understanding and integration, then you’d probably have been burned at the stake by now, or something.

    It isn’t just incumbent on us to “fit in,” it’s also the duty of a civilized society to constantly re-examine its prejudices, keep an open mind about differences, entertain the possibility that its traditions and mores and habits are wrong or oppressive- to “grow up,” as you put it- and to make its people better (even- dare say it- happier), not just “less unacceptable.”

  • Giovannidude

    The funny thing is, some of the casual sex — just like in the parks — is by closet cases desperately seeking an outlet, but the gays get blamed for it. This is not to say that there aren’t some crazed queens addicted to public sex because they love the danger or whatever. But most gays won’t go beyond innocent flirting and maybe an exchange of phone numbers. The gym problem increases in the winter, because the parks are snowed in.

  • Hyhybt

    @Ken S: None of which excuses public sex, much less means that it ought to be acceptable.

  • Matt

    Get a room… come on. If your going to have sex in public you take a chance of getting busted. No it is not OK or a civil right, straight or gay, to have sex in public. I do no think a trip to the gym should mean I have to walk in someone elses jiz. There are bathhouses for this kind of thing…. get a room.

  • Zach

    @Ken S:

    Yeah, I don’t think the evil old patriarchy is wrong for insisting people not fuck in a facility solely intended for exercising. That’s the only issue that this raises. Conflating uninhibited sexual activity with gay rights is ludicrous.

  • jason

    I am completely and utterly opposed to gym sex. Gyms are for working out in, not wanking in.

    If you can’t control your hormones sufficiently for your duration in the gym, you truly have psychological issues. If you must partake in lustful behavior with some stranger you’ve just met there, do it on your own premises.

  • Tessie Tura

    A gym is a gym. A bathhouse is a bathhouse. A tree trail is a tree trail. When you’re in the gym working out for the sake of working out, a couple of guys in the back of the locker room or shower playing around just sorta changes the dynamic of things. There is a time and a place for everything. When you’re at a bathhouse and this happens, it’s just live decor, and perhaps they will invite you to join in.

  • David K

    I don’t have an opinion on gym cruising because, since I don’t participate in it at all, it doesn’t affect my life in the slightest.

    Also I’m not a big fucking baby about what other people do. There’s also that.

  • Jeffree

    Does anyone else think its hilarious for Jason to refer to *other people’s* “psychological issues”? Um, that’s like Maggie Gallagher commenting on someone else’s excess poundage.

    (But you’re right Jason/Max/Olga/Pete, no one should be sexing it up in the gym because that promotes double standards for the p0rn industry and encourages all of sleazy Hollywood liberals to be fake lesbians…Or whatever it is you claim 10 times a day).

  • Jeffree

    I love crap and lesbians. My fakes Soupy, justiceontherocks, nate too…

  • Ted C.

    Wow, Queerty, you have some trashy, trashy friends.

  • Jeffree

    @Ted C.:

    I will eat your crap!

  • justiceontherocks

    @Jeffree: It used to be hilarious. Now it’s annoying. If the blog can’t at the very least protect screen names and provide suitable nodes to service my requests, maybe it’s just not worth screwing with.

  • scott ny'er

    Honestly, it’s distracting and annoying if dudes are oggling, jerking, whatever while i’m trying to meditate in the sauna. I’m not a prude and I used to be against it. But, then I actually did participate at one point, I realized that was hypocritical of me. So, now I just ignore whatever happens.

    I agree, it’s not cool since it’s a public place. Think of how it’s affecting other members. That’s one of the reasons why I quickly stopped doing it. While sex in public is thrilling, it’s still not right.

  • Trevor

    Uh…is it appropriate to have sex in a gym?
    It’s not normal.
    Why are we even debating this?
    It makes us look like even bigger freaks to middle America.
    Can we please just try and be normal?

  • Zach


    How dare you conform to the phallocentric, heteroconformist, heteronormative lifestyle. Don’t you know that it’s your duty as a homosexual to engage in as much sex wherever and whenever you please?

  • Drake

    We wouldn’t have The Village People and “YMCA” without gym cruising !

  • joe

    Active gym; they’ve been charged with “outraging public decency”..what a way to marginalize a disgusting act(straight or gay) You never heard of “get a room”. Unless you own the Gym and it’s not against the law to do public sex act then get a room.

  • Spike

    My favorite gym sauna moment. Two guys jacking off next to each other on an upper tier at the Sports Erection in Weho. Old jewish guy, one of the life time memberships, sitting below them, turns and says . . .

    Don’t squirt on me.

    Now that’s tolerance!

  • Chitown Kev

    The cruising (flirtation, eye contact, maaaaaaaaaaybe flirtatious touching etc.) is no problem.

    I think some people here are failing to make the distinction between cruising and actually having sex.

    If you want to get it on, take it to your house or be extrordinarily discreet about.

  • Pete

    “Does it matter of the gym is in a gayborhood, or obviously caters to a gay clientele?”

    This. If a gym caters to gay clientele and is specifically known for lax policies about sex in the locker room, go for it. If you don’t like the cruisy gym, go to a different gym. I really think it should be up to the manager’s discretion whether they allow it or not and we the policies of the gym and the other clientele should be respected.

  • Zach


    No, if it’s illegal, it’s illegal. It might be within the discretion of the clientele not to report, and the management not report, but that doesn’t magically make it legal. And if someone goes in and wants to report it to the police, then no ‘but it’s a gay gym’ protestation will suffice.

    Broader question: How do some of you get anything done? You’re trolling locker rooms for hours and you don’t seem to think of anything beyond the next lay. What is your apartment like? Just a dirty mattress in the corner, an assortment of drugs and sex toys, and a laptop?

  • LukeJoe

    Crack down on it. It hurts the damn gym! The steam room at mine is completely useless. I won’t shower there. And other people won’t join. I stay well enough away from the danger zones, but it’s ridiculous. I live in San Francisco. The gym is NOT a man’s only option here. We have bath houses. We have sex clubs. We have sex-tolerant bars. Those cheap ass trolls shouldn’t do their trolling at the gym!

    And isn’t not just the sex part. My biggest gym pet peeve is (I don’t even have a name for them) the guys who are naked and then try to stay naked as long as possible.

    What do you put on first when you’re naked and getting dressed? Your underwear right? Some guys have thier shirt on first, then the shirt that goes over that shirt, then they primp and adjust that shirt for a couple minutes, THEN THEY PUT ON THEIR SOCKS!

    And I don’t get why it’s always the guys with the absolute worst bodies who want to keep the dicks out for as long as possible! Talk about self sabotage.

    I think it’s the same phenomenon has when toddlers want to show you when they make a really big poop. “Hey, look at the rank biological thing that I did.” And I want to say that to them. “You’re a child, and your body is a giant piece of shit!”

    Okay, rant over.

  • Jim Hlavac

    So, you meet in the locker room. Wunderbah!

    Go get a hotel room for decency. Thanks.

  • Fitz

    LukeJoe: I agree about the “use the right venue” option. I live here too.. and we have PLENTY of other places for that.

    BUT.. as to your pet peeve: just to give you one possible explanation– if you work-out regularly, then your metabolism goes up. Especially right after exercise. I always prolong getting dressed, (as well as taking cool showers and avoiding the steam room), because the last thing I want to do is get into my business attire while I am still spritzing.

  • disco lives

    Gays want equality with the straights, right? So how would you feel about Johnny and Suzie having sex on the bench press next to yours?

  • Walker

    I kind of feel like people are responding to an issue that doesn’t actually exist. I keep seeing comments like, “I wouldn’t want to see two straight people fucking on the benchpress next to me” or “I don’t want people going at it in the locker room.” And I can pretty much guarantee that you will never see two gay guys doing that, either. The only places I’ve ever seen or known of gay sexual contact at a gym are in the steam room, showers, and sauna- “closed” settings, all. And the thing is, the people who actually do that (or are, as in my case, not terribly bothered by others doing it) are very much aware of when they can and can’t get away with it. People don’t just sit in the sauna and jerk off waiting for someone to walk in. There is a LOT of “vetting” and eye contact that goes down, and if there are ten men in a steam room, all but the most idiotic or self-destructive people there make good and sure that ALL ten men are onboard, or nothing happens. And certainly nothing happens when kids are around.

    I can say with confidence (based on the fact that I have straight friends who use the same gym I do and the fact that I have actually gone to the gym with my father on multiple occasions) that straight men who are not looking for sex have NO clue that it goes on. I go to a gym chain that is notorious in the gay community for having active steamrooms, and every time I’ve even jokingly mentioned it to straight men they are shocked and surprised.

    The point I’m making is not that it’s a good thing or morally right or legal, I’m simply saying that people should be tailoring their answers based on the actual level of discretion that is employed rather than some fundamentalist nightmare vision of men blowing each other at the weightrack or jerking off in front of some twelve-year-old in a steamroom. Personally, as long as nobody aggressively comes on to me and I don’t have to see it (and nothing will happen as long as I keep my own eyes facing forward and make it clear I’m not “in on it”), I couldn’t care less what two people do. (And btw, it has nothing to do with the current state of our rights. Some people, gay AND straight, are simply turned on by public and/or anonymous sex. That’s not ever going to change.)

  • scott ny'er

    @LukeJoe: @Fitz: Or maybe the dudes are airing it out down there and back there before putting on the underwear. I don’t rush to put my underwear on (when I used to wear them) but it is the first/second thing I put on. So, I sort of understand that it’s weird not to put ur underwear on first.

    Relatedly, it’s not a peeve, but I find it funny, when straight (or bashful gays) dudes wrap their towel around their waist to disrobe. They are fumbling, losing their balance, trying to keep the towel from opening and not show their junk. Because EVERYONE in the gym is soooo interested in their junk. They are just WAITING around to see their junk.

    It’s like with the trolls, how much time do you people have. I try to get in, do my workout, steam/sauna, shower and get the hell out. I’ve got things to do. I’m not paying attention to you people. I used to see dudes in towels when I get in and they’d still be in towels in the locker room as I’m getting ready to leave.

  • amonRA

    oh gays…. (am one)!!! do you really thing that hypothetically if men and women showered and undressed together, they would be just there to “meditate” and “go around their business”??? it’s not an army! “appropriate” and “i am there to exercise” bullshit….. puhleez. if i told you that nobody will ever ever catch you? would you consider it? ahahaha maybe? just the tip? amirite?? two guys with cocks out that are attracted to each other are repressed if they don’t get excited etc. if they don’t get caught, it’s a victimless crime. if they do, it’s up to the gym’s policies…. but please save the sanctimony for where it belongs (which is no-where).

  • Thomas

    I can’t claim to have led a totally saintly life–there were a few discreet tugs in the steamroom over the years, but never before an audience–gay or straight. But I’ve also been patently offended by guys whose lack of discretion painted all the gays with the same broad brush. The majority of guys, in my experience, are at the gym to do, you know, gym stuff. Wanna fuck in the sauna? Great. There’s a bathhouse for that.

    Oh and the guy at the Y who spit on me because I repeatedly took his hand off my towel covered crotch in the sauna? Special shout-out to you, asshole.

  • Marc

    If you have sex in front of me anywhere, I’m going to whip out my camera and get snap-happy. i’m also going to critique your performance and give tips.

    I’m no expert, but you should really be ashamed of yourselves if you REALLY can’t wait to have sex so you do it in front of other people.

    There are private places to have sex, you don’t have to let the world, or anyone, watch you do it.

    ….and yes, I LOVE sex.

  • Disgusted Gay American

    If its a “agy” gym…well that could be different…..but at a regular gym,say -Bally’s- eye cruising is one thing, but doing the deed…nahhh, I aint that brave….if you make a connection, go somewhere prvt.

  • Zach


    I like how basic public decency is considered sanctimonious by the degenerates.

    On co-ed showers/undressing together: how people react depends on what kind of environment they’re raised in. If you think of the naked human body as nothing but sexual – and that’s certainly what’s underpinning American society – then you will have people who treat nudity as license to partake in sexual activity. But if you treat it for what it is – largely unexceptional and universal – then you wouldn’t see much hysteria over that. After all, men and women were routinely nude in front of each other in many tribal settings up until recently, and it’s not as if they spent all their time in orgies.

    Mind you, I don’t think that’s at all realistic right now; it is something to move towards though.

    Ultimately, the mindset of these deviants is what unites them with the prudish ideologues who have been trying to stamp down human sexuality entirely: both see every expression as potentially sexual. People should feel comfortable being nude around one another in a closed environment. But we have subsets telling them that their bodies are shameful, or similarly, telling them that nudity = sex.

    I guess my point is that sexuality and nudity don’t always have to be crass; and that’s what it is when you hook up at the gym, the public park, or the washroom. It’s crass and inconsiderate desperation.

  • Zach

    @scott ny’er:

    I find that funny too; I’m pretty quick with my underwear on, but I make sure I’m dry, and I’m not trying to maneuver them under a wet towel.

    Also, on reflection I can’t help thinking of how much of a turnoff a real locker room is to any porn/fantasy out there – even new gyms quickly develop that lived-in smell of human sweat and body odour. I hate maneuvering around people, and I hate the methodical assembly process involved in putting everything back in place once I’ve showered.

  • Soupy

    There’s a clip on youtube of a straight couple having sex on the subway. You couldn’t say that people were offended because they all had their cell phones out filming it and cheering.

  • caffesilvia

    A little flirtation is fine. Actual sex in the locker rooms, showers and saunas is disgusting and should be prosecuted. I don’t visit the gym shower so that I can step in some puddle of cum; I go there so I can freshen up after a workout.

    People who run around swapping fluids sully the place for legitimate clientele.

  • justiceontherocks

    @Walker: It’s a real problem. Just today a younger troll followed me from the shower area to the locker room, sat down three fett from where I was changing and watched. When I removed the towel from my waist he sighed and started jerking off. WTF?? And this gym is at least 90 per cent straight – mostly business people.

  • Ken S

    @Hyhybt: “None of which excuses public sex, much less means that it ought to be acceptable.”
    @Zach: “Conflating uninhibited sexual activity with gay rights is ludicrous.”

    What’s ludicrous is for gay people to buy-in uncritically to arbitrary pronouncements on sexual decency that come from the same fuckers who also vilify gay people. What- exactly- makes “public” or “uninhibited” sexuality a bad thing? By what objective measure does it cause harm to other people? I’ve argued that it’s ‘tacky’ to bring sexual activity into a space where people expect to do some specific thing, because it’s an unwelcome distraction. But beyond that, why should a perfectly natural behaviour/function- arguably the single most natural one besides eating and defecating- need to be inhibited or excused? If you’re going to say that something is wrong, not just a distraction or a source of awkwardness, you should have something besides the “moral” pronouncements of a traditionally oppressive theological dogma to back it up.

  • Zack

    i rather people didnt have sex in the gym, unless its Brent Corrigan and he wants to have sex with me. as that will never happen, i rather it not go on.

  • Kyle

    At my gym all the cruising done is by guys who claim to be straight but are not. Most are married to women or have girlfriends. Some even talk about girls amongst each other while cruising at the same time. I wonder when this behavior of self-loathing and denial will ever end…

  • Grey

    I don’t see a problem with it. If I can shower, shave whatever I’m good. Some of the guys in my gym are married and just find themselves in it. I’m find with seducing straight men in a gym. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? We see hetero sex scenes all the time in commercials and so many ads. Seriously? A little gym action between 2 guys never hurt anyone.

  • atypicalG

    If you’re talking about Crew Club in DC, you’re not talking about going to the gym. If you’re talking about Gold’s Gym and you’re talking about going to the gym to workout, there’s no place for fucking around. I don’t even think you should be allowed to take a phone call, let alone mess around in the locker room. Take your fantasies elsewhere. Get a room. Disgusting.

  • Mattybear

    Ok, I have to comment on a couple of things.
    1. A number of people include in their comments the phrase, “…there are bathhouses for that….” Well, just so you are aware. Outside of medium/large cities there are not bathhouses. Most areas do not have a bathhouse.

    2. As for the question. Actually I don’t really have an issue with it. As long as there are no kids at the gym and/or it does not bother a lot of people or interfere with the running of the gym.

    Final thought. I’m a little disappointed by some of the responses I see here. Yes this is the age of the internet, but you need to realize that there is history behind this type of behavior. Add to that, there are a lot of people who get left out of the dating/sexual gay community. I had a nice conversation with an older gay man the other day on a dating site. He complained and was a little scared too. Too many people would not even talk to him and too many had things like, hot athletic guy UB2.

    I’m not saying we all need to run out and sleep with all the unattractive or older gay men out there. I’m saying that for some men this is the only option available to them.

    And as for going somewhere else. Interestingly that does not stop police from arresting you for cruising in a public place. I know a couple of people who have experienced this. One was walking through a public park and met a guy, they talked for a while and left to go find a place. The police arrested both of them in the parking lot. The police while sweeping the park for drug dealers decided that both men, by talking and going away together were engaged in public indecency.

    Long post over :)

  • Mattybear

    @Zach: By your argument: “No, if it’s illegal, it’s illegal.” I think you need to realize something.

    If the owners of the gym do not have a policy and don’t care to press charges regarding the issue, it is not illegal. See we still have this thingy called “Private Property.” I know its annoying to you, but a private club can decide to enforce whatever rules it decides regarding what people can and can not do in the locker rooms.

    Sure the police could still show up and arrest the men. But legally they can’t do anything else.

    Public land is of course another issue.

  • Too Bad

    I have been in a couple of situations in the locker room that I didn’t pursue.
    A teenager followed me down the hallway and kept whistling at me but I was too freaked out to turn around, this same guy a week before was openly cruising in workout areas coming up to guys and asking them if they were gay, shortly after that I never saw him again so I can only guess that someone complained about him and management kicked him out.
    Another time I was at my locker and a guy walked up to me and asked me If I was abut to take a shower and I replied no, then he said To Bad.
    These dudes were both younger than me and I guess I was just so off guard that I didn’t act, of course now I regret it.

  • tavdy79

    The UK law is worded so that it’s only illegal to have sex in a situation where there’s a likelihood of being seen, so it’s legal to shag in a bathroom stall as long as the door is locked, but leaving the door unlocked could get you arrested. Seems to me that’s pretty reasonable, and these guys evidently didn’t take enough precautions.

    On the question of whether or not it’s acceptable, I wouldn’t want to see two straights shagging in the locker room (or anywhere else for that matter) so I don’t think it’s acceptable for gay men to do the same. As a general rule, anything I wouldn’t want to see a straight couple doing is something I wouldn’t do in public. Of course, that does depend on context – so jumping my boyfriend (if I had one) in the middle of certain English music festivals (the type where nudity and open sexuality are tacitly encouraged) would definitely be in!

  • Fitz

    @Mattybear: Your argument seems to be 1) not everyone has access to a bath house 2) Old people only had things like locker room sex when they were young, so we should be cool about it and 3) it’s up to an institution to decide if it’s against the rules.

    I really do appreciate your advocacy for older people, and the reminder of history, but I disagree with your conclusion. Also– it is NOT the institution’s decision about weather or not to allow sex. There are health and safety laws that come into play, even in a private gym.

    Yes, it was once a more common way that m2m sex occurred. Yes, there is ageism in the cruising world. Those truths do not entitle sex in the locker room. You don’t get to make the rest of us feel uncomfortable because you can’t get a hookup.

  • Walker

    @justiceontherocks: I have to admit I”m shocked to hear that, and wonder if it happened in that way precisely because it was a young person in a straight gym who doesn’t get “how it works.” I am certainly in agreement that anyone who harasses anyone else should be condemmed and at the very least kicked out of the gym. The larger existential question, however, is whether we should care what consenting adults do- whether it’s participating or watching. And I personally can’t get worked up over it.

    By the way, what is a “young troll?” Isn’t that a contradiction in slang?

    At the very least, you can consider yourself flattered that you were worth stalking. That’s better than I have ever done.

  • JusticeontheRocks

    @Walker: I’m guessing the guy was in his early to mid 30s. Certainly old enough to know better.

    I agree completely with your point about consenting adults. But yesterday I was not consenting. I felt like it was a minor case of stalking. Very spooky.

    And I’m the furthest thing in the world from a prude. Been to my share of parties where watching was others get it on was part of the fun.

  • Tommy

    What type of gyms are people going to? A go to a gym in a gay neighborhood with a majority gay membership and have never seen any type of public sex in the locker room. So I think you all are creating a problem where there isn’t one Worry about the real problems in the world.

  • Daez

    If it’s a gay gym and you seriously have issues with it then GET OVER YOURSELF. Adhering to straight prudishness is a slap to gay culture. If it is a straight gym than show respect for those not wanting to see certain things.

  • Ricardo

    Keep it to yourselves please!

    If it were some co-ed place and men and women were doing intimate things where everyone could see, I would be just as grossed out and annoyed, no difference with gay men.

    Its a gym, not a bathhouse. If you can hide behind a stall or whatever, go ahead, otherwise, use the gym for what it is, exersize.

  • Mahu

    A gym is for working out. A bathhouse is a place for sex. If you want to work out, go to the gym. If you want to hook up randomly and in a public place, go to a bathhouse, or a gay gym that allows sex in their steamrooms, saunas & showers.

  • Kyle

    Straight gyms appear to be the heaviest cruised places. I completely agree that gay gyms have probably very little if any cruising going on.

  • lar51

    i am gay
    i think common manners should be employed
    that being said
    i workout in a local pool due to an injury

    the comments about gays and straight are intellectual dishonest

    i have seen out lifegaurd ask more than on straight couple to leave after catching them having sex in the pool
    yes everything from making out so that the male had to wait for his erection to go down to full out intercourse

    i menntioned this to him one time
    and he said “you would not believe what you see sitting up here

    since i am out to him

    i ask ever a gay couple he replied nope

    usually they/we are more concerned with being made an example of

    as far as ages from 12 13 to 70

    as the locker room
    my brother in law has a mebership and he and I have more than once have had to say something to others that think nothing of graphically describing their last night sexual encounter infronnt of his 4, 5, or 13 year old son . or using language that would never use in public

    then even being told that he’ll hear it soon enough iits a male locker room it’s expectedd (good old booy mentallity )

    as far as being treated differntly i personally know of a case locally that a male gay was in his own house with the curtain open and a guy (unkkown straight or gay) was in his own house curtain open performed for each other and the one’s 19 year olds father (evangelcan) caught him and called the cops
    they aressted the one did nothing to the other
    spread news that the (fxxxxx) needed to be made leave the neiborhood and was arrested for 8 counts of public indeecency etc
    and of another case where a “straight male was caught doing the same thing in a bay window facing a street was giving a warning and let go to do it again to get a ticket for public indeceny and that was it
    (not so the gay) he got comunitty work was expecting to go to jail for 4 years (the father is a well known pastor)
    excuse me but both sides need to get real
    public sex does go on
    public flirting does go on
    it is treated different
    just use common sense and common manners and stop making it a gay or straight thing

    problem solved

  • lar51

    on the previous comment
    please excuse typos

    they are due to the injury
    i check and double check but they still get through
    lol the pool is my refuge the injury caused a permanent disability
    so again hope i didn’t confuse what i was wanting to say

  • Beau

    If women shared the locker room, it would be straight men totally out of control. Rape would be the order of the day. It’s going to happen no matter what you do and generally I find gays very discreet. I’ve only seen a couple of times when I felt it out of order and I’ve been going to the gym for 30 years. Put two gay guys naked in the same room and if there is an attraction, something is going to happen. That being said, gyms need to design their locker rooms to be more open. My gym has open showers and and a sauna with a big glass window. Gay men are generally discouraged if they think they are going to be caught. Of course there is cruising in the shower and ‘cubby cocks’ but I haven’t ever seen play there or in the sauna. I have seen a little in the steam room but again very discreet. Boys will be boys.

  • Mattybear

    @Fitz: Ouch, why the personal attack? I’m sorry if my post was a little off, I had a lot of stuff on my mind I wanted to get out.

    BTW: I have no problems cruising or getting dates. Not that it matters, except that you tried to bring it up.

    I guess my point before was that while I don’t engage in the activity myself, I understand why it happens. That maybe instead of calling these people dirty old men (as some posters have) or just attacking them outright, there seems to be a general lack of understanding.

    Also health laws vary. In the majority of the US, regular cleanings are all that are required. Certain municipalities have different laws and enforcement.

  • Mattybear

    Let me also add something to my previous posts. I live in an area that was featured on an episode of that old Donahue show, about men cruising rest areas and those who worried about their safety. So what happened?

    The police cracked down on the rest areas and made a few arrests. But the activity did not stop. The men just moved to other rest areas or to public parks. And around and around it went, for years.

    It began to fade with the creation of internet hook up sites. But also a private business opened in the area that had an area for men to engage in cruising. It didn’t stop the rest area cruising altogether, a few people (mostly extreme closet case straight guys) still went there, but arrests and complaints dropped to nearly nothing.

    Local politician went on anti-gay crusade and closed the place down, drove it out of business. Guess what happened?

  • Joe

    I saw it’s tacky. If you want to lock eyes with someone, and then go to their place (or yours) after, that’s fine. But if you’re caught doing it in the gym, then you should have your membership revoked.

    I don’t think it should go so far as being arrested, but something should be done.

  • alan brickman

    On Sunday i got 5 minutes of complaining from a crusier in the y downtown and ten minutes in the public room from an out of shape gay about my using the facility..still not interested…stalk somewhere else…a major gym etiquette faux pas…not going to happen…

  • Oprah

    who cares, anyone who goes to gym is not really that straight, so essentially–cruise all you want. LOL

  • JT

    I agree it is rather tacky to cruise or have public sex in a gym locker room.

    If you want hook up and have sex in a locker room/public place with strangers, go to a bath house or hook up online and go somewhere else.

    I’ve been cruised at gyms but I just ignore it since I’m there to exercise and I have a BF.

    I go to gyms where not everyone there is a bisexual or gay man and if someone were to have sex in the locker room they’d be kicked out or be in legal trouble since it’s not that type of place.

  • Toronto Canada

    @Bubba: Straight couples have public sex all the time in movies theaters & cars since the 1950’s or even the 20’s. Sports teams, republicans, republican nudist, republican swingers, and homophobic rock musicians and strip club customers have public sex a lot w/ dozens of witnesses. There is a lake in the mid-west USA where 100’s hundreds of breeders gather for orgies every summer, out doors, w/ cameras and republican- fake evangelicals let it happen for the past 15 years. I can not remember name of this lake. But hundreds of straights have orgies there, it was covered on Inside Edition. Some one here may know the name of this lake. Straights have public sex during spring break, fraternity hazing, so-called parties, in public schools, at beer parties. Straight porn is everywhere. Staights are not the model of sex morality.

  • Mitchell

    Finally we can see the inevitable paradigm shift within the community of considering our reputation beginning to take hold.
    This sort of thing is so acceptable in gay environments these days but in a few years we will look back and wonder where was our self respect!

  • mybedattitude

    Well, honestly it happened to me a few times to have some action in the sauna of the gym: mainly wanking and kissing, couple of times blowjobs and one time rimming.
    I think nobody should to this, that’s why it is exciting and sometimes you cannot help it when you have the right chance…but I mean, only when you have the right chance. It is completely stupid to do it if someone can see it. It doesn’t matter if the other person who can see the sex scene is gay (and may close an eye) or straight, in a public space you shouldn’t do anything that bothers or worse other people.
    It is not only that other people can think all the gay guys are crazy sex addict people, respecting the other is a no-brainer.

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