I am a gay man of color. I’ve tried and failed to describe my past experience as one, but I’ll try here: I was born into a box within a box, and the keys are always dangling just out of my reach, jingling in the dark. Houdini has nothing on me.
To grow up a minority in America is an odd thing; there’s nothing I wanted more than to fit in, to not stand out as an easy target for bullies, but fitting in meant forsaking my identity. And the slow realization that I was gay crept in at the same time I wondered why every image of the “American ideal” looked, sounded, and acted nothing like me.
So as a kid, I would look in the mirror at my features, my smooth skin, my black eyes, and it was easy to feel ugly. It was easy to agree. And when I came out, there was no parade celebrating my diverseness. Instead, I entered a subculture that strove even harder to fit in. When a group of individuals grows up with a perpetual reinforcement that we are subhuman, that our emotions are inferior, that our love is dirty, how can you blame us for this? The Adonis factor is not narcissism. It’s self-defense.
I worked so hard to hear that I was attractive. I had something to prove, that I was no longer that sad, effeminate boy doggy-paddling at the shallow end of the pool. So I hit the gym and sculpted my body from obesity to lean muscle. So I built a persona of hypersexual confidence and took an obscene pleasure in breaking hearts. So I went through long periods of promiscuity and drug use when I used my sexuality as validation: “If you fuck me, I exist.”
And I was miserable.
Is film editor Justin Huang overcoming gay men’s obsessions with classical ideals of beauty by creating a blog about it or just complaining about it, in his Huffington Post Gay Voices editorial.
AKULA
I’ve never understood this whole obsession with blond haired blue eyes “ideal” look. How bland and uninteresting, give me dark skin dark hair and dark eyes any day, oh ya and Justin is REALLY CUTE!!
Polyboy
Seems like Queerty is glossing over the first part of the article before the author underwent circuit boy reconstruction. There is a point, despite the misleading use of the picture.
Scott
Justin is HOT !!!! SO much more my type than any blonde/blue-eyed A&F clone…
Shungaboy
His full blog post which ends with the words “We’re Beautiful”, shows that he has a healthy point of view. He used his experiences of being bullied to make himself stronger. Justin Huang’s blog: http://www.iamyellowperil.com/
Aaron
Complaining about it.
ron
I wish I could say I gave a shit.
Jon
It would have been awesome if no one fell for this flame-bait disguised as an article. Seriously, what is with this site’s fascination with gay asian self-portrayal? I feel like I’ve seen a fair amount of “Asian? Attractive? Racist?” articles but it seems to be going to genuine curiosity to cattiness with each new one.
Christopher
@Michael Linares: Comparing this to Anne Frank’s Diary is absurd and offensive, I hope you understand that. I could go into the many, many reasons, but it would probably be wasted on you.
evanb
OK I just did The Right Thing and read the full post on yellowperil, and it’s just a little too hard to take: a big ol’ wallow in (a) self-pity, followed promptly by (b) narcissistic self-righteousness. (Plus, honestly, any blog that concludes with the words “But at 25…” as if he’s now wisened by experience and looking back on his many decades with bemusement, is indicative of someone who is still firmly cocooned in the comfy wrappings of a youthful assurance that he is, in fact, the center of the known universe.) Get over it, hon; you’re a good-looking Asian guy. The fact that some folks don’t find you attractive is really not a problem: the world is full of flavors and people who prefer one or the other. The fact that it’s come to your attention that you’re not universally admired and adored is really not anybody else’s problem but your own. Sheesh, the whiny, victimized gays are not helping our community be seen as anything other than whiny victims.
Blah, bla..huh?
RE: “Is This Gay Asian Guy “Aesthetically Marginalized” Or Just Complaining?”
Both. Tautologies aside, fake controversy has to take the place of a racist editorial, because hey, we’re Americans. We Americans are racist, it makes no sense to be racist, but we are. Go to Asia, what do you find? Racists. The new frontier, brought to you by Queerty, the virtual gay fish wrap.
Charnel
Whiny bitch.
JayKay
He’s not bad looking, but the cut-and-paste “waaaaah white gays are racist because they’re not attracted to me, waaaaahhh” whining ruins it.
scott ny'er
@Shungaboy: Agreed. His just stating what happened to him. Why does it have to be perceived as complaining?
JT
As an asian american, you WILL BE marginalized. Of course, you live in a country where we come in flavors but if it aint white it’s not the majority hence yes…you might feel a bit…”unwanted”.
There’s a saying…every dog has his day. Latinos had it (helloo Ricky Martin), blacks had, it (hellooo john legend), don’t worry ours is coming soon 😉
And yes this is coming from another asian-american.
ajax
I am SO SICK of reading sentences like this one: “And when I came out, there was no parade celebrating my diverseness.”
Coming out does not fix every emotional/psychological issue that swims around in your sick little head. If you don’t like the way you look, coming to terms with your sexuality won’t make you feel any better about your appearance. If you’ve been scarred by racial prejudice, coming out won’t take the scars away.
Coming out is ONE step in the journey of learning to accept and love your own skin and everything inside of it. Coming out is not the finish line.
Why do so many men think that coming out means the world will beat a path to their doors?
disco lives
He should google “First World Problems.”
KCraigJ
As an African Amercan gay male, “welcome to the club”. I get it.
To all those with limitted empathy and emotional depth to understand what minorites go thru as gay & racially different; the KKK, Amer Nazi Party, & Fundamental Christian Repubs will appreciate your vote in Nov. Your thought processes sound like S Palin, M Bachmann, and R Limbaugh; you should write their speeches.
the other Greg
Before reading further in his blog, I can guess everything is the fault of Gay Culture.
Oooooh that evil awful Gay Culture. Of course, gay men themselves are wonderful but somehow we always end up with this evil awful Gay Culture. (It is such a mystery how this always happens.)
And of course, the solution is to completely renovate and correct Gay Culture. That will be so easy, and it’s not like anyone has ever suggested it before. It is the author’s completely original idea. (The author won’t have any details about exactly HOW to completely revamp Gay Culture – apparently that’s for the readers to work out – but the important thing is he thought of it first.)
And then, after Gay Culture is completely deconstructed and reconstructed (which after all should only take, what, five years or so?), the author will finally be happy and maybe he’ll even have a boyfriend.
(Apologies in advance if I’ve predicted this wrong!)
Spike
HOT ASIAN GUY . . WOOF!
Justin Huang
@the other Greg: Apology accepted.
comus
It’s not that we dismiss honest testimonials of suffering; it’s that Huang’s navel gazing is especially cloying and myopic.
In another Huff post he lamented how hard it was to be gay in the ’90s. It’s OK to write your own story, but a lack of perspective doesn’t give your writing credibility, and it’s certainly not OK to use your own misbehaving to question the legitimacy of same-sex marriage for everyone else–which he did in the same piece. This boy doesn’t look at all ugly to me, but his thoughts sound a little off.
the other Greg
@Justin Huang: well I’m glad I predicted wrong! Have to go out now but I’ll read your blog later.
Octavio
Pretty much all of you are missing the point. Try growing up as an outsider in a culture that keeps reminding you that you’re an outsider. He’s not complaining that white guys don’t find him attractive, he’s saying that basically his whole life he’s been made feel less than them for not fitting a mold of what the American “ideal” is. He is the first to admit that he became the way he is because of this isolation. I see more self-righteousness from people here saying that he should just suck it up than from Huang himself. We should be more empathetic of people in a situation like his, which is not exclusive to a particular race. Growing up gay (or simply different) in an unwelcoming environment CAN damage people emotionally and mentally, and it often does.
Brian
Is there discrimination/aesthetic hierarchy in gay culture? Emphatically yes. Are there worse things in the world than being both gay and a racial minority? Emphatically yes. The world is complicated, and I’m not saying that we should resign ourselves to these constructs (life really would be easier if they didn’t exist).
But the most damaging thing about being gay, or a racial minority, or being disabled, or a religious minority, or being bald, or being fat, being anything less than the quoted “ideal” in any culture or subculture is what it does to our self-prophecy of low self-esteem. I think a few parents nowadays at least are terrified that their children might turn out gay not because they’re homophobic but because they’re frightened of what limitations and damage and self-hatred and baggage this child might have as a result. It’s not the difference from the norm that is damaging, it’s the demons of attendant self-esteem issues that result from the difference from the norm. I mean, as a gay Asian male, I can completely 100% identify with everything Justin is going through. But the best thing I can do (and I am DEFINITELY still working on this), is to work from a place where I can realize I am enough, and from there these differences and barriers that exist will start fade a little.
nikkidl
It’s unfortunate that Mr Huang had to go thru this but it’s amazing that it’s a surprise to him. People (especially gay men) pick partners based solely on what makes their dick hard. And most first-world people are subject to an anglo-centric environment as they grow up. Lean white people are everywhere. So that’s what our idea of beauty is. That’s it. This isn’t a moral failure on anyone’s part. No one’s out to make anyone feel marginalized. Images of beauty are ingrained from childhood.
As a black gay man, it hurts to know that people think less of me, but I got over it. I fucked people who (gasp) found me attractive.
JustinHuang
@Octavio: I love you, Octavio!
JustinHuang
I find the way that Queerty framed my article perhaps the most interesting discussion to be had. For instance, I never used the words “aesthetically marginalized” (or would I ever, yuck), but the quotation marks seem to imply it.
Chuck
Being a half-asian man, I can never fulfill my dream of becoming a furry gay bear. My hair growth and ultra high metabolism don’t allow it. ;___;
That said, I’ve felt the way he does sometimes. The only problem was, that I was every bit as racist as the people racist against me. I heard things like “Asians have no souls because of their black eyes”, etc. etc. stupid shit teenagers say. But at the same time, I’m not attracted to Asians either (perhaps because of the majority viewpoint and being raised in a culture that overly emphasizes blond blue-eyed hunks). So I really had no right to complain.
I eventually found a blond-haired blue eyed hunk who had a thing for Asians and we’ve been together two years now (my first relationship).
I really do wish I could be a bear though.
RLS
Well, this black gay man thinks that Asian guy is HOT. I like all flavors, but really like muscle Asian guys because you don’t see too many of them.
And this one is a smart writer, too? Swooon.
I would be curious as to whether he dates anything other than white, though. Very few of the Asians I know do. If not, well then, he really doesn’t have a leg to stand on with this…
jeff4justice
@disco lives: First world problems = pointless petty reactions to something you don’t like online. Dang, I just had a first world problem. At least in all of your heroism combating the problems of lesser worlds you had time to share your brilliant insight.
Note: if you post “first world problems” in reaction to something online you are a first world problem. Now go save the world.
jeff4justice
When I came out in 2003 at 23 I thought the LGBT community would be one big happy family. I had no idea how vicious and unkind many LGBTs were to one another.
Now I understand that hurt people hurt people. Now I understand the dumbing down of LGBTs though the glamorization of the party culture, materialism, and social status pursuits in addition to the expelling of faith values – and I say that last part as an atheist.
One of my favorite people American public figures is Dr. Cornel West who often talks about the need to love one another and lift up the poor.
Whether at a Pride event, an LGBT organization or a rare visit to a bar/club, I never fail to encounter some hyper-judgmental person projecting their fear-based hated of anyone they perceive as unworthy of them. Again, hurt people hurt people
In the LGBT community, we need more messengers of love. We need more people glorified for lifting one another up. We need more mentors helping the disadvantaged.
ron
@jeff4justice: Let’s all hold hands and sing Kumbaya.
eagledancer
@YellowPeril/Justin
I haven’t been able to contact you directly–I’m the Editor for Compete, the only gay sports magazine, distributed nationally through Barnes and Noble. I also do most of the posts on our website. I recently featured your article on how Jeremy Lin has impacted your sex life–www.competenetwork.com You can also e-mail me directly: [email protected]
Bipolar Bear
Justin Huang is right. Love his blog title, love his post. I will be following. I think to use the term “aesthetically marginalised” actually belittles his experience, though. It’s bigotry, it’s exclusion, it’s ignorance.
As to whether he’s perpetuating the adonis factor by trying to make himself traditionally attractive – he’s on a journey just like we all are. At least he’s self-aware about what he’s doing.
GBro
Not to be the word police, but “classical ideals of beauty” and “aesthetically marginalized?” Being pretty on Queerty sounds like the most boring thing imaginable. I mean, Yellow Peril isn’t quite Ralph Ellison, but you’d think Queerty would have more sympathy for photogenic people who are their bread and butter. Or whatever, maybe the implication that the author’s “just” complaining is simply a bid to rile up discussion, albeit in a disappointingly typical, hamfisted way.
Also! @Octavio FTW
TheMarc
I’m going to be as frank and concise as I can. I am officially annoyed by this conversation. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, period. Believe me, as a gay black man, I have learned first hand that getting a 100% approval rating among everyone I have found attractive is not only unrealistic, but arrogant. This truth holds for members of any race, size or socioeconomic status. Try bitching to an overweight guy in the gay community about how some people aren’t attracted to you because you’re an Asian with washboard abs. I’m not sure why, and those who know me, know I do not like to generalize; but 3/4 of the time this conversation comes up, I hear it from gay Asian men. And I’m kind of tired of it. For every white guy that says “no Asians” in their profile, there are like 10 Asian guys who say “No Blacks.” And you know what? That’s fine! No one should have to pretend to be attracted to someone they’re not out of a need to be politically correct. Period. Sexual attraction is not a realm that gels well with social conventions and political correctness. Of all communities, the gay community should know this.
You want to talk about racism in the gay community? Fine, it exists and it has nothing to do with hook ups. I’ve known prestigious members of the gay and lesbian community who were denied access, iced-out or plain ignored by gay institutions, organizations, etc. because of their race. The gay community is a mirror of society as whole when it comes to racism; but is the one community you think would be more sensitive to it. But rather than discuss that topic, all I see are articles about how someone can’t get 100% of the white guys they’re attracted to to sleep with them. And that annoys me. So yeah, I’m not about to cry you a river or even pretend to sympathize with you if that’s your most pressing beef about racism in the gay community.
JustinHuang
@eagledancer: You (and only one else who wishes to do so) can email me at yp (at) iamyellowperil (dotcom). Thanks for featuring my article!
JustinHuang
@TheMarc: This is my story of a journey toward self-love, not a contest about who is fucking who. Don’t let Queerty’s word choices rile you up. My message is different, if you choose to see it.
TheMarc
@JustinHuang: What is your message?
Gauthier
Wow. I thought the cruelty and apathy here would have been limited to transphobia (which I called out on other posts, and find absolutely incomprehensible from a community that segregates itself with the excuse of standing strong as one family), but apparently I was dead wrong. You people seriously disgust me and make me sad. When I go through the comments I feel like I’m going backt through time at least fifty years, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you all so quick to be judgemental? So eager to dismiss the plight of others as a pathology, as narcissism, as worthless? Even people who come from the same situation prefer to stand with the naysayers and deny that there IS something wrong with gay culture, and it’s becoming clearer and clearer the more I get exposed to it. There IS a problem with racial divides, there IS a problem with misogyny, with transphobia, body image, promiscuity, and so on and so forth. I have chosen to completely distance myself from the gay community where I live because it’s an awful cesspool of STD’s, drugs, bitchiness and shallowness. I’ve never been happier, you can keep wallowing in your own tired clichés, care only for the image the media feeds you as to what being queer is supposed to be like, and then stand insulted and indignant when you’re being called out on it because guess what? You’re digging yourself into your own shallow little graves.
JustinHuang
@TheMarc: We’re beautiful.
Jeremy
I just cannot keep doing this. I don’t have the strength and patience to convince everyone not to see me under the scope of color anymore. It is what it is, and I fully accept the fact that being a minority within a minority within a minority, I will definitely face prejudice for the skin color that I cannot change, for the culture that is deep in my soul. But there is nothing with that, so what the damn reason should I feel ashamed about myself? If 90% of gay people don’t want to have sex with Asians? Fine, I just find something else that’d make me happy.
JustinHuang
@Jeremy: Jeremy, if this comment section is depressing for you, go to the one on Huffington Post, which is empowering and hopeful in comparison: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/justin-huang/the-beautiful-gay-man-of-color_b_1393224.html?ref=gay-voices#comments
LeNair Xavier
I see why Queerty, Towleroad, and every other White-owned media source that is writing about this piece did so.
Let me start by saying that by no means do I feel that Justin Huang didn’t make valid points. FOR HE VERY MUCH DID. However, I felt myself getting angry because there’s a degree of playing nice with his words that Whites in gay media want to hear. For Whites in gay media don’t want to hear the harsh truth of the Pandora’s Box they’ve opened with the images they put out of them as the color of all ideals in this melting pot country. The title of this post AND the lack of empathy in some of the comments is proof of that.
And while Justin Huang speaks of 2 identities (which anyone who knows me knows I understand), his post does not seem to be written in the vein of that dark side protecting the light, which is right and normal. It instead seems more from the side that “turns the other cheek” no matter what. But the fact is WE CAN’T turn the other cheek. Otherwise, we’d be easily dismissed.
@JustinHuang, you have a gift for writing the truth, and you must use it to react by displaying a JUSTIFIED annoyance with the images of White (and maybe light-complexioned non-Whites) the LGBT media is bombarding us with to be the shade of various ideals. Many may call you “angry”, so be it. Trust me, I know the feeling. But in these matters, one can’t and shouldn’t be diplomatic. At least you would be being honest about the annoyance you, I, and every other humane gay person regardless of color has a right to and should feel.
dave
Nope. Not attractive.
whatever
Many asian men fetishize white men. Man asian men are relentless in pursuing white men. Don’t cry about people just seeing race, when that’s all you see yourself.
Whiny asian males
It’s called Little Emperor Syndrome. Asian males are raised to believe they are the Center of the Universe. When reality collides with that belief, it’s always a shock.
Muleskinner
Some day you will look back at all of this and realize that you sold your souls for utter bullshit.
James
I’m tried of asian and black guys wining about white guys not liking them.Here’s a idea how about you date some guys that look like you or some of the other non white guys.Why would someone else find you attractive if you don’t think you are.
BigSea
I couldn’t stomach reading the entire article. Maybe i should byt why would he think white guys are racist if they don’t like asians? And how does he feel about dating asians. And if he’s only attracted to white guys does that make him a racist?
nugoyxi
I don’t know how most gay men are, but I as a gay woman like Asian women, I think they can be absolutely beautiful 🙂
I think it’s fine not to find a race attractive, I don’t find black women attractive, but I don’t like racism, which a lot of gay men seem to have towards Asians, it’s sad
Danny
So do whites get to bitch about Latinos idealizing Latinos in South America? Considering that non-white gay people are the vast majority on the planet, the discussion should actually be why haven’t more non-white gay people joined the non-white gay people who already show and idealize non-white gay people? Sounds like the author has a self-loathing problem that isn’t caused by white people but rather by his inability to seek out other sources of beauty idealized around the globe. Given the internet and its existence for 2 decades, it makes the author seem lazy and trite. And if the author is an adult, he should move to where he’s treated better. Gay people around the globe do it all the time so the USA should be no exception. Take some responsibility and be an adult like so many other non-white and white gay people on the planet. Also, the author should perhaps write a piece exploring why, with Asian gay people being the most populace racial background for gay people on Earth, that more Asian majority countries don’t have better human rights records when it comes to gay human beings.
jason
Maybe this Asian guy should stop thinking about what everyone thinks. Stop being so damn self-conscious.
Maybe he should also address the homophobia of Asian women. Asian women are particularly homophobic.
nugoyxi
I don’t think Asian women are homophobic, unless they were from an Islamic Asian country ^
MJ
@JustinHuang let me just say despite the fact that I haven’t had the chance yet to read the rest of it, I am always inspired and amazed every time I read any of your blogs. And as a black male and an overall minority in every aspect of the American society, I fully agree with you when I see mostly everything from tv to billboards to whatever and its like you see a representation of something that is just not you. Thank you for getting your voice out there. You not only represent the gay Asian community but all gay men and women of color
GBro
@Danny: Did you seriously just make that loopy charge for reverse-racism? And did you really imply that races should self-segregate to countries in which they would be the majority? Since you’ve been on the internet so long and are clearly a mature expert, do you know why despite being “the most populace racial background for gay people on Earth,” LGBT rights in Asia are lacking? I’ll give you a super general hint: that being that many forces are culturally specific, but much of the sources of discrimination are sadly universal, and are ultimately the same as what we have in the US. But I look forward to your answer, and if the comment below yours is any indication of the level of discourse here, I believe it will be a blanket condemnation of all Asian women (possibly as being overbearing and emasculating) followed by a long rant about inscrutability and paternalistic grumblings over the vast Chinese hivemind.
Gauthier
@Whiny asian males: Yes, because all Asian males on the entire planet, whatever all culture/geography/roots/genealogy context aside, are raised this way, exactly as you describe it. Put a sock in your goddamn wordhole, you ignorant fucking prick. I mean that figuratively, of course. I cannot fathom a scenario in which you’re actually allowed to open your mouth in public and spew the same generalizing bullshit as in your comments.
Gauthier
*Bar ‘whatever’
Danny
Did you know there are people who don’t watch television? That’s right, because consuming media (tv, books, internet, etc) is a voluntary activity. People who are self actualized realize it. Anyone whining that they voluntarily consume media that denigrates or excludes them, rather than seek out inclusive media or simply not consume the denigrating media by exercising their freewill of a human being is the definition of immature, if not downright insane. Be an adult. Also, the “culturally-specific” excuse doesn’t hold as an excuse not to grow a pair especially given that the USA wasn’t some shining utopia from the start, nor was Argentina, or South Africa, or Germany for that matter (talk about culturally geared against advancement but plenty of German gay people grew a pair and the region advanced from a culture far worse than any Asian culture). Also I didn’t say anything about Asian women.
Tackle
@JustinHuang: I get what you are saying. But I noticed that you did not respond to what @RLS wrote about you. Yet you responded to others.
My question to you would be, if every gay white male found you attractive, would you still feel a need to write such an artical??
Are you just as concerned with what Blacks,Hispanics/Latinos, and Asians feel about your looks as you are with White men??
You wrote to @TheMarc: that “We’re beautiful”. Do you find Asian and other men just just as beautiful as White men?? And do you date all types of men??
Because if not, then you should NOT be writing such an article.
And I hope you can be honest about this. BTW, I did read the original artical. And since you put it out there, I’m just responding with questions.
Paul
Wow. The comments here at Queerty and the comments on the Huffington Post site are like night and day. I don’t know what that says about the gay community.
I can understand what Justin is going through. It must feel frustrating to be called ugly and to feel rejected because you’re of a certain race. At the same time, I can also understand why some people aren’t attracted to certain ethnic groups. Members of these groups are in the minority and therefore do not get as much positive exposure in the media.
But in the age of globalization, we must be mindful of the ideals that we present to the world. Even though Asians make up the largest “racial” group in the world, it is still the West that has the biggest influence in the media worldwide. It is no wonder then that little girls in Korea and other Asian countries undergo plastic surgery to look more Caucasian. In some cases it is their parents who ask them to go under the knife (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yKqOSpDDp4).
As long as we bombard other cultures with media that equate perfection exclusively to having Caucasian features, this problem will persist. Representations of Asians in film and t.v. are not as bad as they used to be, and a lot of fashion houses are now adding token Asians to their runway shows. But we’ll need to do more than that to reverse this horrible trend.
GBro
@Danny: Uhhh… You realize the irony of talking about hygienic media consumption on an Arts/Entertainment/Media/Social Advocacy blog, right? To bring it back a little to the original essay, Huang for the most part mentions media only in that “‘American Ideal'” paragraph. The rest is mostly a list of really traumatic sounding personal experiences concluded by realizations he has come to after processing his trauma and learning to stand up for himself as an Asian American. I’m not sure how a diet of the right media is going to help someone “self actualize” as much as Huang seems to by the end of his essay.
As for your examples of countries(U.S., Argentina, South Africa, Germany) that have “grown a pair,” I guess I agree that massive social upheaval is needed to change entrenched homophobic traditions and policies…? I’ll admit that “culturally specific” was a pretty weak concept to bring up, but are you really going to assert that there aren’t any LGBT advocates in Asia who don’t continue to ‘grow a pair’ and stand up for their rights, despite the harsh conditions? I bet they don’t even own a TV, either!
Lex
If the author thinks that its hard being Asian in this “community” try being black. They may marginalize you but these guys HATE us with the intensity of 1000 suns.
Hell, in the hierarchy of desire and acceptance in this population, we’re almost always on the bottom.
HarlemGuy
Yeah, Tackle is kinda right. You can look at every race and see them together but Asians. It’s a bit strange because if you call an Asian guy on it he’ll say “oh it’s like dating my brother.”. No other race says that.
This article would be easier to swallow if so many Asian guys weren’t so obsessed with white men.
Danny
@GBro Actually I’ll assert that the out and proud LGBT advocates in Asia are the first to admit that the biggest problem is that they are few and far betweeen in proportion to other parts of the world – that most LGBT people in Asia are big spineless cowards who voluntarily decide to leave their out and proud brothers and sisters hanging by voluntarily deciding to lead a closeted life as a faux hetero. The excuse of “culture pressure” is in reality “big coward at heart syndrome” and the out and proud LGBT Asian people left hanging are proof that it is a matter of being bold and brave; like every other part of the world that has advanced which has required LGBT people to grow a pair and not make excuses.
Also, based on the article which said (“I had something to prove, that I was no longer that sad, effeminate boy doggy-paddling at the shallow end of the pool.”) there is plenty of self-femme-loathing by the author who is dumb enough to take drugs. He never left the shallow end of the pool. And sculpting your body doesn’t make up for a homely face or unrealistic expectations. The author seems to be whining about being femme and homely, muscles or not. Plenty of femme guys don’t have the self-loathing he created for himself, and some masculine guys are self-loathing. You are left to wonder if he had been a handsome Asian guy would he still be so shallow.
GBro
@Danny: I think you’re generalizing a really vast group of people who probably don’t want your help, who within their cultures don’t consider themselves cowards, and are especially uninterested in the paternalistic “growing a pair.” Unfortunately, I agree that I just don’t see a Stonewall moment in much of Asia until something else gives. But in the meantime, damning such a wide and undifferentiated swath of people seems counterproductive, to say the least.
Given the rhetoric of “growing a pair” and “spineless cowards” you espouse towards Asia as a homogeneous closet-land, is it no wonder that young Asian American gay men tend to internalize this emasculating cultural attitude? If you’re going to explore masculinity in regards to this article, I think it would be wise to take into account the specificity of Asian American identity, especially its unique and rather anguished history with this topic. As for shallowness? It’s not like he wrote this. Also, what’s with the personal attacks about his former drug problem?
Danny
@GBro It’s not emasculating; you are laughably attempting to equate a queerty comment posting with a cultural attitude. I contrasted out and proud LGBT advocates in Asia with spineless cowardly voluntarily-closeted LGBT people in Asia. I didn’t say men only. There are out and proud brave Asian LBT women in Asia, hence the term “LGBT advocates in Asia.” You are just making excuses for the closet cases and the author’s self-loathing anti-femme guy attitude – plenty of brave out and proud femme guys around the globe who own it and don’t apologize for it (often out and proud femme guys and butch girls are braver than others because they cannot cloak themselves as easily, if at all, like non-femme gay guys and non-butch gay girls can). Also, the drug usage is equally pathetic if it’s a hetero using drugs – no free pass for LGBT guys or gals.
13Zeroither
Go Asian Americans! Who can not find Asian Americans attractive? Perhaps where I live makes me atractive to them i guess, so but whatever. Racism sucks anyways coming from anyone.
JayKKK
@JayKay: Amen. There’s no such thing as white racism. It’s nothing but a conspiracy by minorities to take white people’s rights away. Keep speaking the truth, brother.
J Stratford
If they are not attracted to you either
1) Make yourself more attractive to them
or 2) Try to like the ones who find you attractive
It aint racist, its just my penis’s biology.
Why do people obsess about all white gays liking them anyway? If you are into white gays, just find the one white gay who will like you back. that’s it. that wouldn’t work for sluts, but since generally sluts like anything with a penis, it shouldnt be a problem.
jonjon
Hmmm…interesting how in a lot of the comments here, the ones who are saying “he’s just whining, Asians have to get over themselves, there is no racism” are mostly White, while the ones who are saying “I totally understand his position and agree with where he’s coming from” are often self-identifying as people of colour. Who do you think gets to decide whether there is racism or not, the people who are victims of it or people who aren’t?
Chuck
Having been with Asian guys and Latin guys, I think his premise is just…wrong.
skzip888
Might this have something to do with the fact that many available guys, of all shapes and colors, go dateless while large portions of the community fixate on trying to corrupt burly, Christian football players?
I’ve said before, a lot of guys out there think they’re entitled to their specific sexual fantasy, which, frequently, relies one one racial stereotype or another, but that’s no reason to expect it to drop into your lap. Regardless, simply calling someone ugly to their face is on a level of self-entitled bitchiness that would make Joan Rivers take a step back. If I worked on my body that much (I don’t), and wasn’t getting any respect for it, I’d find some new fuck buddies.
Seven
I find him very very attractive. I would be honored if he consented to a date with me.
Frederick
I have mixed feelings about what’s quoted here in Queerty’s excerpt of Justin’s article for the Huffington Post. On one hand, I think he makes some valid points about there being an underlying racism in American culture, both straight and gay. However, on the other hand, I believe all LGBT people are marginalized by society, and the best defense is to simply say “F_ _k you, if you don’t like me for who I am. I am what I am, and I’m going to thrive no matter what your opinion of me is.”
skip2myloo
I wanted to start out with this attention-grabbing introduction: “As a tall beautiful, asian male..” albeit true, I fear that both the gay and asian communities would tar and feather me (sarcastic smile) for my hubris. So, I leave you with these points:
(1) After skimming your blog I agree with you, Justin on the point that we don’t have many asian LGBT or straight asian role models to look up to. I mean when you compare it to the white community (either gay or straight), the disparity is blindingly obvious. And, the media/fashion/music/film/television industry– who seem to define our general aesthetics– don’t do a good job in helping the case either.
However, we cannot cast the full blame on these entities because (generalising) our culture/parents push us into the sciences, medicine, mathematics, and academia. Fields that are polar opposite to the arts and humanities. Because our parents (especially immigrant parents) feel that these fields will provide a more secured, thereby possibly a happier future for their children. So, it begs the question: is the media/fashion/etc actively screening out Asians models and actors (industry case), or the talent pool is smaller, so they have to work with what’s there (parent case)? Either way, it seems to trickle down to what we see in films and magazines defining what is beautiful.
But, I don’t think it is necessary one or the other case. I think the problem is cyclic– chicken vs. egg — which came first-type problem. Well, on a positive note things are achangin’. There are more Asians emerging and becoming the ubiquitous face to add to the our set definition of beauty. Examples: Bruno Mars, Jeremy Lin, Liu Wen, George Takei, and many more. I certainly hope the trajectory continues upward both for the straight and the LGBT communities. (We definitely need more Asian LGBT role models.. I can only think of a few.)
(2) Finally, this is issue was addressed LIGHT YEARS ago in the breeder’s camp. Here watch this youtube clip or search for “yellow fever.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOyRWuklsiQ Overall, the gaysian = unappealing problem addressed in this article has many layers (both good and bad). This Justin’s article/blog brings to the forefront one of the many layers. (Yeesh, that was long comment) Overall, I hope to stay positive that things are changing for the better.
london89
Sorry, for me he barely has gay related issues, but mostly with his looks and his self-confidence. That’s not a gay problem, that’s a problem for a big part of the today’s society.
No matter who caused this lack of self-confidence, you have to acquire it on your own. Your an adult, YOU decide how confident you are with yourself! Self-pity and statements won’t help anybody.
I know that sounds a little harsh, but it is like that. In my youth I was always that insecure and shy boy, mostly quite and not participating in bigger groups of people. That’s 4 years ago right now. I moved from a small town to Berlin. No, it wasn’t easy and you have to kick your own ass a lot, but it’s worth it. Now I moved again, this time to London. Only here a few weeks and got to know a lot of people.
Come on! Take the lead in your own life! You can achieve everything you want, no matter who you are!
Honey
Vain without actually being pretty :$
kendoll
Do any young folk feel like they measure up to the ideal? Consider how the images of already beautiful celebrities get touched up to look even more beautiful before being splashed across magazines and our computer screens.
But, I can see how being asian minority adds one more level of feeling separation when what is presented usually looks non-asian. Images like John Cho of Jay Chou are still infrequent in America.
California69
@London89 – Excellent point – you hit the nail on the head.
@JustinHuang – You told TheMarc that this post is about “…self-love” However, I found your entire post to be anything about “self-love.” You focus on “being victimized” and seeing life as a “problem to solve rather than an adventure” to live. Being locked in the box you described with the “the keys…dangling just out of my reach.” was never the case, you always had the keys in your hands. “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about the situation” (Uncited, may be Eckhart Tolle.) How you have responded to the situation in your life is why the keys are out of reach – then and now!
Your perceptions are your reality emotionally and physically. The issue of your not fitting the “American Ideal” is of your own doing. As Eckhart Tolle says “..Don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem.” A confident “self” is not dependent upon external factors for validation – being viewed for your physical beauty – and feeling invalidated if your physical beauty is not recognized. As Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Justifying Adonis narcissism tendencies as being self-defense is living a life of “being victimized”. When you lead a victim-led life, you lead a life where your life is determined by external factors (living life as an externalizer.) Confident “selves” lives are lead by internalizers; internalizers realize that they control their lives and that their outcomes (either negative or positive) comes inside of themselves. Your actions (and only your actions) determine if you display narcissist tendencies – you control your life and the outcomes regardless if they are positive or negative. Confident “selves” don’t assign “blame” for negative outcomes to external factors.
Lastly, an important idea to keep in mind is “Outflow determines inflow.” As Eckhart Tolle says “Whatever you think people are withholding from you – praise, (ACCEPTANCE) appreciation, assistance, loving care, and so on – give it to them. You don’t have it? Just act as if you had it and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you will start receiving. You cannot receive what you don’t give. Outflow determines inflow. Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you already have, but unless you allow it to flow out, you won’t even know that you have it.”
The lack of any “parade celebrating my diverseness.” is because your lack of appreciation for the abundance of diverseness around you – a confident “self” appreciates that the diverseness of where people are attracted to all different kinds of people. If everyone was attracted to the same “type” where would be the diverseness that you seek to have celebrated exist?
I suggest to continue your quest for “self love” that maybe you need to put down the keyboard and take up a book by Eckhart Tolle or other other “spiritual” based leaders to find that “self love” you seek.
redboiwalkin
I am a gay native american with vitaligo. when i came out before my skin started changing it was interesting. people responded with vayring degrees of disbelief. from “i didn’t know mohawks were more than a hairstyle.” and “i didn’t know native americans came in gay!”
growing older i started to see more than the gleaming optimism of youth, that blessed stage where everything is shiny and eclipses the other truths that become more apparent as the years tick by.
reaching thirty i recognized the racism that can permeate the world we live in.
your box within a box is something i understand intimately.
being a gay native american with vitaligo is a bit like being a spotted unicorn.
my neices ask me every time they see me what the spots are.
my relatives ask me when i’m going to find a nice native girl to settle down with.
and many americans as me how high my hair is and how much product i use to keep it up.
with all the uncomfortable questions, and ignorance i face it becomes more apparent that hiding is something we can’t afford. other peoples views, experiences and horizons can’t be expanded by those of us who are different and hiding away.
i guess that’s the least of the points of who we are. to educate others.
the greatest is to celebrate who we are and to make the world a better place.
i guess.
Gay Bacon
People people people. Calm. The fuck. Down. Lol. I too, like The Marc, was a bit annoyed while reading Mr. Huang’s article. I mean seriously? Your biggest problem is that you’re not able to attract everyone you wish you could?! We have gay teens committing suicide from rejection, from the stress of a laundry list of things including not looking hot enough AND this guy is complaining about being good looking, just not good looking enough. ASS!
Then I read his blog and the full article. It’s actually not that bad. Through his rejection he was able to overcome his unhealthy lifestyle and get in shape. It was a little awful that it took him achieving this to realize “We’re all beautiful” but he got there nonetheless.
I’ve been there just not quite the same. Through my rejection I was able to focus on academics and engineering. So now when I visit my hometown and “randomly bump into” my ex boyfriend and bullies, they can all suck on my Lotus’ pipe exhaust! 😀 It definitely gets better hahaha.
Marcel
If you’re White you don’t get to say Justin’s just complaining and being whiny. If you think he’s just complaining, you should consider that your White privilege doesn’t allow to view his perspective, and that Whites are more frequently featured in the media as models/ideals of beauty. A symptom of this is that Whites are less likely than any other race to respond to a dating request outside their race. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/same-sex-data-race-reply/
Wholly Mary
The “American Ideal” are nothing more than Madsion Avenue advertising campaigns.
shannon
FIRST….THIS QUEEN HAS ISSUES TO START WITH!!!! I WOULD AVOID HIM FOR THAT POINT…..THEN ALSO AVOID HIM CAUSE HE IS NOT GOODLOOKING AT ALL
Kevin
As a chubby, educated, well rounded, hard working, middle class gay man… who also happens to find asian men very attractive. I have little sympathy here. I can barely get gay men to be my friend, let alone a date.
So a couple white guys turned you down. ~feh. you are attractive, successful, and guys turn their heads and notice you.
arbiter
I like Justin Huang. I’ve been reading his blog for a couple of months, follow him on Twitter, etc. He’s honest and forthcoming and his blog posts are generally very personal takes on issues, mostly referring the reader to intimate details of his past. They are personal accounts, an experience each, so all the comments about ‘whining’ and ‘you shouldn’t write that if you don’t date Asian men,’ I think, are irrelevant. Also, in his responses to such thing, he seems to feel the same way. The characteristic catty comments from Queerty users are a depressing look into the divisive attitudes in the gay community, and to channel Dan Savage, so many people here suffer from serious cases of YDIW, or “You’re Doing It Wrong.” Which, in terms of telling stories about one’s own past, are about as effective as weight loss is at truly boosting one’s self esteem–which is to say, not at all.
arbiter
P.S. I think he’s hot. 😛
Tackle
Justin Huang is anything but honest and forthcoming. If he were honest and and forthcoming, then he would admit that he does NOT prefer other Asian men. And that his prefence is for White men.
And it is relevant when someone makes a statment that we
” we’re beautiful” yet they really don’t see themselves and other Asians as beautiful. And if he were honest, he would admit that the “Were beautiful” statement was directed to White men and for White men to digest so they can find Justin Huang more desirable therefor Justin getting less rejection. Yes Asian men are beautiful. But so are Black, White Hispanic/Latino and Middle Eastern. But Justin Huang would be the worst type of Asian man to date. One who is weak. Looking for validation from White men and who does NOT find himself or other Asians attractive.
Personally, I would not date anyone who does not find themselves attractive, and is turned off by members of their own ethnicity. Self hate is not attractive or sexy.
And I think it’s a shame that some people suffer from a serious case of IDCWUTHO…
(I don’t care what you think of others.) Just as long as you think highly of me.
Self love and respect starts from with-in. And like the old saying goes, if you don’t love yourself, how can you love me. Or less serious but still important, if you dont’ feel comfortible with yourself, how can you feel comfortible with me.
David Aventura
Tackle, I think that you are right. Justin needs the approval of white gay men. Also, he isn’t the only attractive Asian gay man out there. Yet, he wouldn’t be willing to date that guy.
In the end, this stuff doesn’t matter. He’ll be 50 before he knows it and facing a whole new deck of discrimination.
James
I know Im a few days late on my response. But I felt strongly about commenting.
I read this blog entry with unbiased views and can relate to the author’s plight. Being a 20 something year old minority gay male (I’m African American), I too at times can feel alienated by the “community” at large; which strives for so-called equality and acceptance.
No matter how much Ambercrombie I put on, or how many Apple products I can keep abreast about, or how much working out I do, people are still ashamed or apprehensive about really getting to know me. Moreover, they are too shallow to associate with me, outside of the club scene, and truly cultivating meaningful relationships. In a sense, people have turned to objectifying me as a sex symbol, likened to that of a whore– there for a good time, but not worthy of anything else… but I digress…
I dont feel that this guy is “whining” in a sense, but trying to find some common ground in which to find a sense of camraderie. His voice is loud in clear, regardless if you want to turn a deaf ear. Albeit the author turned to obsessive working out, and circuit parties, he seems to have found his niche. But then there is always that bitter, heartless, narcisstic queen that is quick to point out he is STILL ASIAN and will never be able to “fit in”, no matter how much working out he accomplishes. This hurts…. it hurts and the author should not be ashamed to talk about. It is an ever present issue within the gay community– its simply a BLACK and WHITE issue (no pun intended) and there is no grey area. Really there isn’t….
Its sad these comments from somewhat privileged White gays, are so quick to judge this guy. Just because you grew up in a sheltered environment, doesnt mean it doesnt exist. This is the exact same thing happening in the news today with the Treyvon Martin case. But thats a whole different story.
I think a more reflective stance at what it feels like to be alienated would be more appropriate. All the times you were teased, rejected by the popular crew in high school, disowned by your parents when you came out to them, etc, etc. We’ve all experienced heartache and acceptance issues. I think the word community stands for itself. We should start living up to it.
its true sexual attractiveness comes in many forms, but it doesnt mean that you cant take the time to get to know someone. In fact, the same person that you are “rejecting” could be the very one, that you need in your life…
okay Im done ranting.
James. 🙂
JustinHuang
@Tackle: How the hell do you, as well as other commentators here, know what my sexual preference is? And why would it even matter?
This is your own projection, trying to belittle me, attempting to annex a message that is NOT ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE FOR ONCE, and making it all about yourself.
I think it’s disgusting. It’s pathetic. It makes me sad.
But you know what? You’re welcome to say whatever you want about me. I am a Gay man of Color, and I am a Survivor. None of your hate or your lies can touch me.
I have nothing but pity for you, because you can’t see the beauty the rest of us see.
And by the way: Queerty, when you label minority voices as “complaints,” it’s just another way for you to give yourself and your readers an excuse to ignore us. And that is your loss as well. I’m embarrassed for this site. This cynicism is foul.
And for any gay men who came across this page and had to endure some of the profoundly racist comments above, I’m sorry. But absorb their words and their ignorance, and know what it means for us. And I’ll say it again, know how fucking beautiful you are.
David Aventura
@James [Different person #1 using similar name]: Very interesting read. Thanks for sharing. Though, I’m left wondering a few things about you. When you adorn yourself in AF clothes and Apple gadgets, who are you trying to attract? Seems to me that no matter how hard you try, you can’t get white gay men to love you. You are no different than Justin in that you have an affinity for acceptance from white gay men. I can only imagine how negatively you react to other black gay men who dress in “street” clothes and look more hip-hop. They do not dress like you, so I hardly think you would approve of them. James, please don’t waste your twenties seeking approval from gay white men. Just like the people “rejecting” you could really use you in their lives, there are black gay men you are “rejecting” that you need in your life. Just saying.
Kenyu
This is an excellent and very sophisticated comment!
Ken
First thing to realize is that this guy is hot and,..he DOES know it. BUT that does not invalidate his experiences.
I have many Asian friends who are absolutely stunning,..beautiful,…muscled,..worked-out,…and talented in their own specific ways. But each one of those guys will have a story to tell you that may brake your heart.
I grew up in a very small town and I was bullied. But bullied is a understatement,…people swerved to hit me with their cars,…loaded guns pointed at my face,… Stories about molesting children,..violence and fights,…being strangled to the point of a black-out,….. It was not so easy. I also was not good looking enough either.
But I am white,..blond with blue eyes. Does this invalidate my experiences? No. This goes to prove that our society as a whole is not as great or as wonderful as some say. Not all of us grew up feeling or experiencing any special privilege –
I think that many people choose to ignore anyone that they cannot relate too or understand. That very thing divides us by color, race, skin, sex, race, religion,…and the list goes on and on.
One thing is that I DO KNOW people will make bad decisions in their life that may or may not affect them in a negative or long lasting way. In this matter we are all accountable for our own choices – both good and bad. I know it’s easier to react to life and it’s situations but eventually we must mature enough to stop the destructive behavior,…wrap up the self pity,…stop feeling sorry for ourselves and pick up and move on. It does not matter what race you are,….everyone gets to make that choice. HOPEFULLY,…someone will read this hot guy’s article and maybe get to the better place sooner rather than later and avoid making the same or as many bad decisions.
Is it complaining? No. But it doesn’t need to come off as an excuse for behavior ether,…it’s just a story of one man’s life and his process of how he got to where he is now.
Btw. I think Asian guys are hot. But other people call that a fetish. WHAAAT? A white guy liking white people isn’t,…..but u know what,…it isn’t a fetish and I have moved on. Hot is hot. Period. For some that’s a plate of Adobo with rice,.. Or spam and a fried egg and rice,…or phu,..or sushi,…we all have preferences – its the way we are built,….. But racist rants are not excusable behavior. I don’t care if it’s an Asian guy who won’t talk with or hang around white guys or black guys or Latino,….or a white guy who won’t hang around Asian guys or black guys or Latino guys,…
We ALL have a huge amount of growing left to do,….and hopefully each of us gets there sooner rather than later.
Thanks for th forum.
Xxoo -Ken
Tackle
@JustinHuang: You really have a way of twisting words and dodging questions. Of course we know what your sexual prefence is (men.) Some of the posters here had questions about your ethnic prefence. And know one said anything about making this about White people. (Men&Women) I was refering to men ONLY.
And it’s telling how you did not deny that about your ethnic prefrence. Nor did you say that you like Asians and others who are non-White. Thanks for proving my point.
And BTW, YOU or know one else can point out any hate from anything I wrote. You’re trying to throw shade because you feel embarrassed and have been called out.
And I’m a gay man of color myself. And Justin, I can and do see the beauty in all of us. Unlike you, I date ALL races of men.
And you say that you are a survivor: So you survived to date White men only. Well good for you. Just don’t bitch, moan and complain and write another artical when you get rejected for being so exclusive.
And when people are NOT all up in your ass, giving you praise and telling you how WOUNDERFUL your artical is, you call it hate and cynicism??? Lol…
And Justin I know how fucking beautiful we are. All of us. Black, White, Asian, Hispanic/Latino, Middle Eastern and others.
JustinHuang
@Tackle: I’ve loved men of all colors. How can I not?
But I find your obsession and bitterness with your own imaginings of my love life to be a projection of your own prejudices and injuries. And that, Lamont, is something you need to hash out on your own, not in a Queerty comment section.
eugene
wow, who the fck wrote the title to this?
it’s offensive and ignorant.
just reminds me how much gay people can be bigots just like any other redneck.
ps. ron: “I wish I could say I gave a shit.”—go back to watching tv, loser.
Steven
Being gay doesnt invalidate you from your white privilege. Gay pride has never been so shameful.
James
@David Aventura:
Mmmm You bring up an interesting point. Although I must say, I am just a product of my “white” centric environment. As the saying goes, When in Rome….
I guess I need to be more receptive to my African American brothers (wherever they may be hiding) that may be trying to check me out… I say, bring it on! 🙂
David Aventura
@James [Different person #1 using similar name]: That was hot! Where are you hiding? Someone needs to find you. I think you’re a nice prize.
James
@David Aventura:
Awww thank you that was sweet. Not hiding, just a bit more isolated than most– I live in Hawaii…. Not that im complaining. It just leaves the dating pool, quite narrow.
@JustinHuang your article was well received. Thank you for exposing the double standard within the gay community. This is only a small step toward awareness and hopefully change. I hope you find (or have found) the man, that truly cherishes you for all that you’re worth– rather than objectifies you as an Asian, mystical sex symbol.
James. 🙂
pranhu
Oh boy.. Yes, I used to hate myself because I am gay and Asian..Self-loathing-ughh-what should I say?-It is not a good thing. It took me over 10 years to get over the fact that I am asian.. I used to think that I should have done some plastic surgery so I could look white. really..Nowadays I am a sticky-rice-“Yes!”-I just love Asian men-I have to admit that lately I rather jerk off to Asian men than to those blond boys..:0). Lol The funny part is ..I have a handsome white boyfriend..He is blond,bright green eyes, tall and smart..Anyway, read that book “The Secret”… the law of attraction…And you will learn how to love yourself and others.. then the world will be the better place than it was.
Terry
No he is not. I was called ugly for a long time. Then I came out, and then I still fought with excess weight as I started to work out I would gain and lose, but I would go on the downward track with my weight because I was eating healthier.
Next, um….when is it ever EASY to be gay? Let alone a gay man of color? It’s not easy because of our conservative backgrounds that groups like to exploit for their own benefit. I used to wish I could be straight because I could be a ‘good black man’ and live a lie. I refused. Now I hear about race baiting and the people who play up to it, and I say they deserve all the humiliation that is coming their way for falling into such an obvious trap.
Anyway, I simply say that he is not just complaining, there is a lot of truth in his post.
Fred
This is a topic that keeps coming up more and more on gay message boards, so I felt like giving my 2 cents.
Yes, race is a big factor is determining one’s attractiveness in the gay community. I don’t think it’s innate or that people are simply attracted to those who look like them–asians clearly disprove that. White guys usually are quick to dismiss this issue because they’re not the ones with the short end of the stick (sorry, no pun intended). Yes, it must be awful and hurtful to read things like “no blacks” or “no asians” on online profiles. I’m latin mixed with some middle-eastern, and although I admit I may not have it nearly as bad as blacks and asians do, I too have felt excluded at times for not fitting the “all-american” type. But I don’t let it get to me, because it won’t do me any good. Confidence is a turn on. Whining is not. As someone wrote above, it’s quite ironic how asians complain that guys can’t see past their race, when in fact asians are the ones who most obsess about race, and one race only: white. How can you expect guys to find you attractive if you don’t find each other attractive? Latin guys (myself included) are into white guys, but we’re also just as into other latin guys. When asians exclude each other, it only reinforces the collective thought that asians are not worthy. In addition, the fact that we (latin guys) don’t desperately chase white guys has to do with why they usually don’t exclude us from their sexual preferences. Men don’t like something that seems too easy to obtain. If it’s easy to get, it must be of low value. That’s a typical characteristic of male sexual behavior, be it gay or straight. Learn to love yourself and others like you, and then you can expect others to love you.
Max
@ajax:
Because the gay media continues to herald coming out as the greatest thing you can do, hence outing celebrities and celebrate people’s coming out.
Sean
For what it is worth, I am a 24 y.o. white guy and think many Asian men are gorgeous. Keep your head up high.
Tired
White guys are very popular because of the better-looking and so rich-looking.
Asians are not very popular because of the not so good-looking (squirt eyes) and poor-looking.
That’s compare….