Celebrity Warnings

“Gaga!” Courtney Love Says, “Don’t Die A Lonely Old Drag Queen!”

Cyberspace lit up like Tinkerbell’s dander when Maer Roshan posted part 1 (of 2) of the profanity-riddled interview with Courtney Love on TheFix.com.

Roshan is no stranger to controversy (he “outed” Ricky Martin years ago, when he was the Executive Editor of New York Magazine, and later segued to Deputy Editor of Tina Brown’s Talk). Courtney Love side swiped Roshan’s orbit when she agreed to be interviewed for Roshan’s new addiction / recovery site, TheFix.com. Roshan’s two-part interview with the pop priestess/trainwreck took eight months (yes, eight months).

There are so many “high”lights in the interview, every graph is a delight. We particularly liked Courtney’s description of herself as a “shameless skank” and blaming journalists for Kurt Cobain’s death for having described the couple as taking heroin when Courtney was pregnant. Courtney argues that she didn’t know she was pregnant, so getting high on heroin didn’t count.

Many latched onto the Love’s awesomely “provocative” (read, “I plan to overdose soon, because I’ll never work in this town again”) statement:

You know what’s funny? People in the flyover states tend to think that all the celebrities on both coasts are constantly high. They think that we’re all on some uber-drug. But the thing is, they’re kind of right. But somehow most of them manage to function, more or less. The biggest celebrities and movers and shakers I know are also some of the worst alcoholics and drug addicts. But you’d never know it by looking at them.

When we read this, we were like, Really? All celebrities are .. high? Like, ON DRUGS? No way!!! Seriously, it was as “provocative” a statement as Harold Camping’s prediction that the world would end on May 21, 2011 – our panties got all up in a bunch from the excitement, and we had to run to the bathroom and unbunch.

But what most people missed, or just didn’t care about – though we did – was Courtney Love’s advice to Lady Gaga, an advisory role she claims to have played for former movie actress, Lindsay Lohan:

“Lady Gaga is very young, and very talented, but she surrounds herself with this coterie of gay stylists who’ve turned her into a Barbie doll. If she doesn’t watch out she’ll turn into a lonely drag queen.”

Later in the interview, Maer comes to Gaga’s defense (“Lady Gaga seems to be doing okay”) but Courtney’s not having it:

She may be doing fine at the moment, but I’m worried about her future. She’s very young, and she’s very talented, but she doesn’t seem to have any female friends. Or any straight guy friends for that matter. Instead, she surrounds herself with this coterie of gay stylists and advisers who’ve turned her into this weird, sexless Barbie doll. I was raised by gay guys myself, and I turned out all right in the end. But you know, you can only pull off this meat-dress act for so long. If she doesn’t watch out she’ll turn into a lonely drag queen. Straight guys just aren’t in to that kind of thing.

Because, as everyone knows, drag queens are all lonely, and suggesting that couldn’t ever be construed as, um, slightly homo/transphobic?

Oh, Courtney, I think we get what you meant to say was, “From one aging fag hag, to another fag in the making, ‘Get some dick, girl!’”