What is it with some people and their weddings? Just because it’s their “big day”, it doesn’t mean guests have to indulge their every whim or demand.
A 31-year-old man has prompted thousands of comments on Reddit after he posted about his sister’s wedding. The man in question has been in a same-sex marriage for the past seven years with his husband, Mark.
His sister, the bride, wanted a group photo of her and her five siblings along with their respective spouses.
However, “When Anne saw that my husband was standing next to me, she shook her head and said something about him ‘ruining the aesthetic.’ Apparently, her plan was to put one man and one woman next to each other alternately,” the writer explains.
“My youngest sister (18F), who doesn’t have a partner and was standing on the very side, offered to stand between the two of us, so we could be close and Anne’s wish would still be respected.
“I thought that was a great solution, but Anne disagreed and told Mark to get out of the picture. He’s quite introverted and tries to avoid confrontation under all circumstances, so he simply complied and told me not to get angry, but it was obvious that he was hurt and disappointed by being left out.
“Obviously, it didn’t stop me from getting angry and I walked away with him. I can understand that Anne wants her wedding pictures to look exactly how she imagined them, but I think that the idea my younger sister proposed was very reasonable.”
Leaving early
He went on to say, “I congratulated Anne and her husband one last time, but then I said my goodbyes. When I was asked why we were leaving early (especially before taking the pictures), I said that I didn’t feel like our presence was wanted.”
He said that he and his husband left before the serving of dinner. He took his husband to his favorite restaurant to cheer him up instead.
“Anne has texted me since saying that I was being overdramatic and making a fuss over nothing. Our parents have tried to remain neutral, but except for my youngest sister, the rest of the family supports Anne and thinks that leaving early was going too far and that I should’ve sucked it up instead of ruining her big day.”
The man was writing to the “Am I The Asshole” subreddit. He wanted to know if he was being the a-hole by leaving his sister’s wedding early.
The overwhelming majority of respondents believed he behaved reasonably.
“Has your sister always been shamelessly homophobic, or has the wedding brought out a new side of her?” was one well-liked response.
Another summed up the feelings of many, saying, “She expects you to celebrate her marriage while she disrespects yours. Good on you for respecting your husband.”
“Anne did not get the picture asked for,” replied another. “When you look back at the pictures your husband’s absence will be abundantly clear. Don’t blame you for leaving.”
Some said that even having the little sister stand between the couple was not an acceptable compromise.
“Even the suggestion of the little sister between the couple is weird just for aesthetics, when everyone sees partners together but then the couple segregated that would seem odd to me,” said one person. “If the bride wasn’t homophobic she would have one picture with all couples together (little sis can be on the end or even in the middle), then another with everyone arranged in height order with alternating sexes.”
Making the cut
Lastly, a depressingly large number of people responded that they too had been cut from wedding photos because they “didn’t match the vibe”. This turned out usually be down to them being a different ethnicity or disabled. The original writer added, for clarification, that his husband is white (“like most of my family”) and able-bodied. They just happen to be gay.
The moral of the story? Don’t invite siblings and their spouses to your wedding if you’re going to cut one or both of them from your wedding pics.
Related:
Karma comes hard for man who told his younger brother not to act ‘too gay’ at his wedding
If this isn’t an enormous red flag we don’t know what is.
He refused to attend his twin’s gay wedding, so why is the internet defending him?
The twins were always close. Not so much any more.
Openminded
The younger sister’s idea wasn’t a good solution either. The ONLY solution was for the spouses to stand side by side. If the guys leaving early “ruined” the important day then they apparently should have been important enough to be in the picture together. Unlike the guys with 7 years of marriage under their belts, I’m betting this sister won’t make it to 3 years. I’ll give a bride “her big day”, but pictures are for keeping memories of who shared that big day and the BIL should have been included.
Man About Town
Of course she inevitably blamed him for “ruining” her wedding. SHE ruined it with her despicable bigotry.
Also, I don’t quite get this disturbing current trend of people being clearly mistreated and then asking the general public “Am I wrong to be upset?”
jax florida
So the sister wanted them to celebrate her marriage and deprecate their own marriage at the same time. She has a lot of class – all of it low.
Fahd
Some people will do anything to avoid family discord; others will abuse this desire to avoid family discord to take advantage and to disrespect others. The guy’s sister really disrespected his husband and him, their leaving early seems a good way to avoid further hurt and potentially more family conflict – what’s next, no same-sex dancing? It also allowed the sister to get the picture she wanted and to blame him for any discord, but that’s how they do.
Sometimes keeping the peace in the family isn’t worth it, especially if the same family member always winds up getting diminished. Gay people know this.
KyleMichelSullivan
He was right to leave early. I would have, too. What’s sad is how the bride revealed she really is not okay with him being a happily married gay man. Says a lot about her.
Mr. Stadnick
The bride was bigoted and her family seems to have backed her up. He was right to just leave. You don’t like the husband you don’t accept the brother end of.
SELA Rising
So “aesthetics” matter more than family?
This bride is superficial and doesn’t know the true meaning of family.
He is better with out them.
Ditch them quick.
Kangol2
Bigoted bridezilla, good thing the brother and his husband left. SHE ruined her wedding, not him.
OLSinFLA
When my sister got married and picture time came she INSISTED my partner be in the picture as “he’s family too”. We’ve been together 35 years now, and my nieces have never known anything other than being a couple so they dont have any issues except with homophobes.
Jim
“Anna’s wished could be respected.”!!!!
Some wishes do not deserve respect
Donston
This is Reddit. So, there’s a good chance the post is made up. But I do know folks will use weddings as an excuse to justify bigotry/biases. A very tomboy co-worker of mine felt forced to wear a dress and leave her girlfriend at home for her brother’s wedding due to their mother’s request. And if the scenario is legit then I don’t think the response was an over-exaggeration.
GayVeteranOfcr
I would have avoided being in any photos.
I might even avoid attending at all, just send a nice card if that.
My parents were eager for me, as #1 son, to marry and produce grandchildren.
I came out after I was an adult and explained they already had my older sister and my two brothers producing grandchildren.
I did not tell them that my own partner was black.
That would have been far too much for them.
We remained in touch but I never visited anyone in my family.
I had my own family.
maddog
Bravo,
I came out late in life, after my parents had passed. However before they died I would often attend family meetings where I would hear about how the “gays, blacks and jews” were the reason that everything was wrong in the world.
When my brother and sister-in-law (fundamentalist Christians) found out I was gay, they said “Do not bother coming for Christmas” and never spoke to me again (it has been twelve years).
Now I am married to a great guy for over ten years….and you are right….I have my own family.
Invader7
His sister is like a lot of so-called “christians”..a pure bigoted homophobic bit*h !!! I wouldn’t NOT have attended her wedding. And I wouldn’t talk or have any relationship with her. EVER. She’s shown her true colors and they’re UGLY. She’s a nasty, close minded piece of work who doesn’t deserve her brothers love or relationship. I would have stood my ground and said “We’re staying in the pictures, or you’ll NEVER have anything to do with us EVER again . ” Some straight people are horrible, heinous ,nasty , vile and dastardly messes !!!
MichaelannD
Either the photos should have been a bio-family photo (no spouses), or all the spouses should have been included equally. You are not wrong to be upset, your sister is a homophobic b*tch.
dbmcvey
I would not let anyone disrespect my husband.
I had several siblings who had made a big deal about their feelings about marriage equality, I didn’t invite any of them to our wedding.
mildredspierce
As hard as it may be sometimes you have to walk away from those who came from the same womb, and that is how you must regard them for the rest of your life.
Stan H
Hello no stand your ground. My niece got married I did not attend that. See her Aunt & dad said nasty things about how wrong and evil it is that gay people could get married. It was posted on their own Facebook page. At the time I knew for over 30 years. I told my niece and my sister to post something defending me. She refused. My niece refused. Now my sister had a shotgun wedding, Her former sister in law has had 4 divorces and my ex brother in law cheated on my sister and gave her a std. My niece had been living with her “Baby daddy” for 6 years and their child was in the wedding. Somehow I was the bad guy for refussing to attend the wedding. I do not regret going. I did want to drive 300 miles to spend a day with “Whie Trash”.
Diplomat
I don’t think either of the men should have been in any picture if one were excluded. I do believe I would have left the affair right when the sister said Mark was excluded. Day ruined. Too bad. That memory will haunt all the family members for years to come.
OZARKWOOD52
When my mother died in 2000 our older brother called to inform me that my husband would not be welcome at the funeral because it would embarrass him and my other brother, two sisters and their spouses. Not only was he my husband but he had stood by me and been my support through many difficulties, including our mother’s descent into Alzheimer’s. I declined to go. I was not about to abandon or dishonor my husband. It took many years but, except for that older brother all the others have come back into my life and expressed regret for not backing us at that time. None of us have heard from our elder brother in many years. If I had turned my back on my husband I would never have been able to live with myself.
FredinMotul
OK, so they have locked the Original Reddit Post so, no new comments. I came back here to post this. Shame on that terrible sister. Those guys did the right thing. What I really hoped to say directly is for them to absolutely cut off any contact with the bride any family member that agreed with the bride. NOW. I speak from experience. My Husband and I were together for 6 years at the time, raising my parents only Grandson, and I got a tasteful note from my mom that she and dad would appreciate it if my Husband did not come with me and our son for visits anymore. Returned a shorter tasteful note, saying how sorry I was that they felt that way, and if they wanted to see one of us, they would have to see us all, and ended all contact. They held out for about six months before they grudgingly admitted that they were wrong, and to please forget the entire thing. We made them wait another month before we visited, and while cool, it went well. It was not until 20 years into our relationship that they both finally accepted my Hubby. When we finally married officially when it became legal to do so, my Mom was the Flower Lady.
This is clearly a case of Chosen Family over Blood Family, and in my opinion, Chosen Family wins in the end.
birdbrain63
I think you did the right thing by leaving! I would have punched my Sister and gave her a black eye for the wedding pics!
Colorado Couple
I would have done the same, walked out before the pictures. She was asking him to respect her marriage & feelings, but refused to respect his marriage & feelings. And frankly, I would not worry about having a relationship with her, or any family members who supported her, in the future without her extending a heartfelt apology.
inbama
This was a good non-political topic about love and self-respect that brings us together as gay men no matter where we stand on other issues.
Too bad we don’t have the sister’s address so we could letter-bomb her.
winemaker
Timw for sis sis to get with the times. While it’s her wedding and she and her fiance have the right to set the tone since when is a tasteful photo of a same sex couple going to ruin their moment. Was she invited to his wedding? I’d habve left as well but not before giving her a piece of my mind and of course grabbing the gifr I ahd brought. Screw ’em and all their demon seed and those that support them. Who needs them. Sometimes extended non blood families are the real families.
FreddieW
My sister can be that kind of bitch, too. I think he did right to leave ASAP without causing a scene.
I would also write her off. I’ve written my sister off several times, but she apologizes after getting over whatever Christian demon streak possessed her, and I was raised to forgive.