Ryan O’Callaghan played six seasons in the NFL and experienced plenty of gridiron highs, such as protecting Tom Brady during the New England Patriots’ historic perfect season.
But the bruising offensive lineman never loved the game. In fact, he says he played football as a cover. “I only played football because it was a cover for me. I never loved football. I sold out,” he wrote in his 2019 memoir.
O’Callaghan’s story illustrates the dark side of being gay in the NFL (he says the experience “damn near killed him”), but also shows the good forces within the league. The turning point in his journey occurred when he came out to the Kansas City Chiefs’ clinical psychologist, who convinced him life as an out gay man was worth living. Slowly but surely, O’Callaghan came out to family members and friends, including former Chiefs executive Scott Pioli, who offered him unfettered support.
Six years after publicly coming out, O’Callaghan is enjoying a thriving and healthy gay life. He’s vacationed in Puerto Vallarta, partied at West Hollywood Pride and been in multiple relationships.
With NFL season approaching, Queerty recently caught up with the football vet to talk about his views on the league today, how an offensive lineman stays in shape and whether he would ever go on the apps again. Here’s what we had to say…
QUEERTY: This offseason, we saw Kevin Maxen came out as gay. He’s the first out gay coach. We know about Carl Nassib. What’s your reaction at this level of acceptance in the NFL now?
RYAN O’CALLAGHAN: I’m obviously happy to see it. I’m not surprised at the level of acceptance. People have come a long way in the last decade, and the NFL is actually ready for these guys when they do come out. So between the positive reaction and the preparedness of the teams to handle it, I think it’s great.
As someone who played in the league, what do you think is the cultural significance of the NFL being more accepting of gay players and coaches now?
I think everybody realizes the NFL has a huge impact on culture in America, and it is hard to believe that in 2023 there are still people that don’t realize gay people play football. I think there are fewer closeted guys playing football now than ever, which is great, because they realize they don’t have to play football to fit in. I do think there will be fewer and fewer guys coming out, because there are fewer closeted guys playing football. There are guys in the NFL out who are out, but not publicly out. They just don’t feel a need to come out. They just want to live their lives.
Speaking of that, what are you doing these days?
So I’m good [financially] from the NFL, but you can’t do nothing, so I started dabbling in production stuff. I sold a series—what am I allowed to say? I sold a series to a streamer. I’m producing that. I’m working on another separate thing, so I’m just dabbling with that.
Are you a football fan today?
No! I respect the game, and I follow it loosely, probably college more than pro. If the NFL asked me to do something, I would brush up on what’s going on. But beyond that, I’m not sitting here watching football games. I think I’m gonna go out to New England for their game on the 21st—I was invited by the team. So I’m gonna go to that. But beyond that, you won’t just catch me at a Chiefs game or anything.
I love that people love sports, but I would literally rather do nothing than spend four hours at a ballpark. When you see how the sausage is made, you don’t want to eat it. It’s that type of thing.
How does an offensive lineman stay in shape?
It depends. Half the guys who play O-line are eating 5,000 calories to try and be 280 pounds. The other half are starving themselves to not weigh 400 pounds. The team gives you a weight, and you do what you have to do to stay at that weight. I always had to watch everything I ate, or else I would just gain too much. But during the season, they feed you all do, and make you workout. So it’s pretty easy during the season to stay in shape.
What did you enjoy about being an offensive lineman?
Umm… I think the introvert in me loved that it’s not a position where you get a whole lot of attention. What did I love about playing O-line? I think about that like the question, “What do you love about football in general?” I think just competing. The game itself, not for me, but I did love competing.
What do you like to do for fun?
I’m still trying to figure that out. I travel a good bit. I’ve got some good friends I like to hang out with. I’ve been out for 11, 12 years now, so I feel like I’ve done a lot in the gay world. It’s kind of been there, done that. I know what I like, what I don’t like. I’m now to the point where I’m happier with a small get-together at home than a rager in Puerto Vallarta for five days.
What is your favorite gay experience, or your craziest story?
I think what was eye-opening was the first time I went to Pride. It was WeHo Pride. That was zero to 100 real aggressive. The first gay bars I went to were the Abbey and the Chapel. Just seeing what some guys like to do in public—it’s up to you!
I think my favorite experiences were just some low-key trips. Puerto Vallarta was one of them. We were there for a week. But I’m buddies with Colton [Underwood], Johnny Sibilly and them. That was a great trip. That’s probably the high, and the most shocking was the first Pride I went to. But I think the most rewarding is the bits of outreach I still get to do. I got to go to the groundbreaking at Stonewall—I think that was great. The things the NFL gets me involved in with charities—I think that’s nice.
Are you on the apps?
Oh, those apps. They’re dangerous, dangerous places! Yes, in the past, I’ve been on all of them at some point. I can Google what they’re all called. I dated someone for two years not long after I came out, and I was single for maybe four [years], and then I dated someone for about two years. We split in June. But it’s good, it was mutual. I just didn’t live where he wanted to live. I’m not one to rush into things.
But back to the apps, it depends on single or not, and the day. It’s kind of, been there, done that. You kind of know what to expect. Sometimes it’s easier to just be by yourself. That’s the PG way of putting it.
Discover more
We go beyond the field with Queerty’s Q&A series and get to know more about our favorite LGBTQ+ athletes and sports figures, from the music they’re streaming to what catches their eyes on the apps!
dbmcvey
Living a good life! Happy for him!
rogue4gay
So cool. He’s just living life. He happens to be like sex with guys – i.e. being gay.
montegutdude
Seems odd that he’s not at all interested in the NFL. I mean I’m happy he’s living his best life, but isn’t that the only reason we’re reading this article?
dbmcvey
Not me. But you do you.
Fahd
I initially misinterpreted the headline and thought he had done something to cause offense.
He seems a little depressed, but one can´t really judge from such a brief conversation. I wish him every happiness