Meet Matthew L. Chancey, your Old Spice Man of the Year. He and his wife Jennie are members of the Vision Forum, a group dedicated to “the restoration of Christian family culture” and plans on doing so with such heart-warming family-friendly statements as “The Bible makes no distinction between homosexuals, pedophiles, bestials and rapists. All are criminals, the toleration of which brings judgment on the land and devastation to children.” Mmmmm, musky!
Jennie has even written a book published by the Vision Forum titled Housewives Desperate for God, which almost certainly doesn’t contain any stories about Marcia Cross being blackmailed by her gay son or wacky Terri Hatcher-inspired sex farces.
How did such an awful person get named Old Spice Man of the Year, hot on the heels of using Neil Patrick Harris as a spokesperson? Well, they let the Internet decide. Proctor & Gamble, presumably previously unaware that the Internet is full of nothing but porn, links to Rick Astley videos and totally insane nutjobs, thought it’d be a good idea to leave the field wide open to any name at all. This was A Very Bad Idea, but even after people wrote in to Proctor & Gamble saying that the leading contender to win wasn’t exactly the kind of person you want your 70 year old brand associated with, the site kept Chancey as a contender and with voting finalized last night, he’s now officially the Old Spice Man of the Year.
Old Spice goes out of its way to point out that all the title gets you is $2k and a crappy gift bag of Old Spice products and the site is plastered today with warnings that:
“It was not possible, or even desirable to quiz each candidate about their political, religious, and social views. While we selected the finalists, the winner will be determined by you, the reader. If you don’t support a particular candidate’s message, you should vote for those you do believe in and spread the word about that candidate. The contest is not about who AoM or Old Spice believes should be the winner, but who the public determines should be the 2008 Man of the Year.”
To which they left out, “And our marketing guy is so fired.”
But if you really want to throw up, may we suggest reading Jennie’s endorsement of her husband for the award. As she puts it, “He’d never sing his own praises, but, as his wife, I never tire of doing so.” Smells like Christianist spirit!