BROKEN VOWS

OUTRAGE: Selfish Brangelina Breaks Promise To LGBT Community And Get Straight-Engaged

 

Sorry we haven’s commented on this urgent news earlier, but we were busy rending our Jil Sander one-offs into sackcloth: Hollywood ür-couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have reneged on their pledge to stay happily unwed until marriage equality is the law of the land in the U.S.  After Jolie was photographed wearing a Flintstones-sized rock on her wedding finger, a spokeswoman for Pitt confirmed Friday that the two stars indeed engaged.

“Yes, it’s confirmed. It is a promise for the future and their kids are very happy. There’s no date set at this time,” said publicist Cynthia Pett-Dante. The ring was crafted by Pitt, who dabbles in design and architecture.

We sort of saw this coming: In January, Queerty reported that Pitt acknowledged he didn’t know how much longer he and Jolie could avoid the altar, as their children were really pushing for mummy and daddy to stop living in sin. “It means so much to my kids, and they ask a lot. And it means something to me, too, to make that kind of commitment.”

Jeez, when we were kids and whined for our parents to do something, they usually just told us to shut the hell up or we wouldn’t be going to Chuck E. Cheese. Those Jolie-Pitt brats have it easy!

At any rate, we think there’s only one way Brangelina can make this up to the LGBT community (well, short of Brad starring in the gay-porn sequel to A River Runs Through It) : The next kid Angelina adopts should be a 33-year-old boricua drag queen from the Bronx.

Photo: Georges Biard