Queer men reveal what happened with their hetero relationships after they came out

It can be challenging to come out of the closet, especially if you’re dating someone who assumes you’re straight. Queer men who’ve walked that road shared their stories recently on the r/askgaybros subreddit.

“Guys who used to have a girlfriend, what happened to her?” one person wrote, kicking off the conversation. “How’d she take it when she found out that you’re gay? And if you’re still in contact, where is she now?”

Some guys had it lucky—their girlfriends did like Fran Drescher and remained close friends post-breakup. Other guys lost contact with their lady loves. And a few of those exes came out of the closet, too.

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Here are some of the stories from that convo, edited for readability and brevity:

“I was married. She left me. She now has a wife.”

“This was about 10 years ago… I broke it off with her because I knew I was gay and it wasn’t fair to her and myself. (We were in high school.) It wasn’t a pretty breakup, but fast-forward 10 years, and she has a kid with another dude [and] I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man.”

“In grad school, we finally went our separate ways. By the time I came out, she was already married to a guy and starting a family. We lived in different parts of the country. Aside from seeing each other at friend group reunions, we didn’t have anything to do with one another. Twenty years later, we reconnected. Now we communicate via text and email, share intimate details of our lives, read the same books together, [and] our husbands know each other. Not one big happy family but closer than some.”

“She’s my best friend. Knew each other since we were in first grade. Dated for a while until we realized we had a different image/perception of each other. When we broke up, she realized she was gay AF. By then, I was starting to realize my attraction to our other gay best friend, lol. We’re still friends now, more than ever.”

“Well, funny story. When I was 16 (as a bi closeted guy), she broke up with me to try and pursue this other guy… Little did she and I know that this guy would be my boyfriend eight years later. I guess I had the last laugh after all, and yes, I found him cute eight years ago, and I find him super hot now.”

“Mine became the first female MP under 30 in my country. She led the social revolution attempt [in] 2011 and did well for herself.”

“I dated this girl for a few weeks before I was out. She dated another guy for about six months after me. When I came out, I told her, and it turns out her subsequent boyfriend had also just came out of the closet. The three of us went to a gay bar together. That poor girl.”

Related:

Wife learned to love seeing her husband with other dudes, says “It’s incredibly hot to watch”

“When I see my husband being tender with another man, I see another side to him.”

“She never knew. To be honest, I didn’t know either at the time. All I knew was that I while I was attracted to her, there wasn’t any deeper emotional feeling there. I was looking at other straight couples and thinking that either all that love and affection between them was a front they were putting on or there was something deeply wrong with me. After we broke up and I worked things out, I fell madly in love with a man. It was like ‘Oh yeah, so that’s how that’s meant to feel!.’ We’re still friends on social media. She works for a big tech company now. She still doesn’t know I’m not straight.”

“She’s married with kids. We’re friends on Facebook. She’s very progressive. If her son turned out to be gay, she’d probably throw him a coming-out party.”

“Had a girlfriend throughout high school. Came out to her in college. She said she wanted to be friends but avoided me instead. We fought, made up, but she never expressed any empathy for my struggles. I was the villain for leading her on and being selfish. We don’t really talk anymore.”

“We were together in high school. She was really cool and was one of the first people I came out to when I realized I was ‘bisexual.’ Also, the first time I sucked a d*ck, she was sucking it with me. Real homie sh*t.”

“It’s been 20 years. She now has two kids and is my best friend. Her husband is awesome, and I was the best man at their wedding.”

“She became my f-hag. She owns a lot of cats and is one of my close friends!”

Related:

This straight man sought a gay man for “one of the most profound acts of love” & the internet has thoughts

“The other gay for pay.”