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RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: A Finale Surprise of Dragzilla Proportions

Finally. We made it to the last episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season Four. Yelling! Cheers! Excitement!

For this blessed, final hour (not counting that silly reunion show thing next week), I hope you all put excessive amounts of effort/money/thought into a viewing parties. Your apartment is repainted pink and black to match the workroom, right? Iron Fist Footwear flanks the north-facing RuPaul Shrine.  And three disco balls, representing each remaining contestant, hang above the TV.

With all of this attention—nay, devotion—to detail, what could go wrong? We’ve dedicated ourselves to nearly three months of emotional turmoil. Remember all of those craft table mini-challenges we suffered through? And remember all of the Willam we tolerated? And Latrice! Latrice is still not here.

Oh, the suffering.

Clearly, Ru owes us worthwhile finale. Heck, shouldn’t we get this thing commercial-free? Quick, someone call up that brand manager dude from Absolut. I’m sure he can pull a few strings.

You can’t blame a boy for trying.