identity crisis

He only sleeps with women, but he can’t stop flirting with dudes online… So what does it mean?!

A straight-identifying man in his 20s says he’s only ever slept with women, but lately he’s been chatting with dudes on Grindr and he’s not sure why, so he’s seeking advice from Julia Naftulin over at Insider.

“I’ve only had sex with women,” the man writes, “but I haven’t been with any women in a while because I’m a pretty picky dude.”

So he recently did what any straight-identifying man who hasn’t gotten laid in a while does… He downloaded Grindr.

“I’ve been going on Grindr and talking to other men with no intention of ever meeting them. I just like flirting with the people on there.”


But there was this one time when he decided to meet up with a guy and, well, we’ll let him explained what happened:

I decided to meet up with one of the men. It was great at first, but things got sexual and when I saw his penis, I freaked out and immediately left. Why did I react that way? Am I definitely straight? I feel so uncomfortable asking these questions, especially since I see myself married with a wife and kids in the long run.

Now the man wonders, “Why do I like going on gay dating apps when I’m horny?”

In her response, Naftulin tells him that he needs to stop thinking about sexuality in such black-and-white terms.

“It’s normal to want to put yourself into a box when it comes to your sexuality, because, well, that’s a human tendency,” she writes. “We love to compartmentalize others, and ourselves, because it makes life easier. But sexuality is more complicated.”

Naftulin then explains how sexuality exists on a spectrum and that he might consider exploring where he falls on that spectrum.

“Even though you’re grown up, it’s not too late to explore that part of yourself. It seems to me you’ve already started,” she says.

“Flirting with other men on Grindr is a great way to spur sexual exploration,” she continues, “and you shouldn’t be ashamed about your curiosity and enjoyment in doing so.”

Related: ‘Mostly straight’ guy thinks he might be falling for his roommate during quarantine