Sochi Olympic Toilets are Horrifying — But Perfect For Hookups

russian toiletsOkay, if you weren’t horrified by Russia’s widespread harassment and abuse of LGBTs in the leadup to the Olympics, maybe you’ll be horrified by this: twin toilets.

Yes. That’s right. They’re building bathrooms for the Olympics with multiple toilets in one room with no partition between them. It is the worst.

Now, to be clear, we are maybe a little extreme when it comes to bathroom privacy. We can’t deal with urinals. We don’t get why regular toilet walls don’t go all the way from floor to ceiling. We feel that anyone who tries to make conversation in a bathroom is a terrible, terrible human being.

So perhaps this explains why we look on this bizarre setup as one of Russia’s greatest atrocities.

The one potential advantage: if you wanted an excuse to hook up with another dude and wanted a little privacy, locking yourselves in a two-person bathroom might not raise as many eyebrows as a locking yourselves in a single-user room. But it will still raise plenty of eyebrows because it is so gross.

Also, where is the toilet paper? And what is that trash can doing there? This whole situation is incredibly troubling.

Here’s what’s worse: apparently this is not totally uncommon in Russia. That’s bad news because it means that our distaste may actually be an unexamined cultural prejudice on our part, and if there’s one thing we hate, it’s examining our own prejudices.

And oh, sure, in Roman times everyone would just sit around in one gender-neutral chamber with holes in the benches. Does that make this modern Russian setup okay? No, it does not. The Romans also ate day-old meat for ientaculum and paid soldiers in bags of salt. It’s very nice that they invented aqueducts but that doesn’t mean we have to poop like them.