He believes very strongly that he played his cards just right and should be up to his neck in acts of fellatio. But no.
A hapless young chap lays out his tale of woe on Reddit, and it’s a tawdry tale about looking for love in all the right places and still winding up alone — and without a single act of scurrilous fellatio to your name.
Related: Searching For Intimacy In A Sea Of Hookups
“I’m a straight/bi-curious/bi-sexual (not too sure) guy who wants to experiment with guys,” explains sidepornaccount.
I’m only really interested in oral and wanking each other off and I make this clear in my profile and messages to people. I’ve been using Fabguys, Fabswingers and Craigslist (from the UK), yet no matter how many times I message people or make posts, I either get no reply or the people who do reply lose interest.
When I advertise myself, I don’t extend what I say beyond “I would love to suck your cock”, and variations on that. What am I doing wrong? How do I attract guys for a casual hookup? I had heard it is as easy as, Me: “do you want to get sucked off?” Them: “okay”.
Edit: I’ll add that it’s hard for me to empathize with what a lot of gay guys want since I’ve never had any gay romantic feelings, so bear with me.
Redditors wasn’t no time in coming to the young man’s aid to offer up their tips on proper hookup site etiquette to maximize your potential for the as-yet evasive acts of fellatio this fellow so desperately desires.
Related: How Do You Know When A Hookup Is ‘The One’?
Grizzfan‘s two cents:
Chances are that if you’re struggling to find hookups, especially on Grindr, you’re being too discreet, too forward/intense in your opening messages, or too flaky. I love hookups, but if a guy messages me for the first time with “I would love to suck your cock,” I’m not gonna be interested.
Coastiste speaks these words of wisdom:
At least introduce yourself and give me a fake name. Usually if you carry on a casual conversation for 5 minutes you can discern whether or not they want to give you the goods. Also some people care about facial appearance so maybe you’re not attractive to them
19Jay95 isn’t having any of this abrupt fellatio-seeking on his watch, mkay?
If someone messages me saying “I would love to suck your cock” they get an instant block. Just because someone wants to hook up doesn’t mean everything else goes out the window. If I’m not in the mood there is nothing more repulsive than some random person introducing themself with “Can I suck your cock”
It can be that easy, if you’re messaging someone in your league who is also only after hook ups. What photo are you using of yourself? And what sort of people are you messaging?
Related: Young Man “Feels Sick” After “Wasting” His Virginity On “Messy” Grindr Hookup
But then it becomes known that the original poster is only sending a dick pic while also only seeking fellatio. Hmm…
yourproteinshake steps up to the plate:
Your opener implies you want to suck, not be sucked…
A photo of a body part, unless it is extraordinary — and even then only in a subset of cases — basically says “I’m too lazy, shy, closeted, or ugly to offer any more information on which to base a decision.
Using a dick pic to trawl for guys whose dicks you hope to pleasure gives those guys no reason to choose your mouth over others.
Do you not see the disconnect? If not, what about it is not clear? Are you of the belief — typically held by the most hopelessly unenlightened — that gay people mate at random, like insects, such that none of us cares with whom we copulate as long as the deed is completed?
Related: Hot To Horrifying: 15 Guys Share Their First Gay Hookup Stories
alex0678 is deeply concerned with the original poster’s “chill” quotient, or his distinct lack of “chill” in any capacity whatsoever:
I think you might be a little too upfront. You might wanna bring it down a notch. Believe it it or not guys can be turned off in situations like this. I know I am. When ever a guy msgs me and directly asks if I want a blow job it makes me cringe….
You wouldn’t normally ask a girl if you could eat her out without even introducing yourself…. Including your stats “Age, Height, Weight, Race, Health Status” is also something guys look at when considering hooking up possibly even a body pic.
pscheck2
wHY DOESN’T HE COME CLEAN?hE IS GAY, BUT FEARS THE TERM: f*G!I’ll bet when he has his ‘conversion’ he will be on every ‘hookup’ site out there and when he is satiated he will be looking for Mr. Right to settle down with!
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
@pscheck2: Your proof that he’s not some variety of bisexual? I’ll wait.
Prax07
The thing is I believe most guys can’t actually read. I have fully filled out profiles on several apps, stating right up front that I’m Not into hooking up, that I want to get to know someone a bit before things get sexual, and I’m constantly hit with messages asking “What are you looking for?”, “Hey, I’m bored and horny”, or “Want to hookup?”. My answer is always Did you read my profile? And 99% of the time they haven’t. Not everyone on grindr, scruff, or A4A is looking for instant NSA hookups.
Paco
Is he ugly?
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Anything that is basically being thrown at you is never gonna be as desirable a commodity. If this guy is being 100% honest in his motivations then I think he’d probably be happier on his knees at a some glory hole (if they actually exist)
deppa
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID:
The combination of my life experience and listening to Dr. Drew’s “Loveline” radio show for many years convinces me that while women often are truly sexually fluid, men hardly ever (if ever) are. When a man says he is bi or sexually fluid it just means he is not ready to come out of the closet. I have NEVER EVER met a man who is truly bisexual.
There are plenty of articles in the Journal of Human Sexuality that prove my point
Prax07
My experience with bi guys has always been the same. They never want a relationship with a male, just casual sex. And always want sex and a relationship with a female. Every single bi guy I’ve known has followed that pattern. That’s why I won’t ever consider going with any bi guy again.
CaliKyle
@IDoNotHaveToAgreeWithYou: Accurate analysis and excellent advice. Well done.
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ErikO
@pscheck2: He’s probably bisexual but gay men like you are bigots and hypocrites.
ErikO
@Prax07: very true. When I was on bear411 I would tell people I was not looking for a hook up and wanted to date for awhile, or become friends with someone first before we had sex. A lot of men would IM me and say how badly they wanted to hook up with me.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@pscheck2: Exactly.
@Prax07: Those sites are used for sex. If you’re looking for love on them – good luck. Go to match or plenty of fish if you seek relationships.
viveutvivas
@Prax07, that is because the majority of guys who “don’t want to hook up” (wink wink, nudge nudge) only state that on their profile so they can tell their boyfriend they were only there for the conversation when he discovers the profile.
Prax07
Don’t forget though that not everyone lives in metro areas with crowds of open gay men. I live in Northeast PA, it’s more rural, and more closeted. There are plenty of guys that want m/m relationships here, but they are also hidden away and married to women, so they aren’t exactly beating down the door for anything other than a hookup because of that reality.
If I post to Craigslist that I’m wanting a relationship after the friends first stage, 99% of the replies come from closeted “bi” married guys looking for sex on the side. Or “bi” married guys saying they wish they could have a gay relationship but can’t give more than sex because they’re married.
Most of the out and looking gay crowd are transplants from NY, NJ, or Philly, and they only seem to want hookups as well.
Over the summer I really put myself out there trying to meet someone, and there was just one lone gay guy that I met, the rest were all “bi”, which blew my mind.