A 29-year-old gay man says he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. After years of looking for a good primary care provider, he finally found one. There’s just one teensy tiny problem. They’re sexually attracted to each other! So he’s seeking wisdom from Stoya and Rich Juzwiak over at Slate.
“I have been searching forever for a primary care provider that would listen to me and actually care about my health,” the man writes. “I finally found one in Dr. Cee. Dr. Cee is gay, a little older than me, and a total babe!”
Finding a good PCP as a gay man can be a real challenge, so it’s great this guy found one who he trusts and who understands his unique medical needs.
But then something kinda strange and unexpected happened after his last visit.
How about we take this to the next level?
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The man writes: “He hugged me at the end. I didn’t think anything of it until later that week, I saw him on Grindr. I didn’t look at his profile, but he had a face pic and I could tell from the thumbnail that it was him.”
Much to his surprise, Dr. Cee messaged him.
“Things got hot and heavy via chat,” the man writes. “Now I want to hook up with him, but I also don’t want to lose my AMAZING PCP.”
He wonders: “Can I sleep with my doctor and still have him be my doctor? Or have things already been ruined in a professional sense, and now I should just see him outside the office?”
In their response, both Stoya and Juzwiak agree that a doctor approaching a patient on a sex app crosses a line.
“The American Medical Association says this is strictly unethical,” Juzwiak says, citing chapter nine of the AMA’s Code of Medical Ethics, which states:
Romantic or sexual interactions between physicians and patients that occur concurrently with the patient physician relationship are unethical. Such interactions detract from the goals of the patient-physician relationship and may exploit the vulnerability of the patient, compromise the physician’s ability to make objective judgments about the patient’s health care, and ultimately be detrimental to the patient’s well-being.
Adds Stoya, “So maybe this PCP isn’t as amazing as he seems.”
“That said, I do think this is potentially less worrisome in a gay arrangement, if only because the power dynamic isn’t quite as severe in a patriarchical society as man-woman,” Juzwiak counters. “Generally speaking, men aren’t targeted like women are in a predatory way, so I do think it’s possible to emerge from this situation unscathed. But I’m not endorsing it.”
To which Stoya adds, “To be direct: Please don’t do this.”
“Right,” confirms Juzwiak. “Not necessarily a catastrophe in the making, but unwise and worrisome on the part of the doctor.”
Both think the guy should find a new primary care since “a line has been crossed.”
“If one must be picked,” says Juwiak, “I’d say pursue romance. But one is the max here—can’t do both.”
What do you think this guy should do? Share your thoughts in the comment section below…
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rikard_pearson
MD’s are not all you would hope socially, but the question really is not if you would date him, but would you still go to his office if you are dating him. worrying about loosing the doctor is a pretty good indication your feelings for him are superficial. i say sleep with him casually and keep him as a doctor. if you start dating him you can cross that bridge.
winemaker
Wow, such a dilemma here. After years of searching for a great dr, you finally find a good primary care physician that . has everything you want. best advice; don’t go there it’s unethical and if found out this dr, could have his medical licence revoked for unethical behavior. Two things you could do, try finding another primary care physician and calculate the possible time to search for another dr. who’ll be there for you. or stay with this perfevct for you dr. and make it clear you’re there for the right reason, your healthcare. Like you, I’ve been searching for a primary care dr. who’ll put my health and interest first and won’t BS me or will F**K me over as has happened in the past. I recently dumped a medical group over poor treatment, blase care and never seeing the dr. but a nurse practitioner who treated me poorly, acted like i was bothering them and gave me short shrift, so I dumped them Dating your dr, unethical from both sides, sorry!
Max
he’s a young doctor and he’s crossing ethical lines. he’s not the doctor for you despite what his expression of care for your health.
burtsfield
Run away. He is a predator. He is at risk for losing his job and his license. He knows better. If he works for a hospital or a group, report him before he damages someone else
sillyme
I agree with those above but mostly @burtsfield says it right there ” Run away.” take those words to heart and jump ship and look for another PCP, I would real fast.
@dusyk
Unethical, leave it and him alone
controversial2019
I disagree that the doctor has done anything wrong. The rules are stupid.
Apart from on dating apps (and maybe college) most people meet their significant other in the workplace. Why should it be any different for a doctor? And if a doctor wants to date someone local (makes sense for it to be a real relationship) then the odds are the person will (initially) be their patient.
kiriakis1
Your argument makes little to no sense. The “workplace” setting you refer to would apply to doctors dating other doctors, not doctor-patient relationships.
controversial2019
@kiriakis1 – it makes perfect sense and no it wouldn’t. Workplace relates to those around you in the course of your work. This would include other doctors in the practice yes, but also patients. Same way that for someone in retail it could relate to a colleague or customer. Whereas in the ‘office’ environment you’re less inclined to meet ‘customers’ and therefore in THAT situation it’s more likely to just be a colleague. But in other workplaces (including doctor surgeries) you would be exposed to colleagues and patients
overlarry
That’s a sticky path there. Date the guy if you REALLY feel something serious. And ask him to REFER you to another PCP. He’ll likely know another PCP who will take good care of you. Believe me, the doctor doesn’t want to lose his license and you don’t WANT him to lose his license. Later, if the relationship doesn’t work, you can – if you wish – go back to see him as a patient and KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL afterwards.
nm4047
very much a made up story.
garybw
The physician is breaking an ethical oath. If he is hitting on you, he has hit on other patients. Walk away now.
Jerry
Ummm lies
1898
completely unprofessional and unethical.
Man About Town
Perhaps the doctor has been watching too many videos on youtube!
Sister Bertha Bedderthanyu
Some how I doubt if that guy in the pic is Dr. Cee. He looks more associated with Hotboys.com/br than with the medical profession.
henrycheeks
A Doctor?in Grindr? Well sorry to say this but for me he just want to hook up and don’t settle for the man who just want a hook up but still don’t judge his capability to help you,and another ‘but’ go get some another professional doctor.